Friday, August 19, 2011        Edition: #4575
If You Can’t Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

Saturday reality TV star Kim Kardashian & NBA player Kris Humphries (ex-NJ Nets) are scheduled to exchange vows and cut a 10-tier white wedding cake with chocolate-chip icing and black-and-white decorations (they’ve sold their own wedding as a TV special to air later) . . . MTV has responded to retailer Abercrombie & Fitch’s offer to pay “Jersey Shore” stars to STOP wearing their clothes, announcing: “It’s a clever PR stunt and we’d love to work with them on other ways they can leverage ‘Jersey Shore’ to reach the largest youth audience on television” (ooooh, nice zinger, dudes!) . . . The death of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Russell Armstrong has been ruled a suicide, leaving Bravo with a big decision on what to do about the upcoming season of the reality series (our bet – the run it anyway with a ‘heartfelt disclaimer’) . . . Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have reportedly booked an entire train to take their brood and entourage on a little trip from London to Glasgow (these kids have no hope of ever being normal) . . . Actress Taylor Momsen (“Gossip Girl”) has announced she’s quitting Hollywood (we’re fairly sure it’s the other way around) . . . It’s confirmed 47-year-old actor David Cross (“Arrested Development”) & 28-year-old actress Amber Tamblyn (“Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants”) are about to graduate from unlikely Hollywood couple to unlikely married couple (no date announced yet) . . . And, according to several reports, 47-year-old actress Sandra Bullock has now cut all ties with ex Jesse James’ little girl, Sunny (I’ve got my own kid now, thank-you).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Christina Perri (“Love Strong”); Lil Jon (“Crunk Rock”). Rerun.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Neil Peart (Rush); PS I Love You (“Meet Me At the Muster Station”). Rerun.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Taio Cruz (“Rokstarr”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Greenhornes (“Four Stars”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Beyoncé (“4”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tonight Tim Robbins & The Rogues Gallery Band (“Tim Robbins & The Rogues Gallery Band”). Rerun.
• “Rock On the Range Canada” (Winnipeg) – Saturday the 3rd annual event rocks Canad Inns Stadium with 14 bands on 2 stages, including Alice In Chains, Evanescence, Five Finger Death Punch, Hinder, The Sheepdogs, Sum 41 and more.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Anne Hathaway (“One Day”); musical guest Florence & The Machine (“Lungs”). Rerun.
• “Talihina Sky: The Story Of Kings of Leon” (Showtime) – Sunday is the TV premiere of this music documentary which follows the Followills at their annual family reunion in the backwoods of Talihina, Oklahoma. The film includes home videos, unedited interviews and behind-the-scenes footage of the band’s journey from their small-town beginnings.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Enrique Iglesias (“Dirty Dancer”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Randy Travis f/Josh Turner (“Anniversary Celebration”). Rerun.
• “V Festival” opens (Hylands Park & Weston Park UK) – Saturday Eminem and Rihanna co-headline the 2-day, 2-site event that also features Arctic Monkeys, Bruno Mars, Duran Duran, The Script, Tinie Tempah, Wiz Khalifa and more.

• Black Sabbath – Guitarist Tony Iommi is now backing away from a published prediction that the group will reunite to record a new album, insisting he was ‘merely speculating’.
• Jay-Z / Kanye West – Their album “Watch The Throne” earned a #1 debut on the sales chart this week with 436,000 copies sold, according to Nielsen SoundScan. This marks the 2nd-largest sales week of the year for any album, behind only Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”.
• Justin Bieber – He tops the new list of ‘Richest Teen Entertainers’ according to “People” magazine, which says most of his $53 million this year can be attributed to his concert film “Never Say Never” and his fragrance “Someday”. All this after recording a total of – what – about 11 songs?
• Lady Gaga – Barney’s New York is launching something called ‘Gaga’s Workshop’ this upcoming holiday season. The retailer plans to dedicate an entire floor of its flagship Madison Avenue store to her interpretation of Santa’s Workshop, as well as dedicating its 2011 holiday window display to the Gaga theme. 25% of sales will go to charity.
• Maroon 5 / Train – Last night’s show that was scheduled for the Indiana State Fair was relocated to the Conseco Fieldhouse in downtown Indianapolis, due to the recent stage collapse tragedy.
• Shania Twain – She’s autographed the high-heels she slipped and fell in at this year’s “CMT Music Awards” and put them up for auction on eBay. Bids for the size 6 strappy shoes with 3-inch heels are now well over $6,000. Proceeds go to her Shania Kids Can charity.
• Taylor Swift – “Own the room.” That’s job one, she tells “Seventeen” magazine. Other ways you can boost your self-confidence, she says, include throwing your shoulders back, wearing red lipstick, and never comparing yourself to other girls.

• “Conan the Barbarian” ( 3-D R-Rated Action ): Jason Momoa (“Stargate: Atlantis”) replaces Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Cimmerian warrior in this remake of the 1982 cult classic. In this version, the muscle-bound warrior seeks revenge for his father’s murder and the slaughter of his village. The beefcake barbarian dates back to a series of 1930s comic books
• “Fright Night” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): In this redo of the 1985 fright flick, Anton Yelchin plays a high school senior who learns his seemingly cool next-door neighbor (Colin Farrell) is a vampire. He enlists a Vegas magician (David Tennant) to help him stake the undead smooth-talker.
• “One Day” ( PG-13 Drama-Romance ): Jim Sturgess & Anne Hathaway play friends whose relationship is charted over the course of 2 decades in this adaptation of the David Nicholls bestseller. After spending the night together on their college graduation, they are shown each year on the same date to see where they are in their lives, sometimes together, sometimes not.
• “Spy Kids: All the Time In the World” ( 4-D PG Action-Comedy ): Jessica Alba stars as a retired spy who brings her step-kids along for the ride when she’s called back into action. Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”) also joins the series for this instalment, again directed by Robert Rodriguez. ‘4-D’ adds the dimension of smell, using scratch-n-sniff cards. The gimmick’s called ‘Aroma-Scope’.

Women now outnumber men in college and in many grad programs, yet females continue to be very under-represented in the fields of science, technology, engineering, and math. Now researchers have discovered what may be to blame … romance. A new University at Buffalo study has found that women often downplay their interest in math & science in order to appear more desirable to guys. The research suggests that women who deviate from traditional ‘gender norms’ experience backlash for infiltrating ‘traditionally masculine fields’. (Hard to believe the lead researcher is female … and funded by the National Science Foundation.)

A new poll of over 2,000 respondents asks women which electronic gadgets they’d give up sex for a week in order to keep. The highlights …
• 57% would ditch sex in order to continue to use their computer.
• 49% would rather give up sex than their cellphone.
• 30% would drop sex in favor of texting.
• 20% would forego sex in order to keep watching their favorite TV shows.
• 20% actually say they’d rather give up sex than Facebook for a week.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

Inventor Steve Katsaros is hoping to change the world for the better, using the power of the sun. His company, Nokero, has developed a pair of potentially game-changing inventions …
• The Solar-Powered Lightbulb – Worldwide 1.4 billion people don’t have access to an electrical grid and use kerosene lamps, which are dirty and inefficient. Nokero bulbs are entirely solar-powered, creating no air pollution and offering clean light.
• Solar Phone Charger – 500 million cellphone owners around-the-world don’t have access to electricity. This pocket-sized solar-powered charger can recharge a phone in as little as 1-and-a-half hours.
(We’re happy the Third World is getting access to this stuff … but we want it too!)

New research finds that a moderate amount of mindless Web surfing actually makes workers more productive at their jobs. (Bring on the cat videos!)


1946 [65] Bill Clinton (William Jefferson Blythe III), Hope AR, 42nd US President (1993-2001)/best-selling author (“My Life”)/much sought-after speaker ($175,000 a pop)

1951 [60] John Deacon, Leicester UK, classic rock bassist (Queen-“Bohemian Rhapsody”, “Another One Bites the Dust”)

1963 [48] John Stamos (Stamotopoulos), Cypress CA, TV actor (“ER” 2005-09, “Jake in Progress” 2005-06, “Full House” 1987-1995)

1965 [46] Kevin Dillon, Mamaroneck NY, TV actor (‘Johnny Chase’ on “Entourage” since 2004)/brother of actor Matt Dillon

1965 [46] Kyra Sedgwick, TV actress (‘Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson’ on “The Closer” since 2005)/Mrs Kevin Bacon since 1988

1966 [45] Lee Ann Womack, Jacksonville TX, 5’-1” country singer (“I May Hate Myself In the Morning”, “I Hope You Dance”)

1969 [42] Matthew Perry, Williamstown MA [raised Ottawa ON], movie actor (“17 Again”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)/TV actor (“Mr Sunshine” 2011, “Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip” 2006-07, “Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [42] Clay Walker, Beaumont TX, country singer (“She Won’t Be Lonely Long”, “The Chain of Love”)

Rock singer Robert Plant (ex-Led Zeppelin) is 63; Movie actress Joan Allen (“Bourne” films) is 55; Rock singer Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit) is 41; Movie actress Amy Adams (“Julie & Julia”) is 37; Pop singer-actress Demi Lovato (“Camp Rock”) is 19.

Pop/country singer Kenny Rogers (“Lucille”) is 73; Movie/TV actress Kim Cattrall (“Sex & The City”) is 55; Rock singer Serj Tankian (System Of a Down) is 44; Billionaire technology mogul Sergey Brin (Google) is 38; Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt is 25; TV actress Hayden Panettiere (ex-“Heroes”) is 22; TV actor RJ Mitte (“Breaking Bad”) is 19.

• “Afghan Independence Day”, celebrating the country of Afghanistan gaining full independence from the United Kingdom in 1919. (Only to be invaded about 87 times afterward.)
• “Canadian National Exhibition” through September 5th, a late summer tradition in Toronto since 1879. This year’s attractions include Glen Campbell, K-OS, Loverboy, Marianas Trench, Tommy James & The Shondells, and – as always – the Canadian International Air Show.
• “Hug Your Boss Day”, because you weren’t already feeling tense enough around him/her.
• “Men’s Grooming Day” (What? Once a year? Were you born in a barn?) Participating salons and barbershops are hosting a day of grooming events for men.
• “Soft Ice Cream Day”, honoring the chilly treat that’s dispensed out of a nozzle in enticing whirls onto a cone. Don’t forget to get it dipped in chocolate!
• “Winnie’s Hometown Festival”, the 23rd annual through Sunday in White River, Ontario to celebrate local-bear-made-good, ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’.
• “World Humanitarian Day”, a UN celebration of people helping people that recognizes the sacrifices and contributions of those who risk their lives to give others help and hope.

• “International Homeless Animals Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of August. (So if you see a cat on the street selling pencils …)
• “Natural Chimneys Jousting Tournament” in Mt Solon VA, staged annually on the 3rd Saturday of August. It’s the 190th edition, making it the oldest, continuously-held sporting event in the USA, replete with horses, lances, swords, and body armor … just like in medieval England!
• “Pacific National Exhibition”, the 101st edition in Vancouver through September 5th. This year’s entertainment includes Chris Isaak, Daryl Hall & John Oates, Donny Osmond, and Kenny Rogers.
• “Potato Day”. Don’t know why or what we’re supposed to do … but bet they’re excited in Idaho!
• “Virtual Worlds Day”, celebrating the alternate lives that can be lived online as avatars in computer-based environments. That includes simulated worlds such as “Second Life” and “Habbo Hotel”, as well as multi-player role-playing games, such as “World Of Warcraft”.

• “Go Topless Day”, the 4th annual protest to proclaim women’s right to go bare-chested in public. During the protest, while participating women go bare, male participants cover their chests by wearing bikini tops or bras. (Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.)
• “Senior Citizens Day”, the 23rd annual observance to recognize and show appreciation for the value and contribution of elders to home, family, and society.
• “Statehood Day” in Hawaii, celebrating the 52nd anniversary of it becoming the 50th state to join the USA on August 21, 1959. Two things Hawaii doesn’t have … snakes and billboards.

1993 [18] Actors Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger wed in East Hampton, New York after becoming involved on the set of the romantic comedy “The Marrying Man” (divorce 2002)

2005 [06] “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” starring Steve Carell opens in movie theaters (making Seth Rogen a comedy star)

1988 [23] Elvis Presley’s “Hound Dog” is named most played song in the first 100 years of the jukebox’s existence

1909 [102] In front of 12,000 spectators, automotive engineer Louis Schwitzer wins the 2-lap, 5-mile inaugural race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in Indianapolis, Indiana (average speed … 57.4 mph)

1951 [60] 1st midget in Major League Baseball is used as a pinch-hitter as 3-ft, 7-in Eddie Gaedel gets a walk for the St Louis Browns (“High! Ball four!”)

1962 [49] Homer Blancos records the ‘Best-Ever Score in Competitive Golf’, shooting a 55 for 18 holes (Premier Invitational Tournament in Longview TX)

[Mon] Be an Angel Day
[Mon] Tooth Fairy Day
[Mon] Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day
[Tues] Permanent Press Day
[Tues] Hug Your Sweetheart Day.
[Tues] Sneak Off To the Beach Day
This Week Is … Freedom of Enterprise Week
This Month Is … Foot Health Month


• Conversations start with, “Say you look a lot like …”
• Absolutely no online gossip sites are interested in your naked photos.
• “Next week, a very special guest star on a very special episode of ‘Glee’ …”
• Paparazzi yell, “Hey, you … move! You’re blocking our shots of Lindsay Lohan’s sister!”
• The “NY Times” crossword puzzle clue is “Once had 15 minutes of fame”.
• It’s been months since ‘friends’ have shared any embarrassing stories about you in tabloids.
• Your invitation to be on “Dancing With the Stars” says, “Hurry!”

We do our best work on Tuesday. What’s your most productive day of the week? And least?

The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on the list.

Question: Once you hit your mid-to-late 30s, your ability to do THIS begins to slip away.
Answer: Spell.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

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