Monday, August 9, 2010        Edition: #4317
Good Morning, Sheetheads!


• Wyclef Jean’s announced candidacy for President of Haiti is being opposed by his own cousin and former Fugees bandmate, ‘Pras’. Prazakrel Michel says Wyclef is merely ‘an opportunist’ and he’ll instead be endorsing ‘the most competent candidate’, Michel Martell. Meanwhile, Sean Penn tells CNN that Jean has been a total ‘non-presence’ during the actor’s time working with earthquake victims in Haiti. Haitian authorities have until August 17th to approve or reject Jean’s candidacy for the November 28th ballot. (Does he just need a job?)
• 42-year-old Hollywood actress Julia Roberts tells “Elle” magazine she’s become a practising Hindu after learning all about the religion while in India filming the new movie “Eat Pray Love” (opening Friday). Roberts has also adopted a belief in reincarnation and says she hopes her next life will be a ‘quiet and supporting’ one. (She’ll likely be a devout Hindu until her next film.)
– Jam! Showbiz
• 38-year-old TV star Amy Poehler (“Parks & Recreation”) and actor-hubby Will Arnett (“Arrested Development”) are celebrating their 2nd son, Abel James Arnett, born Friday. Their first child, Archie, was born last year. The comedy couple wed in 2003. (Bad baby names, part 1.)
• 51-year-old Oscar-winning actress/screenwriter Emma Thompson (“Howards End”) has been honored with the 2,416th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. After the unveiling Friday, she announced she’s taking a year off to spend more time with her family, which includes actor-husband Greg Wise, daughter Gaia and adopted son Tindyebwa. (Bad baby names, part 2.)
• HBO has made it official: As a TV series, “Entourage” will end in 2011. The network will order a shortened final season of its longest-running current series, possibly only 6 episodes, which will bring the show to a conclusion in 2011. After that, a film is a possibility. (Should they make a movie or let it RIP?)


• “Bachelor Pad” (ABC) – A new spinoff series in which ‘unforgettable’ contestants from “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” reunite under one roof.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Melissa Etheridge (“Fearless Love”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Luke Bryan performs his #1 country hit “Rain Is a Good Thing”.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mishka (“Talk About”).
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC) – In the season finalé comedians Kathy Griffin, Tom Papa, and singer Gloria Gaynor perform; the winner is revealed.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Vampire Weekend (“Contra”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Menomena (“Mines”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Bettye LaVette (“Interpretations: The British Rock Songbook”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Har Mar Superstar (“Dark Touches”).
• “Teen Choice Awards” (FOX) – Tonight Katy Perry hosts from the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles. “Gossip Girl” and its cast lead nominations with 6; actress/singer Miley Cyrus (“The Last Song”) and actress Zoe Saldana (“The Losers”, “Avatar”) lead individuals with 3 apiece. Performers include Jason Derulo and Travie McCoy f/Bruno Mars.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Mike Posner (“31 Minutes to Takeoff”).


• Christina Aguilera – She says she learned so much about the precise technicality of dancing for the upcoming movie “Burlesque” (opening November 24th) that she’s adopted it in the video for “Not Myself Tonight”.
• John Lennon – This week his assassin, 55-year-old Mark David Chapman, is scheduled to be interviewed by a 3-member panel in his 6th bid for parole. He’s serving a 20-years-to-life sentence. Yoko Ono has already filed an intervention in opposition to his release.
• Lady Gaga – Friday at “Lollapalooza” in Chicago, she crashed a performance by her former support act Semi Precious Weapons, playing drums, singing backup, and stage-diving with frontman Justin Tranter. All of this hours before performing her own show.
• Ne-Yo – He’s been wearing hats since beginning high school and he says they’re now a part of his body … an expensive part. He admits spending as much as 3-to-5 grand on a single hat.
• Robbie Williams – The faded Brit pop star, estimated to be worth $120 million, wed actress Ayda Field on the grounds of his Beverly Hills CA mansion Saturday. And yes, there’s a prenup.
• Toby Keith – In a new “CMT Insider” interview he says,  “I believe in what I believe in, and I don’t care what anybody thinks.” He releases the new album “Bullets In the Gun” October 5th.
• Van Halen – They’re back in the studio with original frontman David Lee Roth and will release their first studio album in more than 2 decades next year. reports the band will promote the upcoming release by hitting the road once again in 2011.


As a sidebar to a new study of skin cancers like melanoma, a University of Edinburgh research team has discovered that different parts of the body are much harder to sun-tan. And the least-easy part to bake brown is … your booty. Using scientific instruments it’s been proven that buttocks are particularly resistant to tanning, staying whiter than the back despite the same exposure. The scientists warn in the journal “Experimental Dermatology” that hard-to-tan areas need more protection against harmful UVB rays. (Here, let me just help you slather that on …)
– BBC News


A statistical breakdown of typical golfers finds that their average score is 91.9 and that they play an average of 72 rounds per year. Other survey highlights …
• 72% make bets on the golf course.
• 59% have improved their lie when nobody was looking.
• 43% have thrown a club in anger at least once.
• 14% have snuck onto a course without paying.
• 8% have had ‘intimate relations’ on a golf course.
• 3% spend more than $10,000 per year on golf.
– Excerpted from “Golf Magazine”


A new study estimates that consumers unnecessarily discard billions-of-dollars of food a year simply because 75% of us believe that certain foods are unsafe to eat after the date on the packaging has passed. But food safety experts say that if most foods are stored properly, they can be safe for days – even weeks – after the ‘best before’ date. Eggs, for instance, can be good for 3-to-5 weeks after their expiration date; peanut butter for months; cereal can last a year longer; and toothpaste, almost to infinity. (So why the ‘use by’ date … to get us to buy more?)


If you believe the ancient Eastern principles of ‘Siang Mien’ or face reading, you can find out the deepest truths about your mind and spirit just by looking in the mirror. For instance, a face that is slightly longer than wide is an indication that a person is strong-willed and has an aggressive nature. Large ears mean generosity. Having a narrow nose means you possess trail-blazing ability. And people with voluptuous lips have hedonistic tendencies. (If the lips are plumped up with collagen, do they indicate fake hedonistic tendencies?)

You likely have car insurance, home insurance, and perhaps life insurance, but how about marriage insurance? For about $16 per month, SafeGuard sells ‘units of protection’ that could be worth $1,250 if your marriage implodes in divorce. However, ‘WedLock’ insurance comes with a catch: To keep embattled couples from trying to cash in on their way down, the company has a 2-year waiting period before policies mature. If you divorce before that, your premiums are lost … unless you pony up for extra insurance. (Um, why not just save the money yourself?)


Men wanting to attract women should dress in red, a color that makes them more alluring to the opposite sex, according to a new University of Rochester study. Researchers have found that women in several countries find men pictured wearing red more sexually attractive than those in other colors. One reason may be that women also associate the color with ‘higher status’. The researchers say that something as simple as wearing a red tie could lead to a man having a more successful business presentation. (We got up at 4 am … how about red eyes?)


• Filmmaker John Hughes died a year ago at age 59. His 1990 film “Home Alone” is still the most successful live-action comedy film of all-time.
• The jobless rate for 16- to 19-year-olds this Summer is the highest since 1948. Why? Out-of-work adults and recent grads who can’t find work in their fields are increasingly taking entry-level jobs that are traditionally held by teens.
• At the International University of Monaco, a master’s degree in ‘Luxury Retail Management’ is being launched this Fall. Students will learn about private jets, yachts, and upmarket brands such as Gucci.
– “Globe & Mail”


1963 [47] Whitney Houston, East Orange NJ, pop singer (“I Will Always Love You”)/movie actress (“The Bodyguard”)

1968 [42] Eric Bana, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“The Time Traveler’s Wife”, “Munich”)

1968 [42] Sam Fogarino, Philadelphia PA, rock drummer (Interpol-“The Heinrich Maneuver”, “Slow Hands”)

1970 [40] Arion Salazar, Oakland CA, alt-rock musician (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”, “Semi-Charmed Life”)

1976 [34] Jessica Capshaw, Columbia MO, TV actress (‘Dr Arizona Robbins’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2009)/daughter of actress Kate Capshaw (“Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom”)

1976 [34] Audrey Tautou, Beaumont, France, movie actress (“Coco Avant Chanel”, “The Da Vinci Code”)

1985 [25] Anna Kendrick, Portland ME, movie actress (‘Jessica Stanley’ in “The Twilight Saga”, “Up In the Air”)  UP NEXT: “Scott Pilgrim vs The World”, opening Friday.


• “Book Lovers Day”. No matter where you are, you’re never alone … as long as you have a book. Is reading as good when using a Kindle or iPad?

• “Hand Holding Day”. If he wasn’t talked into it by his partner, would a guy ever hold hands?

• “International Day of Indigenous People”, as declared by the UN. But is there really such a thing? Weren’t all people originally wanderers?

• “Rice Pudding Day”, celebrating the tasty treat that combines rice, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and raisins. And what’s your secret ingredient?

• “Sturgis Motorcycle Rally”, the 70th annual edition through Sunday in Sturgis SD. Bikers of all types and backgrounds roll in for the week-long festival for gearheads, outlaws, and leather lovers. The week’s entertainment at the inaugural edition of the coinciding “Rock N Rev Festival” includes Alice in Chains, Creed, Daughtry, Godsmack, Guns ‘N Roses, Stone Temple Pilots, Three Days Grace, and 3 Doors Down


1930 [80] ‘Betty Boop’ makes her debut in the cartoon short “Dizzy Dishes” and many are scandalized by her risque attitude and trademark mini-skirt & garter (notice how she appears on hundreds of cheapo products these days?)

2008 [02] Comedian/actor Bernie Mac (“Ocean’s 11”) dies in Chicago at age 50 due to complications from pneumonia


1995 [15] While undergoing drug rehab in Forest Knolls CA, Grateful Dead leader Jerry Garcia dies of a heart attack at age 53


1955 [55] 1st “Guinness Book of World Records” is published (back when the record for most people crammed in a phone booth was … 1)


1999 [11] 5 grand slams are hit, the most in a single day in 129 years of Major League Baseball


[Tues] S’mores Day
[Wed] Ramadan begins (Muslim)
[Thurs] International Youth Day
[Thurs] Vinyl Record Day
[Fri] Blame Someone Else Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th (the only one in 2010)
[Fri] International Left-Handers Day


Assistance Dog Week / Elvis Week / Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week / Fraud Awareness Week / Hobo Week / Resurrect Romance Week


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Police are warning all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to stay alert and be cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date-rape drug on the market called ‘beer’ is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. ‘Beer’ is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of ‘beer’ and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several ‘beers’, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Some unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship’. Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after ‘beer’ is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.


What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo.

Could you drink 13 beers in 13 miles … while running a half-marathon? This idiot did.

Which celebrity do you think should run for political office? What should their campaign slogan be?


Today’s Question: Most people say they wouldn’t mind if a same-level co-worker pointed THIS personal problem out, but they would mind if a lower- or higher-level co-worker took notice.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Having something in their nose.


Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them.

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