Friday, August 14, 2009        Edition: #4079
Here, Have Another Sheetload!


A 60-year-old Pennsylvania man has been convicted of groping ‘Minnie Mouse’ at Walt Disney World and has been sentenced to probation, community service, and must write the character actress an apology (that is sooo wrong – everyone knows ‘Daisy Duck’ is the hottie!) . . . 28-year-old reality TV star Kim Kardashian (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”) is seeing her old boyfriend again, 24-year-old NFL Running Back Reggie Bush (New Orleans Saints), a friend suggesting they may get back together (she’s given up on ever having a ‘Tight End’) . . . Meantime, her older sister Kourtney Kardashian (30) is pregnant with her first child, which came as a total surprise to her as she hasn’t had a boyfriend since January (can you spell ‘tramp’?) . . . PETA has launched an attack on Adam Sandler’s movie production “The Zookeeper” (2010), now shooting at Franklin Park Zoo in Boston MA, which stars Kevin James as an unlucky-at-love zoo worker who gets advice from the animals (the kerfuffle is all about the animal trainers) . . . 33-year-old actress Reese Witherspoon has paid the price for playing a softball player in the just completed movie “How Do You Know”, suffering a black eye from a ball in the face – twice (you catch like a girl, Reese) . . . TV actress Patricia Arquette (“Medium”) tells “People” magazine she’s smoked her entire adult life and worries she’ll never be able to stop (don’t worry, everybody quits – in the end) . . . And thanks to the economic turndown, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay (“Hell’s Kitchen”, “Kitchen Nightmares”) says he’s facing bankruptcy even though he continues to crank out TV content and owns over 20 restaurants worldwide (quote: “Where the !*%$#& did all me money go?”).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Vanessa Hudgens (“Identified”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning the summer concert series features Kenny Chesney in NYC’s Central Park.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Gene Simmons (KISS).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Foxboro Hot Tubs (Green Day).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight MSTRKRFT w/John Legend (“Fist of God”).
• “Neil Diamond: Hot August Night: NYC” (CBS) – Tonight Neil Diamond sings his classic hits.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Saturday Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”) hosts; with musical guest Coldplay.
• “Saturday Night Live Presidential Bash 2008” (NBC) – Sunday a compilation of “SNL” satirical bits about the 2008 US presidential election. Tina Fey channels Sarah Palin one more time.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Flo Rida (“Roots”) performs.

• Carrie Underwood – Today she headlines the “Salute To the Troops” concert at Fort Campbell KY where the 101st Airborne Division has just returned from service in the Middle East.
• Jack Ingram – Sunday he appears on “Army Wives” (Lifetime), playing himself. He releases a new album, “Big Dreams & High Hopes”, on August 25th.
• Kasabian – The UK alt-rockers (“Fire”) have been forced to cancel their Australian tour after the entire band has been quarantined in Sydney with what seems to be swine flu.
• Kenny Chesney – Saturday he headlines the 6th annual “New England Country Music Festival” at Gillette Stadium near Boston MA. Montgomery Gentry, Miranda Lambert, and Lady Antebellum are the support acts.
• Michael Jackson – Publishing house Kraken Opus will release a new 400-page photo book about his life later this year that will weigh 38 lbs (17 kg) and come bound in leather with a silk clamshell case. It will cost circa $165.
• Richie Havens – Today, to mark the 40th anniversary of his iconic “Woodstock Festival” appearance (August 15, 1969), the folk singer returns to the site of the event to perform at the Bethel Woods Center For the Arts.

• “Bandslam” ( PG Musical Comedy ): A high school outcast bonds with the popular girl on campus over their shared love of music, and together they decide to form a rock group and enter an upcoming battle of the bands competition. Memories of “High School Musical”? Stars Alyson Michalka, Vanessa Hudgens, and Gaelan Connell.
• “District 9” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Thriller ): In Johannesburg, South Africa a government agent becomes sympathetic to the extraterrestrial race living in slum-like conditions within the city’s borders when he is exposed to their biotechnology. No-name cast. Shot entirely in South Africa.
PHONER: 866.666.6001 (a clever promo line where you call to report ‘non-human activity’ … then choose ‘0′ for a real laugh).
• “It Might Get Loud” (PG Limited Release Documentary ): A documentary on the electric guitar from the point of view of 3 significant rock musicians – The Edge (U2), Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin), and Jack White (White Stripes, Raconteurs, etc).
• “Ponyo” ( G-Rated Limited Release Animated Family Adventure ): Disney animated adventure centered around a 5-year-old boy and his relationship with a goldfish princess who longs to become human. The Japanese film’s English voice cast includes Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, and Liam Neeson.
• “The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this low-budget comedy Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”) plays a used-car liquidator hired by a failing auto dealership to turn a special sales event into a success. Co-stars Ed Helms (“The Office”, “The Hangover”) & Ving Rhames (“Mission Impossible” films).
• “The Time Traveler’s Wife” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Romance ): Eric Bana plays a Chicago librarian with a gene that causes him to involuntarily time travel, which complicates his relationship with his wife (Rachel McAdams). Based on Audrey Niffenegger’s bestselling novel. Soundtrack includes Coldplay and indie rockers Broken Social Scene. Shot in Toronto.


Beer could stop bones from going brittle. A new study has found that the bones of women who drink beer regularly are stronger, making them less likely to suffer from osteoporosis. Why? It is thought that the high level of silicon in beer slows down the thinning that leads to fractures and boosts the formation of new bone. Even study participants who consume less than a pint a day, which scientists class as light beer drinkers, fare just as well as those in the moderate bracket, suggesting that even small amounts can boost bone health. (Another round … for the bones!)
– “Daily Telegraph”


A few highlights of recent findings presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association in Toronto …
• People in their 80s & 90s are happier than young people.
• The happiest men are aged 60-to-69, while the least happy are 20-to-29, according to a Pew Research Center study.
• The 80-plus age group will grow by 233% globally by 2040, while the total population will increase by just 33% in that same period.
• Older people have greater emotional control and report fewer negative emotional experiences than young people.
– Condensed from “Globe & Mail”.

How secure are your private photos? Not very, according to the ‘Found Photos’ website. The project, started in 2004, consists of a collection of private photos which file-sharing users have unknowingly made public when installing P2P software. Often a ‘pictures’ folder can accidentally be publicly shared. Now the site has collected 135 pages of pics that provide a pastiche of every day life. (Don’t expect any Vanessa Hudgens-style nudies.)


You’re likely aware that aloe vera is great for your skin but did you know it works magic inside your body as well? Experts say that eating aloe helps heal digestive issues; hydrates your body, making your skin look younger; promotes a strong immune system; aids in weight loss; balances blood sugar; and helps keep the kidneys healthy. To eat aloe, you cut off a section of the leaf and fillet it to remove the clear gel inside. Aloe vera gel can be added to smoothies, salads, soups, dips, drinks, etc. (“Mommy, why is there green Jell-O in my milk?”)
– “China Daily”


In WW1, the ratio of soldiers to civilians killed was 10-to-1. In WW2 it became 50-50. Nowadays the ratio is almost reversed as up to 10 civilians are killed for each soldier in conflict.
– BBC News


1941 [68] David Crosby (Van Cortlandt), LA CA, classic rock musician (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young-“Woodstock”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame for the Byrds (1991) and Crosby, Stills & Nash (1997)/sperm-donor father of singer Melissa Etheridge’s 2 children

1945 [64] Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“The Pink Panther”, “Cheaper By the Dozen”)/host who’s made the most appearances on “Saturday Night Live” (over 30)/2-time “Academy Awards” emcee

1966 [43] Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie actress (“X-Men: The Last Stand”, 2002 Academy Award-Monster’s Ball”, 2000 Emmy Award-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”)/ex-Mrs  Eric Benét/ex-Mrs David Justice/mom to 17-month-old ‘Nahla’ via French-Canadian model boyfriend Gabriel Aubry

1983 [26] Spencer Pratt, Los Angeles CA, annoying reality TV personality (“The Hills”, “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me out of Here!”, “The Princes of Malibu”)/husband of Heidi Montag

TV actress Debi Mazar (“Entourage”) is 45; TV actor Peter Hermann (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”) is 42; Movie actor/director Ben Affleck (“Good Will Hunting”) is 37; Movie actress Natasha Henstridge (“Whole Nine Yards”) is 35; Beach volleyball star Kerri Walsh (w/Misty May-Treanor) is 31; Pop singer Joe Jonas (Jonas Bros) is 20.

TV personality Kathie Lee Gifford (“Today Show”) is 56; Filmmaker James Cameron (“Titanic”) is 55; Pop singer Madonna (“Like a Virgin”) is 51; Movie/TV actor Steve Carell (“The Office”) is 46; Country singer Emily Robison (Dixie Chicks) is 37; Pop singer Vanessa Carlton (“A Thousand Miles”) is 29; Movie actor Cam Gigandet (“Twilight”) is 27.


• “Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange- or raspberry-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside, an invention of Swedish-born entrepreneur Alexander Frehse in 1923.
• “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand … just before declaring bankruptcy.
• “Husbands in Love Day”. You can bet it wasn’t a guy who thought this one up!
• “International Nagging Day”. If you have issues with someone, this is a good day to get them out of your system … over and over and over.
• “Winnie’s Hometown Festival” in White River ON, the 21st annual weekend celebration of local-bear-made-good, ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’.

• “Failures Day”, a day for to reflect on life’s accomplishments. Interesting to note that every successful person has had failures … but failures are no guarantee of success.
• “International Homeless Animals Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of August.
• “National Acadian Day”, celebrating the original French people who
settled the areas now called Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and PEI
starting in the early 17th century (many of whom later got shipped off
to Louisiana). Choosing this day was one of the highlights of the first
National Acadian Convention in Memramcook NB in 1881.
• “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation. Beer?
• “Sandcastle & Sand Sculpture Day”, a long summer tradition on beaches everywhere. So what’s your best construction tip?

• “Roller Coaster Day”, celebrating every amusement park’s fast-track to fun. The idea for the roller coaster was first patented by Ohio’s LaMarcus Adna Thompson in 1885 after his ‘Switchback Railway’ opened at Coney Island NY the year before.
• “Tell-A-Joke Day”, a good day to have people call in with really rotten jokes, then tutor them on how to make them funnier.

1936 [73] 1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin, Germany)

1958 [51] 1st ‘Canadian Football League’ game is held in Winnipeg as the Blue Bombers defeat Edmonton Eskimos 29-21 (CFL formed when ‘Canadian Football Council’ withdraws from ‘Canadian Rugby Union’ and renames itself)

1976 [33] ‘Longest Softball Game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner eventually beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in a charity fundraiser)

[Mon] Thrift Shop Day
[Mon] Archeology Day
[Tues] Bad Poetry Day
[Tues] Cupcake Day
[Wed] Aviation Day
[Thurs] Air Guitar World Championships begin (Oulu, Finland)
This Week Is … Smile Week
This Month Is … Catfish Month


Before they were lightened up by generations of re-telling and by Disney, many traditional fairytales had some fairly grim endings. For instance …
• “The Pied Piper” – In the darker original, the piper leads the children to a river where they all drown … except a lame boy who couldn’t keep up.
• “Little Red Riding Hood” – Foolishly, ‘Riding Hood’ takes the advice of the wolf and ends up being eaten. No woodsman, no grandmother … just a fat wolf!
• “The Little Mermaid” – In the very first version by Hans Christian Andersen, she jumps into the sea and dies by turning to froth.
• “Snow White” – In the Brothers Grimm version, the tale ends with the Queen being forced to dance to death … in red hot iron shoes.
• “Rumpelstiltskin” – He becomes so angry that he drives his right foot deep into the ground, then grabs his left leg and rips himself in half. Needless to say this kills him.
• “Goldilocks & The Three Bears” – One version of the original tale ends when the bears find ‘Goldilocks’ and rip her apart and eat her. Mmm, tastes like blonde!
• “Hansel & Gretel” – While the wicked witch is lying down, the kids slash her throat and escape.
• “Cinderella” – The nasty stepsisters cut off parts of their own feet in order to fit into the glass slipper. The prince is alerted to the trickery by 2 pigeons who peck out the stepsister’s eyes.

If you had to be allergic to something, what would you pick?


I say sex is nobody’s business except the three people involved …

Today’s Question: More than half of all 7-year-olds have one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An imaginary friend.

People are bad for the environment.

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