Thursday, August 20, 2009         Edition: #4083
Sheeters Always Prosper!

43-year-old actress Robin Wright Penn has filed for divorce from her 49-year-old actor-husband Sean Penn – yet again – citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ (this is like the millionth time, but it could be for reals as they’ve already agreed to division of property) . . . Sony Corp is launching a slimmer, cheaper version of its “PlayStation 3” game console next month, hoping to jumpstart sales and win back market share from rivals Microsoft and Nintendo by offering an MSRP of $299 (do we hear parents groaning?) . . . 56-year-old movie actor Jeff Goldblum (“Jurassic Park”) is dating former “Lost” actress Tania Raymonde who, at 21, is 35 years his junior (maybe she was impressed by his shoe size?) . . . “Night At the Museum: Battle Of the Smithsonian” star Ben Stiller is back at the Washington DC institute, hosting its new 10-minute museum orientation film which will be shown continuously in the visitors center (it likely has a more logical storyline) . . . “Reader’s Digest” says it’s likely to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in order to cut the debt load of its US operations (oh no, no more free show prep?) . . . NPD Group research for the first half of 2009 has found that CDs still make up 65% of the recorded music market while downloads comprise 35% (it seems the disc isn’t dead – yet) . . . And if you want a brush with greatness in the afterlife, be aware that the burial vault directly above screen legend Marilyn Monroe in Hollywood’s Westwood Memorial Park is up for sale on eBay, the wife of the current occupant willing to evacuate her hubby’s remains for the right price (believe it or not, bids are approaching $3 million!).


• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Chairlift (“Does You Inspire You”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Grizzly Bear (“Yellow House”).
• “Project Runway” (Lifetime) – Now on a new channel, season 6 premieres with host Heidi Klum immediately following the 2-hour “Project Runway: All-Star Challenge”, a special design contest for 8 top contestants from past series. Movie actress Nicole Kidman guest stars.
• “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” (ABC/CityTV) – NBA star Steve Nash plays for charity.

• The Beatles – Rare audio clips of fan club greetings, studio chatter, behind-the-scenes footage and other oddities will be peppered throughout the upcoming “Beatles: Rock Band” videogame, according to “Rolling Stone”. Release date is September 9th.
• Britney Spears – Tonight the 2nd leg of “The Circus Starring Britney Spears” tour opens in Hamilton ON. Jordin Sparks is replacing Ciara as guest star … no reason given.
• Christina Aguilera – Her as-yet-untitled new album will feature collaborations with Santigold, MIA, and Ladytron. The album is expected out before the end of 2009.
• Jay-Z – Tonight at 8 pm EDT the video for his new single “Run This Town”, featuring Rihanna and Kanye West, debuts across all MTV platforms.
• Kelly Clarkson – The first season “American Idol” winner is set to return to the show as a guest judge at an audition taping next week.
• Leona Lewis – Simon Cowell’s Syco Records is investigating the leak of her new tune, “Don’t Let Me Down”, a collaboration with Justin Timberlake. According to “The Sun”, the demo track was stolen from Syco’s servers by hackers and has since leaked online. Intentional maybe?
• Michael Jackson – Britain’s BBC-TV is currently developing a new show which would search for fans who have dance moves to rival Michael Jackson’s. The wannabes would be judged by a panel that includes members of the Jackson family. Okay, now we’ve reached overkill.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards’ 23-year-old daughter Alexandra claims her wacky pop wears her mom Patty Hansen’s pajamas and blouses … and still makes them ‘look amazing’. Right.
• Weezer – Their 7th album (due October 27th) will be titled “Raditude”, an idea frontman Rivers Cuomo says he got from actor Rainn Wilson ( “The Office”).


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Oobermind” – Robert Downey Jr has quit this upcoming comic book-inspired animated comedy about a super-villain who wipes out his archenemy, only to find life quite boring without an adversary to battle. But the project will still have some star power as Brad Pitt and Will Ferrell have signed on to voice the main characters. Jonah Hill (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) is also aboard. The film is slated for release in December 2010.
• “Sherlock Holmes” – Studio executives were said to be so disappointed with a rough cut of director Guy Ritchie’s movie take on the super sleuth, they ordered a complete re-working of the storyline. That includes the addition of arch rival ‘Professor James Moriarty’, who will be edited into the film. Brad Pitt, star of Ritchie’s 2000 movie “Snatch”, has agreed to step in at the last minute to play the evil nemesis. He’s shooting his scenes this week. All of this revamping has resulted in the release being pushed back to the end of this year.
• “Sinatra”– Frank Sinatra’s daughter Tina is reportedly upset with director Martin Scorsese’s plans for this upcoming biopic. “NY Post” says Scorsese wants it to be hard-hitting, showcasing the violent, sexually-charged, hard-drinking Sinatra from his 1960s heyday when he purportedly had links with the Mafia. Tina, on the other hand, wants to show the softer side of her dad, with the focus on his music. Could be an interesting battle as Tina Sinatra is an executive producer, meaning she’s got money in the film. We’ll see the results in 2011.
• “Spider-Man” – After screenwriter James Vanderbilt (a cousin of style icon Gloria Vanderbilt & her son, CNN host Anderson Cooper) penned the script for the upcoming 4th movie in the series (coming 2011), director Sam Raimi ordered a rewrite from someone else. But Sony Pictures apparently embraces Vanderbilt’s work, as he’s just been hired to write the screenplays for “Spider-Man 5” and “Spider-Man 6”. You gotta be kidding … they’re making 3 more?


40 years ago, Sly & The Family Stone were stars at the “Woodstock Festival”. But today, the band’s mastermind, funk pioneer Sly Stone, is practically destitute, living in campers and cheap hotels and scraping by on Social Security. At least that’s the picture painted in “Coming Back For More”, an upcoming documentary by Dutch filmmaker Willem Alkema. The doc suggests Stone’s financial woes stem back to a contract he signed in the late ’80s with former manager Jerry Goldstein. In exchange for the rights to Stone’s music, Goldstein agreed to pay ‘fixed expenses and a regular allowance’.
– “Music Radar”


Olive oil can be used for much more than just a salad topping. For instance …
• Remove paint from hair. Moisten a cotton ball with some oil and gently rub it in.
• Make your own furniture polish. Combine 2 parts olive oil and 1 part lemon juice.
• Use as hair conditioner. Liberally apply a half-cup of warmed olive, let set for 45 minutes, then shampoo and thoroughly rinse.
• Clear up acne. Make a paste of 4 tablespoons salt with 3 tablespoons olive oil. Leave it on for a minute or two, then rinse off with warm, soapy water.
• Substitute for shaving cream. Not only makes for a smoother shave but also moisturizes.
• Clean greasy hands. Pour 1 teaspoon olive oil and 1 teaspoon salt or sugar into your palms. Vigorously rub, then wash it off with soap and water. Also removes paint.
• Recondition an old baseball mitt. Just work the oil into dry areas with a soft cloth, let it set for 30 minutes, then wipe off any excess.
– “Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things”

Microsoft Corp is asking the US Court of Appeals to allow it to keep selling “Word” software as it fights an unfavorable patent ruling that found the company guilty of infringing on a patent held by Canadian company i4i LLP. Last week a judge ordered Microsoft to pay $290 million and to stop selling copies of its word processing program that use the patented technology within 60 days. Microsoft claims both it and the public will suffer if “Word” goes off the market while the company devises a workaround. (BS translation: People might discover “Open Office”, which offers all the same features … for free.)
– AP


When it comes to getting medical care, the times they are a changing. Experts say you should not only blindly accept medical advice, but openly ask questions of your physician. Such as …
• “Do I really need this test?”
• “Where would you send your wife or children?”
• “How many surgeries do you perform each year?”
• “Can I schedule my surgery for the morning?”
• “If I get sick, will you see me in the hospital?”
• “Do you earn bonuses based on performance?”
• “When did you graduate from medical school?”
• “What else can I do to treat my condition?”
– “Men’s Health”

For centuries, courtiers, servants and guests leaving a room after seeing the British monarch have been expected to walk backwards, facing the king or queen as a sign of respect. However, royal aides now fear that the ancient practice could lead to someone getting hurt and possibly suing Buckingham Palace, so the decision has been taken to drop the practice for most staff and all visitors. (Now you just bow & scrape, then pivot & bolt.)
– “Telegraph”

A woman in Gafsa, Tunisia is pregnant with a record-breaking 12 babies. The teacher, who has not yet been named, is expecting 6 boys & 6 girls, according to reports. She conceived the babies following fertility treatments, after suffering a number of miscarriages. (So long ‘Octomom’, here comes the ‘Dozen Dame’!)
– FOX News


• Walt Disney World in Orlando FL has had 3 workers killed on the job this summer.
– WFTV News
• A new study at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth has verified previous findings that about 90% of US paper currency in circulation has cocaine residue on it.
• Rising temperatures in Australia have caused the size of birds on the continent to shrink by as much as 4%.
– “Discover Magazine”


1948 [61] Robert Plant, West Bromwich UK, rock singer (w/Allison Krauss-“Raising Sand”, The Honeydrippers-“Sea of Love”, Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1995)

1956 [53] Joan Allen, Rochelle IL, movie actress (‘Jason Bourne’ films, “The Upside of Anger”)

1970 [39] Fred Durst, Gastonia NC, rock singer (Limp Bizkit-“My Way”, “Re-Arranged”)/movie director (“The Longshots”)

1974 [35] Amy Adams, Vicenza, Italy, movie actress (“Julie & Julia”, “Night At the Museum: Battle Of the Smithsonian”)

1992 [17] Demi Lovato, Dallas TX, movie actress (“Camp Rock”)/pop singer (“Here We Go Again”)

• “Air Guitar World Championships”, the 14th annual through Saturday in Oulu, Finland, in which fake strummers from around-the-world compete for big prizes.

• “Birthday Of the Moon”, according to the ancient Aztecs. (The Aztecs had pants?)

• “Potato Day”. Don’t know why or what we’re supposed to do … but bet they’re excited in PEI!

• “Radio Day”, for no apparent reason other than someone penciled it in on a calendar years ago. To celebrate, all on-air personalities get a hefty raise, free lunch, and a magnum of Champagne. (In your dreams!)

• “SuperEx” in Ottawa, the annual exhibition & fair running through August 30th. This year’s edition features performances by Aaron Pritchett, April Wine, and Bedouin Soundclash among others.

• “Virtual Worlds Day”, celebrating the alternate lives that can be lived online as avatars in computer-based environments. That includes simulated worlds such as “Second Life” and “Habbo Hotel”, as well as multi-player role-playing games (MMORPGs), such as “World Of Warcraft”. (Most of these appeal to people who think reality sucks.)

1971 [38] 1st ‘Electronic Pocket Calculator’ is introduced by Texas Instruments, a battery-powered gizmo weighing 2.5 lbs (1.13 kg)

1993 [16] ‘Canadian Motorsports Hall of Fame’ opens at Toronto’s Exhibition Place


2000 [09] By winning the 82nd PGA Championship, Tiger Woods becomes first golfer to win 3 majors in a year since Ben Hogan (1953)

[Fri] Men’s Grooming Day
[Fri] Senior Citizens Day
[Fri] Ramadan begins (Muslim)
[Fri] “Inglourious Basterds”; “Post Grad” open in movie theaters
[Mon] Waffle Day
This Week Is … Don’t Wait, Celebrate! Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month


MySpace has clearly lost the social network race as more & more users erode daily. So how to turn it around? How about …
• Change name to and hope enough confused people end up there.
• Sleep with everyone at Google until they buy you.
• Shrivel up and die as planned, and hope for a magical phoenix-like resurrection.
• Invent time machine, go back to 2003 and register Facebook domain name.
• Exciting new online game ‘Friend Pong’: Add a friend, do a shot!
– Extrapolated from


I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.


• The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
• No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
• You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
• If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.
• It is surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt if it’s for an 8.
• Golfers who claim they don’t cheat also lie.
• There are 2 kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
• The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
• Hazards attract, fairways repel.

What’s your favorite part of a newspaper? Why?

Today’s Question: Experts say 75% of us do THIS too fast.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sign our names.

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

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