Monday, August 13, 2012        Edition: #4807

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

• NYC’s UN General Assembly hosted one of its more unusual events Friday night as Beyoncé performed “I Was Here”, her new single in aid of World Humanitarian Day. The singer took to the stage dressed in a skin-tight sequined white gown, with floor-to-ceiling screens behind her showing images of regions around-the-world that have experienced disaster or famine. Cameras rolled throughout the performance to make a music video which will be released on Sunday, August 19th, World Humanitarian Day. (If nothing else, a smart career move!)
• Pro football wide receiver Chad Johnson (formerly known as Chad Ochocinco) has been arrested in Miami, Florida on suspicion of domestic violence. Now signed with the NFL’s Miami Dolphins, he was detained by police Saturday night after an argument with his new wife, Evelyn Lozada, who claims her husband head-butted her, She was treated at a local hospital for a cut to the forehead while he spent the night at Broward County Jail waiting to appear before a judge. He’s facing a misdemeanor charge of simple battery, domestic violence. (Another low point in this guy’s dwindling, mediocre career.)
• The stars of the popular Brit-made TV show “Downton Abbey” have been asked to destroy their scripts in order to avoid a storyline leak before the highly-anticipated 3rd season. Actress Amy Nuttall, who plays housemaid ‘Ethel Parks’, says cast members are under very strict instructions to keep the scripts safe, then ordered to shred or burn them as soon as they’ve memorized their lines. Nuttall says they’re also banned from talking about the show with family or friends. (This show has better security than most countries!)
– “Daily Star Sunday”
• British royal Prince William will be completely bald by the time he is 40, warns Britain’s leading hair transplant surgeon Dr Asim Shahmalak. William has been losing hair since age 25, the doc claims, thanks to a strong family gene. To restore the fine, light brown hair on the top of his head to a reasonable density, he will need at least 3,000 or 4,000 hair grafts where hair is taken from the back of the scalp and moved to the top of the head. (Why can’t they use back hair?)
• Rarely do celebs talk about breast implants but Brooke Burke-Charvet is, and getting paid for it! ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars” co-host is starring in a series of videos for Mentor, the huge medical supply company that makes breast implants. In a promotional campaign called ‘Love Your Look’, the mother-of-4 discusses all the reasons a woman might want to change the look of her body. Insiders say Brooke never directly mentions that she’s had surgery, she just ‘gets real’ about it. (Well, that’d be about the only ‘real’ thing about her, wouldn’t it?)


• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – fun. (“Some Nights”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Grace Potter & The Nocturnals (“The Lion The Beast The Beat”). Rerun.
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – “Twilight Saga” actor and jilted boyfriend Rob Pattinson for what is sure to be a squirmy interview.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Walk Off the Earth (“My Rock”). Rerun.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Down With Webster (“Time to Win, Vol 2”).
• “Great Performances” (PBS) – Tony Bennett sings his greatest hits with contemporary artists. Performers include Amy Winehouse. Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Alabama Shakes (“Boys & Girls”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Trentemoller “Into the Great Wide Yonder”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Needtobreathe (“The Reckoning”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Glen Hansard (“Rhythm & Repose”).
• “Perez Hilton All Access” (CW) – Perez catches up with Lady Gaga in Hollywood.
• “Stars Earn Stripes” (NBC/Global) – In the series premiere, hosts Samantha Harris & General Wesley Clark introduce 8 ‘celebrity’ competitors (ie: Nick Lachey) who take on military-inspired challenges for charity.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – The Fray (“Scars & Stories”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Norah Jones (“Little Broken Hearts”).


• Beastie Boys – Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch stipulated in his will that his music cannot be used in any advertising, so they’re now suing Monster Energy Drink for using a number of their songs in a promo clip for the “2012 Ruckus In the Rockies” snowboarding competition.
• Beck – This December he’s releasing “Song Reader”, a new album that’s in the form of … sheet music. It comprises 108 pages in 20 individual song booklets, 18 of which will include lyrics. He calls it ‘an experiment in what an album can be at the end of 2012’.
• Drake – He’s revealed that the new Aaliyah song “Enough Said”, on which he contributes a verse, is from a planned posthumous album with as many as 14 new Aaliyah songs. She died in a 2001 plane crash at age 22. It’s unclear how he came to possess the unreleased material.
• Radiohead – A fund has been established in memory of their drum tech Scott Johnson, killed when the band’s stage collapsed in Toronto in June. The Scott Johnson Bursary Fund for Young Musicians will provide musical equipment in his hometown of Rotherham UK.
• Taylor Swift – Tonight at 7 pm ET she hosts a live webcast in which she talks to fans and answers questions. It can be accessed through YouTube or on her official website,
• Whitney Houston – A new greatest hits album is due this Fall via RCA Records. While a tracklist, title, and release date have yet to be announced, sources are suggesting it will be the first compilation to span her entire career and include the original versions of all her hits.

A new report says the world’s appetite for beer hit a new high in the past year, with China leading the way. It’s the 27th consecutive year that beer production has notched up an increase. In 2011 China was the world’s largest beer producer for the 10th straight year, accounting for about 25% of all production. The USA saw a slight decrease from the year before but still ranked 2nd at 12%. Brazil ranked 3rd, Russia 4th. (Where they say, “This Baltika’s for you.”)
– Associated Press

Stressed men find heavier women more attractive. That’s the conclusion of British researchers who’ve found that men exposed to tasks that put them under pressure tend to prefer a ‘wider range’ (literally) of female body sizes. That could be due to evolution. If you look at stressful environments where food is scarce, people’s preferences for body size are much heavier compared to environments where there’s plenty of food. That’s likely because the full-sized are perceived as well-fed and therefore healthier. (Thin may be in but fat is where it’s at!)
– BBC News


• In Israel, ‘Modesty Glasses’ are the latest prescription for extreme ultra-Orthodox Jewish men who shun contact with the opposite sex. The eyeglasses  provide clear vision for up to a few meters so as not to impede movement, but anything beyond that gets blurry … including women considered to be immodestly dressed. The ultra-Orthodox community’s unofficial ‘modesty patrols’ are selling the eyewear. It’s not known how many have been sold.
– “Globe & Mail”
• She has the dress, the venue, and the date for her wedding. Now all Australian astrologer Anita Chakra Burtty needs is … a groom. She says she’s convinced she’ll meet her man in October or November, just in time for her already bought-and-paid-for nuptials. Her astrological readings indicate those months are ripe for love. “Hopefully once he meets me,” she says, “he’ll realize I’m a very fun person and he won’t mind that I’m only a tiny bit insane.”


A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … babies as young as 8-months-old can suffer from depression. (Other babies are more optimistic and see the diaper as half FULL.)
• Scientists say … dog owners are more assertive than other people, according to a study by German sociologists. (We say they’re wimps, otherwise they’d bite the mailman themselves.)
• Scientists say … if you pose a question to yourself before you fall asleep, your subconscious will work on the problem all night. (A good question might be, “How come I can’t get to sleep?”)
• Scientists say … female runners who have sex before sprinting tend to run faster, but men who have sex before running tend to run slower. (Seems Usain ain’t gettin’ any.)


• Mice can be genetically modified to run 5 km on a treadmill without stopping. (Cool, alternative energy source?)
– “Financial Times”
• The earliest known use of the contracted expression ‘OMG’ was in a 1917 letter to Winston Churchill. (“Last night, Winnie, you were so … OMG!”)
– “New York Magazine”
• Olympic swimmers pee in the pool. Michael Phelps says the chlorine kills it so it’s not so bad. (OK, let’s just cross that dream off the old bucket list.)
– “Evening Standard”


1926 [86] Fidel Castro, Biran, Cuba, Cuban President (1959-2008) who turned over leadership to his li’l brother, Raul Castro (now 81)

1955 [57] Paul Greengrass, Cheam UK, movie director (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “The Bourne Supremacy”)

1973 [39] Andy Griggs, West Monroe LA, country singer (“If Heaven”, “She’s More”)

1978 [34] Mike Melancon, Mount Laurier QC, country musician (Emerson Drive-“Moments”, “Fall Into Me”)

1984 [28] James Morrison (Catchpole), Rugby UK, pop singer-songwriter-guitarist (“I Won’t Let You Go”, f/Nelly Furtado-“Broken Strings”)


• “Filet Mignon Day” (French for ‘cute fillet’ or ‘dainty fillet’), celebrating the beef steak cut from the tenderloin. The fillet is considered to be the most tender cut … and the most expensive. The average steer or heifer provides no more than 4-to-6 lbs of fillet.

• “International Lefthanders Day”, first celebrated on Friday, August 13, 1976 to salute that forgotten visible minority … lefties. Only about 10% of us are left-handed. If you’re one of them, shake off the oppression and stand up for your lefts!
– Common items not designed for lefthanders include scissors, fishing reel, rifle, corkscrew, can opener, video camera, guitar, soup ladle. Ask lefty listeners to whine about more items.
– Try this simple test: Sitting comfortably, fold your hands together. A lefthander will usually have the right thumb on top.
– There is a high tendency in twins for one to be left-handed.
– Lefties excel particularly in tennis, baseball, swimming, and fencing.
– Left-handers are sometimes called ‘southpaws’ because at one time most baseball parks were constructed so the setting sun was behind the batter. The left-handed pitcher’s throwing arm would therefore be toward the south side as he faced the plate.
– Southpaws are more likely to be at the extreme ends of the intelligence scale.

• “Skinny Dipping Day”, saluting the decadent delight of swimming in the altogether … if there are no mosquitoes. (Hey, when’s ‘Fat Dipping Day’?)


1982 [30] Landmark teen comedy “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” opens in movie theaters, written by Cameron Crowe and featuring an ensemble cast that includes Anthony Edwards, Forest Whitaker, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Nicolas Cage, Phoebe Cates, and Sean Penn

1997 [15] TV cartoon series “South Park” debuts (the first time ‘Kenny’ gets killed)


1982 [30] Music labels Columbia, Atlantic, and Warner Bros announce a series of major staff cuts in response to plummeting record sales (which the industry blames on rocketing sales of blank cassette tapes)

2011 [01] Just prior to a Sugarland show at the Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis, the main stage collapses during a hurricane-force wind gust, killing 7 and injuring 45 (opening act Sara Bareilles had just completed her performance)


2004 [08] Opening ceremony for the “Games of the XXVIII Olympiad” in Athens, Greece (where the modern Olympics were first held in 1896)


2008 [04] USA swimmer Michael Phelps sets record for most gold medals won by an individual in Olympic history (a total of 14) with his win in the men’s 200-meter butterfly (at London 2012 he sets a new record for winning most Olympic medals all-time with his 19th)


[Tues] Creamsicle Day
[Tues] International Nagging Day
[Tues] Financial Awareness Day
[Wed] Best Friends Day
[Wed] Medical Dosimetrist Day
[Wed] Relaxation Day


Aviation Week / Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week / Freedom of Enterprise Week / Scrabble Week / Weird Contest Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Laxatives: They irritate the crap out of you.
Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.
Vacations: They never seem to be long enough.
Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders: You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Commercials: You can’t believe a word they say.
Discount department stores: Their clothes are always half-off.
Government bonds: They take sooo long to mature.
Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Parking spots: All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
– First published in “BS” 2002


☎ What makes more sense, sending a team of 277 Canadians to the Olympics or sending 100 well-funded athletes who have a shot at achieving gold medals? Access or success?


I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only 10 minutes.


Question: On average, men spend 15 minutes doing THIS on Mondays.
Answer: Complaining. (“USA Today”)


Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.


Jim Gonzola @ 100.1 The Eagle [KJBI] Fort Pierre SD; Amber Gagnier @, Fullerton CA; Marc Teskey @ CJTT FM, Temiskaming Shores ON; Scott Smith @ Y102 [KRNY] Kearney NE; Erin Rizzo @ The One [KWTS] Canyon TX; and Shannon Gill @ The Rock of Seattle [KISW] Seattle WA. Welcome, all!

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