Monday, August 24, 2009       Edition: #4085
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Movie actress Milla Jovovich (“A Perfect Getaway”) married filmmaker Paul WS Anderson in the backyard of their Beverly Hills estate Saturday in front of 50 guests including “Grey’s Anatomy” star Patrick Dempsey. The couple met while making the 2002 horror movie “Resident Evil”. Ever Gabo Anderson, their 20-month-old daughter, served as flower girl. (Um, Ever?)
– People.com
• 15-year-old actress Dakota Fanning (“War Of the Worlds”) is said to be favored to star in a sequel to “The Wizard Of Oz”, the classic 1939 movie that shot Judy Garland to fame. Producers say the sequel will be set in the present-day and feature ‘Dorothy’s granddaughter, who’s said to be closer to the ‘Ripley’ character from “Alien” than a helpless singing girl. (Worst movie pitch of the year?)
– ContactMusic.com
• Heidi Klum won’t wear maternity clothes. The supermodel, who is 7-months-pregnant with her 4th child, says her role as host of “Project Runway” means she must always look fashionable so she has her stylist buy larger sizes of her favorite designer collections to cover her expanding baby bump. When you’re doing a show on fashion, she says, you still have to bring it on. BTW she’s now wearing a size 10. (There are women who’d like to claw her eyes out.)
– ShowBizSpy.com
• ‘Close associates’ of Michael Jackson have reportedly confirmed that he’s not the biological father of Prince Michael (12), Paris (11), or even Blanket (7). Instead, he’s said to have worked with fertility doctors and his skin specialist Dr Arnie Klein to produce kids by genetic engineering. The report suggests he begged celebrity pals to donate eggs & sperm. One long-time acquaintance claims Michael wanted his kids to be the best in every possible way and that prompted him to take the lab route. (It’s the ‘Frankenkids’!)
– “News Of the World”
• Actress Cameron Diaz (“My Sister’s Keeper”) has been spotted enjoying a date with actor Keanu Reeves (“The Matrix”), a month after she was seen out with both Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law on separate nights. She’s previously dated Justin Timberlake and Matt Dillon, and split from British model Paul Sculfor earlier this year. (Putting it politely … she ‘gets around’.)
– “The Sun”
• “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner’s ex-wife Kimberly Conrad is suing him for allegedly reneging on their pre-nuptial agreement. The former Playmate married Hef’ in 1989 and had 2 sons, Marston & Cooper, before they split in 1998. They’ve never divorced but Hefner has reportedly gone against their pre-nup by giving her 9 months to move out her Beverly Hills home so he can sell it. Conrad claims that thwarts their agreement. And oh, she also claims he owes her over $5 million. (Seems someone’s having cash flow problems?)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Reba McEntire (“Keep on Loving You”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Keane (“Perfect Symmetry”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Aimee Mann (“@#%&*! Smilers”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Kings Of Leon (“Use Somebody”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Miley Cyrus (“Party In the USA”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Word has it they’ve suspended work on their upcoming album after pics & video of injured frontman Steven Tyler appeared on the web, apparently showing him buying booze in a liquor store. It seems his recent fall off the stage could be due to his fall off the wagon. A band employee tells “Boston Herald” he’s now a liability to the band, uninsurable because of all his accidents and cancelled dates.
• Joan Jett – She’s filed a lawsuit against former Runaways member Jackie Fox, accusing her of delaying the production of a bio-pic about the band. The movie, based on the story of the 1970s all-girl rock group, is currently in production and stars Kristen Stewart (“Twilight”). Jett claims Fox is trying to halt filming until she has seen and approved the script.
• Nelly – He and R&B singer Ashanti have apparently split after a 4-year relationship. “NY Daily News” says he’s recently been spotted with Canadian model Melyssa Ford. (Why? Maybe it’s the 34D-20-38?)
• Rascal Flatts – They’ve just crossed the 4 million benchmark for ticket sales during the last 4 years and their latest album, “Unstoppable”, has just been certified Platinum for shipments of 1 million copies. (“Winner At a Losing Game” indeed!)
• Rod Stewart – He’s been forced to scrap a series of shows on his “One Rockin’ Night” tour dues to a throat infection. (With his voice, how can you tell?)
• Tim McGraw – He’ll return to Canada to make up his cancelled “Big Valley Jamboree” appearance due to the windstorm & fatal stage collapse August 1st. He’ll perform September 17th at Rexall Place in Edmonton, but only for those who had tickets to the doomed festival.
• Toby Keith – He’s opening another location of his I Love This Bar & Grill next year in Pittsburgh PA’s SouthSide Works area. It will be the 6th outlet for the franchise.
• U2 – Bono & The Edge have revealed they’ve been digging out rare and unreleased tracks for the upcoming deluxe re-issue of 1984′s “The Unforgettable Fire” sometime later this year.

WINOS ARE MORE HEALTHY?
Men who drink beer or liquor on a regular basis may face a heightened risk of several different types of cancer, a new McGill University study suggests. Researchers have found that among Canadian men aged 35-to-70, those who average at least a drink per day have higher risks of a number of cancers than men who drink occasionally or not at all. When researchers looked at individual types of alcohol, though, only beer and spirits – and not wine – have been linked to the elevated risk. (This message brought to you by the Wine Council of Canada.)
– Yahoo! News

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 80% of jurors make up their minds at the end of the lawyers’ opening statements.
• 35% of office workers check their email every 15 minutes.
• 32% of women say a first date who is frugal is more attractive than one who spends lavishly.
• 30% of men say they’d feel insecure in a relationship with a woman who has more guy friends than they do.
• 28% of us say we’d act dishonestly in order to keep our jobs.
• 10% of us reveal someone else’s secret when we are out socially with co-workers.

SUPERLATIVE STAYS:
Record-breaking hotels/hotel rooms in case your vacation has to be biggest or best …
• World’s Tallest Hotel – Burj Al Arab, Dubai UAE (321 m or 1,050 ft).
• World’s Largest Hotel – The Palazzo Resort Hotel & Casino, Las Vegas NV (8,108 rooms).
• World’s Oldest Hotel – Hoshi Ryokan, Komatsu, Japan (run by same family for 46 generations … over 1,300 years).
• World’s Most Expensive Hotel Room – Royal Villa at Grand Resort Lagonissi, Athens, Greece ($50,000 a night).
• World’s Largest Hotel Room – Royal Suite, Grand Hills Hotel & Spa, Broummana, Lebanon (8,000 sq m or 86,000 sq ft on 6 floors).
– Hotels.com

GENERIC BUTTS ON THE WAY?
In a new study, researchers at the University of Waterloo have found that seemingly minor packaging details influence consumers’ perceptions of a cigarette brand’s health risks. 80% of polled consumers believe a product labeled ‘smooth’ carries fewer risks than one labeled ‘regular’. Similarly, 73% have the impression the terms ‘silver’ or ‘full-flavored’ are associated with less hazardous products. And 84% perceive a ‘6′ in a product’s name makes it less risky than one with a ‘10′. Lighter colored packaging is perceived better than dark colors. How to stop the subtle influences? Researchers recommend plain packaging for all cigarettes. (“You gotta spare no-name for me?”)
– Reuters Health

LOVE IN LANCASTER COUNTY:
Hard to believe but ‘Amish Romance’ has become the fastest-growing genre in Christian fiction. Most Amish-themed romance novels are written by non-Amish authors and they aren’t exactly steamy; hand-holding is often the most heart-stopping development in these love stories. While Amish women do read them, leaders of Amish communities in Pennsylvania and elsewhere have actively discouraged or banned them.
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”
BS AMISH ROMANCE TITLES:
• “The Quilting Bee Fling”
• “Thee I Loveth Like Shoofly Pie”
• “Buggy Parking Blind Date”
• “Moonlight & Molasses”
• “Rapture At the Barn Raising”
• “Sarah Churns the Butter”
• “Women Without Bonnets”
• “Jebediah Cometh at Midnight”
• “I’ll Take Off My Overalls But Nary My Hat”
– BS original

DID YOU KNOW?
• The average length of a PowerPoint presentation is 250 minutes.
– “Magazine Monitor”
• Switzerland has expanded its border with Italy by 150 m (492 ft) as a result of melting glaciers in the high Alps. It’s been discovered the watershed used to determine the Italian-Swiss border in 1942 has moved as a result of the melting ice. But no, there are no plans to correct the atlas.
– AP

BS CHRONOMETER 08.24.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [64] Vince McMahon, Pinehurst NC, chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment (which is slowly dying off … literally!)

1970 [39] Kristyn Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDAISY-“Don’t Worry ‘Bout a Thing”, “I Will … But”)

1973 [36] Dave Chappelle, Washington DC, TV comedian (“Chappelle’s Show” 2003-05)/movie actor (“Block Party”, “Blue Streak”)

1973 [36] Carmine Giovinazzo, Staten Island NY, TV actor (‘Detective Danny Messer’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1981 [28] Chad Michael Murray, Buffalo NY, TV actor (‘Lucas Scott’ on “One Tree Hill” since 2003)/movie actor (“House of Wax”)

1988 [21] Rupert Grint, Watton-at-Stone UK, movie actor (‘Ron Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
“Waffle Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the invention of the ‘Waffle Iron’ by Cornelius Swartwout of Troy NY on this day in 1869. Other inventions attributed to today’s date include ‘Potato Chips’ (Chef George Crum, Saratoga Springs NY in 1853) and the ‘Motion Picture Camera’ (Thomas Edison in Menlo Park NJ, 1891). It’s no wonder August is tagged “National Inventors’ Month”.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [22] PBS is threatened with a lawsuit if it uses a banana to demonstrate how to use a condom during an AIDS special … by the International Banana Association

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [13] “Missing” by Everything But The Girl logs in week #55 on “Billboard Hot 100″ chart
ALL-TIME LONGEST CHART STAYS:
5. Lifehouse – “You & Me” (62 weeks).
4. Carrie Underwood – “Before He Cheats” (64 weeks).
3. Jewel – “Foolish Games” (65 weeks).
2. Leann Rimes – “How Do I Live” (69 weeks).
1. Jason Mraz – “I’m Yours” (now entering its 71st week, the longest-running song in “Billboard” magazine’s 51-year ‘Hot 100′ singles chart history).

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1994 [15] Pizza Hut in California’s Silicon Valley debuts the 1st online pizza order service

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Tues] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Tues] Secondhand Wardrobe Day
[Wed] Dog Day
[Wed] Women’s Equality Day
[Wed] La Tomatina (Bunol, Spain)
[Thurs] Global Forgiveness Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Be Kind to Humankind Week / Minority Enterprise Development Week / Safe at Home Week / Waffle Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS COMEBACKS TO PICKUP LINES:
• “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” [“Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.”]
• “Is this seat empty?” [“Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.”]
• “Your place or mine?” [“Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.”]
• “So, what do you do for a living?” [“I'm a female impersonator.”]
• “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” [“Do not enter.”]
• “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” [“Unfertilized.”]
• “Your body is like a temple.” [“Sorry, there are no services today.”]
• “I would go to the end of the world for you.” [“But would you stay there?”]
• “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.” [“If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.”]
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I don’t know what your problem is … but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why do people look up when they think?
• Is it possible for a psychic fair to be cancelled due to unforseen circumstances?
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
• On pet food just what flavor is ‘original’?
• Why is nothing as easy as it looks?
• Do dermatologists make rash decisions?
• Should animal shampoo be tested on humans?
• Can you park in a handicapped spot if you’re stupid?

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s your favorite ride at an amusement park? Why?

BS ‘MSK GAME’:

This recently popular party game is easily adaptable for on-air. “MSK” stands for “Marry ‘Em, Sleep With ‘Em, or Kill ‘Em?”. You give your caller/guest/crew member a grouping of 3 famous names and they must decide which they’d put in each category. For instance …
• Johnny Depp, Spencer Pratt, Jude Law. [Marry Johnny, sleep with Jude, kill Spencer?]
• Penelope Cruz, Oprah Winfrey, Katherine Heigl. [Marry Oprah for money, sleep with Penelope, kill Katherine?]
One name must go into each slot so the decisions can be tough! You may want to make your groupings gender specific according to who’s playing … or not.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: With virtually no predators, THIS wild animal’s population almost doubles every 4 years if left unchecked.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wild mustang. (“Parade Magazine”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Any philosophy that can be put ‘in a nutshell’ belongs there.


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