Wednesday, August 1, 2007        Edition: #3587
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the music documentary “Respect Yourself: The Stax Records Story” airs (PBS), celebrating the legendary label’s 50th anniversary with performances and behind-the-scenes footage of some of the label’s top acts (Booker T & the MGs, Otis Redding, Sam & Dave, etc) . . . Britney Spears may now be officially divorced from Kevin Federline but the custody order regarding their children has been sealed pending a hearing set for AUGUST 14th (giving her an extra 2 weeks to really screw up) . . . Despite their denials, rumors continue to circulate that the surviving members of Led Zeppelin are in talks to reform and play live in 2008 (if nothing else, it’s a good way to hype the new “Mothership” compilation coming in NOVEMBER) . . . Ball State University in Muncie IN has announced plans to name its new $21-million communications building after 1970 alum David Letterman (it’s one of the Top Ten buildings on campus) . . . When Conan O’Brien moves from “Late Night” to take over the “Tonight Show” in 2009, insiders say he’s most likely to be succeeded by comedic actor Jimmy Fallon (“Factory Girl”, “Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006) . . . “American Idol 6” contestants Sabrina Sloan & Sundance Head will collaborate on a debut album, a CD of duets (entitled “Songs That Got Us Voted Off”) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie is said to be so disheartened by the poor performance of her movie “A Mighty Heart” (just $9 million at the box office) she’s consoling herself with a family vacation in a $14,000-a-week castle in Marthon, France (money heals all wounds) . . . The good news is E! has decided against picking up the Paris Hilton-Nicole Richie reality show “A Simple Life” for a 6th season, thanks to ratings that are down by 20% from last time (the series finalé airs SUNDAY) . . . And the bad news is Paris Hilton is going to be in another movie, this one called “Repo! The Genetic Opera”, a musical thriller about a futuristic plague that forces Earthlings to have expensive organ transplants in order to survive (wow, get those Oscars ready).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – TONIGHT he performs “Online” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Marc Anthony – TONIGHT he guests on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Plain White T’s – THIS MORNING they sing their chart-topping “Hey There Delilah” on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (ABC/CTV).
• Prince – TONIGHT he kicks off a series of 21 gigs in England with a show at London’s O2 Arena. He’s promising each show will be unique, thanks to a bank of some 150 songs he’s readied.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Biniki’ – A foundation garment that supports the buttocks. Consisting of 2 leg loops and a waistband, it encircles the buttocks and ‘lifts and smooths’ the backs of the upper thighs. The slang term for the new undergarment … the ‘Butt Bra’.
NET: http://www.biniki-fashions.com/
• ‘Momcation’ – Said to be the  the evolution of girls’ night out, this refers to time off for mothers who need a break from the daily grind. The travel industry is trying to develop a niche market for moms by packaging mini getaways that include things like yoga retreats and spa visits.
NET: http://www.imin.com/GroupTripIdeas/Features/Momcations
• ‘Nang’ – A slang word for ‘excellent’ or ‘cool’, thought to have begun in London, England. (“That ‘Simpsons Movie’ was so nang, but I’m tired of all the advertising up the yin-yang.”)
• ‘Potterhead’ – A person who is a big fan of the ‘Harry Potter’ books. (“So like in the last week you’ve spent 10 bucks on the movie and 20 bucks on the book … you’re such a Potterhead”!)

WHO DRIVES BEST?
The next time you hear a guy complaining that women are such bad drivers, set him straight! According to a recent road risk analysis by Carnegie Mellon University, men have a 77% higher risk of dying in a car accident than women. The authors of the study say that’s likely because men tend to take more risks, such as speeding and DUI. (Or riding shotgun with a woman driver.)
– MSNBC

THE DANGER OF SUCCESS:
Shouldn’t success bring happiness? Not according to new research from psychologists at Duke University. Enormous success is healthy only for people with self-esteem to match, it turns out. For those struggling with poor self-image, hitting a ball out-of-the-park may actually be intimidating, taxing the immune system and making them feel ill. Instead, researchers say,  the pessimists among us stay healthier when success is more modest and slower to arrive. (This is why [co-host] is healthy as a horse.)
– “Psychology Today”

NO NO, PICK THE BLUE ONE:
If you’re one of those people who can’t get dressed without calling friends for fashion advice, maybe you should consider the ‘Magic Wardrobe’. This futuristic closet accessory scans the tags on your clothing and keeps each item’s info (size, color, brand) in a database. So when you can’t decide what to wear with your new skinny jeans and wedges, the program will give you suggestions and tell you where to buy them. You can then go online or to a nearby store and pick up the perfect piece to complete the outfit! (Yay, another excuse to shop!)
– “Cosmopolitan”

THE WORST CANADIANS:
According to an (obviously) unscientific new online poll attracting some 15,000 respondents, here are our all-time worst compatriots …
10. Disgraced media magnate Conrad Black.
9. Serial murderer Clifford Olson.
8. Former PM Jean Chrétien.
7. Singer Celine Dion.
6. PM Stephen Harper.
5. Schoolgirl killers Paul Bernardo & Karla Homolka.
4. Former PM Brian Mulroney.
3. Abortion doctor Henry Mogantaler.
2. Chris Hannah of the punk rock group Propagandhi (?), who campaigned to top the list.
1. Former PM Pierre Trudeau.
– “The Beaver, Canada’s History Magazine”

YOU COULDN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• NYC: Early one morning last week, a man with a gun walked up to an attendant at a gas station and demanded money. But when the attendant pointed his gas nozzle at the would-be thief, the perp immediately bolted, yelling a warning to an accomplice. (“Watch out, he’s gonna fill us full of hi-test!”)
– “Newsday”
• Wales: After a young man proposed to his girlfriend atop a mountain near Capel Curig, she got a bit woozy and toppled over a rocky ledge. After falling several feet, she cracked her head open, which then required 10 stitches to patch up. (Some sort of omen?)
– “Daily Mail”
• North Carolina: Cops say hundreds of women’s undergarments have been stolen from Victoria’s Secret stores in the cities of Raleigh, Cary and Durham. In all, close to $37,000-worth of lingerie and perfume have been taken in a series of heists. (Wow, that bra looks hot!)
– “Raleigh News & Observer”

RENT-A-MUTT:
Don’t have time or space for a full-time pet? 32-year-old California entrepreneur Marlena Cervantes figures there’s a lot of people like that so she’s started ‘FlexPetz’, basically a rent-a-dog service for people who’d like part-time pooch companionship. Members shell out an annual, monthly or per-visit fee for their chance to spend quality time with a matched-up mutt. The idea has caught on so well in LA, the business has already expanded to San Diego and will soon open in NYC, San Francisco, and London UK. (Is this fair to the poor widdle poochies?)
PHONER: 888-211-7830 / 302-351-4008
NET: http://www.flexpetz.com/
– “NY Post”

ODD WAYS OF KEEPING COOL:
Here’s a topic you can throw open for listener input. What unusual way have you discovered for keeping cool this summer. How about …
• Join a Scottish pipe & drum band so you can wear a kilt.
• Freeze your sheets. Just before bedtime, make your bed, jump in and … ahhhh!
• Play Christmas music.
• Play splash tag. Players become ‘it’ by being hit with a wet sponge.
• During your morning shower, slowly bring the temperature down to as cold as it gets.
– “Globe and Mail” / “Charlotte Observer” / “Fort Worth Star-Telegram”

THE FAUX HUG:
The ‘Boyfriend’s Arm Pillow’, shaped like a man’s torso with one sturdy arm, has become a surprise hit with women in Japan. Manufacturer Kameo claims the pillow’s shape is designed to keep the body balanced during sleep, but single woman Junko Suzuki finds it has other benefits, saying “It keeps holding me all the way through the night. It does not betray me.” (Also never snores.)
– BBC News

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 65% of women say losing their favorite article of clothing would be worse than giving up sex for a month.
• 62% of us list our cars as our most valuable possession.
• 58% of single women say they lose interest in a guy on the first date if he has a dirty car.
• 55% of us believe there are just too many opinion polls.
• 27% of guys wash their cars at least once a week.
• 20% of kids aged 7-to-12 plan to set up a lemonade stand sometime this summer.

TUSSLE OVER TOP TILTED TOWER:
After 900 years of undisputed fame as the world’s most lopsided building, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is now facing a couple of challengers. The Church of Our Dear Ladies in Bad Frankenhausen, Germany has a bell tower that leans 4.5 degrees off-center, which town officials say easily beats Pisa’s 3.97 degrees. That would make it the world’s most tilted tower except for the as-yet-unverified claim about another church tower in nearby Suurhusen, Germany which locals say leans 5.07 degrees. (Farmer Ben Dover in Podunk Junction had his silo blow down on the weekend. It’s lying on the ground … would that count?)
– “The Telegraph”

COIN CONUNDRUM:
NYC officials are selling off some 500 lbs of foreign coins that have been shoved into city parking meters so far this year. YESTERDAY the city’s Department of Transportation was scheduled to determine the best offer for the entire haul. The out-of-country coins, said to come in virtually every denomination from every continent, are usually sold off for about $2-to-$4 per pound. The city loses an estimated $8,500 annually because of foreign coins passed off as US currency in parking meters. (Yeah, like I discovered you can use a 1-euro coin instead of a loonie in meters. And a euro is only worth a dollar-45 so … hey, wait a minute …)  (Yeah, like I discovered you can use a 1-euro coin instead of a quarter in meters. And a euro is only worth a dollar-40 so … hey, wait a minute …)
– UPI

BS AMAZING FACT:
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
– Strange-Facts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.01.07
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [71] Yves Saint-Laurent (Henri Mathieu), Oran, Algeria, fashion designer (Obsession)

1959 [48] Joe Elliott, Sheffield UK, classic rock singer (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Love Bites”)

1960 [47] Chuck D (Carlton Ridenhour), Roosevelt NY, trendsetting rapper (Public Enemy-“Shut ‘Em Down”, “Fight the Power”)

1964 [43] Adam Duritz, Baltimore MD, alt-rock singer/songwriter (Counting Crows-“Accidentally in Love”, “Big Yellow Taxi”)

1965 [42] Sam Mendes, Reading UK, movie director (“Road to Perdition”, Oscar-“American Beauty”)/wed actress Kate Winslet in 2003

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “August”, originally the 6th month of the Roman year which was called Sextilis. In the year 8 BC, Emperor Augustus Caesar persuaded the Senate to change the month’s name to ‘Augustus’ in his honor. If it weren’t for him, TODAY would be the 1st of Sextilis!

• “Girlfriends Day”, either some girl’s greedy grab at gifts from her guy, or perhaps a day for ‘the girls’ to hang out and share woman-to-woman time.

• “Respect for Parents Day”. So what’s the best way to gain respect … setting an example or creating fear?

• “Rounds Resounding Day”, a day to sing rounds. Altogether now, “Row, row, row …”

• “Royal St John’s Regatta”, the 189th annual on Quidi Vidi Lake in Newfoundland. It’s the oldest continuing sporting event in North America and regularly draws over 50,000 spectators. “Regatta Day” is a public holiday in the St John’s metro area … but only if the weather’s good enough for the races to run.
NET: http://www.stjohnsregatta.org/

• “World Breastfeeding Week”, when La Leche League International sponsors the annual ‘World Walk For Breastfeeding’.
NET: http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [26] MTV debuts at 12:01 am (1st video – The Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1877 [130] Piano favorite “Chopsticks” is composed (unfortunately, the composer isn’t still around to punish)

1995 [12] “Gangsta’s Paradise” is released by one-hit-wonder Coolio (he’s turning 44 today)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1933 [74] ‘Skippy Peanut Butter’ is 1st marketed

1960 [47] 1st ‘Felt-Tip Pen’ (Tokyo Stationery Co)

1964 [43] 1st ‘GI Joe’ action figure marketed for $4 (name inspired by 1945 Robert Mitchum movie “The Story of GI Joe”)  FACTOID: Hasbro invents the term ‘Action Figure’ because it’s thought boys won’t play with a ‘doll’.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1957 [50] Canadian Glen Gorbous (Rosedale AB) throws a baseball a record 445 ft, 10 ins (136 m) while playing with the St Louis Cardinals’ Triple A team, still the longest throw ever recorded

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Ice Cream Sandwich Day
[Fri] Watermelon Day
[Fri-Sun] Lollapalooza (Chicago IL)
[Fri] “Becoming Jane”; The Bourne Ultimatum”; “Bratz: The Movie”; “El Cantante”; “Hot Rod”; “Underdog” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction (Canton OH)
[Sat] National Date Night
[Sun] Sisters Day
This Week Is … Clown Week
This Month Is … Learn Japanese Month

BULL’S BITS
BS THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY IN THE SACK:

• Hold on a sec, let me just change the channel.
• You look better in the dark.
• You’re so much like your sister …
• Watch … my mom taught me this.
• You don’t sweat much for a fat guy.
• Can you hold this sandwich for me?
• Get off me, I’ll do it myself!
• Don’t squirm, you’ll spill my beer.
• Taupe. We should paint the ceiling taupe.
• NEXT!!

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I continue to miss my ex-. But my aim will improve.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: During the month of August THIS is less likely to happen to you than in any other month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Death.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All people smile in the same language.


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