Thursday, August 13, 2015        Edition: #5515

Have Another Sheetload!

★ Actress Lucy Liu has teamed up with Ellen Stockbridge, costume designer on her TV drama “Elementary”, to create Le Roar, a line of non-toxic goods for dogs. Le Roar merchandise is touted as ‘the ultimate in gorgeous, high quality pet products’ made with the same level of quality pet-owners expect themselves. Liu says the idea developed after she became tired of paying top dollar for products that either fell apart or could be torn apart by pets.
★ This week the cast & crew of “Downton Abbey” have been honored with a special award from the British Academy of Film & Television Arts (BAFTA) to celebrate the TV show’s global success. The event was held as filming on the 6th and final season concluded. Dan Stevens, who played ‘Matthew Crawley’ for 3 seasons before leaving to pursue a career in Hollywood, rejoined his co-stars on the event’s red carpet. The award was presented by British actress Julie Walters during a special ceremony at the Richmond Theatre in London.
★ And ‘Uggie’ the dog has died in Los Angeles. He rose to prominence in the Oscar-winning silent film “The Artist” (2011) as the scene-stealing pet of main character ‘George Valentine’, played by Jean Dujardin. He also received praise for his role in “Water for Elephants” and a number of TV commercials, and helped to raise the profile of acting dogs in Hollywood. The Jack Russell terrier was owned by Omar Von Muller who rescued him from being sent to a dog pound. The 13-year-old has been suffering from a prostate tumor and was put to sleep.
– Bang Showbiz

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Juanes (“Loco de Amor”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Young Rising Sons (“The High”). Rerun.
• “The Seventies” (CNN) – Tonight’s episode examines how American music re-invented itself and developed new formats (disco, punk, etc), and focuses on Billy Joel, Blondie, and KISS.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Robin Thicke (“Morning Sun”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – 1980s-90s hip hop veterans Salt-N-Pepa.

• Aretha Franklin – She’s cancelled a scheduled gig in Las Vegas due to exhaustion. The 73-year-old ‘Queen of Soul’ was due to perform at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace on Friday night but has now pulled out after driving all the way from Detroit to California for 3 shows.
• Britney Spears – The 33-year-old pop star has announced she’s landed a guest role on TV dramedy series “Jane The Virgin” (CW), claiming it’s ‘one of her all-time favorite shows’ (well, it is now).
• Ice Cube – His 24-year-old son O’Shea Jackson Jr tells “Playboy” he had to fight to play his dad in “Straight Outta Compton” (opening Friday). Quote: “It took 2 years of working with coaches, plus about 3 auditions and a screen test before they gave me the greenlight.”
• John Fogerty – Following previous rumors, it’s now officially confirmed he’ll join “The Voice” this season as an advisor to coach Adam Levine’s team. The new season begins September 21st on NBC-TV.
• Kendrick Lamar – He’ll be Stephen Colbert’s 1st musical guest on CBS-TV’s “The Late Show” when Colbert makes his hosting debut September 8th (Lamar was his last musical guest on “The Colbert Report”). Colbert’s first “Late Show” interview is George Clooney.
• Meghan Trainor – She’s canceled “The M Train Tour” due to a hemorrhage on her vocal cords … which seems to be a prevalent problem of late. The tour had been scheduled to feature “See You Again” singer Charlie Puth as support act.
• Michael Ray – It’s taken his hit “Kiss You In the Morning” a slow-but-steady 26 weeks to get to the top of this week’s ‘Billboard Country Airplay’ ranking.
• New Edition – BET has announced it will air a mini-series about the 1980s boy-band. Bobby Brown will not be involved but former bandmates Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins, Ronnie DeVoe, Johnny Gill, and Ralph Tresvant have all signed on to co-produce the project, due in 2016.
• Zayn Malik / Perrie Edwards – They’re reportedly selling their luxury London mansion in the wake of their high profile break-up. The former couple bought the $4.8 million-home in the leafy outskirts last month, but following their split weeks later the house is now back on the market.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Collateral Beauty” – Will Smith is in talks to take over Hugh Jackman’s lead role in this drama about a NYC adman whose colleagues devise an unconventional plan to break him out of severe depression after a deep personal tragedy. Rooney Mara has the female lead. Principal photography is set to start in the Fall.
• “The Devil In the White City” – Erik Larson’s 2003 bestseller is headed to the bigscreen, with Martin Scorsese directing and Leonardo DiCaprio starring. Larson’s nonfiction book is about a serial killer who used the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair as a setting for his murders. The film marks the 6th collaboration for Scorsese and DiCaprio, following “The Wolf of Wall Street”.
• “Ghostbusters” – It’s now confirmed that Bill Murray will appear in the reboot, but in what role is unknown. He starred in the original 1984 film as did Dan Aykroyd, who has written the script and also appears in a scene. Rocker Ozzy Osbourne also has a cameo. The new version starring Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy is scheduled to open in July 2016.
• “Lady Bird” – 33-year-old actress Greta Gerwig (“Mistress America”, opening Friday) is set to make her solo directorial debut with this new film for which she’s also penned the script. The story centers on a young woman’s last year spent in Sacramento, California. That’s Gerwig’s hometown and also where the film begins shooting next March.
• “Michelle Darnell” – Melissa McCarthy’s next role is a corporate professional who tries to rebrand herself as America’s sweetheart after she’s released from jail for insider trading. The film’s a family affair, with McCarthy’s husband Ben Falcone directing and their 8-year-old daughter Vivian playing a younger version of the title character. The film’s due in April 2016.

47-year-old Greek billionaire Alkiviades David claims the hologram business is going to be as big as the movie market. He formed the company Hologram USA in 2014 after buying the patent for the technology that created the Tupac Shakur hologram that performed at Coachella in 2012. He intends to stage shows featuring digital likenesses of the late Ray Charles, comedian Richard Pryor, The Doors’ Jim Morrison, Liberace, Mariah Carey, and other dead or past-their-prime performers. The project will require retrofitting venues with the technology to deliver the holographic shows. Among David’s 3D possibilities … bringing back The Beatles. He also mentions resurrecting Jesus. (Whose hologram would you pay to see?)
– “New York Magazine”

✓ A plentiful assortment of animal eggs.
✓ Pig faces.
✓ Frozen crocodiles.
✓ Snickers packaged with Eveready batteries.
✓ Live frogs.
✓ Live turtles.
✓ Shark heads.
✓ Fox meat.
✓ Chicken feet.
✓ Powdered horse milk.
✓ Cucumber flavored potato chips.
✓ Diet water.
– Adapted from

Norway pioneered the concept of ‘slow TV’, whereby glacier-paced events are shown in real time. Having broadcast a 7-hour train journey and a knitting marathon, the country’s national broadcaster is now eyeing a new subject for one of its live marathons … migrating reindeer. NRK is hoping to air the animals’ movements in real time as they’re herded from the highlands to grazing land on the Norwegian coast. The migration is an important aspect of life for Norway’s indigenous Sami people, who herd the animals each Spring. While the reindeer herds  can take several weeks to make the journey, only 7 days will be shown. Anything more, a spokesperson admits, would even be too slow for so-called ‘slow TV’. (We already have this … it’s called baseball.)
– #NewsfromElsewhere

Proof positive that adding a percentage makes even the dumbest statement seem more legit …
✗ 65% of people who use get matched up with themselves.
✗ 37% of Comedy Central’s “Inside Amy Schumer” is actually shot inside Amy Schumer.
✗ The last words of 33% of men are: “Hey, watch this!”
✗ 14% of 1980s Cabbage Patch Kids dolls have been turned into compost in cabbage patches.
✗ Only 11% of users of Craigslist are named Craig.

R-I-P ‘LOL’:
The old school texting abbreviation ‘LOL’ may be on its way out. According to a new report by Facebook, it’s users now tend to use ‘haha’ to indicate laughter far more frequently than any other form of expression. In an analysis of Facebook posts and comments, the term surfaced in over 51% of expressions of glee. Laughing emojis are 2nd-most-common, appearing in about 34% of posts; and ‘hehe’ takes 3rd place, appearing in 13% of instances of written laughter. Old fashioned ‘LOL’ now shows up in less than 2% of jovial messages exchanged on the social network. Facebook researchers have also found that about 15% of posts and comments include laughter expressed in some form. (Snort.)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … when men interact with attractive women, they may become ‘cognitively impaired’. (BS translation: Talking to a pretty girl increases a guy’s likelihood of saying something really, really stupid.)
• Scientists say … babies as young as 8-months-old can suffer from depression. (Other babies are more optimistic and see the diaper as half FULL.)
• Scientists say … dog owners are more assertive than others. German sociologists have found that people who are ‘domineering’ are more likely to own dogs. (Such as German shepherds.)
• Scientists say … female runners who have sex before sprinting tend to run faster. On the other hand, “Fit For Fun” magazine reports that men who have sex before running tend to run slower. (Because they’ll have just woken up from a nap.)

Your ability to lie peaks in young adulthood and then gradually declines. (And that’s the truth.)
– “New Scientist”


1926 [89] Fidel Castro, Biran, Cuba, Cuban President (1959-2008) who turned over leadership to his li’l brother, Raul Castro (now 84)

1955 [60] Paul Greengrass, Cheam UK, movie director (“Captain Phillips”, “The Bourne Ultimatum”)  UP NEXT: Untitled “Bourne 5” in 2016.

1962 [53] John Slattery, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Roger Sterling’ on “Mad Men” 2007-15)/movie actor (“Ted 2”, “Iron Man 2”)

1973 [42] Andy Griggs, West Monroe LA, country singer (“If Heaven”, “She’s More”)

1978 [37] Mike Melancon, Mount Laurier QC, country musician (Emerson Drive-“Who We Are”, “Fall Into Me”)

1984 [31] James Morrison (Catchpole), Rugby UK, pop singer-songwriter-guitarist (“I Won’t Let You Go”, f/Nelly Furtado-“Broken Strings”)

• “Filet Mignon Day” (French for ‘cute fillet’ or ‘dainty fillet’), celebrating the beef steak cut from the tenderloin. The fillet is considered to be the most tender cut … and the most expensive.

• “International Lefthanders Day”, first celebrated in 1976 to salute that forgotten visible minority … lefties. Only about 10% of us are left-handed. If you’re one of them, shake off the oppression and stand up for your lefts! Things that are awkward for lefties …

• “Skinny Dipping Day”, saluting the decadent delight of swimming in the altogether … if there are no mosquitoes.

2012 [03] Helen Gurley Brown, editor-in-chief of “Cosmopolitan” magazine for 32 years, dies in NYC at age 90

2011 [04] Before a Sugarland concert, the main stage at the Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis collapses during a hurricane-force wind gust, killing 7 and injuring 45

2014 [01] Celine Dion announces she will not be performing for the indefinite future as she’ll be focusing on taking care of her husband as he recovers from throat cancer surgery

2008 [07] At the London Olympics, USA swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the most decorated Olympian of all-time, with a total of 22 medals

[Fri] Shop Online For Groceries Day
[Fri] Worldwide Art Day
[Sat] Best Friends Day
[Sat] World Honey Bee Day
[Sun] “Show Me a Hero” debuts (HBO)
[Sun] Roller Coaster Day
This Week Is … International Clown Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month


✗ Show Up Late – “Well, the 4th quarter was just starting when you called so …”
✗ Freak Out – Screaming “Tell me she’s going to be OK!” is not advised.
✗ Overshare – Talking about how well your mom/sister/(worst of all) ex easily handled labor.
✗ Bad Breath – Pop a mint before wheezing “You can do it!” 2 inches away from her face.
✗ Whine – Complaining that your partner is squeezing your hand too hard during contractions.
✗ Philosophize – Noting how animals give birth to litters all by themselves with no nurses or hospitals.
✗ Invite Guests – “Hey, honey! You remember my college roomie, Dougie, don’t you?”
✗ Make Wisecracks – “Well, I guess we’ll see if it’s really mine soon!”
✗ Social Media –”I just Vined your last contraction, honey!”
✗ Complain – Moaning about being tired and bored and how long it’s taking.
✗ Have Second Thoughts – Stressing out that you’re maybe not ready to have a kid.
– Adapted from

☎ “That was good for me. Was it good for you too?” Well it wasn’t. Do you say so?

Which is the most-hated type of business?
a. Auto Dealership [CORRECT]
b. Funeral Home
c. Payday Loan Office
– Better Business Bureau poll

Donald Trump’s former Connecticut mansion that he bought at age 35 is for sale and featured this week at …

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only 10 minutes.

Question: Women who regularly do THIS gain about 15 lbs on average.
Answer: Watch cooking shows.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

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