Monday, August 11, 2014        Edition: #5281

Sheet f/Bull

★ Actress Taylor Schilling has Katie Holmes to thank for her role on the hit Netflix prison drama “Orange Is the New Black” because Holmes apparently turned down the gig. Show creator Jenji Kohan reveals she originally picked Holmes for the role of bisexual drug smuggler ‘Piper Chapman’ and they even took a meeting to discuss the project. But at the time Holmes had other things to do, Kohan says, likely because no one got what this show was all about at first.
★ Steven Spielberg hired 27-year-old Charlotte Le Bon for his new film “The Hundred-Foot Journey” based on her stint as a TV weather reporter on Canal-Plus network in France. The Canadian model/actress stars alongside Helen Mirren in the film and Spielberg reveals she didn’t even have to audition, thanks to her standout skills on the evening news-talk show “Le Grand Journal”. Le Bon, who previously only had a few French films on her résumé, says: “If Steven Spielberg says he discovered [me], I guess I’ll try to take as much as I can from it.”
– “Entertainment Tonight”
★ Simon Cowell just won’t quit. The UK version of his “X Factor” talent show is set to air in the US, just months after the American edition was cancelled. FOX-TV axed the show earlier this year after 3 so-so seasons, but now music/entertainment channel Axs TV is hoping to find an audience for the upcoming 11th season of “The X Factor UK”. Cowell has returned as a judge on the British edition, joining ex-Spice Girl Melanie Brown and pop singer Cheryl Cole. Unlike the USA, “The X Factor has been a hit in Britain. The new season debuts August 30th.
★ Disney’s new theme park strategy is … more “Star Wars”. Disney chairman and CEO Bob Iger has announced that, since Disney now owns the massive billion-dollar franchise, there’ll be a significant increase in “Star Wars”-themed Disney attractions throughout the coming years. The reasoning is simple: Attractions that are based on known brands are more likely to succeed. The release of “Star Wars: Episode VII” on December 18, 2015 is likely to bring the “Star Wars” brand back into public focus.
★ And 22-year-old Vancouver BC actor Avan Jogia (” Victorious”, “Twisted”) is set to tackle the role of Ancient Egyptian pharaoh King Tutankhamun in a new Spike-TV miniseries. He’ll appear alongside Oscar-winning Brit actor Ben Kingsley, who recently signed on to play grand vizier ‘Ay in Tut’. Other casting details have yet to be released. The 6-part series begins shooting in Morocco and Canada this Autumn, then airs next year.
– “Hollywood Reporter”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Benjamin Booker (“Violent Shiver”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Strand of Oaks (“Heal”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Sam Smith (“In the Lonely Hour”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – OneRepublic (“Native”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”). Rerun.

• Becky G – Rebbeca Marie Gomez is from Inglewood, California. She first gained recognition in 2012, after posting several videos of herself performing remixes of popular songs on YouTube.
• Calvin Harris – The 30-year-old Scottish DJ (born Adam Richard Wiles) started dating Brit singer/actress Rita Ora in May 2013 but they split up in June 2014. Ora’s latest song “Poison” contains vindictive references about him in the lyrics.
• Culture Club – The reformed 1980s band are among musicians taking part in the upcoming “BBC Philharmonic Presents…”, a series of concerts aimed at broadening the appeal of orchestra music. They’ll take part in a classical rendition of their chart-topping 1983 album  “Colour by Numbers” at a performance next month.
• Disclosure – The English electronic music duo consists of brothers Guy & Howard Lawrence, who grew up in Surrey. Their debut album “Settle” was nominated for ‘Best Dance/Electronica Album’ at the 2014 Grammy Awards.
• Dierks Bentley – Big and small, he plays them all! Last night he hit Gillette Stadium outside Boston MA, home of the NFL’s New England Patriots; tonight he does the Erie County Fair in Hamburg NY.
• Jason Aldean – After playing Chicago IL on the weekend, his “Burn It Down Tour 2014” is taking a couple weeks off until August 22nd, when it fires up again in St Louis MO. Florida Georgia Line, Miranda Lambert, and Tyler Farr are making guest appearances on select dates.
• Nico & Vinz – The Oslo, Norway-based singing/songwriting duo is composed of Nico Sereba and Vincent Dery. They formed in 2009 under the name Envy but changed it in January after the international success of their hit “Am I Wrong”.
• Sia – Long before the success of “Chandelier”, the Aussie singer/songwriter (full name Sia Furler) collaborated with oodles of pop artists including Afrojack, Beyoncé, Christina Aguilera, David Guetta, Eminem, Flo Rida, Katy Perry, Kesha, Maroon 5, and Rihanna.

This ain’t the English you learned in grammar school, but it’s Scrabble for the Internet age. More than 5,000 words are being added to the new edition of the “Official Scrabble Players Dictionary”, out today. Among them: bromance, buzzkill, chillax, frenemy, funplex, and texter, plus many international words, such as the Yiddish term schmutz (a glob of something). The dictionary is the 76-year-old game’s ultimate argument-settler. Its editors say the addition of pop culture words reflects how quickly new words are created and incorporated into our vernacular nowadays. (Adding them in also motivates users to buy the new edition.)
– “New York Daily News”

Looking for a career change? These may seem like strange jobs but they’re totes for reals …
✓ Home Occupier – You get to live in for-sale luxury homes at dirt cheap prices. However, the house must always be kept in squeaky clean showcase condition. And when it sells, you leave.
✓ Professional Sleeper – Both hotels and travel websites have hired these people to test the comfort of hotel rooms and blog all about it.
✓ Professional Cliff Diver– The ‘Red Bull Cliff Diving World Series’ is in its 6th year and is again touring the globe. The 7-stop tour runs from May to October.
✓ Iceberg Mover – Ice management contractors monitor icebergs in the vicinity of oil rigs. Whenever one becomes a threat, it’s towed out of the area using specialized tugboats.
✓ Paint Drying Watcher – Must carefully observe particles of paint as they dry, both on walls as well as under a microscope, noting the changing colors in particular.
✓ Professional Hitchhiker – In the metropolis of Jakarta, Indonesia vehicles must carry at least 3 passengers in high-traffic ‘3-in-1 Zones’. Thus, drivers are willing to pay for passengers.
✓ Professional Mourner – In Taiwan, staging a dramatic funeral for relatives is a very big deal. So big that wealthy families hire professional mourners to wail and crawl around on the ground.
✓ Lego Model-Maker – In 2013, a UK schoolgirl beat out hundreds of other kids to land this gig helping maintain and update the 1,800 models kept at the Legoland Windsor Resort.
✓ Professional Organizer of Summer Camp Luggage – NYC moms are paying these people up to $1,000 to efficiently pack their kids’ trunks for summer camp.
– Condensed from

A magical-looking tree that produces several varieties of peaches, plums, apricots, nectarines, almonds, and cherries is the work of Syracuse University sculptor and artist Sam Van Aken. He created the plants to make people reconsider different ways food can be produced. So far, 16 of the ‘magical’ trees have been produced using chip-grafting technique. The process involves taking a sliver off a tree including the bud, and inserting that into a cut in a recipient tree, which is taped and left to heal. The result is a single tree that produces a small selection of fruit from 40 different varieties. Since the various fruits ripen at different times, July through October, the owner isn’t inundated with an overabundance all at once. (Are we any closer to a ‘Beef Tree’?)

Seems everyone has a noise that drives them nuts, but for some it’s far more than just an annoyance. People with ‘misophonia’, a rare malady that literally means ‘hatred of sound’, typically have an aversion to everyday noises such as sniffing, clicking, and crunching – even breathing – and react involuntarily. When they hear sounds that are grating it can cause them to fly into fits of rage and even resort to violence. A few that can set them off …
• Chewing sounds, such as eating popcorn.
• Cracking knuckles.
• Opening and shutting of a Zippo lighter.
• Popping bubblegum.
• Scraping bowls clean.
(And what seemingly harmless sound drives you around the bend?)
– MailOnline

Could having a wider face can make you rich? A new University of California study claims that guys with wide faces earn over $2,000 more annually on average than colleagues with narrower heads. Researchers also say those with wide faces are more likely to get a bonus compared to thin-faced rivals. It would seem to make sense, since previous studies have suggested that folks with full faces are more prone to being aggressive, untrustworthy and deceitful. However, the researchers say the full-face advantage also comes with a compromise. Wide-faced people fare less well when it comes to business negotiations. (Does this in any way explain why the boss is a fathead?)
– “Leadership Quarterly”

A family of people with blue skin lived in the state of Kentucky for many generations. The Smurfs, er … make that Fulgates of Troublesome Creek are thought to have gained their blue skin through a combination of inbreeding and a rare genetic condition known as methemoglobinemia.


1950 [64] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)/philanthropist

1967 [47] Joe Rogan, Newark NJ, TV personality (“Ultimate Fighting Championship” since 2002, “Fear Factor” 2001-06)/stand-up comedian (“The Joe Rogan Experience”)

1968 [46] Anna Gunn, Santa Fe NM, TV actress (‘Skyler White’ on “Breaking Bad” 2008-13)

1976 [38] Ben Gibbard, Bremerton WA, rock singer (Death Cab for Cutie-“You Are a Tourist”, “I Will Possess Your Heart”)

1983 [31] Chris Hemsworth, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“The Avengers”, “Thor” movies)

1985 [29] Asher Roth, Morrisville PA, rapper (“I Love College”)

• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh.

• “Perseid Meteor Shower”, when Earth passes through a broad stream of debris from Comet Swift-Tuttle. The best time to observe is early this morning, overnight tonight, and tomorrow night, though it comes on the tail of the year’s brightest full Moon, known as a ‘supermoon’.

• “Play In the Sand Day”, which seemed like a harmless fun activity … until some fear-monger researcher warned a couple of years back that there may be health and safety implications.

• “Son & Daughter Day”, a day to pay special tribute to offspring by giving them the gift of your time together. If they are teenagers they’ll no doubt respond: “Yeah right … whatever.”

1999 [15] Classic rock group KISS is awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

2003 [11] NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its 1st major operation outside of Europe in its 54-year-history (well, that went well)

1994 [20] Longest work stoppage in Major League Baseball history begins (eventually the World Series is cancelled, making the 1st time baseball doesn’t crown a champion in 89 years)

[Tues] Middle Child Day
[Tues] Sewing Machine Day
[Tues] Vinyl Record Day
[Tues] World Elephant Day
[Wed] International Lefthanders Day
[Thurs] International Nagging Day

Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week / Hobo Week / Scrabble Week / Recreational Scuba Diving Week / Resurrect Romance Week / Weird Contest Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with ‘L’ …
• She was the star of the 2004 movie “Mean Girls”. (Lindsay Lohan)
• It’s the organization promoting kid’s baseball. (Little League)
• It’s what the ‘LL’ in LL Cool J is supposed to stand for. (‘Ladies Love’)
• She’s the actress that kicked butt in “Kill Bill” and “Charlie’s Angels”. (Lucy Liu)
• According to the old saying, he who laughs best is he who … (laughs last.)
• It’s a fancy name for the women’s restroom. (Ladies Lavatory)
• It’s the California team named after a geographical feature of its previous home in Minnesota. (LA Lakers)
• It’s what you have if you’re in a relationship with a Hispanic man. (Latin lover.)
– First published in “BS” 2004.

• Service stations now allow customers to pay for a fill-up in just 19 easy payments.
• ‘Batman’ is spotted patrolling the streets on a Schwinn.
• Domino’s only delivers within walking distance.
• As a fire-starter, arsonists are now using propane.
• Latest hybrids now run on 50% electricity, 50% Chanel #5.
• Mobsters are now dousing snitches with olive oil before lighting them up.
• You’ve been suspended from your car-pool until you lose 15 pounds.
– First published in “BS” 2011.

☎ Which modern appliance or technology could you not live without? (A survey on the topic is topped by the Internet, washing machine, email, fridge, and freezer.)

Which can make you cough according to recent studies?
a. Excessive texting.
b. Standing too close to a microwave.
c. Hairy ears. [CORRECT. Several patients have been cured of chronic cough when ear hair that touched their eardrums was removed.]

I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date.

Question: Over the past decade, the number of people getting help for THIS has increased by 60%.
Answer: Snoring.

The more things change, the more they stay insane.

“The Bull Sheet” welcomes Courtney Potts @ 94.9 Mountain Radio [CJPR] Blairmore AB; Hermina Campbell @ BFBS [British Forces Broadcasting Service] London UK; Danny Oldani @ Candy 95.1 [KNDE] College Station TX; Phil Grey @ Lime FM Mount Gambier, Australia; Gracie McGee @ Willie Real Country [WLYE] Glasgow KY; Omale Ogbodo @ Cool FM 95.9 [KWYS] Port Harcourt, Nigeria; and Jim Jones @ Q102 [WQTU] Rome GA.

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