Tuesday, August 17, 2010        Edition: #4323
Ahhh, It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

After 34 years the “Cathy” comic strip will end in early October, the “Chicago Tribune” reports (cartoonist Cathy Guisewite has decided to wrap it up before the strip starts becoming funny) . . . A sequel is reportedly already in the works for Sylvester Stallone’s testosterone-fueled box office topping new movie “The Expendables” (better shoot it soon before all those action movie geezers die off!) . . . Aussie actor Paul Hogan (“Crocodile Dundee” films) is under investigation by the Australian Crime Commission amid allegations he’s channeled millions into tax havens abroad (it’s estimated his tax bill may exceed $12 million) . . . Former TV tattoo artist Kat Von D (“Miami Ink”), ex-girlfriend of Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx, has been spotted on a night out in Las Vegas with Sandra Bullock’s ex-, Jesse James (he always picks the pretty ones, doesn’t he?) . . . “Jersey Shore” star Ronnie Ortiz-Magro has been arrested in Seaside Heights NJ for failing to pay a string of parking tickets, but subsequently quickly released after settling up his debt (all of this recorded on-camera no doubt) . . . Sources tell TMZ it is ‘very possible’ that 24-year-old Lindsay Lohan could be released from rehab this week and allowed to continue treatment as an outpatient (once again, she squirms out of paying the penalty for her actions) . . . And “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe is denying reports that Jennifer Lopez is out of the running for a seat on next season’s judging panel due to diva demands but he does confirm that Paula Abdul will not be returning to the show because she’s under contract to another company (Valium?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Mika (“Life in Cartoon Motion”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Five Finger Death Punch (“War Is the Answer”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – She & Him (“Volume 2”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Sheryl Crow (“100 Miles From Memphis”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Interpol (“Interpol”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Meat Loaf (“Hang Cool Teddy Bear”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – John Mellencamp (“No Better Than This”).


• Beyoncé – She tells “You” magazine the biggest challenge in her life is balancing her time, just like any other woman with a career and family.
• Bruce Springsteen – The new documentary, “The Promise: The Making Of Darkness On the Edge Of Town”, will make its debut September 14th at the Toronto International Film Festival. It will air on HBO in October.
• Guns N’ Roses – A posting on Axl Rose’s Twitter account reads, “All upcoming Guns N’ Roses dates are officially canceled. Please contact your place of purchase for any refunds.” Brilliantly, he seems to have announced this without telling his band.
• Shakira – She’s set to appear on the new British reality show, “Katy Brand Meets”, in which comedian Brand will follow her around as she promotes her music and meets fans on the road.
• Sheryl Crow – Her 2010 tour rider features an assortment of environmental demands that are said to be ticking off some promoters. Among her needs: Biodegradable cups & dinnerware; organic produce; local spring water; compact fluorescent lightbulbs; and recycled toilet paper.
• Trace Adkins – Today he releases his 9th studio album, “Cowboy’s Back in Town”, which features his latest single, “This Ain’t No Love Song”.

• “Cemetery Junction” ( R-Rated Comedy): Felicity Jones, Matthew Goode, Ralph Fiennes, and Emily Watson star in this story about 3 outcast friends in 1970s England who drink, joke, fight, and chase girls while dreaming of escape from their blue-collar hometown. Written & directed by Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant.
• “Furry Vengeance” ( PG Family Comedy ): Brendan Fraser stars as a real estate developer looking to turn a forest in the Oregon wilderness into a housing subdivision. He ends up facing an unusually tough foe … the woodland wildlife. Originally scheduled to star Jeremy Piven, then Steve Carell. Co-stars Brooke Shields.
• “The Last Song” ( PG Drama ): Miley Cyrus stars as a rebellious girl who is sent to the beach-town of Tybee Island, Georgia for the summer to stay with her estranged father (Greg Kinnear). Through their mutual love of music, they learn to reconnect. Co-stars Liam Hemsworth (Miley’s real-life boyfriend). Screenplay by best-selling novelist Nicholas Sparks (“The Notebook”).
• Also released today: “A History of Scotland” (Documentary); “Cougar Town: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Dexter: The 4th Season” (TV); “Friday Night Lights: The 4th Season” (TV); “Keeping Up With the Kardashians: The Complete 3rd Season” (Reality TV); “One Tree Hill: The Complete 7th Season” (TV); “Simon Schama: A History of Britain” (Documentary); and “Ugly Betty: The Complete 4th & Final Season” (TV).


• Israel – Spa owner Ida Barak believes that snakes have a calming effect and can alleviate joint pain. Her patrons lie facedown on a bed while a few snakes slither up and down the body.
• Mexico – At the Four Seasons Punta Mita Resort, spike-free cactus paddles are used to massage in a blend of prickly pear cactus and an alcohol made from the agave plant.
• Japan – At spa center Kowakien Yunessun, hundreds of gallons of Beaujolais Nouveau are used to provide a healthful wine bath. A sommelier also stands by to serve sips.
• Italy – Casanova Spa offers a ‘Gondola Massage’ performed in one of Venice’s alluring lagoons. This outdoor massage is given using a special oil with SPF protection.
• England – A spa in London exfoliates your feet using 150 fish. The Garra rufa fish have no teeth but manage to nibble away dead skin while leaving healthy new skin underneath.
– Odee.com


The next time you reach for a bottle of ‘extra-virgin olive oil’, beware. A new study from the University of California- Davis claims that more than two-thirds of random samples of imported so-called extra-virgin olive oil don’t make the grade. To be extra-virgin, olive oil can’t be rancid or doctored with lesser oils. It’s supposed to come only from the first pressing of olives, and should contain no more than 0.8% acidity. That’s why it’s judged to have a superior taste. (Oh. We thought ‘extra virgin’ meant it came from the ugliest olives.)
– NPR.org

Life coach Victoria Joanna Bailey advises us to follow the example of successful people and try to incorporate these habits into our lives …
• Successful people are passionate about what they do.
• Successful people make decisions and take action.
• Successful people are focused on one thing at a time.
• Successful people surround themselves with great people.
• Successful people believe in themselves and their dreams.
• Successful people always strive for excellence.
• Successful people take care of themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally.
– Condensed from BestHealthMag.ca

65-year-old German-born Canadian entrepreneur Farhad Vladi is the founder of one of the world’s biggest agencies specializing in the sale of private islands. In his 40 years in the biz, he’s sold some 2,000 of them worldwide, many to celebs like Johnny Depp, Nicolas Cage, and Diana Ross. He currently has 120 private islands on offer, ranging in price from $29,000 to $110 million. Canada is among the biggest suppliers, with about 100  islands currently available. Thanks to adverse climate, pirates, mosquitoes, diseases, and snakes, he estimates just 5% of the world’s islands are actually worth owning. And where’s Vladi’s personal little piece of paradise? He’s owned a swatch of land off New Zealand for the past 20 years.
NET: http://bit.ly/9a3Vfg
– Reuters.com


• Davenport IA – An Iowa restaurant owner has been fined for several violations after a video was posted on YouTube showing the eatery’s head chef … kissing and licking toads in the kitchen, then stuffing them in his mouth. The owner says his chef is just ‘a funny guy who needs more training in restaurant sanitation’. (And maybe a bit of therapy?)
– TheGlobeandMail.com
• Prince George BC – Cops had little trouble picking up an elderly British Columbia man who robbed a bank of a small amount of cash, because he made his getaway … using a walker. The 75-year-old was apprehended 45 minutes after the stick-up in the same suburban strip mall where the bank is located. (He was still ‘fleeing’.)
– MontrealGazette.com
• Pittsburgh PA – A judge has denied a Green Tree, Pennsylvania man’s petition to legally change his name to … ‘Boomer the Dog’. 44-year-old Gary Mathews says he filed for the name change because he’s a fan of the short-lived NBC-TV series called “Here’s Boomer” that featured a dog that rescued people. (Dude, at least pick a hit show!)
– Associated Press


A selection of pseudonyms used by the famous on hotel registries …
• Paris Hilton … ‘Ms Heimen’
• Diddy … ‘Frank Black’
• Kate Beckinsale … ‘Sigourney Beaver’
• Tom Cruise … ‘Paul Cruise’
• Alanis Morissette … ‘Flick Beanyo’
• Britney Spears … ‘Alotta Warmheart’
• Ricky Martin … ‘Sai Baba’
• Naomi Campbell … ‘Oprah Noodlemantra’
• Katy Perry … ‘Jerri Blank’
– PopBitch.com


• A Swedish motorist caught driving at 290 km/h (180 mph) in Switzerland could be given a world-record speeding fine of SFr1.08m ($1 million), prosecutors say. The 37-year-old, who has not been named, was clocked driving his Mercedes SLS AMG sports car at 170 km/h (106 mph) over the limit. Under Swiss law, the level of fine is determined by the wealth of the driver and the speed recorded. In January, a Swiss driver was fined $290,000 … the current world record.
– BBC News
• This week 27-year-old Englishman Matthew Partridge is walking the 1,200-mile length of Britain from Land’s End in the southwest to John O’Groats in the north … without leaving his bedroom. He’s doing it virtually online using Google Street View. Partridge says he can’t be bothered with all the training, planning, and hardships of actually doing the walk. But he has limbered up by practising online and says he can now cover 400 yards in about 10 seconds. And they say young people have no ambition these days.
– TheSun.co.uk


Using some 35 CPU-years of idle computer time donated by Google, a team of researchers has solved every possible starting position on the Rubik’s Cube and shown that none of them requires more than 20 moves to resolve. (Thank goodness all these resources were devoted to something useful!)
– cube20.org


1943 [67] Robert De Niro, NYC, movie actor (2 Oscars-“The Godfather II”, “Raging Bull”)

1951 [59] Robert Joy, St John’s NF, TV actor (‘Dr Sid Hammerback’ on “CSI: NY” since 2005)/former TV comic (“Codco”)

1960 [50] Sean Penn, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (2 Oscars-“Milk”, “Mystic River”)/wed to actress Robin Wright 1996-2010, Madonna 1985-89

1962 [48] Gilby Clarke, Cleveland OH, rock guitarist (ex-Guns N’ Roses-“November Rain”)

1964 [46] Colin James (Munn), Regina SK, rock/blues singer/guitarist (“Into the Mystic”, & the Little Big Band-“I Just Came Back”)/6 Juno Awards

1969 [41] Donnie Wahlberg, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Hangin’ Tough”)/movie actor (“Saw” films, “The Sixth Sense”)


• “Archeology Day” … but unfortunately, we couldn’t dig up any information on why.

• “Cat Nights of Summer”, traditionally a time when cats yowl and witches prowl, which harks back to the belief that a witch could turn herself into a cat 8 times but on the 9th time, August 17, she couldn’t regain her human form. Hence the notion that a cat has 9 lives.

• “Thriftshop Day”, or as [co-host] refers to it … ‘Get a New Wardrobe Day’.


1990 [20] 1st edition of “The Directory of Elvis Impersonators” is released

1984 [26] On the first night of his “Breaking Hearts Tour”, Elton John (erroneously) announces he’s retiring from touring


1960 [50] 1st ‘Birth Control Pill’ hits the market (‘Enovid 10′)


2008 [02] By winning gold in the Men’s 4x100m medley relay, USA swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the first Olympian to win 8 gold medals in a single Olympics

[Wed] Bad Poetry Day
[Wed] Cupcake Day
[Wed] Mail Order Catalogue Day
[Wed] “Vampires Suck” opens in theaters
[Thurs] Aviation Day
[Fri] Men’s Grooming Day
This Week Is … Aviation Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month


There are lots of great vintages to enjoy with a fine meal; these aren’t among them …
• ‘Big Red Gulp’
• ‘NASCARbernet’
• ‘Nasti Spumante’
• ‘Chef Boyardeaux’
• ‘Grape Expectations’
• ‘Chateau Traileur Doublewide’
• ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!’
• ‘World Championship Riesling’
• ‘Merde du Pays’

If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

Finally, something useful on the Internet! The website ‘You Swear’ teaches you how to let loose some *$%.*! in every language from Australian (‘bangs like a dunny door’) to Zambian (‘panyo pako’) and everywhere in between.
NET: http://www.youswear.com

When beginning a new fitness program it’s important to remember to start slowly … then gradually taper off.


Today’s Question: Close to 10% of guys have never done THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Laundry.


The trouble with trouble is that it usually sounds like fun.

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