Monday, August 12, 2013        Edition: #5044

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

✶ Today Queen Elizabeth II’s husband Prince Philip makes his 1st appearance in nearly 2 months by handing out medals at a ceremony in Edinburgh, Scotland. The 92-year-old Duke of Edinburgh had an extended stay in hospital in June following stomach surgery, cancelling all public engagements while he recuperated. After today’s event he travels to the Scottish royal retreat at Balmoral to join the Queen on her summer break. (Because he’ll no doubt be exhausted from all the heavy lifting.)
✶ Actor Mel Gibson, previously rumored to be under consideration for Sylvester Stallone’s “Expendables 3”, is now confirmed for the film. Gibson will play the bad guy. Also aboard: Antonio Banderas, and previously announced Harrison Ford, though his role remains unknown. Stallone has tweeted about grievances with former cast member Bruce Willis, calling him ‘greedy and lazy’, and suggesting he’s out of the 3rd installment. But a Lionsgate studio honcho has since implied that it’s too early to be certain about that. (Publicity stunt?)
✶ Nigella Lawson has been branded ‘cold-hearted’ by her stepdaughter. The TV chef split from adman Charles Saatchi in June after photos emerged showing him grabbing her by the throat during an argument. Their divorce was given the greenlight last month. Now Saatchi’s 18-year-old daughter Phoebe, who’s had Nigella as a stepmom for more than a decade, claims the celeb chef has abandoned her, not even speaking to her since the incident. (Once again the greatest pain of divorce is experienced by … the offspring.)
– “Daily Mail”
✶ “Game of Thrones” actors Rose Leslie & Kit Harington, who played onscreen lovers ‘Ygritte & Jon Snow’, have apparently split up in real-life. The acting twosome began dating after becoming close on the set of the hit HBO-TV fantasy series, but their off-screen relationship has reportedly now come to an end. An inside source snitches that Rose has a new boyfriend who is not in the public eye and she’s eager to keep her new relationship out of the spotlight. (Considering we’re already talking about it … so far, not so good.)
– “Mail on Sunday”
✶ And you’ve likely heard that the “Sharknado” sequel to be released next year will take place in NYC, and now the follow-up has a name. The title was crowd-sourced by SyFy network and the movie’s production company on Twitter. Over 5,000 submissions were tallied. And so, the sequel to the instant cult and social media hit “Sharknado” will be named — drumroll please – “Sharknado 2: The Second One”. The network has thanked participants for keeping up the ‘shark-mentum’. (That’s it? How bad must the rest of the entries been?)

• “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC) – Little Big Town hosts highlights of this year’s CMA Music Festival in Nashville TN (June 6-9), including live music on 11 stages, more than 450 artists & celebrities, and about 70,000 singing-and-dancing-till-dawn fans.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Paramore (“Paramore”).
• “Good Morning America “ (ABC) – Special guest host Carrie Underwood promotes “The Blown Away Tour: Live DVD”, being released tomorrow.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The National (“Trouble Will Find Me”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Coup (“Sorry to Bother You”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Pokey LaFarge (“Live in Holland”). Rerun.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Classic rocker Stephen Stills. Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Hiatus Kaiyote (“Tawk Tomahawk”). Rerun.

• Arcade Fire – The Canadian art-rockers are providing the score for director Spike Jonze’s new film “Her”, a sci-fi romance that stars Joaquin Phoenix as a lonely man who falls for a computer operating system, voiced by Scarlett Johansson. The film’s out November 20th.
• Avril Lavigne – She’s announced that her new album will be self-titled. It includes collaborations with her husband Chad Kroeger of Nickelback and an appearance by Marilyn Manson. A release date is yet to be announced.
• Chris Brown – Paramedics were called to LA’s Record Plant studios on Friday after he reported feeling lightheaded and dehydrated and fell to the floor. Brown is said to have refused treatment and did not want to be transported to a local hospital for a check-up.
• Florida Georgia Line – They’ve broken their own record for total weeks spent at #1 on the country chart as “Cruise” is now on top for a 23rd week.
• Kenny Chesney – He has announced he is taking 2014 off from touring and instead focusing on a new album. He says though he enjoys the road and the fans, he wants to put the music first again. (BS translation: He’s getting old.)
• Neil Young & Crazy Horse – They’ve cancelled the remainder of their European tour due to guitarist Poncho Sampedro suffering a broken hand. He’s expected to make a full recovery in time for the band’s North American tour leg, which starts August 31st in Dundas, Ontario.
• Panic! At the Disco – Drummer Spencer Smith has decided to take some time off from the band’s current tour in order to seek treatment for drug & alcohol addiction. The tour continues tonight in Cincinnati OH with a fill-in drummer.
• Robin Thicke – 6 albums into his career he’s finally scored his first #1 album with “Blurred Lines”, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Last week was his best sales week ever.
• Sheryl Crow – She’s now wearing an eyepatch after an injury suffered while playing sports with her young sons. (On the upside, she may be considered for the next “Pirates Of the Caribbean” film!)
• Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – They’re returning to The Venetian Theatre in Las Vegas for 20 more performances of their “Soul2Soul” show between this October and April 2014. Tickets go on sale this Saturday.

South Korea has switched on a road that recharges electric vehicles as they drive over it. The OLEV (online electric vehicle) project’s 12 km (7.5 miles) route is the first of its kind in the world. It means vehicles fitted with compatible equipment do not need to stop to recharge and can therefore use smaller than normal batteries. Two public buses are already using the technology and there are plans to add 10 more by 2015. A device fitted to the bottom of the buses converts power from electromagnetic fields generated by cables installed under the road. (Can we have this on our cars … please?)
– BBC Technology News

Desperate and dateless? Here are a few tips from relationship experts …
✓ Go out with friends.
✓ Use today’s mainstream online dating services.
✓ Talk to as many potential candidates as possible.
✓ Become an interesting conversationalist.
✓ Keep an open mind.
✓ Learn to be comfortable with yourself.
✓ Look your best.
✓ Don’t be desperate or overeager.
✓ Act like a gentleman or lady … they’re a dying breed!
✓ Learn to accurately size up potential partners.
– Condensed from

A new app developed in Japan called ‘Nenshou’ (‘For Girls’) features some slick-haired anime dudes saying things like: “Fat girl, do some more exercise, okay fatty?” It’s like being in a pocket-sized abusive relationship! The app also offers workout instruction and the more weight you lose, the more your ‘trainer’ comes around to the idea of getting busy with you. Interestingly, while ‘Nenshou’ is heavy on insults, the male version of the app features pretty anime ladies offering compliments and encouragement. (Are angry women more motivated?)

Some sounds in today’s cars are completely artificial. For instance, the clicking of a turn signal was once a result of the mechanical process that turned the light on-and-off. Nowadays that sound is more likely generated by an MP3 file. And over the past few decades, the auto industry has been reducing engine RPMs to improve fuel economy, which has resulted in a low frequency sound the human ear finds unpleasant. So many automakers (ie: BMW) are turning to fake car noises that make cars sound like … well, cars. (They come equipped with a kid in the backseat going, “Vroom, vroom, VROOM!”)

Chimpanzees and orangutans swim a form of the breaststroke.
– “New Scientist”


1949 [64] Mark Knopfler, Glasgow, Scotland, classic rock singer-guitarist (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)

1956 [57] Bruce Greenwood, Noranda QC, movie actor (“Star Trek Into Darkness”, “The Place Beyond the Pines”)

1965 [48] Peter Krause, Alexandria MN, TV actor (‘Adam Braverman’ on “Parenthood” since 2010, “Dirty Sexy Money” 2007-09, “Six Feet Under” 2001-05)

1975 [38] Casey Affleck, Falmouth MA, movie actor (“Gone Baby Gone”, “Ocean’s 11” movies)

• “International Youth Day”, a United Nations observance since 1999 to draw attention to youth issues worldwide. (Acne?)

• “Middle Children’s Day”, a salute to middle-born children whose childhood activities were limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. (Aw, ya whiners!)

• “Perseid Meteor Shower”, when Earth passes through a broad stream of debris from Comet Swift-Tuttle. The best time to observe is 10:30 pm-4:30 am local time today and tomorrow.

• “Truck Driver Day”, saluting the long-haulers that always deliver the goods. Ever notice truckers always say that they ‘drive truck’, not ‘drive trucks’?

• “Vinyl Record Day”, celebrated annually on the earliest of several possible dates in 1877 on which Thomas Edison may have invented the phonograph. The purpose is to encourage the preservation of the recordings, the cover art, and the cultural influence of vinyl records. Do they really sound ‘warmer’ as aficionados claim? Maybe that’s why they’re making a comeback?

1978 [35] The Commodores’ “Three Times a Lady” hits #1 on pop charts

2009 [04] Electric guitar pioneer and Rock & Roll Hall of Fame honoree Les Paul dies at age 94 in White Plains NY (among his innovations: solid-body electric guitar, overdubbing, phasing, multitrack recording)

1981 [32] IBM introduces its 1st ‘Personal Computer’, the model 5150 equipped with MS-DOS 1.0, Intel 4.77 MHz microprocessor, 16 kB of RAM, and a price tag of $1,565 (4-grand in today’s dollars)

1973 [40] Golfer Jack Nicklaus wins the PGA Championship for his 14th major title, surpassing Bobby Jones’ record of 13 (Nicklaus goes on to win 20 majors, a record that still stands)

1978 [35] Arron Marshall completes world record ‘Longest Shower’ … 336 hours or 14 days (bet his fingertips pruned up real good!)

[Tues] “Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival 2013” plays in movie theaters
[Tues] International Lefthander’s Day
[Wed] Creamsicle Day
[Wed] International Nagging Day
[Thurs] Best Friends Day
This Week Is … Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week
This Month Is … Catfish Month


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Your office desktop is 400 times dirtier than your toilet seat, with 21,000 bacteria per square inch compared to 50. That’s because we don’t often clean our desks but sure scrub our toilets.
• Each year thousands of us receive injuries from dishwashers. Among them: burns from steam when opening the door while the machine’s running, or falling in to be impaled on knives.
• 40% of all hospital admissions due to falls are caused by footwear, and of those about half are attributed to high heels. Not just from wearing them … also from being stepped on by them.
• An estimated 15,000 are injured each year by knickknacks, odds & ends, bric-a-brac, vases & urns. How so? You reach up to dust one and everything comes crashing down on you!
• If you live in a city you’re more at risk of being killed by a vehicle than being mugged in an alley.
• Stuffed bears are far more dangerous than grizzly bears. More than 20 deaths a year are caused by plush bears, less than 1 per year by the real deal.
• Even weekends aren’t good for you. A Dutch study says many suffer ‘leisure sickness’ on weekends … because that’s when we finally have time to be sick. And if you’re hospitalized, your odds of survival are worse. Hospital deaths are 9% higher for weekend admissions.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

• If you have trouble getting your kids’ attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
• One child is often not enough, but 2 children can be far too many.
• Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
• There are 3 ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, and forbid your kids to do it.
• A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
• The best thing to spend on your children is time.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

I’m doing what I can to help the environment. I started a compost pile … in the backseat of my car.

What’s the official name for the ‘pound key’ or ‘number sign’ on a phone keypad?
a. Cross-hatch.
b. Octothorpe. [CORRECT]
c. Ponic.

What were some of the ‘creative crowd labels’, the odd names for cliques, during your high school days? For example: brainiacs, bangers, burnouts, eggheads, emos, geeks, greasers, hicks, jocks, metal-heads, nerds, punks, preps, shop rats, skaters, smokers, stoners, and taggers.

Question: Scientists studying the brain have decided that doing THIS can actually make you smarter.
Answer: Dancing.

Any line-up, however short, is still too long.

Welcome aboard to this week’s “BS” newbies: Don Jones @ 96X The Rock [KKTX] Tyler, Texas; Caressa @ 96.6 Legends FM Colombo, Sir Lanka; Jim McGregor @ Radio, Syracuse NY.

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