Tuesday, August 14, 2012        Edition: #4808


Here, Have Another Sheetload!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today 60-year-old veteran actor Ronn Moss films his final scenes for daytime soap opera “The Bold & The Beautiful” (CBS) after 25 years of playing fashion magnate ‘Ridge Forrester’ (no reason for his leaving given, although we’d bet on “I JUST CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!”) . . . 72-year-old ex-“Monty Python” comic John Cleese has wed his 4th wife on the Caribbean island of Mustique, Jennifer Wade, a woman 31 years his junior (you’d think he’d learn – ex-wife #3 cost $12.8 million in cash & assets) . . . 37-year-old former heroin addict -turned-actor Russell Brand, subject of the new BBC3 documentary “Russell Brand: From Addiction to Recovery”, tells “The Sun” he wishes he could have helped late singer Amy Winehouse get off drugs (you’re about a year late and a kilo short) . . . Former “Harry Potter” star Tom Felton (‘Draco Malfoy’) says he now cheers himself up when he’s feeling down by going incognito to join fans on the tour of the movie studio where he filmed the hit series (something truly sad about this) . . . TV personality Anderson Cooper’s boyfriend, club owner Ben Maisani, has been snapped kissing another man in a NYC park, just a few months after Cooper came out as gay (seems no none promised monogamy) . . . And it’s been confirmed that Jennifer Aniston & long-time boyfriend Justin Theroux have just become engaged to get married (ironically, just days after “Star Magazine” claimed they’d split up – brilliant journalism!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 12 acts discovered online perform.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Grizzly Bear (“Shields”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Eric Hutchinson (“Moving Up Living Down”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Adam Lambert (“Trespassing”). Rerun.
• “Honda Civic Tour” (Boston MA) – Tonight the 2012 edition kicks off at suburban Boston’s Comcast Center featuring Linkin Park, Incubus, and Mutemath.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Good Old War (“Come Back As Rain”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Melvins (“Freak Puke”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Rodriguez (“Searching for Sugar Man”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jordin Sparks (“Battlefield”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Reba McEntire (“All the Women I Am”). Rerun.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• ABBA – Already a princess, having been married to a late German prince, 66-year-old Anni-Frid Reuss (aka Frida Lyngstad) is now living in Switzerland with a British peer. Her boyfriend, 56-year-old Henry Smith, has become the 5th Viscount Hambleden after the death of his father earlier this month.
• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – Tonight the North American leg of their “Wrecking Ball Tour” begins with the 1st show of a 2-night stand at Boston’s iconic Fenway Park. They’ll primarily play baseball and football stadiums for the rest of the Summer.
• Incubus – Today’s release “Incubus HQ Live” chronicles 6 nights of shows in LA. The live set comes in 3 configurations: 16-track CD & DVD, a Special Edition 28-track double CD, and a Limited Edition Box Set.
• Lady Gaga – Tonight the 21-show European leg of her “Born This Way Ball” begins in Sofia, Bulgaria. British glam rockers The Darkness and DJ Lady Starlight open the shows. The tour is expected to encompass 110 shows around-the-world by the time it wraps up in 2013.
• R Kelly – He’s pulled out of a deal to play 2 concerts aboard a cruise ship during a 5-day Caribbean voyage leaving Miami, Florida in October. No reason is given for the cancellation, but TMZ.com reports promoters have allegedly failed to pay him. In advance?
• The Wanted – 23-year-old Max George has made a celibacy vow for the Brit boy-band’s upcoming US tour in a bid to win back his ex-girlfriend, “Coronation Street” actress Michelle Keegan. They split in July after he was pictured kissing another girl in a club. Keegan recently commented: “I don’t want anything more to do with men.”

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:

• “The Raid: Redemption” ( NR Action ): A rookie member of an elite special-forces team (Iko Uwais) is instructed to hang back during a covert mission involving the extraction of a brutal crime lord from a rundown 15-story apartment block. But when a spotter blows their cover, the crime boss goes after the entire special forces team.
• Also released today: “Community: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Dexter: The 6th Season” (TV); “The Essential Games Of the Chicago Cubs/Philadelphia Phillies/Texas Rangers” (Sports Docs); “Glee: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “John Wayne: In the Saddle” (Western Classics Box Set); “Stallone 3-Film Collector’s Set” (Compilation); “Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation” (Animation); “Vega$: The Complete 6th Season (TV); and “VeggieTales: The Penniless Princess” (Animation).

GREAT, NOW YOUR POOCH IS LAUGHING AT YOU:

Using ultra-sensitive microphones Experimental Psychology Professor Patricia Simonet of Sierra Nevada College has found that dogs make 4 basic types of sounds: Barks, growls, whines and … laughs. Yep, she claims the laugh is a ‘huh huh’ sound that’s too high-pitched for humans to hear. But how does she know they’re laughing? The sound is only made during play and when puppies hear recordings of the noise, they love it! (To hear this sound, simply say: “Is that my favorite slippers all chewed up?”)
– PA News

DIGITAL SHAVE:

Actual projects being developed by the Mickey Mouse minds at Disney Research …
✓ Modern face-capture systems aren’t really optimized to identify faces either newly-covered in facial hair or freshly shaved. So Disney researchers have created an algorithm that detects facial hair, reconstructs it in 3-D and uses the info to suss out the shape of the skin beneath. This produces a reconstruction that can be viewed either with or without a clean shave.
✓ Another Disney team is working on the ‘Physical Face Cloning Project’, an attempt to automate the task of replicating a human face for future Disney robots. This complicated process involves capturing a subject’s face under a variety of conditions and using that data to optimize a composition of synthetic skin to best match the original.
(A couple gimmicks for future “Mission Impossible” films?)
– Engadget.com

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 86% of women say they can tell if a man has money by looking at him for 2 seconds.
• 73% of married men say they’d prefer it if their wives wore makeup all the time.
• 63% of single men want a woman who has a nice smile.
• 47% of working women work on their days off.
• 23% of adults have untreated cavities in their mouths.
• 15% of us don’t use prescriptions after we get them filled.

NO MAN’S LAND:

Saudi Arabia is planning to build a new city exclusively for women. Construction of the controversial city is scheduled for next year. It’s hoped it will accommodate women’s desire to work without defying the country’s Islamic laws. The new municipality is expected to create around 5,000 jobs in food processing, textiles, and pharmaceuticals. There will be women-run firms and production lines for women. Although Saudi Sharia law does not specifically prohibit women from working, only 15% of the country’s workforce is female. (Would you want to work in an all-female environment?)
– DailyMail.co.uk

STARTLINGLY STRANGE SYNDROMES:

People can be weird enough on their own, but in some cases they just can’t help themselves. Witness these truly odd maladies …
• Alien Hand Syndrome – The belief that your hand has a mind of its own, literally. The afflicted are often unaware of the activities of said hand until they are brought to their attention.
• Cotard’s Syndrome – The belief that you are truly dead, no longer exist, are rotting away, and have lost all your internal organs. One danger of the syndrome is unintentional starvation.
• Foreign Accent Syndrome – Usually the result of severe head injury or stroke, it causes the person speak their own language with a distinct dialect or foreign accent.
• Hypertrichosis – Also known as ‘Werewolf Syndrome’, it causes an overabundance of hair either all over the body or in specific areas, thereby explaining the bearded lady at the circus.
• Jerusalem Syndrome – A rare mental disorder triggered by a trip to Jerusalem. The affected person may obsessively bathe, compulsively clip finger- and toe-nails, and shout Bible verses.
• Lazarus Syndrome – The spontaneous start of circulation after unsuccessful attempts at CPR. Although the causes are pretty much unknown, the body restarts by itself, reviving the person.
• Progeria Syndrome – An extremely rare genetic affliction that causes premature aging. Most sufferers do not live beyond the age of 13.
– ListsOPlenty.com

ONE SECRET TO HAPPINESS:

Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project” says people often tell her about their own attempts at becoming happy and one method comes up comes up more than any other … making the bed every day. Rubin doesn’t suggest it’s the most significant thing you could do to boost your happiness, but for most people outer order contributes to inner calm. If you love a calm environment, making the bed is one of the quickest, easiest steps to cultivate a sense of order. (Step 2: Pick up all the underwear strewn about your floor!)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

BS AMAZING FACT:

A male rhinoceros beetle can lift 850 times its body weight.
– BBC Nature

BS CHRONOMETER 08.14.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [71] David Crosby (Van Cortlandt), LA CA, classic rock musician (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young-“Woodstock”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame for the Byrds (1991) and Crosby, Stills & Nash (1997)/sperm-donor father of singer Melissa Etheridge’s 2 children

1945 [67] Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“The Pink Panther”, “Cheaper By the Dozen”)/banjo player (Steve Martin & The Steep Canyon Rangers-“Rare Bird Alert”)/2-time “Academy Awards” emcee

1966 [46] Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie/TV actress (2002 Oscar-Monster’s Ball”, 2000 Emmy-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”)/ex-Mrs  Eric Benét/ex-Mrs David Justice/ex-partner of Gabriel Aubry/girlfriend of actor Olivier Martinez since 2010

1983 [29] Mila Kunis, Chernivtsi, Ukraine, movie actress (“Friends With Benefits”, “Black Swan”)/voice actress (“Robot Chicken” since 2005, “Family Guy” since 2000)/former TV actress (“That ‘70s Show” 1998-2006)/apparent girlfriend of Ashton Kutcher

1987 [25] Tim Tebow, Makati City, The Philippines, often-kneeling NFL quarterback (NY Jets, ex-Denver Broncos)/2007 Heisman Trophy winner (University of Florida)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange- or raspberry-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside, an invention of Swedish-born entrepreneur Alexander Frehse in 1923.

• “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand … just before declaring bankruptcy.

• “International Nagging Day”. If you have issues with someone, this is a good day to get them out of your system … over and over and over.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .

1936 [76] 1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin, Germany)

1982 [30] Bill Neal becomes 1st to paddle a bathtub the 21 miles across the English Channel (in order to avoid being arrested by French authorities, he registers his tub with Lloyds of London as an ‘ocean-going craft’)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1995 [17] Shania Twain’s breakthrough album “The Woman In Me” surpasses the double-platinum mark (2-million albums) in just 6 months (goes on to move some 15 million copies worldwide)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1976 [36] ‘Longest Softball Game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner eventually beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in a charity fundraiser)

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Wed] “The Odd Life of Timothy Green” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Best Friends Day
[Wed] Relaxation Day
[Thurs] Elvis Memorial Day
[Thurs] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
[Thurs] Remember What Your Spouse Wore the First Time You Met Day
[Fri] Thrift Shop Day
This Week Is … Smile Week
This Month Is … Catfish Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS THE SUMMER SUCKS SO FAR:
• The biggest boobs you’ve seen on the beach belonged to your Uncle Murray.
• Everyone’s taken a vow of celibacy since June. Or, at least everyone you’ve asked.
• You’ve now watched the “Modern Family” Christmas episode 6 times.
• You’ve had to take out a bank loan to pay your water bill.
• It’s been so humid you use your forehead instead of your tongue to moisten stamps.
• You’ve actually become accustomed to that special sweaty underwear feeling.

BS PHONE STARTER:

☎ What do you argue about? Every marriage has its tiffs, right? A “McCall’s” magazine poll finds the top subjects that cause marital spats are, in order …
✗ Money (or the lack thereof).
✗ Housework (or the lack thereof).
✗ Sex (or the lack thereof).
✗ Children (or the lack thereof).
✗ What to do in free time (or the lack thereof).

BS “BEAT THE TOASTER”:

You decide on today’s letter, then contestant must come up with 10 words beginning with that letter in 10 different categories. Time’s up after 30 seconds, as announced by toaster SFX. For example, using the initial letter ‘T’ name a …
• Wild Animal
• Term of Endearment
• Kind of Dance
• Tropical Location
• Dairy Product
• Something In a Purse
• Body of Water
• Hero
• Something In a Vending Machine
• Toy

BS RANDOM JOKE:

It’s so simple to sound smart. Just think of something stupid to say and then say the opposite.

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit you can find a gas station that sells junk food on just about any highway but you can’t find one anywhere that will fix a flat tire anymore?
• Whyzit the ideal résumé will turn up one day after the position is filled?
• Whyzit nothing good ever comes after the words: “Sit down, we have to talk”?
• Whyzit women like silent men? Do they think they’re listening?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Question: We are making fewer of THESE, the lowest rate in 25 years.
Answer: Babies.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Always plow a straight furrow and before you know it you’re in a rut.


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