Thursday, August 10, 2017 – Edition: #6031

Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘n Fresh!

★ Amy Schumer is moving from the big screen to the Broadway stage with her official debut in the Steve Martin play ‘Meteor Shower’. She’ll play the character ‘Corky’ in the show, who alongside her husband invites another couple to an unforgettable and quite unconventional dinner party. Schumer will star alongside ‘Key and Peele’ star Keegan-Michael Key, Tony Award winning performer from ‘Gypsy’ Laura Benanti, and Alan Tudyk from ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’.
★ Glen Campbell died on Tuesday at the age of 81.  What you might NOT know:
○ He had a weekly audience of 50 million people for the “Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour,” on CBS from 1969 to 1972.
○ He released more than 70 of his own albums, and in the 1990s recorded a series of gospel CDs.
○ He toured with The Champs, whose signature tune was ‘Tequila’
○ He played guitar on Frank Sinatra’s “Strangers In the Night,” the Monkees’ “I’m a Believer” and Elvis Presley’s “Viva Las Vegas.”
○ A 2011 ‘farewell album’ included contributions from Jacob Dylan, Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick and Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins.
○ His last record was ‘Adios’, which came out in June and features songs that Campbell loved to sing but never recorded, including tunes made famous by Bob Dylan, Linda Ronstadt and Johnny Cash.
○ Quote: “I’m not a country singer per se, I’m a country boy who sings.”

★ Maya Rudolph will star in Fox’s ‘A Christmas Story Live’ musical. The ‘SNL’ alum will play Ralphie Parker’s mother in the December production, with additional casting to be announced at a later date. Marc Platt, who executive produced Fox’s hit ‘Grease Live’ in 2016, will serve in the same capacity on ‘A Christmas Story Live’.
(You’ll shoot your eye out!)
★ Will Smith says he has spoken to former President Barack Obama about playing him in a future biopic…and according to Smith, he ”has the ears”.  Will Smith was the first guest on the new Apple Music show ‘Carpool Karaoke’ and revealed to James Corden that he has been in talks with the former American leader to play him in a future biopic.
★ James Corden says he felt ”depressed” after his ‘Carpool Karaoke’ with Bruno Mars, because he was so sad it was over. The ‘Late Late Show’ host admits that Mars is his favorite guest in the popular musical car journey segment, and Corden was left feeling emotional at the end of their time together because he had been looking forward to meeting the star for so long.
★ Serena Williams thinks her baby will make her a ”real woman”, and says she won’t watch birthing videos before going through the process herself. She and her fiancé, Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian are set to welcome their first child in September, and Serena says she has ”so much respect” for mothers and can’t wait to become one herself.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): John Lithgow, Jay Baruchel, Diana Krall
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Anthony Anderson, Terry Gross, Kesha
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Millie Bobby Brown, Jim Jefferies, Zeshan B
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Howie Mandel, Sen. Tammy Duckworth, Aaron Schatz, Venzella Joy
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Aubrey Plaza, Jeremy Renner, Chris O’Dowd, Russ
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Jessica St. Clair, Lennon Parham, Tennis System, Londale Theus Jr. ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Trevor analyzes the state of news media
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy):
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Bryan Cranston, Sebastian Maniscalco, Aimee Mann
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Kate Beckinsale, Jeff Bridges
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Kerry Washington, Newt Gingrich ( R )
• “The Talk” (CBS): Topher Grace, Kit Hoover ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Anthony Anderson, Bebe Rexha, guest co-host Randy Jackson
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Mario Batali, Matt Lanter ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Danny Seo, Peter Krause, Maddie Ziegler ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Justin Cornwell, guest co-host NeNe Leakes ( R )
• “Boy Band” (ABC): Girl Power! The top nine contestants perform hits made popular by female artists.
• “Big Brother” (CBS): A house guest is evicted; the head of household competition.

• Sinead O’Connor – is safe following alarming suicidal Facebook video posted from a N.J. motel which urged her family to contact her. A subsequent message assured fans that she was okay, explaining that “she is surrounded by love and receiving the best of care.”
• Chris Brown – was slammed by Rihanna’s fans after commenting on the singer’s revealing ‘Crop Over’ festival Instagram picture. Brown was convicted of felony assault in 2009 after attacking Rihanna.
• Michael Jackson – The film ‘Michael Jackson: Searching for Neverland’ will be released on DVD October 10th. The scripted film is based on the best-selling book written by Jackson’s most trusted bodyguards, Bill Whitfield and Javon Beard with Tanner Colby.
• Sammy Hagar – continues to pitch his idea about staging a reunion tour with Van Halen that would feature both him and David Lee Roth sharing lead vocal duties, but he admits that he hasn’t been approached by the VH camp. (Guys, just do it so he will quit talking about it…)
• Steve Miller – his new ‘Steve Miller Ultimate Hits’ disc will include previously unreleased recordings, including a recording of 5-year-old Miller talking to his godfather, electric guitar pioneer Les Paul. Ultimate Hits comes out on Sept. 15.
• Old Dominion – has announced a special string of tour dates in support of their forthcoming studio album ‘Happy Endings’.  They have added six ‘Dive Bar Tour’
stops to their already packed fall live performance calendar.  The tour launches Aug. 15 in Los Angeles and wraps up in New York City Aug. 30. ‘Happy Endings’ comes out August 25.
• Ricky Skaggs – After 20 years away from the country stage, he is making a big return with a  Sept. 2 concert at Nashville Place.

Yes, there are some health risks that come along with a diet consisting of large quantities of meat…especially red meat.  But apparently giving up meat all together comes with some problems of its own.  A Bristol University study and found vegetarians scored a higher than average depression score. The study examined nearly 10,000 British men and the committed vegetarians and vegans in the group had a higher average depression score compared to the men on a conventional balanced diet who enjoyed tremendous foods such as fried chicken sandwiches and ribs smeared with a zesty yet sweet barbecue sauce.  Researchers think the higher depression score might be the result of a shortage of certain vitamins and minerals in the vegetarians’ diets.
(No more bacon cheeseburgers, no more juicy steaks, no more pepperoni pizzas. I see what they’re saying!)
(Just thinking about not having glorious bacon right now is making me sad.)
(Like they say, how do you know when someone is a vegan?  Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!)

You’ve seen the ‘wireless’ cellphone chargers.  You leave your electronic device on a compatible electronic mat, and ‘boom!’ it charges almost as fast as if you plugged it in.  Very handy.  But how cool is this?  It is now possible to charge your phone using fire.  Seriously. The BioLite Wood Burning CampStove combines the benefits of a lightweight backpacking stove and an off-grid power charger so you can cook a meal while charging your gadgets. The Campstove is the perfect solution for both the backcountry campsite and for Emergency Preparedness Kits. The stove cooks meals using nothing more than twigs and contains a jack you can plug your phone into and charge your device from the heat generated within the CampStove. How much? U.S. $125.
(Way to get away from it all!)
(That’s what I need.  To have to dodge wires in the dark around a hot stove!)
(Which is good.  So I can YouTube how to cook this squirrel I caught!)

Cutting-edge vocab …
• Plandid – a planned ‘candid’ photo.  Like the one your friend put on Facebook of her sitting down to a beautiful meal at a resort in the mountains at sunset, with her hair and nails perfectly done…(or that one you posted of your kids not fighting!)
•Dopamine dressing – Wearing clothes that boost one’s mood.  (That loud Hawaiian shirt might boost YOUR mood….)
• Restify – To restore something to its original state and then modify it with new or improved features.  (“Gramps said he’d fix up the old go-cart for junior.  We didn’t think he’s restify it out with a turbocharger and GPS!”)
• Helveticize – To make bland, boring, or generic; as in to set text in, or convert text to, the Helvetica typeface.  (“The party was rockin’ until the parents came home.  Then we had to helveticize things.”)
-adapted from WordSpy

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• Men are 45% more likely than women to feel homesick on a business trip. (Women are just happy that someone else has to cook for a few days!)
• 70% of men say that when they grow facial hair, they feel like they have more personality. (It’s kinda like drinking…you THINK you have more personality…)
• 10% of people wish they had a microwave in their car. (That’s what we need…distracted zapping!)
• 10% of candle purchases are made by men. (That’s a lot of guys who have an Aunt’s birthday coming up!)
• 45% of men and women think you should wait until age 25 to get a credit card. (The key word here being ‘YOU’, not ‘ME’!)


1959 [58] Rosanna Arquette, NYC, movie actress (“Pulp Fiction”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)/sister of actors David Arquette & Patricia Arquette

1960 [57] Antonio Banderas, Malaga, Spain, movie actor (“The Legend of Zorro”, “Shrek” movies) COMING UP: Life Itself, 2018.

1971 [46] Justin Theroux, Washington DC, TV actor (“The Leftovers” since 2014)/screenwriter (“Zoolander 2″, “Iron Man 2″)/married Jennifer Aniston in 2015.  COMING UP: Mute, 2017

1979 [38] ‘Mama’ June Shannon, McIntyre, GA, reality star (“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” 2012-2014, “Mama June: From Not to Hot”, since 2017)

1987 [30] Charley Koontz, Concord CA, TV actor (‘Daniel Krumitz’ on “CSI: Cyber” 2015-2016, ‘Fat Neil’ on “Community” 2011-15)

1997 [20] Kylie Jenner, LA CA, fashion model/reality TV star (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”)

• “Lazy Day”, a day to take it easy. Just another day around here.

• “S’Mores Day” celebrating one of our favorite campfire treats, a toasted marshmallow sandwiched between graham crackers with piece of chocolate. The original recipe, published in Scout leader Loretta Scott Crew’s “Tramping & Trailing with the Girl Scouts” (1927), referred to the delicacy as ‘Some Mores’.

• “Smithsonian Day”, celebrating the series of Washington DC museums that form the Smithsonian Institution, basically ‘America’s Attic’. It was created on this date in 1846.

• “Spoil Your Dog Day”, like you have a choice. Just look at those big sad eyes … and those dangly wangly ears … aren’t you just the cootest little thing … er, sorry.

• “Duran Duran Appreciation Day”, a band who pushed the limits of acceptable music video content. Try listening to some Duran Duran at work, in the car, and at home; don’t worry, it’s officially ok for just one day. **BS FAST FACT:  Duran Duran was named after a character in the movie ‘Barbarella’, “Dr. Durand Durand”.

• “World Lion Day”, a relatively new event designed to celebrate Lions globally.  Today it is estimated that there are 20,000-35,000 lions on this planet and fewer than 2,000 lions left in the wild in Kenya.

• “Skyscraper Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the birth date of famous architect William Can Alen, the genius behind NYC’s iconic Chrysler Building. A ‘Supertall’ is an extremely tall building, with a height of at least 300 meters (984 feet).

[Fri] Annual Medical Checkup Day
[Fri] Kool-Aid Day
[Fri] Play in the Sand Day
[Sat] Baseball Fans Day
[Sat] Middle Child’s Day
[Sat] Celebrate Your Lakes Day

2008 [09] Isaac Hayes, singer (“Theme From Shaft”) and actor (‘Chef’ on “South Park”) dies in Memphis TN of a stroke at age 65

2004 [13] Rolling Stones’ Charlie Watts confirms he is undergoing treatment for throat cancer, which eventually goes into remission

2008 [09] Katy Perry’s pop song “I Kissed a Girl” hits #1 in over 20 countries

2012 [05] The bands KISS and Mötley Crüe together donate $100,000 to the families of the victims of the Aurora, Colorado “Dark Knight” movie theater shooting

2003 [14] Temperatures in the UK top 100 F (38 C) for the 1st time in recorded history, during a European-wide heat wave

2003 [14] Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko becomes the 1st to marry in space, wedding Ekaterina Dmitrieva (who is in Texas) while he’s 240 miles over New Zealand on the International Space Station

2015 [02] Google restructures, placing its search business and its various research ventures into a holding company called Alphabet

2014 [03] Rory McIlroy wins his 4th major championship, the PGA, making him 1-of-4 players in golf history to reach that benchmark by age 25


✓ Lack of sleep can cause your brain to shrink.
✓ Roughly four people die each year while putting on pants.
✓ Fist-bumps transfer about one-tenth of the bacteria that handshakes do.
✓ The average family of four loses up to 60 socks a year.
✓ There is one billionaire for every three million people on Earth.
✓ The average person thinks they’re smarter than the average person.

• Every Olympic event should have an average person competing for reference.
• We bake cookies but we cook bacon.
• A birth certificate is actually a receipt for your child.
• If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.
• They should sell ziplock bags in a ziplock bag.
• To a dog, shampoo and body wash are the same thing.
• If fish could scream, an afternoon of fishing would be a lot less relaxing.

I’m writing a self-help book but I need someone to market it for me.

☎ What is the strangest thing about where you grew up?

Question: This seated activity will raise your breathing rate by 40%. What is it?
Answer: Typing.

New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.

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