Monday, August 20, 2007              Edition: #3595
Don’t You Just Love the Smell of Sheet in the Morning?

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• FRIDAY’s debut of the TV movie sequel “High School Musical 2“ (Disney Channel/Family Channel) averaged 17.2 million viewers, making it TV’s most watched show on broadcast or cable TV since the final week of 2006-07 season (including “The Sopranos” finalé). It also set records for ‘All-Time Biggest Basic-cable Audience’ and ‘All-Time Biggest Made-for-Basic-Cable Telepic’. (Not to mention ‘All-Time Most Hyped Starring Some Kid Named Zac’.)
– “E! News”
• Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ 16-month-old daughter Suri is reportedly the new face of Baby Gap. She’s signed for an undisclosed amount to front an upcoming ad campaign. (She’s not even 2 and she’s already made more money than I have in my career.)
– “Cosmopolitan Daily”
• Negotiations are underway between attorney’s representing former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and various publishing houses over the rights to print Blair’s political memoirs. Industry insiders believe the retired PM could get as much as $15 million, even more than the $12 million former US prez Bill Clinton got for his book “My Life”. (And no dresses got ruined!)
– “Daily Telegraph“
• Kevin Federline’s relentless campaign to gain full custody of his 2 sons via Britney Spears, Sean Preston and Jayden James, continues. Reports say a subpoena was delivered SATURDAY to Malibu CA’s Promises Treatment Center, the rehab facility Spears entered in FEBRUARY for a month of treatment. (A few photos from that fiasco could seal the deal.)
– “Us Magazine”
• Meantime, Las Vegas illusionist Criss Angel is dismissing reports he’s romantically involved with Britney Spears, insisting he has merely been working with her on her upcoming SEPTEMBER 9 “MTV Video Music Awards” performance. (This guy’s getting lotsa ink just by denying high-profile relationships. Next he’ll be saying he never slept with Anna Nicole Smith.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Nicole Richie has reportedly agreed to marry boyfriend Joel Madden. Hot 99.5 Washington DC morning show host Kane made the announcement at a FRIDAY party in Virginia, where Madden performed with his band Good Charlotte. Richie is 4-and-a-half months pregnant with their first child. (They’ll wed as soon as the right photo deal is offered.)
– StarPulse News Blog
• Now that she’s finished off the “Harry Potter” series, what’s next for billionaire author JK Rowling? Word is she’s turning to crime fiction and has been spotted working on a detective novel at cafés in her hometown of Edinburgh, Scotland. (“Inspector Potter & the Next Goldmine”?)
– “Sunday Times”
• British royal Prince William is rekindling his relationship with on/off girlfriend Kate Middleton during a week-long beach break on the Seychelles islands in the Indian Ocean. The romantic getaway is said to be courtesy of the son of the country’s president, who has promised privacy for the couple. (Howz come rich people get all the really good freebies?)
– “News of the World”
• Movie actor Ving Rhames is planning to relocate his dogs to an unnamed friend’s estate in Canada after his 40-year-old caretaker/friend/protegé Jacob Adams, a former Vancouver resident, died in front of his Brentwood CA home earlier THIS MONTH. While it was first reported that Rhames’ bull mastiffs had mauled Adams to death, a medical examiner is now saying the actual cause of death may have been a heart attack or aneurysm. But Rhames isn’t taking chances, not wanting to be vulnerable to lawsuits. (Or any comparison to Michael Vick.)
– People.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bif Naked (real name Beth Hopkins) – She’s marrying “Vancouver Sun” sports writer Ian Walker SEPTEMBER 29. They’ll have a traditional church wedding followed by an Indian-inspired reception. She was born in New Delhi, India and adopted by missionary parents who relocated to Canada.
• Feist – She’s temporarily shutting down her official website for awhile because “it was being mismanaged, attacked by spammers, and played one song at you like a bad TV commercial as soon as you innocently entered”. She promises to try to breath some life into ‘the robot’.
• Jackson 5 – A New Jersey man who unwittingly purchased a cache of almost 60 unreleased recordings by the family act now hopes to release them to the public … for a profit, of course.
• Jordin Sparks – The 17-year-old “American Idol” winner’s first release is due NEXT WEEK. The single “Tattoo” was co-written with Amanda Ghost (James Blunt’s “Beautiful”).
• Satellite Party – Perry Farrell has shot a video in NYC’s Times Square for his new band’s tune, “Only Love, Let’s Celebrate”, to be used THIS FALL to open “Saturday Night College Football” (ABC). The remixed recording features 50 Cent and Kelly Rowland.
• System of a Down – Daron Malakian (guitarist/vocalist/songwriter) and John Dolmayan (drummer) have split off to form a new band called Scars on Broadway.
• Uncle Kracker (real name Matthew Shafer) – The 33-year-old singer/rapper was arrested FRIDAY in Raleigh NC and charged with 2nd-degree forcible sex. According to the “Post-Chronicle”, he allegedly put his hand up a 26-year-old woman’s skirt after his show in a nightclub. She slapped him; he slapped her back. An off-duty police officer was told about the incident and took the woman’s statement before arresting him.
• Wu-Tang Clan – 36-year-old Method Man (real name Clifford Smith) has accepted a plea bargain to carry out community service in connection with his MAY arrest in NYC. He was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, criminal possession of marijuana, operating a motor vehicle under the influence and driving an uninspected motor vehicle.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Neville Brothers – The New Orleans legends play the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Sean Kingston – The 17-year-old chart-topper is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC). The chorus of his latest single, “Me Love”, heavily samples the Led Zeppelin classic “D’yer Maker”.
• Sheryl Crow  – This morning she’s a guest on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).

WORLD’S WORST HACK:
The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (aka the “Dark & Stormy Night Contest”) recognizes writers for creating stultifyingly stupid opening sentences for stories. This year’s overall winner is Jim Gleeson of Madison WI, who fashioned this idiotic gem: “Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them ‘permanently’ meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee.” Other ‘winners’ in various categories here …
NET: http://bulwer-lytton.com/
– “Curious Times”

THE WISDOM OF THE TOE:
Researchers who worry over such things are currently calculating the proportion of ‘Greek Feet’ vs ‘Egyptian Feet’ in specific populations around-the-world. ‘Greek Feet’ are those which feature shorter big toes, while so-called ‘Egyptian Feet’ are those in which the big toe is longest. Historically, various cultures have considered short big toes to be a sign of intelligence. The trait is thought to be genetic, with Greek feet being recessive and Egyptian feet being dominant. (Proving yet again … humanity is getting stupider.)
– “San Diego Union-Tribune”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A lawyer in China is suing McDonald’s after receiving a receipt printed almost entirely in English. His lawsuit claims that violates the consumers’ right to know, so he’s asking to be awarded a grand total of … 13 cents. (He may be a lawyer but his currency conversion skills sure suck!)
– “Beijing Youth Daily”
• During a recent flight on SkyWest Airlines, a 41-year-old Australian woman asked the attendant for pretzels and was told there were none. She replied: “Fair dinkum.” The flight crew then demanded her passport, telling her that swearing at an air hostess was a federal offence. When the plane landed in Pittsburgh PA, 3 uniformed officers were waiting to pick her up. Fortunately, the Aussie managed to talk her way out of it. (The phrase is harmless Australian slang for ‘that’s okay’ or ‘good enough’.)
– AAP
• Czech composer Vaclav Halek, who has written 2,000 songs, numerous film and theater scores, and a full orchestral symphony, says the secret to his prolific musical output lies in the frequent walks he takes in the woods, where he carries a pencil and paper and lies down near a pile of fungi and simply records the music that … mushrooms sing to him. He claims music also comes from rocks and trees, but mushrooms sing the best melodies. (We’re betting he does more than just listen to them.)
– “Sydney Morning Herald”
• A Chinese couple are applying to have the symbol ‘@’, most familiar as part of e-mail addresses, officially authorized as their child’s name. In English, it’s most often referred to as simply the ‘at symbol’ as there’s no formal English term to describe it, but in Chinese it is called ‘quan’, meaning ‘circular a’. However you describe it, the symbol would help differentiate the newborn from others in China, where 90% of the population has one of just 129 surnames. (Ironically, one of which is ‘Kwan’.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

WHY YOU SHOULD ORDER THE SMALL BUCKET:
In a recent Cornell University food psychology study, it was found that moviegoers will eat 45% more fresh popcorn when it’s served to them in large containers. Even when given stale, 14-day-old popcorn, they still consume about 34% more when eating from a large container than a medium-size container. (Apparently [co-host] orders beer in a pail as well.)
– “Toronto Star”
    
GOD NUMBER DOWN TO 26:
A supercomputer has taken just 63 hours to prove that a Rubik’s Cube – the 1980s puzzle phenomenon – can be solved in a swift 26 moves. The multi-colored cube puzzle has up to 43 billion possible positions. The breakthrough brings scientists closer to finding what’s know as the ‘God Number’ … the minimum number of moves needed to solve any Rubik’s Cube. (We got it down to 1 … buy a new one in a package already solved.)
– “The Guardian”

MONEY FOR NOTHING:
These days in Japan, free money seems to be everywhere. In recent weeks, over 400 envelopes each containing a 10,000 yen bill ($80) have been left in public men’s rooms all over the country. Residents of a Tokyo apartment building have found a total of 1.81 million yen ($15,210) stuffed in their mailboxes. And in another part of the city, a total of 1 million yen was scooped up after falling from the sky. Surprisingly, almost all the money has been turned in to police, as finders fear it may be loot from criminal activity. (Money doesn’t grow on trees … it hides in urinals.)
– BBC News

DID YOU KNOW?
• To calculate the number of photos you should take to get a group shot (of 20 people or less) in which no one’s eyes are closed, simply divide the number of people by 3.
– “Popular Science”
• Firstborns get 20-to-30 more minutes of quality time per day with parents than younger sibs.
– “Scientific American”
• The state of Texas has executed 399 inmates since 1976. The average time on death row is 10.26 years.
– PopBitch.com
• The image in an ad campaign for Virginia tourism – a pair of thumbs and index fingers making the shape of a heart – turns out to be the same symbol associated with the Gangster Disciples, one of the most violent gangs on the south side of Chicago. The campaign is being altered.
– HamptonRoads.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.20.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [65] Isaac Hayes, Covington TN, oldies singer (“Theme From Shaft”)/movie actor (“Hustle & Flow”)/TV voice-over actor (‘Chef on “South Park” 1997-2006)

1948 [59] Robert Plant, West Bromwich UK, classic rock singer (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)

1954 [53] Al Roker, Queens NY, TV weather reporter (“The Today Show” since 1996)

1970 [37] Fred Durst, Jacksonville FL, rock singer (Limp Bizkit-“Behind Blue Eyes”, “My Way”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Birthday of the Moon”, according to the ancient Aztecs. (The Aztecs had pants?)

• “Discovery Day” in the Yukon, celebrated on the 3rd Monday of August to commemorate the discovery of placer gold on Rabbit Creek (later known as Bonanza Creek) in 1896, which touched off the great ‘Klondike Gold Rush’.

• “Radio Day”, for no apparent reason other than someone penciled it in on a calendar years ago. To celebrate, all on-air personalities get a hefty raise, free lunch and a magnum of Champagne. (In your dreams!)

• “Potato Day”, celebrating the ever-tasty, ever-useful ‘apple of the earth’. Don’t know why or what we’re supposed to do … but bet they’re excited in PEI!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1977 [30] “Best of My Love” by the Emotions reaches #1 on pop charts and remains 4 weeks

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1896 [111] 1st ‘Dial Telephone’ (explain what that is to your grandkids)

1920 [87] 1st National Football League organizational meeting (Ralph Hay’s Hupmobile Agency in Canton OH)

1983 [24] 1st person ‘Killed by a Waterbed’ (drowning … or ‘overactivity’?)

1993 [14] Canadian Motorsports Hall of Fame opens at Toronto’s Exhibition Place

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Spumoni Day
[Wed] Tooth Fairy Day
[Thurs-Sept 3] Montréal World Film Festival 2007
[Sat] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Sun] Single Parent Family Day
[Sun] 2007 Teen Choice Awards (Los Angeles)
This Week Is … Don’t Wait, Celebrate! Week
This Month Is … Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS

OBIT EUPHEMISMS
Turn to the obituary page of any newspaper and you’ll find it filled with murky words that seem vaguely complimentary. A few common terms … and what they really mean.
• “Free spirit” … unemployable.
• “Vivacious” … drunk (female).
• “A real character” … drunk (male).
• “Fun loving” … drank more than worked.
• “Down to earth” … born poor and stayed that way.
• “Utterly carefree” … senile.
Open up the phones and ask listeners for more!.

PARTISAN T-SHIRT SLOGANS:
“Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?”
“No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade?”
“We Need a President Who’s Fluent In At Least One Language”
“We’re Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Inflation is a good thing! It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without moving.

BS ARGUMENT STARTERS:
• What’s the absolute worst job in the world? How about ‘Adult Video Store Clerk’, ‘Leech Collector’, ‘Hog Slaughterhouse Processor’, or maybe ‘Colon Hydrotherapist’?
• What’s the most disappointing tourist attraction? A new poll received votes for such well-known sights as Times Square, Stonehenge, the Eiffel Tower, and the Pyramids. It seems many tourists find the cost, crowds, and commercialism outweigh the enjoyment of such attractions.

BS WEB GOODIE:
How much of your favorite coffee, soft drink, or energy drink would it take to kill you? Thank goodness for the online ‘Death by Caffeine Calculator’. Now you’re just a couple clicks away from knowing!
NET: http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: This time of year, 50% of kids will argue with their parents about THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Back-to-school clothes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All pills are part placebo.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Welcome to our samplers this week that include Jacque Jones @ Oyster Country [WOCY] Eastpoint FL; Shawn Turner @ The New CHAY 93.1 Barrie ON; and Mike Rogoff @ Smooth Jazz KMYT 94.5 Temecula CA. And a big salute to returning subscriber Mark Linabury @ KingwoodRadio.com in Kingwood TX. You can sign up for more “Bull” or renew your “Sheet” subscription right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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