Wednesday, August 14, 2013        Edition: #5046

Can You Believe This Sheet?

✶ The 4th season of reality series “Duck Dynasty” debuts tonight on A&E amidst reports one of its stars is being courted by the Republican Party to run for Congress in Louisiana. Willie Robertson, the self-described ‘redneck millionaire’, is fast emerging as a prime candidate for a seat left vacant by retiring 5th District Rep Rodney Alexander, who’s leaving to work in Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s cabinet. So far Willie has shown no interest in ditching his life as a successful businessman and TV sensation for public service in Washington DC. (Too bad, maybe a guy with a shotgun could actually get some legislation moving!)
– “Washington Examiner”
✶ Simon Cowell is enjoying his annual month-long break in the South of France with a bevy of female ‘friends’ while his baby mama Lauren Silverman and her husband Andrew are finalizing their divorce. An insider says Simon held a private meeting with Andrew in NYC prior to jetting off to St Tropez. Cowell apparently convinced the 37-year-old real estate mogul not to name and shame him in court and instead settle for $10 million to accelerate an ‘amicable’ divorce. (Whoa! The most expensive tryst ever?)
– “Daily Star”
✶ 69-year-old “Star Wars” creator George Lucas has become a father for the 4th time, the 1st time via his latest wife Mellody Hobson. Their daughter ‘Everest Hobson Lucas’ was recently born via surrogate, the Skywalker Ranch has confirmed. The newlyweds, who married in June this year, made no prior announcement that they were expecting a child. Lucas has 2 other daughters, aged 25 and 32, as well as a 20-year-old son. (SFX: Darth Vader-type breathing. “I am your father, Everest”)
✶ And 23-year-old Kristen Stewart has enrolled at UCLA to study English Literature. That’s quite a feat when you consider she left school at age 13 to pursue her acting career. She’s currently shooting “Camp X-Ray” and will juggle work with her studies this Fall. A friend says Kristen may be a Hollywood actress worth millions but she is already considering a life after movies and wants to get a proper education. (Yeah, that general arts degree will really help you … to fill out unemployment forms.)
– Bang Showbiz

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 4 acts move on to the next round; Backstreet Boys (“In a World Like This”) perform.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The National (“Trouble Will Find Me”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Wanted (“Word of Mouth”, out September 23rd).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kimbra (“Vows”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros (“Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros”). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Il Volo (“We Are Love”); Selena Gomez (“Stars Dance”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Barenaked Ladies (“Grinning Streak”). Rerun.

• Justin Bieber – He’s become the 1st recording artist to make 200 dreams come true through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. (That announcement is the first positive news he’s generated in some time.)
• Lady Gaga – She’s unleashed her new single “Applause” purportedly due to Internet leaks. She made the announcement by tweeting: “A pop music emergency is underway!” (She sure knows how to create drama whenever heavy promotion is required.)
• Lorde – She releases her debut album “Pure Heroine” on September 30th. With her smash hit “Royals”, “Billboard” notes that she’s become the 1st solo female artist to have a #1 single on the ‘Alternative Songs’ chart since Tracy Bonham with “Mother Mother” in 1996.
• Michael Bublé – The 37-year-old crooner tells “Entertainment Tonight Canada” he’s staying within 15-to-20 minutes of home so he won’t miss the birth of his expected son. His wife Luisana Lopilato is due to birth their first child together any day now.
• Phoenix – The French band have hinted they are heading into the studio with R Kelly. The 2 acts first teamed up earlier this year at the Coachella Festival and now it seems the unlikely pairing is going to collaborate on a recording. (Like Phoenix needs R?)
• Selena Gomez – Tonight her “Stars Dance World Tour” launches in Vancouver BC. She’ll then trek around-the-globe before bringing the show to the USA on October 10th in Fairfax VA.
• Usher – His son Usher Raymond V is now out of hospital and said to be doing well after nearly drowning last week when he got his hand stuck in a swimming pool drain at the singer’s Atlanta GA home.

This week Facebook is offering new mobile apps to add restaurant reservations and TV listings.
Through an integration with OpenTable, mobile users who visit a restaurant’s Facebook page will be able to book a table right onsite. The feature will be available for more than 20,000 North American restaurants. Meanwhile, owners of Apple devices will be able to get info directly from TV and movie Facebook pages. Listings will include channel, air time, and a content description. (We still need an app to automatically censor your nephew’s naked party pics.)
– “PC Magazine”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 64% of employers have either banned or are considering banning flip-flops in the workplace.
• 58% of women say they are completely turned off when someone winks at them.
• 54% of women say they will not tip if they receive poor service in a restaurant.
• 38% of guys admit they are downright intimidated by women in revealing outfits.
• 35% of married men say they cook more than their spouse does.
• 20% of us experienced our first kiss at home in the backyard.

Apple is widely expected to unveil its next-generation iPhone on September 10th, during what is an annual product refresh intended to juice all-important holiday sales. But this year, rival Samsung Electronics is poised to deliver some buzzkill to the iPhone launch with an event timed a week before Apple’s, according to sources familiar with Samsung’s plans. The Korean electronics giant is expected to unveil a new Galaxy smartphone on September 4th in Berlin, Germany. Neither company will confirm, deny, or even discuss the rumors. (Rumored new security feature we may be seeing … a fingerprint sensor.)

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Fauxductivity’ – Fake productivity whereby one pretends to work hard by surrounding oneself with the accoutrements of productivity and busyness but actually performs only trivial activities. (Tough to do in this job … although this morning I’m just faking being interesting.)
✓ ‘Phubbing’ – The act of snubbing someone in a social setting by looking at your phone instead of paying attention. (There’s likely an app for that … to auto-text you meaningless messages, make your smartphone ring with fauxductive phone calls .)
✓ ‘Thigh Gap’ – A new weird body image obsession that has girls doing whatever it takes to become thin enough to have a gap between their thighs when they stand. (Of course this is dangerous, because very few people are able to achieve this look naturally.)

Raise the roof! Large rooms make a person feel more comfortable about opening up, says new research from the Netherlands. When asked very personal questions on topics ranging from sexual behavior to substance abuse, study participants were roughly 17% more likely to share their secrets while chatting in a big space as opposed to a small one. The reason: You feel psychologically boxed in when you’re confined to cramped quarters. And that makes you less likely to reveal personal details about yourself. Sitting too close to someone may also cause one to feel emotionally claustrophobic, and so less likely to bare their soul. (When you’re getting to know someone new, schedule your date for an arena … opposite sides of an arena.)
– Condensed from “Men’s Health”

So a guy & a girl go out on a dinner date; who should pick up the tab? Highlights of a new study on the topic from California’s Chapman University …
• 84% of men & 58% of women say men pay for most date expenses, even after they’ve been going steady for a while.
• 76% of men feel bad about pocketing payments from possible partners.
• At the same time, 64% of men would prefer that their partner chip in.
• 57% of women claim they often offer to split bills, although 39% confess they hope the man rejects the offer.
• 44% of women are ‘bothered’ when men expect them to pay.
• 44% of men say a woman who never offers to pay is a woman they don’t want to date.
Overall, the vast majority say they share dating expenses during the first 6 months of seeing someone exclusively. (If you don’t ‘go Dutch’, your relationship ain’t much.)
– Condensed from “Globe & Mail”

It sounds like something out of a sci-fi film, but scientists at a research center in Istanbul, Turkey have created rabbits that look normal by daylight, but glow green under black light. Why bother? Hopefully, the breakthrough will help create cheaper medicine for genetic disorders such as hemophilia. The researchers note that the rabbits show no ill effects and should live as long as normal animals. Following the success of the glow-in-the-dark bunnies, the team is planning to create a fluorescent lamb later in the year. (Just in time for Christmas!)

40-to-65-year-olds with a type of early-onset dementia are less likely to be able to name – or even recognize – famous faces, according to a new study. This is more than just forgetting a name or 2 of celebs you once knew; the ‘Northwestern University Famous Faces Test’ uses photos of the famous that most people recognize. Among 20 black-and-white photos study participants are asked to identify … Albert Einstein, Barbra Streisand, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, Elvis Presley, Martin Luther King Jr, Muhammad Ali, Oprah Winfrey, Princess Di, Queen Elizabeth II, and Winston Churchill. Participants without dementia score 93% in naming the celebs; 97% in recognizing them. (I don’t remember the name, but the face rings a … um … uh …)
– “USA Today”

• Spanish language TV show “Sabado Gigante” is America’s longest running program.
– “Financial Times”
• There are only 2 escalators in the entire state of Wyoming.
– “The Atlantic”
• American children are eating 5 times more fridge magnets than 10 years ago.
– “Smithsonian Magazine”


1945 [68] Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“The Pink Panther”, “Cheaper By the Dozen”)/banjo player (Steve Martin & Edie Brickell-“Love Has Come For You”, Steve Martin & The Steep Canyon Rangers-“Rare Bird Alert”)/2-time Academy Awards emcee

1966 [47] Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie/TV actress (2002 Oscar-Monster’s Ball”, 2000 Emmy-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”)/Mrs Olivier Martinez (as of July)/ex-Mrs  Eric Benét/ex-Mrs David Justice/ex-partner of Gabriel Aubry

1983 [30] Mila Kunis, Chernivtsi, Ukraine, movie actress (“Friends With Benefits”, “Black Swan”)/voice actress (“Robot Chicken” since 2005, “Family Guy” since 2000)/former TV actress (“That ‘70s Show” 1998-2006)/girlfriend of Ashton Kutcher since 2012

1987 [26] Tim Tebow, Makati City, The Philippines, often-kneeling NFL QB/RB/WR (New England Patriots, ex-NY Jets, ex-Denver Broncos)/2007 Heisman Trophy winner (University of Florida)

• “Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange- or raspberry-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside, an invention of Swedish-born entrepreneur Alexander Frehse in 1923.

• “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand … just before declaring bankruptcy.

• “International Nagging Day”. If you have issues with someone, this is a good day to get them out of your system … over and over and over.

• “International Romance Day”, a day to spoil that someone special. So what’s the most romantic thing someone ever did for you?

1936 [77] 1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin, Germany)

1982 [31] Bill Neal becomes 1st to paddle a bathtub the 21 miles across the English Channel (in order to avoid being arrested by French authorities, he registers his tub with Lloyds of London as an ‘ocean-going craft’)

1995 [18] Shania Twain’s breakthrough album “The Woman In Me” surpasses the double-platinum mark (2-million albums) in just 6 months (goes on to move some 15 million copies worldwide)

1976 [37] ‘Longest Softball Game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner eventually beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in a charity fundraiser)

[Thurs] SuperEX beings (Ottawa ON)
[Thurs] Best Friends Day
[Thurs] Relaxation Day
[Fri] “JOBS”; “Kick-Ass 2”; “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”; “Paranoia” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Canadian National Exhibition begins (Toronto ON)
[Sat] V Festival begins (Chelmsford UK)
[Sat] Thrift Shop Day
This Week Is … Smile Week
This Month Is … What Will Be Your Legacy Month


• “Musical differences.” [“I’ve forgotten how to play the songs”.]
• “I want to pursue a solo career.” [“I’ll have one minor hit, then come back begging for my old gig in about 2 years”.]
• “I don’t like touring.” [“The groupies won’t touch me with a 10-foot pole anymore”.]
• “Constant bickering is affecting my health.” [“The band keeps beating on me because I’m useless”.]
• “I want to explore other creative avenues.” [“I’m writing a book dishing the dirt on the others”.]
• “It’s an amicable parting of the ways.” [“I’ve been sacked”.]
• “I never want to see those losers again as long as I live.” [“I’ve been sacked without severance”.]
• “The record company is stifling my creativity.” [“They’re making me pay for my own booze and drugs now”.]
• “I need some time away from the rock & roll lifestyle.” [“I’m going into rehab”.]

☎ Which celebs are in severe need of career rehab? (Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Will Smith?)

If you think nobody cares you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Question: Fashion experts say doing THIS can make your face look years older.
Answer: Wearing black.

Say no, then negotiate.

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