Monday, August 17, 2015        Edition: #5517

Ahhh, It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ One of the most iconic scenes in film history is the entrance of ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ (Johnny Depp) in the original “Pirates Of the Caribbean” (2003). Four films later the franchise isn’t what it used to be, a major reason being the loss of young lovers and pirates-in-training, ‘Elizabeth Swann’ (Keira Knightley) & ‘Will Turner’ (Orlando Bloom). Producers seem to have gotten the message and it’s been announced that 38-year-old Bloom is back for the now-shooting 5th film, “Pirates Of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Lies”. It’s scheduled to open in July 2017.
– @MailOnline
★ 36-year-old Brit comedian James Corden has reportedly landed an extension on his contract to host CBS-TV’s “The Late Late Show” which will lock him in until 2020. The lucrative deal is said to be worth upwards of $5 million by adding an extra 2 years onto his original contract. He only started hosting the late night talk show at the end of March but he’s already pulling in strong ratings and high viewing numbers on the show’s YouTube channel which now has more than 850,000 subscribers.
★ Hollywood actress Sharon Stone has stripped off to pose nude for a magazine shoot at the age of 57. The “Basic Instinct” star is pictured wearing nothing but jewelry and high-heels in the spicy spread for the September issue of “Harper’s Bazaar”. In the accompanying interview she opens up about her love life, revealing she struggles to land dates with men. Quote: “I’ve been getting more brazen with flirting, but I don’t think men realize I’m flirting. I never get asked out!”
★ Kim Kardashian West and 2 of her sisters are reportedly planning to quit “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (E!). The 34-year-old and siblings Khloé Kardashian and Kylie Jenner are said to have informed ‘momager’ Kris Jenner they want to walk away from the series. An insider says Kim wants to focus on more high-end projects; Khloé is said to be eager to regain her personal life; and Kylie is considering going into business with boyfriend Tyga. The snitch claims Kris has begged them to stay, even for 1 more season, but they’ve reportedly told her they think the franchise has run its course. And then some.
– “Life & Style”
★ And wannabe lifestyle guru Gwyneth Paltrow is writing a new cookbook which will primarily feature gluten-free recipes. The health-conscious Goop founder is working on “It’s All Easy: Healthy, Delicious Weeknight Meals in Under 30 Minutes”, which is set for publication in April 2016. The book will contain 125 recipes which “can be pulled together in the time it would take to call for takeout”, according to a press release. As well as being gluten-free, many of the dishes have little or no sugar, and will be low in fat.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Grace Potter (“Midnight”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bette Midler (“It’s The Girls”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Josh Groban (“Stages”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Hundred Waters (“The Moon Rang Like a Bell”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Little Mix (“Get Weird”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – The Blue Jean Committee (“Massachusetts Afternoon”).
• “Public Morals” (TNT) – Edward Burns stars in this new drama series about the seedy side of 1960s NYC. Executive producers include Steven Spielberg.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 dancers perform; following an elimination, the top 8 are revealed.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – John Legend (“Love In the Future”).

• Amy Winehouse – Her father Mitch Winehouse has revealed his late daughter believed she was pregnant via fiancé Reg Traviss before she died of alcohol poisoning in 2011. He tells Australia’s “Weekend Sunrise” that the couple were planning to get married.
• Brad Paisley – He’s just picked up RIAA double-platinum certifications for his singles “Then”, “She’s Everything”. and “Whiskey Lullaby”. Platinum certifications now recognize downloads and on-demand streams totaling 1 million units, so double-platinum indicates 2 million.
• Dr Dre – He’s scored his 1st-ever #1 album in the UK with “Compton”, his 1st release in 16 years.
• Foo Fighters – Last week RCA Records helped the band celebrate the success of the album “Sonic Highways” and the DVD of the HBO series of the same name with a plaque commemorating over 1 million albums and over 100,000 DVDS sold worldwide.
• Radiohead – Frontman Thom Yorke has separated from his longtime wife. In a statement for “NME” he says: ”Rachel and I have separated. After 23 highly creative and happy years, for various reasons we have gone our separate ways.”
• Rihanna – NBC Entertainment has announced she’ll be appearing on “The Voice” this Fall, serving as an adviser to all 4 coaches. Season 9 of “The Voice” kicks off September 21st.
• Sam Hunt – He’s scored a “Billboard” chart double with “Montevallo” again leading the ‘Top Country Albums’ list and “House Party” atop the ‘Hot Country Songs’ ranking.
• Taylor Swift – She & boyfriend Calvin Harris have reportedly been offered $10 million to pose in their underwear together. Fashion house Armani is apparently eager to have the couple front a new ad campaign following the success of Calvin’s recent shoots as the face of Armani briefs.

Knix Wear has teamed with a University of Pennsylvania linguist to identify some of the most commonly hated words in a survey of women. And here they are …
✗ ‘Chunky’
✗ ‘Panties’
✗ ‘Flap’
✗ ‘Squirt’
✗ ‘Curd’
✗ ‘Moist’
(Knix Wear is the maker of ‘high-tech, multi-tasking women’s underwear’ so it would seem the survey’s a tad skewed in their direction. Otherwise, ‘SPIDER!!!!!’ would be on top of the list.)

The Walt Disney Company has announced that “Star Wars”-themed ‘lands’ are coming to Disneyland in Anaheim, California and Disney’s Hollywood Studios at Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. Ambitious plans include creating Disney’s largest single-themed expansions ever at 14-acres each. Visitors will be transported to a never-before-seen planet, a remote trading port, and one of the last stops before space where “Star Wars” characters and their stories come to life. These new ‘lands’ will have 2 signature attractions – the ability to take the controls of the ‘Millennium Falcon’ spaceship, and an epic “Star Wars” adventure that puts guests in the middle of a climactic battle. (From which you will exit through the gift shop.)

Popular thinking taken down by investigation …
✗ Gum Takes 7 Years to Digest – You can’t digest chewing gum at all; it just passes through your body.
✗ Thomas Crapper Invented the Flush Toilet – Only a specific mechanism. Flush toilets were actually used in the Indus Valley Civilization as early as the 26th century BC.
✗ Oranges are Named after the Color Orange – It was the other way around, the hue named for the fruit. In fact, several hundred years ago orange was perceived as a shade of red.
✗ Macs Don’t Get Viruses – Yes they do, it’s just that there aren’t a lot of people making viruses for them because not many people have Macs.
✗ People That Are Drowning Wave Their Hands & Struggle – Someone could drown 2 feet from you and you would never know it.
✗ Thomas Edison Invented the Light Bulb – There were actually more than 20 inventors who invented the incandescent lightbulb before Edison. He just perfected it.
✗ The Sun is Yellow – If you saw it without the interference of our atmosphere you’d realize that it’s actually white.
✗ Chameleons Blend in With Their Surroundings – They only change color to communicate. It has nothing to do with their environment.
– Adapted from

A few ‘smart excuses’ to help you skip work … and save your sanity as well as your job.
• “I’ve earned it.” – No one can argue with performance. If you’re not a slacker, odds are the boss will give you a day off now and again.
• “I’m playing golf with a client.” – A good excuse for those in sales and marketing, but you have to meet the client … not just say you did.
• “I have a doctor’s appointment.” – Make the appointment first thing in the morning or late in the afternoon to shorten up your work day.
• “I have cramps.” – Who’s to argue? But don’t use this one if you’re a man. It’ll never work.
• “I’m working from home.” – An excellent way to give yourself a break if your company allows it. You can not only shorten your day, but also avoid commuting time.
Experts say vague excuses such as “I have a personal emergency” are not recommended. Above all, they warn that no matter what excuse you use – don’t lie. If you get caught, your boss will never trust you again. (“My favorite grandmother died … again.”)

Real Paleolithic people, contrary to some of the followers of the fashionable modern diet named after them (‘The Paleo Diet’), appear to have eaten plenty of carbohydrates according to recent discoveries.
– “Quartz”


1943 [72] Robert De Niro, NYC, movie actor (2 Oscars-“The Godfather II”, “Raging Bull”)

1960 [55] Sean Penn, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (2 Oscars-“Milk”, “Mystic River”)/wed to actress Robin Wright 1996-2010, Madonna 1985-89

1969 [46] Donnie Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Hangin’ Tough”)/TV actor (‘Det Danny Reagan’ on “Blue Bloods” since 2010)/reality TV star (“Donnie Loves Jenny” 2015, “Wahlburgers” since 2014)/movie actor (“Saw” films)

1974 [41] Giuliana Rancic, Naples, Italy, TV personality (“Fashion Police” since 2010, ” E! News” 2005-15, “Miss Universe”, “Miss USA”)

1987 [28] Matthew Shultz, Bowling Green KY, indie rock singer (Cage the Elephant-“Cigarette Daydreams”, “In One Ear”)

• “Archeology Day” … but unfortunately, we couldn’t dig up any information on why.

• “Black Cat Appreciation Day”, an annual event encouraging the adoption of black and B&W cats. Like black dogs, they are usually the least popular choice at animal shelters.

• “Thriftshop Day”. What’s the best deal you ever found in one? Our list includes Pierre Cardin and Oscar de la Renta jackets, a solid walnut coffee table, a roll-top desk.

1990 [25] 1st edition of “The Directory of Elvis Impersonators” is published

1984 [31] During the first concert of his “Breaking Hearts Tour”, Elton John announces he’s retiring from live performance (apparently he changed his mind)

2001 [14] After performing over 400 vasectomies, 45-year-old  Dr Jonathan Heatley of London UK performs one … on himself (do NOT try this at home)

2008 [07] By winning gold in the Men’s 4×100 medley relay, USA swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the first Olympian to win 8 gold medals in a single Olympics (Beijing, China)

[Tues] “Full House: The Musical Parody!” opens (Toronto ON)
[Tues] Bad Poetry Day
[Wed] Photography Day
[Wed] Soft Ice Cream Day
[Wed] World Humanitarian Day
[Wed] Hot & Spicy Food Day

Aviation Week / Massage Therapy Week / Minority Enterprise Development Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Vanilla – You are an orderly perfectionist who is careful, detail-oriented, conscientious, ethical, and financially conservative. You enjoy close family relationships.
• Chocolate – You are adventurous, confident, non-judgmental and playful. Chocolate fans enjoy being the center of attention and can become bored with the usual routine.
• Strawberry – You can be nice with a magnetic personality on one hand, or gritty, caustic and outspoken on the other.
• Butter Pecan – You are competitive, aggressive in sports, a ‘take charge’ kind of personality.
• Chocolate Chip – You are generous, competitive and accomplished, charming in social situations, ambitious, and competent.
• Cappuccino – Your are refined, sophisticated, self-directed, addicted to the finer things in life, and not swayed easily by popular opinion.
• Cherry – You are eccentric, romantic, and gypsy-like with a youthful innocence.
• Double Chocolate Chunk– You are lively, creative, dramatic, charming, enthusiastic. Basically, the life of the party.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

You may have watched one too many decorating/reno shows if you’re now looking for a …
• Granite walk-in closet.
• Stainless steel armoire.
• Bedazzled countertops.
• Convection nursery.
• Gas-burning sink.
• Lap-pool table.
• Sensual backsplash.
• Walk-in oven.
• A house consisting entirely of master suite.
– First published in “BS” 2012.

☎ What (or who) do you think is totally over-rated?

Which can women do better than men, thanks to the fact they have a unique gene?
a. Smell something burning.
b. Distinguish different colors. [CORRECT, particularly shades of red.]
c. Sense what others are thinking.

Did you ever notice nothing makes a vacation seem better than hindsight?

Question: 1-in-10 people who have done THIS waited until they were 45 to do it.
Answer: Get a tattoo.

The trouble with trouble is that it usually sounds like fun.

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