Wednesday, August 17, 2011        Edition: #4573
Ahhh, It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Kate Plus 8” (TLC) has been canceled and, with any luck, the reality-TV phenom that was Kate Gosselin will simply fade away (like the sound of one of her whining children) . . . AMC has announced that “Breaking Bad”, its critical hit about a chemistry teacher-turned-meth-cook, is being renewed but the upcoming 5th season will be the last (what should happen to ‘Walter White’?) . . . 30-year-old famous person Paris Hilton has managed to lose not 1 but 2 cellphones at an airport in the Philippines while arriving for a promo tour (we predict another round of naughty pics are going to ‘leak’ in order to bolster her flagging fame) . . . You may have heard that actor James Spader will be playing the new boss on “The Office” (NBC), but the twist is his character ‘Robert California’ is not joining Dunder-Mifflin as ‘Michael Scott’s replacement but as CEO of the corporation (who will be playing the new branch manager remains a mystery) . . . Designer Monica Botkier has fired off a cease & desist letter to Sears, the retailer currently hawking the Kardashian line of purses, claiming their $94-faux leather bag totally resembles her $600-Trigger Clyde Satchel (could just be a publicity grab, but Sears has promptly pulled the KK bag just in case) . . . Actor/comedian Billy Crystal is tossing his Oscar-hosting hat into the ring (the 8-time host might help erase memories of last year’s debacle) . . . And ultra-busy movie actress Emma Stone (“The Help”; “Crazy, Stupid, Love”; “Friends With Benefits”) has finally reached the level of fame where her past is being dredged up, a new online video revealing she once won a singing competition entitled “In Search Of the Partridge Family” (yikes, a sex tape would be less embarrassing!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Vanessa Carlton (“Rabbits On the Run”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Band Perry (“The Band Perry”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Raphael Saadiq (“Stone Rollin’”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Joseph Arthur (“Graduation Ceremony”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – U2’s Bono & The Edge present a performance from “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark”. Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – Her album “21” has now been certified triple-platinum by the RIAA, signifying sales of 3 million copies.
• Amy Winehouse – She hasn’t been dead a month and already there are mutterings that Lady Gaga has been approached to play her in a TV bio-film.
• Evanescence – Tonight they perform a one-off show in Nashville, Tennessee. They’ve also scheduled performances in Brazil, Puerto Rico, and the UK and plan to fill in other dates surrounding the release of their upcoming self-titled album on October 11th.
• Florence & The Machine – They’ve finished recording their sophomore album, the as-yet-untitled follow-up to “Lungs”, at Abbey Road Studios in London. No release date has been announced.
• Incubus – Tonight they’re webcasting the first concert of their tour in support of the new album, “If Not Now, When?”, live from Colorado’s Red Rocks Ampitheater.
• Lady Antebellum – Their show at the Indiana State Fair this Friday has been canceled out of respect for the victims of Saturday night’s stage accident at the venue.
• Maroon 5 – In a cover story for “Out Magazine”, frontman Adam Levine rips into “American Idol” (FOX), claiming the show keeps its gay contestants in the closet. Perhaps not coincidentally, Levine is also the winning coach on competing talent show “The Voice” (NBC).
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Bassist Nick Oliveri has been charged with 4 felonies and faces up to 15 years in prison following his arrest last month for felony domestic violence. He was extricated by a SWAT team after locking himself & his ex-girlfriend in his LA apartment for several hours.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Today they invade MTV and MTV2 to exclusively premiere the new music video for the track “The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie”. Their 10th studio album, “I’m With You”, will be released August 30th.

COMMON CAUSES OF BAD BREATH:
• Dry Mouth – Saliva is the body’s natural method of cleansing the mouth, so continuously breathing through your mouth can lead to bad breath.
• Foods You’ve Eaten – Food you eat affects the air you exhale, especially foods with strong aromatic flavors like onions and garlic.
• Gum Disease – Periodontal disease is a bacterial infection in the tissue surrounding teeth.  People who suffer from gum disease are more prone to persistent bad breath.
• Morning Mouth – While you sleep, your saliva production slows down and odor-causing bacteria begin to breed.
• Oral Hygiene – If you don’t brush & floss regularly, bacteria can attack tooth enamel. Bacterial build-up is a prime cause of odors.
• Tongue – The ‘fur’ on your tongue can trap food particles and bacteria. Cleaning your tongue regularly with a ‘tongue scraper’ can make a huge difference.
– Condensed from BestHealthMag.ca

THINGS YOUR NAIL TECHNICIAN WANTS TO TELL YOU:
• If you’re not doing anything to maintain your nails at home, there’s only so much a salon can do to help.
• Don’t shave your legs before a pedicure. You can contract a bacterial infection caught via superficial nicks and wounds.
• Bringing your own manicuring tools isn’t necessarily safer. Many customers seal their tools back in the bag without sanitizing them, which becomes a breeding ground for bacteria.
• Don’t be shy about asking for proof of sanitation before you get a manicure or pedicure.
• Shaving calluses is not only ill-advised but illegal in many areas, even though your pedicurist might offer the service.
• Salon workers generally don’t mind if you chat on your phone during your appointment as long as you keep your voice low.
• You should cancel your appointment if you show any signs of infection, such as pain, itching, or redness around the nail-bed, which is often caused by nail-biting.
• A 20% tip is usually appropriate in a nail salon, whether its high-end or discount.
– Condensed from WomansDay.com

BINGE-EATING & BOOZE:
Ever notice that dinner lasts longer with alcohol? A Dutch study has found that it takes us longer to feel full when we drink alcohol before a meal as compared to a non-alcoholic beverage. As a result, the meal lasts longer and we don’t compensate for the alcohol calories. A related Northwestern University study has found that alcohol-related food cravings aren’t only physical, but also have a social context. For instance, you might associate friends and alcohol with greasy food, making you want it more. No one has ever drunkenly craved a salad, and there’s a reason: Purdue University researchers have found that moderate alcohol consumption enhances the taste of salt and fat. (No wonder that pepperoni & cheese pizza tastes so freakin’ good!)
– Excerpted from MensHealth.com

FOODS INSPIRED BY PARTS OF THE BODY:
• Angel Hair Pasta – From the Italian capelli d’angelo, so-named because it’s imagined to be as fine as the hair of heavenly beings. (Do you cough up angel hairballs later?)
• Black-Eyed Peas – These are peas that look like they’ve been in a fight. (Maybe they should sign a peas treaty?)
• Pope’s Nose – Variously known as the parson’s nose, it’s the nickname for that fatty bump at the tail end of a cooked turkey, presumably because it actually does look like a nose. (Another reason we’ll never eat it!)
• Ladyfingers – The light and airy sponge cakes used to make the yummy dessert tiramisu are so-named because they resemble a lady’s delicate fingers. (Don’t bite the nails!)
• Pretzel – The word goes back to the Latin term for ‘little arm’. Tradition has it the monk who invented this knotted biscuit intended it to symbolize arms folded in prayer. (Or maybe a 5-ft-long pretzel stick was a tad difficult to munch on?)
• Red-Eye Gravy – A mixture of ham drippings and coffee. The heavier ingredients settle into a dark red ‘eye’ at the bottom of the bowl. (Quit staring at me!)
– Condensed from RD.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A man in Noosa, Australia has been arrested for drunkenly driving down a road … on a motorized beer cooler. He’s facing charges for driving under the influence and driving without a license. But that’s not the stupidest part – the defendant’s lawyers are currently trying to get him off by claiming the beer cooler is technically not a vehicle.
– FoxNews.com
• A war of words between a radio personality and a city councillor in Saguenay, Québec is going to be  be settled … in the boxing ring. Radio X morning man Carl Monette has accepted city councilor Marc Pettersen’s challenge to duke it out over comments the host allegedly made on-air. Monette is totally up for the duel, saying ‘2 or 3 punches to the head’ might make the councilor smarter.
– QMI Agency
• Cathay Pacific Airlines’ new ad campaign may have crashed before takeoff, thanks to a couple of frisky members of the ‘Mile-High Club’. The slogan for the Hong Kong carrier was going to be “Meet the team who go the extra mile to make you feel special.” Company honchos decided it’s in questionable taste after someone photographed … 2 crew members having sex in the cockpit.
– NYPost.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Researchers have found that people who identify themselves as ‘smart shoppers’ seem to like things more when they have to go all the way across town to buy them, even if a similar product could be purchased nearby.
– HuffingtonPost.com
• The west side of many cities in the Northern Hemisphere is more upscale than the east because the prevailing winds are from the west, causing air pollution to drift eastward during the Industrial Revolution.
– PopBitch.com
• A recent study has shown that around 17% of all damage done to fiber optic cables is done by … squirrels.
– Neatorama.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.17.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [68] Robert De Niro, NYC, movie actor (2 Oscars-“The Godfather II”, “Raging Bull”)

1951 [60] Robert Joy, St John’s NF, TV actor (‘Dr Sid Hammerback’ on “CSI: NY” since 2005)/former TV comic (“Codco”)

1958 [53] Belinda Carlisle (Kurczeski), Hollywood CA, oldies singer (“Mad About You”, w/The GoGos–“We Got the Beat”)

1960 [51] Sean Penn, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (2 Oscars-“Milk”, “Mystic River”)/wed to actress Robin Wright 1996-2010, Madonna 1985-89

1962 [49] Gilby Clarke, Cleveland OH, rock guitarist (ex-Guns N’ Roses-“November Rain”)

1964 [47] Colin James (Munn), Regina SK, rock/blues singer/guitarist (“Into the Mystic”, & the Little Big Band-“I Just Came Back”)/6 Juno Awards

1969 [42] Donnie Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Hangin’ Tough”)/movie actor (“Saw” films, “The Sixth Sense”)

1987 [24] Matthew Shultz, Bowling Green KY, rock singer (Cage the Elephant-“Shake Me Down”, “In One Ear”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Archeology Day” … can you dig it?

• “Cat Nights of Summer”, traditionally a time when cats yowl and witches prowl, which harks back to the belief that a witch could turn herself into a cat 8 times but on the 9th time, August 17, she couldn’t regain her human form. Hence the notion that a cat has 9 lives.

• “Thriftshop Day”. What’s the best deal you ever found in one? Our list includes Pierre Cardin and Oscar de la Renta jackets, a solid walnut coffee table, a mint computer workstation.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [24] The movie “Dirty Dancing”, starring Patrick Swayze & Jennifer Grey, opens in movie theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [27] On the first night of his “Breaking Hearts Tour”, Elton John (erroneously) announces he’s retiring from touring

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [10] After performing over 400 vasectomies, 45-year-old  Dr Jonathan Heatley of London UK performs one … on himself (advises others not to try this at home)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008 [03] By winning gold in the Men’s 4x100m medley relay, USA swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the first Olympian to win 8 gold medals in a single Olympics (Beijing, China)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] SuperEx begins (Ottawa)
[Thurs] Bad Poetry Day
[Thurs] Birth Control Pill Day
[Thurs] Cupcake Day
[Fri] Canadian National Exhibition begins (Toronto)
[Fri] “Conan the Barbarian”; “Fright Night”; “One Day”; “Spy Kids: All the Time In the World” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Aviation Day
[Fri] World Humanitarian Day
This Week Is … World Money Week
This Month Is … Psoriasis Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

MOST EMBARRASSING BS WAYS TO DIE:
• Looking down the barrel of a gun to see if it’s loaded.
• Chaffing yourself to death with one-ply toilet paper.
• Getting crushed by a poorly-mounted plasma TV over your bed.
• Re-enacting a stunt from the 2nd sequel to “Jackass: The Movie”.
• Diving into an open barbeque pit to catch a falling rib.
• Axe body spray poisoning.
• In your sleep, wearing your ‘Superman’ jammies.
• Heart attack while line-dancing.
• Paper cut.
• Whichever way Carrot Top dies.
– Adapted from BitsandPieces.com

REAL DEATH INCIDENTS PREVIOUSLY REPORTED IN “BS”:
• A Vietnamese food plant worker drowned after falling into a vat of fish sauce. (Just the stink would kill you!)
• A 62-year-old driver perished in Devon, England after a giant bale of hay tumbled down a steep hill and crushed his van. (This roll in the hay proved unsatisfying.)
• A Long Island, New York man bled to death after dropping his coffee mug on a sidewalk, then slipping and falling on top of the shards. (At least he wasn’t running with scissors.)
• A Kingman, Arizona convict succumbed after defecating on his cell floor, then slipping in it and whacking his head on the concrete. (You’re killing me with this crap!)
• A Norwich UK recycling plant worker passed away after falling into a paper shredder. (At least his identity is secure!)

BS PHONE STARTER:
Should you announce every little detail of you life on Facebook? What info should be out-of-bounds? Contact details? Status of your pregnancy? Any picture taken at a party?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Dolphins are so smart that, within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 42% of women say only their best friend knows THIS about them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their true hair color.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money is like a promise, easier made than kept.


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