Thursday, August 11, 2011      Edition: #4569

Sheet f/Bull

Following on the heels of its “Hawaii Five-0” revamp and ABC-TV’s upcoming “Charlie’s Angels” remake, CBS-TV has ordered up a script for a “Bewitched” reboot (the original series starring Elizabeth Montgomery ran 1964-72) . . . Feminist icon Gloria Steinem has called for a boycott of the upcoming NBC-TV series, “The Playboy Club”, which stars Amber Heard as a 1960s ‘Bunny’ at the club in Chicago (Steinem worked at the NYC club in her 20s while writing an exposé about its treatment of women) . . . “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 2” is now the most successful film of 2011 after conjuring up a worldwide haul of $1.1 billion, making it the 3rd-highest grossing movie of all-time after James Cameron’s “Avatar” and “Titanic” ($2.7 billion and $1.8 billion respectively) . . . Movie star Brad Pitt has apparently acquired a taste for the traditional British pies called Cornish Pasties while filming his new movie “World War Z” in Cornwall, England so he ordered up 700 of them for the entire cast & crew (imagine the pub owner that got that call!) . . . This summer’s hotter-than-a-pistol movie actresses Emma Stone (“The Help”; “Crazy, Stupid, Love”; “Friends with Benefits”) and Olivia Wilde (“Cowboys & Aliens”; “The Change-Up”; “Tron: Legacy”) have signed on to become the new faces of Revlon cosmetics and will each appear in multimedia ad campaigns starting next year (cash in while you can – you’ve got about 5 years, max) . . . Tony Award-winning Broadway play “Catch Me If You Can”, adapted from the 2002 movie of the same name, is set to close in September after 170 performances (it will go on tour in 2012) . . . 57-year-old actor/director John Malkovich, who lost more than $10 million in 2008 thanks to fraudulent investment adviser Bernard Madoff, insists he isn’t bitter about the experience and claims it was actually ‘very freeing’ (then he crawled back into the cardboard box where he now lives) . . . And Felicia Pearson, who played ‘Snoop’ the drug dealer’s tough-girl assassin on “The Wire” 2002-08, has pleaded guilty to conspiracy to distribute heroin in order to escape prison time for her role in a Baltimore drug ring (chalk this one up to life imitating art).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Trace Adkins (“Proud to Be Here”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Vanilla Ice (1990’s “Ice, Ice Baby”, the first rap song to top the “Billboard” charts).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”) performs at the Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville. Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lissie (“Catching a Tiger”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – OK Go (“Of the Blue Colour Of the Sky”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – My Chemical Romance (“Danger Days: True Lives Of The Fabolous Killjoys”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Manchester Orchestra (Simple Math”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Game (“The Documentary”).

• Beady Eye (ex-Oasis) – Liam Gallagher’s ‘Pretty Green’ clothing store was among those in Manchester, England looted by thugs during this week’s riots. The store, which opened in December, had its windows smashed and stock stolen. (Celeb chef Jamie Oliver’s London restaurant caught fire amid the riots.)
• Gavin DeGraw – The singer/songwriter has been released from hospital after being assaulted in NYC’s East Village early Monday morning. He says he has no memory of being attacked by 3 men, then hit by a cab. He suffered a concussion, broken nose, and black eyes. He’s recently been on tour, opening for Maroon 5 and Train. He’ll be taking a break from that.
• Insane Clown Posse – Their 12th annual 4-day “Gathering Of the Juggalos” festival gets underway tonight in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois. Saturday’s host is none other than Charlie Sheen.
• Jay-Z / Kanye West – Their album collaboration “Watch The Throne” is projected to sell more than 500,000 units in its first week according to “Billboard”, easily topping the album sales chart.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Dirty Dancing” – The 1987 hit that starred Patrick Swayze is set for a remake, with the original movie’s choreographer, Kenny Ortega, taking on the role of director. Jennifer Grey, who co-starred as ‘Baby’ in the original film says she can’t wait to see what Ortega’s going to do with it. No casting has yet been announced.
• “Imogene” – In this upcoming comedy Kristen Wiig (“Bridesmaids”) will star as a playwright who stages a suicide in an attempt to win back her ex, only to wind up in the custody of her gambling-addict mother (Annette Bening). “Glee” star Darren Criss will make his bigscreen debut playing Wiig’s boy-toy love interest. The film is expected to hit cinemas in 2013.
• “Lamb of God” – Diablo Cody, who wrote “Juno” and “Jennifer’s Body”, will direct this dramedy about a young conservative religious woman who loses her faith following a car crash and heads to Vegas to indulge in a lifestyle she’s always been warned against. Julianne Hough is said to be favored for the female lead; Russell Brand will play the bartender she befriends.
• “Shrapnel” – Academy Award-winner Hilary Swank will produce and star in the bigscreen adaptation of the graphic novel trilogy written by Nick Sagan & M Zachary Sherman. She’ll play a former military official who leads an uprising on the planet Venus in the year 2250. The movie’s due to screen sometime in 2012.
• “Superman: Man of Steel” – Laurence Fishburne (“CSI”) has been cast as newspaper editor ‘Perry White’ in Zack Snyder’s upcoming reboot of the ‘Caped Crusader’ story. He joins a cast that already includes Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, and Kevin Costner. The project is due to begin shooting in the autumn for a tentative release date of June 14, 2013.
• “Trance” – James McAvoy (“X-Men: First Class”), Vincent Cassel (“Black Swan”) & Rosario Dawson (“Sin City”) will star in a new film from Danny Boyle (“Slumdog Millionaire”). The art heist drama about a theft gone bad is set for release in 2013, meaning Boyle is set for a busy period as he’s also directing the opening ceremony for the 2012 Olympics in London.

A new listing of TV incomes reveals that Simon Cowell will top all others by earning $75 million for his work on “The X Factor”, including his fee as producer. Ashton Kutcher is already the highest-paid sitcom actor ($700,000 an episode), despite only filming his 1st episode of “Two-and-a-Half Men” last Friday. “House” star Hugh Laurie is the best-paid TV drama actor (also $700,000 per episode). The figures also show how well paid talk show hosts are, with David Letterman ($28 million), Jay Leno ($25 million), and Kelly Ripa ($20 million) among the highest earners, trailed by CNN’s Anderson Cooper ($11 million) and Conan O’Brien ($10 million). (Which of these folks do you think is most overpaid?)
– “TV Guide”

• War is smell? Fragrance maker Parfumologie has licensed a new men’s cologne, ‘Patton’, in honor of WW2 General George S Patton. The US Army’s ‘official fragrance’ is said to have a backwoods, masculine scent that evokes memories of LandNav courses and ruck marches. (With just a hint of cordite.)
• A Chandler, Arizona man accidentally shot himself while stuffing his fiancée’s pink pistol into his waistband. The bullet pierced his manhood, then passed through his left thigh. When his girlfriend called 9-1-1, she was told to apply ‘direct pressure’ to slow the bleeding. (He’s now the poster boy for tougher gun control.)
– “Arizona Republic”
• Police in Idaho Falls, Idaho say they’ve advised a local man not to wear his bunny suit in public. The 34-year-old has frightened at least one child by popping out from behind a tree while wearing the get-up. Complaining neighbors say he sometimes completes his outfit by also wearing a tutu. (OK, cue the looney tunes!)
• In order to raise funding, Britain’s female beach volleyball champs are renting out their bikini bottoms. The sponsorship deal involves wearing a QR code on the butt of their suits, a matrix bar-code which when scanned by a smartphone takes the user to a specific website. (If you ask us, it’s a bum deal!)

According to a newly-published Stony Brook University psychology study, the platitude of living ‘happily ever after’ seems to hold true for many married couples. In a random poll, 48% of married people say they are ‘very intensely in love’ with their spouse; 13% describe themselves as ‘intensely in love’; and 26% choose the term ‘very in love’. Not surprisingly, those figures are lower for couples in the 2nd decade of marriage compared with the first 10 years. But they bounce back in the 3rd decade. Of those married 30-plus years, 38% report being ‘very intensely in love’. (By then you realize you have no options.)

Two languages are apparently better than one. A number of recent studies have concluded that bilingualism – the regular, high-level use of more than one language – can lead to improved early brain development. Researchers aren’t sure exactly why, but they theorize that switching from one language to another, and regularly selecting which is appropriate in a given situation, is a kind of mental work-out. Research has also shown that bilingual people have denser gray matter than those who are monolingual. (Yeah, just check out Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

Germans who bought T-shirts with right-wing slogans and symbols at a recent rock concert are in for a surprise. When they’re washed, the original print disappears and is replaced with the message: “What your T-shirt can do, you can do. We’ll help you break with right-wing extremism.”


1950 [61] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)

1953 [58] Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea), Augusta GA, TV host (“American Gladiators” 2008, “Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling” 2008)/reality TV personality (“Hogan Knows Best” 2005-07)/former WWE wrestler (12-time ‘World Champion’)

1967 [44] Joe Rogan, Newark NJ, TV personality (“Ultimate Fighting Championship” since 2002, “Fear Factor” 2001-06, “The Man Show” 2003-04)/stand-up comedian (“The Joe Rogan Experience”)

1968 [43] Anna Gunn, Santa Fe NM, TV actress (‘Skyler White’ on “Breaking Bad” since 2008, “Deadwood” 2004-06, “The Practice” 1997-2004)

1976 [35] Ben Gibbard, Bremerton WA, rock singer (Death Cab for Cutie-“You Are a Tourist”, “I Will Possess Your Heart”)

1983 [28] Chris Hemsworth, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“Thor”, “Star Trek”)  COMING UP: “The Avengers”, opening May 4, 2012.

1985 [26] Asher Roth, Morrisville PA, rapper (“I Love College”)

• “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. If she’s a teenager she’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”

• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh.

• “National Hobo Convention”, the 111th annual through Sunday in Britt, Iowa. Some 30,000 professional and part-time hobos are expected to hop trains from all over North America to take in the parade, the ‘King & Queen Of the Hobos’ coronation, ‘Hobo Jungle’, and ‘Hobo Museum’.

• “Play In the Sand Day”, which seemed like a harmless fun activity … until some fear-monger researcher recently warned there may be health and safety implications.

1973 [38] ‘Hip-Hop’ is born at a birthday party in the recreation room of an apartment building in the Bronx, New York as DJ Kool Herc emulates the style of Jamaican ‘selectors’ (DJs) by ‘toasting’ (talking) over the records he spins and using 2 turntables to repeatedly switch back-and-forth between tunes

2003 [08] NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its 1st major operation outside Europe in its 54-year-history

1991 [20] ‘Most Tap Dancers Performing Together’ … 5,622

[Fri] “30 Minutes or Less”; “Final Destination 5”; “Glee: The 3-D Concert Movie” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Outside Lands Festival” begins (San Francisco)
[Fri] “Kool-Aid Days” begin
[Fri] Sewing Machine Day
[Fri] Vinyl Record Day
[Sat] “Farm Aid 2011” (Kansas City)
[Sat] International Lefthanders Day
This Week Is … Recreational Scuba Diving Week
This Month Is … Panini Month


• Service stations now allow customers to pay for a fill-up in just 19 easy payments.
• ‘Batman’ is spotted patrolling the streets on a Schwinn.
• Domino’s only delivers within walking distance.
• As a fire-starter, arsonists now using propane.
• Latest hybrids run on 50% gas, 50% that new Justin Bieber perfume.
• A Toyota Prius edges out a Chevy Volt to win the Indianapolis 500 … yards.
• Mobsters are now dousing snitches with olive oil.
• You’ve been suspended from your car-pool until you lose 15 pounds.

If you could have stopped aging at any point in your life up to the present, how old would you want to remain?

• You suffer from a rare condition called ‘adermatoglyphia’. What are you missing?
a. Fingerprints. [CORRECT. The palms, fingers, toes, and soles of an affected person are totally smooth.]
b. A sense of smell.
c. Your mommy.
– “New York Times”

• Which of the following do British sheep farmers do to protect their newborn lambs from foxes?
a. Spray them with cologne.
b. Paint their necks green. [CORRECT. Foxes apparently don’t like the look or taste of fluorescent green paint.]
c. Smear their wool with garlic jelly.

I found a new way to stop biting my nails … I’ve started wearing shoes.

Today’s Question: Along with wearing sunscreen, doing THIS will help protect you from harmful UV rays.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eating dark chocolate. (A German study has found it reduces UV-induced redness by 25%.)

Half of conversation is listening.

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