Thursday, August 13, 2009        Edition: #4078
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

Simon Cowell is finalizing a deal to continue on “American Idol” (FOX) for 3 more seasons, insiders saying he’s set to earn $45 million a year (up from the paltry $36 million he currently struggles by on) . . . It’s been reported Victoria Beckham had ‘facial expression lessons’ before appearing on the now-taping “American Idol” (FOX) as a guest judge (“Now try to move your lips upward into a smile … that’s it, good job!”) . . . Meantime, the former Spice Girl is ruling out a return to music because she ‘wants to concentrate on fashion & family’ (BS translation: No one’s willing to pay her to sing off-key anymore) . . . It’s been revealed the surrogate mother of Michael Jackson’s youngest son, Prince Michael II (known as ‘Blanket’) is a Mexican nurse known only as Helena who was reportedly paid $20,000 to have his sperm implanted (technically, the father’s a turkey baster) . . . Reports say LaToya Jackson is set to join her late brother’s former trainer, Lou Ferrigno, as a contestant on the next season of ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars” (if true, the ‘stars’ are getting dim) . . . Actress Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon has blurted out on a talk show that her former TV co-star Jamie Foxx recently had a secret love child (seems he’s even quieter than Jennifer Hudson) . . . And 20-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens tells “Moviefone” she’s an avid amateur photographer and shooting pics is her favorite hobby (no kidding, every red-faced 13-year-old boy in the world has seen the results online).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Rascal Flatts (“ Unstoppable”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Green Day (“21st Century Breakdown”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Paul McCartney in a rerun of his July 15th performance atop the marquee of NYC’s Ed Sullivan Theater.

• Alice In Chains – Their upcoming album, “Black Gives Way To Blue”, will feature Elton John playing piano on the title track, a tribute to the band’s Layne Staley who died of a drug overdose in 2002. The album arrives in stores September 29th.
• Bon Jovi – Reports say their upcoming album will be titled “We Weren’t Born to Follow” and it’s due for release on or around November 10th.
• Darius Rucker – His first country album, “Learn to Live”, has just been certified platinum by the RIAA for shipments of 1 million copies.
• Drake – Actor/singer Jamie Foxx says he’s taking the Toronto actor-turned-rapper under his wing to help ‘ease his way through superstardom’.
• KISS – Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley will reportedly make appearances in an upcoming live theater extravaganza in Las Vegas called “Kiss: Carnival Of Souls”, named after one of the group’s albums.
• Michael Jackson – World Awards Media has announced a tribute show at the 17th-century Schoenbrunn Palace in Vienna, Austria in September that will feature ‘a 3-hour, star-studded show to be televised live to a global audience of 1 billion people’. Jermaine Jackson is said to be assembling a lineup of ‘the biggest artists of our time’. Any bets on this one actually happening?
• Radiohead – The Brit band says it will not make any more albums but may release one-off singles. Will 2009 become known as the year bands switched from albums to single track releases?
• U2 – Apparently someone’s been listening to all the criticism. Live Nation has now hired MusicMatters, a music-oriented environmental consultant, to create a plan to ensure the rest of U2’s “360” tour is carbon neutral through use of biofuels, solar stages, and carbon offsets.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Brave New World” – Director Ridley Scott is teaming up with actor Leonardo DiCaprio for a bigscreen adaptation of Aldous Huxley’s acclaimed 1931 book, which is set in 2540 AD.
DiCaprio, who’s expected to take the lead role, already owns the film rights to the novel through his production company. The book focuses on a futuristic society which holds technological advances in higher esteem than natural ones … including reproduction.
• “The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” – Colin Farrell is tipped to take over the lead in this film about Spanish literary hero “Don Quixote” after Johnny Depp pulled out due to scheduling conflicts. Director Terry Gilliam lined up Depp to star back in 2000 but a series of disasters delayed the oddball epic. If Farrell gets locked in, filming can finally begin next year.
• “Money Never Sleeps” – Oscar-nominee Frank Langella (“Frost/Nixon)”) is the latest big name to join the cast of Oliver Stone’s upcoming sequel to “Wall Street” (1987). Michael Douglas will reprise his Academy Award-winning role as ruthless financial player ‘Gordon Gekko’; Shia LaBeouf (“Transformers”) is set to play an ambitious trader; and Charlie Sheen is said to be in talks to reprise his role as ‘Bud Fox’, alongside his father Martin Sheen, who played his on-screen dad. Filming on the new movie is set to begin later this year.
• “The Three Stooges” – Jim Carrey has reportedly walked away from the Farrelly Bros’ upcoming comedy. He was slotted to play ‘Curly’ and had even begun to pile on pounds to play the chubby movie-short comedian. “Boston Globe” reports Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”) is confirmed to play ‘Larry’, the role vacated by Sean Penn for personal reasons; and Benicio Del Toro is signed to play ‘Moe’. If the casting finally gets firmed up, the film’s due in 2010.
• “Valentine’s Day” – Joe Jonas is set for an embarrassing on-set encounter with ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift , whom he infamously dumped by phone, after signing on to join the cast of Garry Marshall’s new movie that also features Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Julia Roberts. Jonas is expected to play himself, while Swift will have a leading role and is in talks to record the soundtrack.


A new poll in Britain presents a shocking glimpse of just how lazy we’ve become in the age of technology …
• 75% of couples are too tired for passion at the end of the day.
• 65% of respondents say they’d take an elevator rather than climb 2 flights of stairs.
• 33% would not bother to run to catch a bus.
• 17% would watch a TV program they hate rather than get up off the couch to change channels if the TV remote was broken.

Nissan has launched a new air-conditioning system which can filter out … stinky smells. When odor sensors on the outside of the vehicle detect an unpleasant aroma (ie: pig farm), they cue the system to automatically close intake vents and stop air from coming into the passenger compartment. It can then release a leafy forest smell, created using essential oils, into the car to combat any lingering aroma. Once the sensors no longer detect the offensive odor, the vents open again to allow fresh air in. ([Co-host] could use one of these that works in reverse.)
– “Daily Telegraph”


A bacon sandwich is good anytime, but August is the best time for BLTs, when tomatoes are at their peak. At the 5th annual “Tomato Fest” in St Louis MO, over 90 volunteers put together a BLT that stretched 179-ft, 2-ins, breaking the world record for the biggest bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. They used 500 lbs of bacon, 1,280 lbs of tomatoes, and 100 heads of lettuce.

• Former US president Bill Clinton earns about $175,000 per speaking gig.
– “Globe & Mail”
• Cyclists in the UK can be prosecuted for ‘furious cycling’.
– “Magazine Monitor”
• A common North American poplar tree has twice as many genes as a human being.
– BBC News


1926 [83] Fidel Castro, Birán, Cuba, Cuban President (1959-2008) who turned over leadership to his brother, Raul Castro

1955 [54] Paul Greengrass, Cheam UK, movie director (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “United 93”)  UP NEXT: “Bourne 4” (2010), now in pre-production.

1973 [36] Andy Griggs, West Monroe LA, country singer (“If Heaven”, “She Thinks She Needs Me”)

1974 [35] Sam Endicott, Bethesda MD, rock singer (The Bravery-“Believe”, “Time Won’t Let Me Go”)

1978 [31] Mike Melancon, Mount Laurier QC, country musician (Emerson Drive-“Moments”, “Fall Into Me”)

1984 [25] James Morrison (Catchpole), Rugby UK, pop/rock singer-songwriter-guitarist (f/Nelly Furtado-“Broken Strings”, “You Give Me Something”)


• “Filet Mignon Day” (French for ‘cute fillet’ or ‘dainty fillet’), celebrating the beef steak cut from the tenderloin. The fillet is considered to be the most tender cut … and the most expensive. The average steer or heifer provides no more than 4-to-6 lbs of fillet.

• “International Lefthanders Day”, first celebrated on Friday, August 13, 1976 to salute that forgotten visible minority … lefties. Only about 11% of women and 8% of men are left-handed. If you’re one of them, shake off the oppression and stand up for your lefts!
• There is a high tendency in twins for one to be left-handed.
• Left-handers adjust more readily to seeing underwater.
• Lefties excel particularly in tennis, baseball, swimming, and fencing.
• Left-handers usually reach puberty 4-to-5 months after right-handers.
• Southpaws are more likely to be at the extreme ends of the intelligence scale.

[Language … Word for left-hander (literal meaning).]
• French … Gauche (awkward, clumsy).
• Greek …  Skaios (Ill-omened, awkward).
• Italian … Mancino (crooked, maimed).
• German … Linkisch (awkward).
• Latin … Sinister (well … sinister).
• Australian slang … Mollie Dooker (something to do with having fists like a girl).

• “Skinny Dipping Day”, saluting the decadent delight of swimming in the altogether. (Hey, when’s ‘Fat Dipping Day’?)

• “Stay Home With Your Kids Day”, initiated in 1996 by the online magazine “Work At Home Moms”, to encourage and support all parents who have chosen to be home with their children. For those who don’t, it’s the perfect opportunity to take a vacation day and give serious thought about making the change. (Read today’s “Adam@Home” comic strip … that’ll cure you!)


1997 [12] TV cartoon series “South Park” debuts (the first time ‘Kenny’ gets killed)

1998 [11] Aerosmith releases their biggest-ever hit, “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing”

2004 [05] Opening ceremony for the “Games of the XXVIII Olympiad” in Athens, Greece (where the modern Olympics were first held in 1896)


2008 [01] US swimmer Michael Phelps sets record for most gold medals won by an individual in Olympic history (a total of 14) with his win in the men’s 200-meter butterfly


[Fri] “Bandslam”; “District 9”; “Ponyo”; “The Time Traveler’s Wife” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Best Friends Day
[Sat] Sandcastle & Sand Sculpture Day
[Sat] Acadian Day
[Mon] Thrift Shop Day
This Week Is … Freedom of Enterprise Week
This Month Is … Hair Loss Awareness Month


• “How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?”
• “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?”
• “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
• “If I get only one thing for my birthday, I hope it’s your sister.”
• “Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like to take this knife out of my back. You’ll probably need it again.”
• “Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.”
• “Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?”
• “Get well soon! My work is really piling up on your desk.”

What’s your favorite time of day? Why?


Have a phone contestant attempt to finish the following sayings/songs/quotations …
• “Liar, liar … [pants on fire.”]
• “We have met the enemy and … [“he is us.”]
• “Hey kids!  What time is it? … [It’s Howdy Doody Time!”]
• “Lions and tigers and bears … [oh my!”]
• “You can stand under my umbrella … [ella ella, eh eh eh, under my umbrella.”]
• “Where there’s a will … [there’s a way.”]
• “Red sky in morning … [sailor’s warning.”]
• “I found my thrill … [on Blueberry Hill.”]
• “An apple a day … [keeps the doctor away.”]
• “An ounce of prevention is worth … [a pound of cure.”]


The luxurious Rancho Bernardo Inn in San Diego CA boasts 3 pools, a spa, and golf course. It normally charges $219 a night for a room but business is slow, so for the last 2 weeks of August they’re offering a ‘Survivor Package’ that charges guests less for each amenity they give up. The price goes down to …
• $199 without breakfast.
• $179 without honor bar.
• $159 without A/C or heat.
• $139 without pillows.
• $109 without sheets.
• $89 without lights.
• $59 without linens.
• $39 without toiletries.
• $19 without bed (guests get a small tent instead … oh, and bring your own toilet paper).
PHONER: 858.675.8500

He hasn’t an enemy in the world … but all his friends hate him.


Today’s Question: The odds are 10,000-to-1 that you will ever encounter one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A four leaf clover. (“This Old House Magazine”)


The best alternative to intelligence is silence.

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