Wednesday, August 22, 2007        Edition: #3597
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“American Idol” judge Simon Cowell has confirmed he will leave the show when his contract is up after its 9th season, which will air in 2010 . . . Meantime, Cowell says he’ll cast his upcoming “American Idol”-inspired movie, to be called “Starstruck”, through a series of open auditions across the USA (which he’ll no doubt turn into another TV show) . . . Donald Trump has now confirmed several cast members for the upcoming celebrity edition of “The Apprentice” (NBC), including Carmen Electra, George Foreman, Jeff Gordon, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, and Pete Rose (he’s also negotiating with Britney Spears and ‘considering’ Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan) . . . As part of her current rehab program at the Cirque Lodge in Utah, Lindsay Lohan is taking dog-walking hikes, cycling, and whitewater rafting in the Rockies (how do we sign up for this vacation?) . . . A 9-mm Smith & Wesson handgun once owned by Elvis Presley has been stolen from the “Elvis After Dark Museum” near his Graceland estate in Memphis TN (Elvis only used it as his TV remote) . . . Satin Dolls, the real-life Lodi NJ club used as the ‘Bada Bing’ on HBO’s “The Sopranos”, is now auctioning off its bar stools, pool table, disco ball, fluorescent purple men’s room sign, and its 12-foot stripper poles among other relics from the show on eBay (where the heck do you find a 12-foot stripper?) . . . After a successful recent appearance critiquing dishes on “Top Chef: Miami” (Bravo), Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone is reportedly set to become a celeb chef with his own show . . . 37-year-old model Naomi Campbell plans to set up a modeling agency in Nairobi and has contacted scouts in Kenya to start looking for talent (one place where people aren’t petrified of her – yet) . . . Singer Billy Joel’s ex-wife, 53-year-old model Christie Brinkley, has just listed her Bridgehampton NY estate on Long Island for – whoa! – $30 million ($4 million more than she was asking before she dumped her 4th husband Peter Cook LAST YEAR) . . . And Kevin Federline has finally found a job, a guest-starring role as the frontman for a rock band on an episode of “One Tree Hill” (CW) that starts shooting THIS WEEK in North Carolina (added to his “CSI” guest role as ‘Pig’, that bumps up his acting resume to a total of 2 hours!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s quit rehab a second time after a series of arguments with her husband Blake Fielder-Civil during their stay at The Causeway clinic in Essex, England.
• 50 Cent – Adding to his already bloated roster of ‘name brands’ that includes a record label, energy drink, publishing company and clothing line, he now says he’s starting up a dietary supplement company. He’s also preparing to appear in a boxing film. Connection?
• John Lennon – An upright piano he played the day he was murdered is for sale for $375,000. It was formerly housed in NYC’s Record Plant Recording Studios where it was also used by the likes of Don McLean & Bob Dylan. Memento dealer Moments in Time is also selling the album Lennon signed for his killer Mark Chapman and a signature he penned for one of the studio’s staff, which is believed to be the last thing he wrote.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3b4rfq
• Nelly Furtado – Global sales of her 3rd album, “Loose”, have now surpassed 6.1 million and counting. No other female recording artist has achieved that level in the past year. The album has also racked up 7.4 million digital singles sales worldwide and 4.4 million ringtone sales.
• Rolling Stones – An unnamed source close to the band claims they’re playing their last-ever concert this coming SUNDAY at London’s O2 Arena, the final stop on their “Bigger Bang Tour”.
• Sean Kingston – LAST NIGHT he appeared on the season finalé of “America’s Got Talent” (NBC).
• Taylor Swift – LAST NIGHT she sang a duet with 14-year-old contestant Juliette Irwin on the season finalé of “America’s Got Talent” (NBC).
• Van Halen – Thanks to immediate sell-outs for their upcoming reunion tour in multiple markets (Charlotte NC, Chicago, Detroit, Toronto, and Philadelphia), additional shows are bing added to extend the tour to 29 dates in all.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Daughtry – He headlines the 6th annual “Layne Staley Tribute & Benefit Concert” in Seattle WA. The late Alice In Chains singer would have turned 40 TODAY.
• Lifehouse – They guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Marc Anthony – He appears on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Ne-Yo – He’s on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Velvet Revolver – They perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Casual Carpooling’ – Commuting to work by hitchhiking with drivers who need another person to qualify for the ‘HOV’ (High Occupancy Vehicle) lanes. (“I don’t need the car today, hon’. I lined up a casual carpool ride from a classified ad in the paper.”)
• ‘DWT’ (Driving While Texting) – It’s become a such a concern that the Arizona State legislature is considering a bill to make it illegal. (Even worse … DWT while DUI.)
• ‘Glamping’ (Glamorous Camping) – An idea on the rise among wealthy travelers, whereby they stay in luxury tents with amenities like Persian rugs and blow dryers, or in high-end vacation cabins that can cost $3,500 a night. (“Jeeves, place some of those delicious marshmallows on the sterling silver spit and grill them over the teak fire.”)
• ‘YAWNs’ (Young And Wealthy but Normal) – The new elite who are in their 30s and 40s and notable for being dull. They’re often multimillionaires who live modestly and tend to spend their money on philanthropy. (Guess that makes us poor folks ‘PAWNs’.)

COLOR BY GENDER:
In one of the first studies to show scientifically that there are gender-based color preferences,
Newcastle University researchers say that it’s true …. girls really do seem to like pink. There may be biological reasons why females like reddish colors. Prehistoric women, who were the primary gatherers, would have benefitted from an ability to identify ripe, red fruits. Men, on the other hand, seem to prefer the color blue. That may be due to the evolutionary division of labor. As hunters, primitive men just needed to spot something dark to shoot at.
– Reuters

EYE IN THE SKY:
For the first time, remote-controlled, 70 cm-wide (28-inch) spy drones were used to watch rock fans at the UK’s “V Festival” last weekend. The images were beamed back to video glasses worn by police. The robot mini-planes cannot be heard at a distance exceeding 50 yards or seen beyond 100. No arrests were made as a result of the surveillance. (But Pete Doherty, you have been warned!)
– BBC News

IRONIC DEATHS:
• Jim Fixx, author of “The Complete Book of Running”, died while jogging.
• Jerome Irving Rodale, founding father of the organic food movement, died in 1971 on the “Dick Cavett Show”, while promoting his health books.
• Dr Alice Chase, author of “Nutrition for Health”, died of malnutrition.
• Wealthy booze mogul Jack Daniels died of blood poisoning, 6 years after hurting his toe while kicking his safe because he couldn’t remember the combination.
• Dr Robert Atkins, inventor of the Atkins diet, died clinically obese.
• Allen Carr, author of “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking”, died of lung cancer.
– PopBitch.com

BS WEIRD SCIENCE:
• Heard of coffee control? Women who drink at least 3 cups of coffee daily reduce their chances of becoming pregnant by 27%. (The reason college men now ask co-eds, “Are you on the mug?”)
• Bitching is healthy! Women who hide their feelings during arguments with spouses are 4 times more likely to die from heart problems than those who speak out. The same is not true of men, however men whose wives came home from work upset are almost 3 times more likely to develop coronary heart disease than men with wives who are happy at work. (So women are not only stressed … they’re carriers!)
• The older you get, the less you smell. The American Aging Association says that’s because your odor-making apocrine glands become less productive as you age. (Oh yeah? Well how do you explain that ripe fog that’s always surrounding grandpa?)

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
• 80% of dogs now live inside. Not that long ago, the opposite was true: 80% lived outside.
• 67% of women say they would need to pack 3-or-4 outfits to go away for a weekend.
• 60% of Baby Boomers in their 50s would like to switch careers some day and find jobs with a higher social purpose.
• 38% of employees work overtime in an average week.
• 11% of men admit they never shop for personal care products.
• 9% of today’s multimillionaires inherited their money.

DID YOU KNOW?
• On average, people tell 1-to-2 lies a day with the intention of deceiving.
– “Cosmopolitan Daily”
• The avocado gets its name from the Aztec word for ‘testicle’.
– AskMen.com

AND WE QUOTE:
“I don’t feel like I need to do a song and dance and 15 minutes of jokes … I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not.”
– Ryan Seacrest, explaining the approach he’ll use to host the “Emmy Awards” SEPTEMBER 16.

BS CHRONOMETER 08.22.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [62] Steve Kroft, Kokomo IN, CBS News correspondent (“60 Minutes” since 1989)

1960 [47] Collin Raye, De Queen AR, country singer (“Someone You Used To Know”, “I Can Still Feel You”)

1961 [46] Roland Orzabal, Portsmouth UK, classic rocker (Tears for Fears-“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, “Shout”)

1963 [44] Tori (Myra Ellen) Amos, Newton NC, alt-rock singer (“Big Wheel”, “100 Oceans”)

1966 [41] GZA [pronounced ‘Jiz-uh’] (Gary Grice), Brooklyn NY, hip-hop artist (Wu-Tang Clan-“Fame”, “Knock Knock”)

1972 [35] Paul Doucette, Pittsburgh PA, rock guitarist/drummer (matchbox twenty-“How Far We’ve Come“, “Unwell”)

1973 [34] Howie Dorough (Dwaline), Orlando FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You to Know”, “I Want It That Way”)

1978 [29] Jeff (Jean Francois) Stinco, Montréal QC, rock guitarist (Simple Plan-“Untitled [How Could This Happen To Me?]”, “Welcome To My Life”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Be An Angel Day”, a day to do ‘one small act of service for someone’. So if you see someone walking around yakking on a cellphone today, give ‘em a slap upside the head … as a public service, of course.

• “Tooth Fairy Day”, honoring the devious dental donor who leaves money under kids’ pillows for lost teeth. The average price now paid for one of these is $1.78, according to a recent poll by “Redbook” magazine.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
565 [1442] 1st reported sighting of ‘Loch Ness Monster’ by Saint Columba (first president of the local tourist board)

1865 [142] 1st ‘Liquid Soap’ patented (we can thank William Sheppard for those public restroom dispensers that squirt goo down your sleeves)

1989 [18] British Telecom unveils world’s 1st ‘Pocket Phones’

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1958 [49] Toronto Argos’ Boyd Carter & Dave Mann combine for CFL record 131-yd punt return (did they start in the parking lot or what?)

1998 [09] Westlock, Alberta farmers set Guinness World Record by using 64 combines to harvest 63 hectares (156 acres) in just 15 minutes, 43 seconds

1951 [56] Largest-ever crowd to see a basketball game (75,052 watch Harlem Globetrotters in a free performance)

1989 [18] 1st major league pitcher to strike out 5,000 batters (Nolan Ryan, Texas Rangers)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs-Sept 3] Montréal World Film Festival 2007
[Fri] Waffle Day
[Sat] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Sun] Make Your Own Luck Day
[Sun] 2007 Teen Choice Awards (Los Angeles)
[Mon] Petroleum Day
This Week Is … Save Your Smile Week
This Month Is … Family Meal Month

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL BS LAWS:
• In Britain, all men over the age of 14 must carry out 2 hours of longbow practice a day.
• In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.
• In France, it is forbidden to call a pig ‘Napoleon’.
• In Singapore, you can receive a hefty fine and/or jail sentence for chewing gum on subways, walking around in your home naked, failing to flush a public toilet, and peeing in an elevator.
• In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than 6-feet-long.
• In Boulder CO, it is illegal to be a pet owner. Citizens, legally speaking, can only be ‘pet minders’.
• On the Italian Riviera, it is illegal and punishable by a fine of up to 1,000 euros to reserve a place on the beach with an empty towel.

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit insurance for a car sometimes costs more than the car?
• Whyzit a cowboy needs 2 spurs? If one side of the horse goes doesn’t the other?
• Whyzit the word ‘abbreviation’ so long?
• Whyzit cars don’t have multiple horns to reflect varying degrees of emotion?
• Whyzit that you never find a lost article until you replace it?
• Whyzit we have no ‘low-ways’ to go with our highways?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What do you think is the most soothing sound?

FIND THE FAKE BAND NAMES:
You run down the list rapid-fire while a guest/contestant attempts to identify which are real names of present or past musical groups and which are totally made up …
• The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
• Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
• Unicorn Velcro [FAKE]
• Cottage Cheese From the Lips of Death
• Plentiful Kumquat [FAKE]
• The Dead Sea Squirrels
• Jive of the Bashful Message [FAKE]
• Inhale Mary
• The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
• Phlegm Fatale

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Wanna know when you’re gonna die? The online ‘Death Clock’ will give you a prediction based on your age, health, lifestyle, etc.
NET: http://www.deathclock.com/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 8 out of 10 women say THIS will ruin their entire day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wearing underwear that’s too tight.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Sharing is fun, unless its your own stuff.


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