Monday, August 31, 2009        Edition: #4090
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

• The cause of death of DJ AM (Adam Goldstein) remains unverified as investigators have called for further tests. Goldstein, who survived a harrowing plane crash last year alongside Travis Barker (Blink-182), has publicly acknowledged a history of drug addiction and filmed a reality show in which he offered to help other addicts. He was found dead Friday in his NYC apartment at age 36. Police found a crack pipe and prescription pills nearby. (Gee, too bad there weren’t any clues left behind!)
• DJ Samantha Ronson isn’t expecting a farewell party when she leaves her Hollywood Hills CA  home next month … local residents can’t wait until Lindsay Lohan’s on/off lover moves out! The disc-spinner is packing up and moving of her swanky property due to the constant paparazzi presence on her front doorstep. One local says residents can’t wait for the media circus to move away from the area. (Bad news, guys! Paris is thinking of moving in.)
• You may need a chart to follow this: Brody Jenner (“The Hills”) claims “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis ‘punched & kicked’ his “Playboy” model-girlfriend Jayde Nicole at Hollywood hot spot Guys & Dolls after she threw a drink at Francis to keep him from hitting on her friend. Jenner says he then followed Francis out of the club and punched him in the face, until he was struck by a Taser. Francis, on the other hand, insists it was Jenner who assaulted him and maintains there’s security footage that will prove he didn’t assault Nicole at all. (We say, lock the lot of them up in a madhouse and swallow the key.)
• 62-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood is reportedly set to pay his 53-year-old estranged wife Jo $17.25 million in a divorce settlement. They split Last July after 23 years when his affair with 20-year-old Russian waitress Ekaterina Ivanova was exposed. It’s said the out-of-court settlement will effectively give Jo half the rocker’s fortune, including their mansion in Kingston Vale, England. According to the report, legal proceedings will be completed after Jo finishes her stint on “Strictly Come Dancing” (“Dancing With the Stars”, UK style).
– “News Of the World”
• On Saturday “Grey’s Anatomy” actress Katherine Heigl (‘Dr Izzie Stevens‘) threw a baby shower for co-star & mother-to-be Ellen Pompeo (‘Dr Meredith Grey’). Some 25 friends attended the outdoor bash held under giant umbrellas in Heigl’s backyard, including Sandra Oh (‘Dr Cristina Yang’), Kate Walsh (‘Dr Addison Montgomery’ on “Private Practice”), and Rebecca Gayheart (wife of “Grey’s” actor Eric Dane, both becoming infamous for revealing photos last week). 39-year-old Pompeo is expecting a daughter in October via her record producer-husband Chris Ivery. (We wonder … will the ‘baby bump’ become part of the “Grey’s” storyline?)
• And a couple of quick notes: 33-year-old Hollywood star Reese Witherspoon has been spotted paying for a woman’s groceries after she forgot to take her wallet to LA supermarket Whole Foods. 63-year-old rocker Neil Young, meanwhile, has been spotted sitting and talking with the homeless in Santa Monica CA, helping them out with personal & financial problems. Proof positive that it is possible to be rich and famous AND nice. (Though rare.)
– / Jam! Showbiz

• “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC) – A 3-hour special featuring highlights from June’s Nashville fan festival. Performances by a who’s who of the current-day country soundscape, including Brad Paisley, Kenny Chesney, Sugarland, and Taylor Swift.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Friendly Fires (“Friendly Fires”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Virgins (“The Virgins”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Jet (“More Light Than Shade”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Dirty Projectors (“Bitte Orca”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Pitbull (“Rebelution”).
• “Weeds” (Showtime) – The 5th season finalé airs, entitled “All About My Mom”.


• Carrie Underwood – She’s surprised high school students in her hometown of Checotah OK with a one-off performance and a gift of new musical instruments worth more than $117,000.
• 50 Cent – He cancelled a weekend “Family Day” fair he had planned in his old Queens neighborhood dues to ‘police concerns about security’. (Or maybe lack of interest?)
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor has defended his decision to quit touring with the band, saying it’s ‘a rebellion against music industry greed’. (BS translation: I’m tired of waking up in a new bed every morning.)
• Oasis – Lead guitarist Noel Gallagher quit the veteran Brit rock band Friday night, claiming in an online statement he simply can’t go on working with brother Liam any longer. Family members suggest the brothers will get over the rift and get back together. (After 20 years of this nonsense, why bother?)
• Reba McEntire – Her new album, “Keep On Loving You”, has debuted at the top of both the country and all-genres charts in “Billboard” magazine.
• Rob Zombie – With the weekend release of “Halloween II” he says he’s set to ‘get off the “Halloween” bus’ as he’s wrapped up everything he wanted to do with the horror film series. He has an animated film, “The Haunted World of El Superbeasto”, coming September 22nd and promises a new music album in November.
• Shania Twain – Her promised 44th birthday ‘gift’ to fans on Friday turned out to be a 900-word treatise on what she’s been doing since splitting with husband Mutt Lange, accompanied by a video montage of her travels. The update, posted on her official website, makes no mention of future plans regarding music.
• Whitney Houston – Today her 6th studio album, “I Look to You”, gets an odd Monday release six years after her last recording. It features collaborations with Akon, Alicia Keys, David Foster, and R Kelly. (At 46, can she still be relevant on the popular music scene?)

A pair of Michigan law students has created a website where users share strange and amusing text messages they’ve received. Some of them read like avant garde poetry. A few samples …
• “We are like the Golden Girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.”
• “I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.”
• “She’s the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.”
• “Just met our mailman at a party. He asked me out. I said yes but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. How jealous are you?”
• “I asked him where the store BJ’s was and he unzipped his pants.”
• “My goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on.”
– “Detroit Free Press”

Who are the most gorgeous grapplers ever? How about …
5. Lita (1999-2006)
4. Eve Torres (2007-present)
3. Maria Kaneillis (2004-present)
2. Candice Michelle (2004-09)
1. Christy Hemme (2004-present)

Researchers have discovered that a chemical released by freshly cut grass makes us feel happy & relaxed, and could prevent mental decline in old age. It apparently works directly on the brain, in particular the emotional and memory areas. Now a perfume named ‘Serenascent’ has been developed to mimic the smell, with the hope it will relieve stress and help boost memory. Australian experts at the University of Queensland at Brisbane produced the ‘eau de mow’ after 7 years of research. The room spray/personal spray will go into production next month and sell for around $6.50 a bottle. (Now they should work on ‘cinnamon bun’.)

There’s been much discussion on whether that young Dutch girl should be allowed to attempt to sail around-the-world at age 13. Here are some other landmark ages in various countries …
13 … Have sex in Spain.
15 … Drive a car in New Zealand.
16 … Marry in Britain (with parental consent).
16 … Vote in Austria or the Isle of Man.
16 … Join the British Army.
18 … Buy a rifle in the US.
18 … Buy cigarettes in Britain.
20 … Vote in Japan.
20 … Marry in China if you are a woman (22 if you’re a man).
– TimesOnline

Both human babies and newborn chimps make a pouting face to get their mothers’ attention and bare their teeth in something like a smile in order to make nice or ‘achieve social bonding’ as primatologists put it.
– “Newsweek”


“It’s completely false. I’ve never had it done … I prefer to be a beautiful woman of my age than try desperately to look 30.”
– 47-year-old actress Demi Moore, insisting in “Marie Claire” magazine she’s never had cosmetic surgery. Rumor has it she underwent a $300,000 entire body overhaul in 2004.


1945 [64] Van Morrison, Belfast, Northern Ireland, classic rock/pop/blues singer (“Moondance”, “Brown Eyed Girl”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1993)

1949 [60] Richard Gere, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Nights in Rodanthe” [roe-DAN-thee], “Pretty Woman”)/Dalai Lama pal

1972 [37] Chris Tucker, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“Rush Hour 1-3”, “Money Talks”)/stand-up comedian

1973 [36] Scott Niedermayer, Edmonton AB, NHL player (2007 Stanley Cup-Anaheim Ducks)/Team Canada (2002/2006 Winter Olympics, 2004 World Cup of Hockey)

1975 [34] Sara Ramirez, Mazatlan, Mexico, TV actress  (‘Dr Callie Torres‘ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2006)

• “Burning Man”, the 23rd annual free-form celebration through September 7th as some 20,000 gather in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, throw away their clothes or don outlandish costumes and recite poetry, build unusual art objects, and dance all night. At the finalé, they burn a 50-foot wooden effigy of a man and mumble stuff like, “Wow, man … good drugs!”

• “Love Litigating Lawyers Day”, because even shysters need affection.

• “MuchMusic 25th Anniversary”, which is being celebrated with … absolutely nothing. Why? Honchos say the target audience of what was once the ‘Nation’s Music Station’ isn’t old enough to remember the start-up and furthermore doesn’t really care.

• “Trail Mix Day”, celebrating the combination of nuts, seeds, dried fruits (bark, twigs, compost), etc that takes about a gallon of water to wash down.

• “Veterinary Week”, to promote the ‘professionals who pamper and protect our pets’. (And bill us accordingly.)

2007 [02] Horror thriller remake “Halloween”, directed by rocker-turned-filmmaker Rob Zombie, opens in movie theaters


1999 [10] Dixie Chicks release smash hit album “Fly”


1895 [114] 1st ‘Pro Football Game’ (QB John Brallier is paid $10 as Jeannette Athletic Club beats Latrobe YMCA 12-0 in Latrobe PA)

1954 [55] 1st storm with a name (‘Hurricane Carol’ hits New England)

1955 [54] 1st ‘Sun-Powered Automobile’ is demonstrated (so why is it again that we’re still paying through the nose for gasoline?)

1971 [38] 1st ‘Driver on the Moon’ (astronaut David Scott finds no one to ‘flip the bird’ at)

1946 [63] 5,000 Boston Braves’ baseball fans sit in freshly-painted seats (not a planned attempt at a record … but a record nonetheless)

1995 [14] 6 people die attempting to rescue … a chicken that had fallen down a well in southern Egypt (only the chicken survives)

[Sept 1] Madonna’s “Sticky & Sweet World Tour” wraps (Tel Aviv) / Building Code Staff Appreciation Day / “Guitar Hero 5″ released
[Sept 2] National Beheading Day / Blueberry Popsicle Day
[Sept 3] Michael Jackson’s most recent burial date
[Sept 4] Newspaper Carrier Day / Oatmeal Day / “American Idiot” musical debuts (Berkeley CA) / “All About Steve”; “Extract”; “Gamer” open in movie theaters
[Sept 5] National Buffalo Wing Festival begins (Buffalo NY) / Bumbershoot Music & Arts Festival begins (Seattle) / Be Late For Something Day
[Sept 6] Salami Day
[Sept 7] Labor Day (no BS service) / Google Commemoration Day
[Sept 8] International Literacy Day / World Physical Therapy Day
[Sept 9] “Rock Band: Beatles” released / Wonderful Weirdos Day / Grammy Salute to Country Music (Nashville)
[Sept 10] Swap Ideas Day / Sewing Machine Day / NFL Kick-Off (Pittsburgh) / Sunset Strip Music Festival begins (LA)
[Sept 11] 9/11 Remembrance Day / “Sorority Row”; “Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself”; “Whiteout” open in movie theaters
[Sept 12] Mushroom Day / Popcorn Day / World Suicide Prevention Day / Videogames Day / “U2360″ tour North American leg begins (Chicago)
[Sept 13] Canadian Country Music Awards (Vancouver) / International Chocolate Day / Grandparents Day / Urban Eden Day / Pet Memorial Day / MTV Video Music Awards (NYC)
[Sept 14] Boss/Employee Exchange Day / “Jay Leno Show” debuts (NBC)
[Sept 15] Mariah Carey releases “Memoirs Of an Imperfect Angel”
[Sept 16] International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer / Stepfamily Day
[Sept 18] US Air Force Birthday / World Water Monitoring Day / ALMA Awards (LA) / “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”; “The Informant!”; “Jennifer’s Body”; “Love Happens” open in movie theaters
[Sept 19] POW/MIA Recognition Day / Talk Like A Pirate Day / International Eat an Apple Day / International Coastal Cleanup Day / Responsible Dog Ownership Day / Rosh Hashanah (Jewish) / Wife Appreciation Day
[Sept 20] Women’s Friendship Day
[Sept 21] Eid-Al-Fitr (Muslim) / International Day of Peace / World Alzheimer’s Day / 2009 Polaris Music Prize (Toronto) / “Guiding Light” series finalé (CBS)
[Sept 22] Business Women’s Day / Autumn Equinox / Dear Diary Day / Elephant  Appreciation Day / Hobbit Day / White Chocolate Day
[Sept 23] “Capitalism: A Love Story” opens in movie theaters
[Sept 24] Beer Days begin / Punctuation Day / Guinness Brewery 250th Anniversary
[Sept 25] Hug a Vegetarian Day / One-Hit Wonder Day / “Fame”; “Pandorum”; “Surrogates” open in movie theaters
[Sept 26] Fish Amnesty Day / Hunting & Fishing Day / Public Lands Day / Family Health & Fitness Day USA
[Sept 27] Ancestor Appreciation Day / Good Neighbor Day / World Tourism Day / World Heart Day
[Sept 28] Family Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids / World Maritime Day / Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Sept 30] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Oct 1] China’s 60th Anniversary Celebration


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “Dammit, that’s the third band-aid I’ve lost this week!”
• “C’mon! Let’s get those forks spit-shined!”
• “Y’know, those food-prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam.”
• “Attention! Did anyone on staff lose a finger?”
• “Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can’t just keep it your pants!”
• “I can’t believe he STILL ate it!!”

Which vintage TV show would you like to see stage a reunion special? “Dawson’s Creek”? “The OC”? “Full House”?

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Today’s question: On average, women spend 47 minutes a day thinking about THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their hair.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

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