Wednesday, August 11, 2010        Edition: #4319
Sheet f/Bull

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The next season of “Survivor” (debuting September 15th) pits younger players against older players, including NFL TV analyst/former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson (how’s he going to maintain that hairstyle in the wilds of Nicaragua?) . . . “Jersey Shore” star Snooki claims that since her July 30th arrest for public drunkenness & disorderly conduct, she’s getting her alcohol intake under control (that’s about as likely as her not tanning) . . . 37-year-old actress Portia de Rossi (birth name Amanda Rogers) has filed a petition in court to change her last name to match her marriage partner of 2 years, 52-year-old TV personality Ellen DeGeneres (why not Ellen de Rossi?) . . . “OK! Magazine” is reporting “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has had her hair cut off in a new pixie-style crop in order to audition for the role of ‘Lisbeth Salander’ in the upcoming Hollywood version of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (Stieg Larsson’s best-seller has already been made into a movie in his native Sweden) . . . After months of speculation all was not well, acting couple Hayden Christensen & Rachel Bilson have officially called off their engagement and ended their relationship (they met on the set of the 2007 sci-fi movie “Jumper”) . . . Now that troubled actor Mel Gibson has (wisely) left the limelight, it’s his 91-year-old whack-job of a father Hutton Gibson who’s spreading venom, declaring on the Political Cesspool Radio Program that ‘half the people in the Vatican are queer’ and that Pope Benedict himself is gay (at least he wasn’t racist – this time) . . . And Jennifer Lopez tops a new online poll asking which famous female has the ‘Best Celebrity Butt’, beating out competition from Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian, and Shakira (Ice-T’s glamour model-wife Coco is in 5th place … bringing up the rear).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – 4 YouTube acts are added to the semifinals.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – The models arrive in New Zealand where they participate in ‘go-sees’ with 6 designers.
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Alanis Morissette (“Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Joanna Newsom (“Have One on Me”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – JP, Chrissie & The Fairground Boys (“Fidelity!”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) –  Jay-Z (“The Blueprint 3”); Eminem (“Recovery”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 3 contestants (Kent Boyd, Lauren Froderman, Robert Roldan) perform. Is there any way Kent doesn’t win this thing?
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Los Lobos (“Tin Can Trust”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Crosby, Stills & Nash – Tonight David Crosby, Stephen Stills, and Graham Nash kick off a 2nd leg of their 2010 North American tour in Atlanta GA, the 1st of 7 shows co-headlining Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.
• Lady Antebellum – Tonight they headline their first UK show at London’s Shepherd’s Bush Empire. The concert is sold out.
• MIA – She may not get paid for her weekend performance at Britain’s “Big Chill Festival” as she breached her contract by inviting fans onstage. More than 200 revelers obliged, forcing organizers to cut the gig short.
• Train – TMZ reports actor Charlie Sheen’s infamous Christmas Day fight with wife Brooke Mueller was triggered by the hit “Drops of Jupiter”, which Sheen and one of his daughters via ex-wife Denise Richards shared as a favorite. Mueller’s jealousy over that seemingly harmless ‘special song’ sparked an argument which eventually got physical, leading to Sheen’s arrest.
• Weezer – They’ve confirmed their upcoming album “Hurley” is indeed inspired by the character from “Lost. The cover art features a big, grinning head shot of actor Jorge Garcia.

BS BUZZWORDS:

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Cannon Fodder’ – Slang term in filmmaking for extras placed in a horror movie for the sole purpose of allowing the psycho-killer to rack up a decent body count before the ultimate showdown with the film’s protagonist.
• ‘Coffee Name’ – Something simple that a barista in a coffee shop such as Starbucks can scribble on a cup without thinking. Saves the consumer from having to spell out a difficult name and the server from mispronouncing it when calling it out.
• ‘Raptivist’ – The hip-hop equivalent of an ‘actorvist’(an actor that is politically involved) or a ‘politainer’ (an entertainer with a political agenda).
• ‘SQUID’ – Acronym for ‘Stupidly Quick, Underdressed, Imminently Dead’. These are reckless and inexperienced motorcycle riders who ride without proper gear and beyond their abilities, endangering themselves and others.

WEBSITE FOR THE HOMELY:
A new online dating website called ‘You and Me Are Pure’ has launched to help virgin singles meet other virgins online. The aim of the site, the creators explain, is ‘to use virginity as a significant compatibility tool to bring people together’. Virginity is an important common aspect between people, it’s claimed, and some people may overlook its bonding power. The site even offers gift certificates for a virgin relative or friend. (Thanks, grandma. I don’t know what to say.)
NET: http://www.youandmearepure.com
– HuffingtonPost.com

HOW TO DE-GERM AT THE GYM:

A recent paper by the National Athletic Trainers’ Association suggests that the germiest places in a fitness club are the shower, mats, and exercise machines, especially things that have handles. A few tips on how to avoid the vermin …
• Like other places, the best thing you can do is wash your hands frequently.
• Cover cuts with a waterproof dressing before swimming; chlorine doesn’t kill everything.
• Run the water fountain for 15 seconds before drinking; make sure it runs clear, because you don’t know how close the person was to it before you.
• Bring your own bathing essentials, including towel, razors, and shower shoes.
• Wipe down all equipment with anti-bacterial wipes; this includes not just the handles, but the buttons to anything you’re touching.
• Shower immediately after you work out; that’s the fastest way to get bacteria off your skin. Don’t wait until you get home.
– CBS News

ALLOWING TIME TO CHANGE YOUR MIND:

Sharpie has developed a new writing implement that’s a cross between a pen and a pencil. The writing it produces stays erasable for 3 days … then it becomes permanent. The Sharpie Liquid Pencil contains an ‘ink’ made from liquid graphite and lays it down just like a pen. During the 72-hour period afterward you can erase it like pencil-marks. But after the 3 days is up, the pencil lines turn to ink and remain inscribed forever. (Might be useful for sports contracts, when the owners come to their senses a day later.)
– Wired.com

TOO PRETTY?

Good looks can kill a woman’s chances of snaring jobs considered ‘masculine’, according to a new University of Colorado study. The research shows attractive women face discrimination when applying for positions such as director of security, hardware salesperson, prison guard, and tow-truck driver. In every other kind of job, attractive women are actually preferred. This isn’t the case with men which indicates there’s still a double standard when it comes to gender and jobs. (When’s the last time you noticed a female stunner doing a ‘guy’s job’?)
– Reuters.com

JAVA JOINTS DUMPING WI-FI:

Coffee shops were the retail pioneers of wi-fi, flipping the switch to lure customers. But now some owners are pulling the plug. They’re finding that wi-fi freeloaders who camp out all day nursing a single cup of coffee are a drain on the businesses’ bottom line. Even shops in California’s tech-savvy Silicon Valley are banning wi-fi on weekends to make room for customers without laptops. One industry observer notes that there is definitely a new niche market for NOT having Wi-Fi. (“We offer a bottomless cup … and no nerds!”)
– “Los Angeles Times”

SHORTAGE OF WOMEN LEADS TO SHORTER LIFE:
Men who face plenty of competition to find a mate have shorter lives than those who don’t. New research shows that gender imbalance, when men outnumber women, affects male longevity by an average of about 3 months. Harvard Medical School researchers conclude that if you’re having a hard time finding a mate, it winds up affecting your body and how long you live. The more imbalanced the ratio of men to women, the more pronounced the effect is. (Men account for 50.25% of world population, but in China they outnumber females by nearly 36 million.)
– ChinaDaily.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• In the 2001 New Zealand census, 53,715 people listed their religion as ‘Jedi’.
• At the 2010 “Grammy Awards”, Taylor Swift won more Grammys (4) than Elvis Presley did in his entire career (3).
–MentalFloss.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.11.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [60] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, inventor of 1st commercially viable ‘Personal Computer’/Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)

1953 [57] Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea), Augusta GA, TV host (“American Gladiators” 2008, “Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling” 2008)/reality TV personality (“Hogan Knows Best” 2005-07)/former WWE wrestler (12-time ‘World Champion’)

1967 [43] Joe Rogan, Bridgewater NJ, TV personality (“Ultimate Fighting Championship” since 2002, “Fear Factor” 2001-06, “The Man Show” 2003-04, “NewsRadio” 1995-99)/stand-up comedian (“Talking Monkeys in Space”)

1976 [34] Ben Gibbard, Bremerton WA, rock singer (Death Cab for Cutie-“Meet Me On the Equinox”, “I Will Possess Your Heart”)

1985 [25] Asher Roth, Morrisville PA, rapper (“I Love College”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. If she’s a teenager she’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”

• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh.

• “Play In the Sand Day”, which seemed like a harmless fun activity … until some fear-monger researcher recently warned there may be health implications.

• “Ramadan” begins, the Islamic month of fasting for over a billion Muslims worldwide. The daily period of fasting starts at dawn and ends at sunset. During daylight hours, adherents totally abstain from food, drink, smoking, and sex. A common greeting during the observance is ‘Ramadan mubarek’ (‘Blessed be the month of Ramadan’).

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [15] “La Macarena” by Los Del Rio is released (becomes a major hit around-the-world over the next 2 years)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [136] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives a patent for the ‘Lawn Sprinkler Head’ (that thing that wakes you when your neighbor insists on turning it on at 7 am every Sunday)

2003 [07] NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its 1st major operation outside Europe in its 54-year-history

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1929 [81] Babe Ruth becomes 1st Major League Baseball player to hit 500 home runs (without steroids … just booze)

1992 [18] ‘America’s Largest Shopping Center’, the 4.2 million-sq-ft Mall of America, opens in Bloomington MN (can’t hold a candle to South China Mall in Dongguan, China which, at 9.6 million sq ft, is world’s largest)

2003 [07] Record heat wave in Paris, France (112 F/44 C) leaves some 144 people dead

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] International Youth Day
[Thurs] Vinyl Record Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th (only one in 2010)
[Fri] International Left Handers Day
[Fri] “Eat Pray Love”; “The Expendables”; “Scott Pilgrim vs The World” open in theaters
[Sat] Mile High Music Festival begins (Denver)
[Sat] Outside Lands Festival begins (San Francisco)
[Sun] Best Friends Day
This Week Is … Recreational Scuba Diving Week
This Month Is … Panini Month

BULL’S BITS


IMPROPER BS WEDDING TOASTS:
• “To the beautiful fetus and determined shotgun owner who brought us here today!”
• “May your 3rd-floor powder room toilet always be clogged with diamond necklaces.”
• “May those pictures of you with the lotion-slicked gourd be forever purged from Facebook.”
• “To the groom, for whom cutting 3 monthly alimony checks apparently just isn”t enough!”
• “To Jack Daniels, who convinced most of us to even bother showing up at this lovely, wonderful family reunion with the open bar.”
• “May your recently widowed mother-in-law not move into your new spare bedroom, permeating it with that sour-smelling geriatric funk.”
• “To K-Y Jelly, and lots of it!”
• “Hey, after 4 or 5 glasses, this ‘wine-in-a-box’ crap doesn’t suck so bad!”
– Adapted from Chickenhead.com

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s the strangest way you’ve seen someone quit their job? (After taking abuse from a passenger this week, a JetBlue flight attendant on a flight arriving at JFK International cursed the troublemaker on the intercom, grabbed a beer from the galley, then deployed an emergency exit slide and exited the plane. He boarded a train to the terminal, stripping off his tie and discarding it. His final words:  “I’ve been in the business 28 years. I’ve had it. That’s it!”)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I ain’t broke, but I’m badly bent.

TRUE TYPE FONT OR BEST-SELLING PERFUME?
You run down the list rapid-fire while a contestant/studio guest/crew member tries to determine which are computer font styles and which are popular fragrances …
• Serpentine [Fragrance]
• Auburn [Font]
• Mistral [Font]
• Romance [Fragrance]
• Cool Water [Fragrance]
• Sandals [Font]
• Black Orchid [Fragrance]
• Euphoria [Fragrance]
• Calisto [Font]
• Eternity [Fragrance]
• Estrangelo Edessa [Font]
• Purple Boxers [Font]
– BS Original

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average household has 8 of THESE, thank goodness!
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Radios.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Honesty is like an ice cube; once it melts, that’s the end of it.


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