Monday, August 27, 2007        Edition: #3600
Bully For You!

• The long-gestating, seemingly snake-bit bigscreen adaptation of 1980s primetime TV soap “Dallas” is getting another do-over. Now it’s being reworked as a flat-out comedy. John Travolta is still attached to play ‘JR Ewing’, but Jennifer Lopez, Luke Wilson, and Shirley MacLaine have long since jumped ship. Betty Thomas (“Doctor Dolittle”, “The Brady Bunch Movie”) is in final negotiations to direct. (Well, seems we can expect top notch quality then.)
– “Variety”
• 42-year-old Detroit-based rapper Slikkfordays (Jerome Almon) has filed a $900-million lawsuit over what he alleges is systematic racial profiling at the Canadian border. Insisting he’s ‘100% serious’, he’s now subpoenaed dozens of celebs the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Snoop Dogg, Paris Hilton, Martha Stewart & Mick Jagger. Almon claims Canadian border guards have a ‘personal vendetta’ against him. (Yeah, those pimply 19-year-olds fresh out of community college can be vicious!)
– “E! News”
• “The Nanny Diaries” star Scarlett Johansson says she feels guilty about how easily she secured a recording contract for her upcoming album of Tom Waits covers because she has musician friends who dream about releasing an album and can’t. The Hollywood hottie spent 33 days in a Louisiana studio recording the project, which will feature members of the indie rock groups the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Celebration. The as-yet-untitled album is due to drop in OCTOBER. (Let’s see, the last screen siren to have a hit record was … um … er … )
• It’s so hard to find good help these days, and David & Victoria Beckham know all about it. Since their recent more to LA, they’ve already had 2 nannies walk out on them, both claiming the gig was a nightmare. While they were hired to look after the celeb couple’s sons, Brooklyn (8), Romeo (4) & Cruz (2), both au pair girls say they ended up having to cook & clean for the entire family while Victoria and her mother Jackie constantly spoke down to them and bossed them around. (Now we can expect “The Nanny Diaries 2“.)
– “News of the World”
• Comic strip cartoonist Lynn Johnston says she intends to wind down the storyline of her popular “For Better or For Worse” strip THIS FALL … sort of.  After completing her current storyline by OCTOBER, the Corbeil ON-based cartoonist will stop telling the ongoing 28-year saga of the ‘Patterson’ family and begin running a mix of older strips and occasional newly-drawn panels to help reintroduce old storylines. “FBFW” is syndicated in more than 2,000 newspapers, has been collected in 35 books, and adapted in 6 animated specials and an animated TV series. (And just like “Peanuts” … it’s going into reruns.)
– CBC Arts
• The UK’s Channel 4 will NOT air a celebrity version of “Big Brother” featuring Paris Hilton next season after all … because the show’s been canceled. Why? Complaints about racist behavior by participants; contestants quitting the show mid-season; and most importantly … sagging ratings are said to have made the reality show a ‘tarnished brand’. (Unfortunately, it hasn’t stopped the US version.)
• FOX-TV has canceled its gimmicky new reality-sitcom series “Anchorwoman” … after just one airing. The show, which made Hollywood glamour girl Lauren Jones the news anchor of a real TV station in Tyler TX was watched by just 2.7 million viewers. Fewer than 3 million viewers in prime-time on a major US network is considered dismal. (What they’re not telling you is “On the Lot” did even worse.)
• Apparently 7 books and movies just won’t be enough. British casting directors are now searching for the next ‘Harry Potter’ to star in a musical based on the wizards of ‘Hogwarts’. A script for an all-singing, all-dancing show is in development and a search for a big-name composer to write the music is currently underway. The plan is to feature spectacular flying scenes, including live games of ‘Quidditch’. It’s hoped the musical will debut in London’s West End NEXT YEAR. (Like JK Rowling needs the money.)
• And movie stars George Clooney & Cameron Diaz top the new list of Hollywood’s hottest singles. As if Clooney, twice named ‘Sexiest Man Alive’, isn’t hot enough just for his looks, there’s his romantic hideaway in Lake Como, Italy to consider. As for Diaz, her innate hotness is further enhanced by her ability to haul down the big bucks … up to $20 million per pic. (Which she should have spent on acne scar removal. Meow.)

• Amy Winehouse – The story behind those recent photos of her & hubby Blake Fielder-Civil bruised & bloodied remains unclear. Witnesses heard them arguing loudly in their hotel room before she fled in the middle of the night. But she claims her injuries were ‘self-inflicted’ and that she cut herself after he caught her about to take drugs with a call girl. Her husband, she claims, saved her life. And when it comes to going back to rehab, she says it’s still ‘no, no, no’ unless he agrees to take another whack at it too. (They’re the new ‘Sid and Nancy’.)
• Britney Spears – Another weekend, another set of screw-ups. SATURDAY the SPCA paid her a visit after her dog was spotted … wearing a cast. Then SATURDAY night she was busted for speeding while driving with 2 of her dancers in downtown LA. Why do these people insist on driving themselves?
• DMX – He’s wanted for questioning after investigators found a stockpile of guns, suspected illegal narcotics, and a dozen distressed pit bulls at his home in the Phoenix AZ suburbs. The 36-year-old rapper who remains in NYC, says he’s shocked that his pet dogs were being neglected by his caretaker. (This is now known as the ‘Vick Defense’.)
• Feist – TONIGHT she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• R Kelly – He’s denying media reports that he’s so confident he’ll be cleared of charges in his upcoming Chicago trial, he’s planning a fall tour right afterward. The official word now is that he’s ‘focused on preparing for court’ and has no plans beyond that. (Sounds like he got a call from his lawyer.)
• Queen – Guitarist Brian May has finally received a doctorate degree in astrophysics from London’s Imperial College, 3 decades after putting his studies on hold to help form the band. He submitting his PhD thesis entitled “Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud” earlier THIS SUMMER.
• T-Pain – During a recent appearance on TV talk show “Regis & Kelly”, he admitted that he only recently found out that Celine Dion ‘wasn’t black’.

Australian psychotherapist Dr John Clarke, author of the book, “Working With Monsters: How to Identify & Protect Yourself from Workplace Psychos”, contends that about 3% of employees in any company are functioning sociopaths … and the corporate climate encourages their behavior. Psychopaths are comfortable in corporations, he says, because in business you’re encouraged to make money for the firm and if you appear to be doing whatever it takes to do that, you’re often rewarded. But Clarke warns that behind the most successful co-worker may be an ‘ego-centric, grandiose, pathological liar with a lack of conscience, remorse and guilt’. (If you don’t recognize anyone like that in your workplace … it’s you!)

The US Food & Drug Administration has proposed new regulations on the development, testing, and labeling of sunscreens, including a new warning about the link between Sun exposure and skin cancer. The rules would require manufacturers to rate a product’s level of ultraviolet-A protection, the light from the Sun responsible for tanning … and burning. The rating system would use a scale of 1-to-4 stars, with 4 representing the highest UVA protection available in an over-the-counter sunscreen. (This is all a wonderful idea but any scientist will tell you the best protection against UV exposure is … a wristwatch.)
– “Cosmopolitan”

A ranking of the ‘liveability’ of 132 cities worldwide based on crime rates, the threat of instability or terrorism, transportation, and communications …
5. Toronto ON
4. Perth, Australia
3. Vienna, Austria
2. Melbourne, Australia
1. Vancouver BC (now ranked 1st 5 years-in-a-row)
Traffic and crime rates cause mega-cities like NYC, Tokyo, London, Hong Kong and Paris to score lower. Large centers like London and NYC also suffer from fears of terror attacks. Overall, the north African capital Algiers is ranked the least liveable city. (Next to [local hick town].)
– “The Economist”

Wondering if your marriage is on the rocks or not? Pay attention to how much your kids are fighting. A new University of Pennsylvania study of 200 families has found that sibling rivalry declines when the parents’ marriage is hitting the skids. So to extrapolate on that idea … the more your kids fight, the healthier your marriage! (If they’re getting along, it means they’re quietly cooperating on a lawsuit.)

New research from University College in London has concluded that so-called ‘out-of-body experiences’ are nothing more than the brain becoming confused due to misleading differences perceived between sight and touch. The experience is likened to feelings of disembodiment reported by patients who suffer from epilepsy. (Or who have a fondness for single-malt Scotch.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• A new Kansas State University study finds that TV viewers subjected to competing visual elements such as a news scroll, stock prices, sports scores, and weather tend to remember about 10% fewer facts than they would from a screen without all that clutter. (Listening NFL?)
– “Toronto Star”
• “More than half of all cats over the age of 15 show signs of senility. Among the behaviors associated with cat senility are ‘shifting sleep habits’, ‘acting disoriented’, and ‘changes in social relationships’. (Yeah, like they start noticing you.)

“Ideally, in choosing a pet, I would like something small that can pee on a weewee pad. But that’s not necessarily criteria I would apply toward picking a girlfriend.”
– Musician Moby, interviewed in a new documentary about people and their pets, “In Search of Puppy Love”.


1953 [54] Alex Lifeson (Zivojinovich), Fernie BC, classic rock singer/guitarist (Rush-“Far Cry”, “Test for Echo”)

1969 [38] Chandra Wilson, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Dr Miranda Bailey’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1970 [37] Tony Kanal, Kingsbury UK, rock bassist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Underneath It All”)

1976 [31] Sarah Chalke, Ottawa ON, TV actress (‘Dr Elliot Reid’ on “Scrubs” 2001-07)

• “Bog Snorkeling Championships” in Llanwrtyd Wells, Wales. Competitors snorkel through dirty, smelly water in a 60-yard trench cut through a peat bog. Best time wins. What fun!

• “Just Because Day”, a chance to do something spontaneously without rhyme or reason. Most often in life, we do things because we have to, we want to, or they’re expected of us. None of those reasons apply on this day.

• “Petroleum Day”, honoring the very first successful oil well drilled near Titusville PA 148 years ago (1859). It’s a day of celebration if you belong to the ritzy Petroleum Club in Calgary or Edmonton, but a day of mourning if your gas-guzzling Chevy Avalanche is on empty.
Houston, Fort Worth or Tulsa

1965 [42] The Beatles have their legendary only meeting with Elvis Presley, hanging out at his Bel Air CA home

1955 [52] 1st publication of “Guinness Book of World Records” (sells over 70 million copies, more than any other book excepting the Bible and the Qur’an)

1990 [17] Toronto Blue Jays game in Skydome delayed 35 minutes due to … gnats

1982 [25] ‘Largest Apple Pie’, weighing 30,115 lbs is baked in 40-by-23 ft dish by TV chef Glynn Christian in Chelsfield, England

1994 [13] ‘Largest Balloon Release’ as a total of 1,592,744 are released by Disney Home Video at Longleat House, England

[Tues] Full ‘Sturgeon’ Moon
[Tues] “Heroes: Season 1” released on DVD
[Wed] La Tomatina tomato toss (Bunyol, Spain)
[Wed] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Wed] Senior Citizens Day
[Wed-Sept 8] Venice Film Festival (Italy)
[Thurs] Toasted Marshmallow Day
This Week Is … Be Kind To Humankind Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month


• “Do Not Put Any Person in This Washer.” (On a commercial washing machine in a laundromat.)
• “Do Not Eat iPod Shuffle.” (Found on Apple’s website).
• “Be careful of bad language on this mobile phone, because a partner’s feeling is going to be bad. Let’s keep mobile manners.” (On a cellphone … presumably made in China.)
• “This Product Moves When Used.” (On a Razor scooter.)
• “If You Do Not Understand, or Cannot Read All Directions, Cautions and Warnings, Do Not Use This Product” (Rooto drain cleaning product warning.)
• “Use Care When Operating a Car.” (On a bottle of medication for … dogs)
• “Never Use a Lit Match or Open Flame to Check Fuel Level.” (In a personal watercraft user’s manual.)
• “Do Not Iron.” (On a California lottery ticket.)
• “Do Not Use for Personal Hygiene” (On the Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush for toilet cleaning.)
• “6 Piece Precision Screwdriver Set Not to Be Inserted into Penis.” (On a retail product … complete with explanatory diagram.)
• “We Are Sorry That Our President Is An Idiot, We Did Not Vote for Him.” (On a label for US-made clothing … in French)

If your life was a reality show, what would the title be?

• The upshot to dying is you don’t have to work the next day.
• The cool thing about swimming is the worse you are at it, the more exercise you get.

Today’s Question: $44 million was the most ever paid for one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A wedding. The 1981 nuptials of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum & Princess Salama in Dubai UAE still holds the record.

Your body is just another recyclable container.

BS samplers this week include Rob Abramenko @ 107.5 Kiss FM [CJIB] Vernon BC; Barbara Robbins @ The Z-Channel [KZRO] Mt Shasta CA; James Mawadri @ Radio Paidha, Kampala, Uganda; Aaron Gonzalez @ 98.9 Kiss FM [KYIS] Oklahoma City OK; and Natalie Steele @ 94 Country [KRVL] Kerrville TX. Welcome all!

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