Monday, August 21, 2017        Edition: #6038

Sheet Happens!

★ Celebrity magician Penn Jillette has apologized for saying that being from Newfoundland is a “euphemism for stupid”.  He faced online backlash after he made the comment during an appearance on ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ which aired on Friday night. He went on to say that his people are “the people in the frozen North that club seals.” After some Newfoundlanders clapped back, saying his remarks were discriminatory, Gillette apologized, saying, “I’ve been (to Newfoundland) and loved everyone I met.  I was really stupid and out of line.”
(His next trick?  Pulling his head out of his butt…)
★ Ryan Phillippe has warned fans not to be fooled by scammers posing as him online.  Phillippe  took to Twitter to send out the alert, insisting any Facebook accounts set up in his name are fake.
Apparently imposters have been soliciting donations for a fake charity in the actor’s name.  As Phillippe points out, “I am NOT on Facebook.”
(But apparently he IS on Twitter…)
★ The death of ‘Deadpool 2′ stunt woman Joi ‘SJ’ Harris was the result of a freak, low-speed accident, according to a new report. Details of an investigation say that while shooting a stunt, Harris’ motorcycle continued driving beyond the planned stopping spot on a stairway landing.    The motorcycle struck the curb, and she was thrown off. She had previously successfully completed the stunt, but on the final, and fatal run, she was catapulted off the bike, crashing through a plate glass window at Shaw Tower. Meantime, actress Zazie Beetz, for whom Harris served as a stunt-double, paid tribute by posting a touching Instagram letter, wishing her friends and family “peace and healing.”
★ Viewers watching the “Judge Judy” got a major surprise late last week when they spotted Amy Schumer in the audience. The actress and comedienne sat in the crowd of the show alongside her sister Kim. She confirmed the appearance on Instagram where she gushed about her adoration for the 74-year-old celebrity judge.
(Don’t judge!)
★ Serena Williams has been craving vegetables during her pregnancy. Speaking in an Instagram video, her fiancé Alexis Ohanian, said: ”It’s Friday night, I’m at Publix, going shopping ’cause my fiancé has cravings. I was told there would be cravings. I was not told they would be these. Zucchini, asparagus and … what’s this one called again? Artichoke….Really? There are her cravings. It’s amazing.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Caitlyn Jenner, Finn Wittrock, Brett Young ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alex Rodriguez, Nick Kroll, Haim ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michael Moore, Sutton Foster, 6LACK ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ice Cube, Kumail Nanjiani, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Daru Jones ( R )
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Nicole Kidman, Kit Harington, Ed Sheeran ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Hank Azaria, Jeff Rosenstock, Al Madrigal ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Joshua Green
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Matt LeBlanc, Brittany Snow, Myq Kaplan
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Meghan King Edmonds, Julie Klausner ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Taylor Schilling, Aziz Ansari, Sutton Foster, Sabrina Carpenter
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Johnny Depp, Niall Horan ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Lance Bass, Jackie Miranne ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Rachel Dratch, Jenna Elfman, Fantasia, Chef Michael Psilakis ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Evelyn Lozada, guest co-host Joseline Hernandez ( R )
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX): “Top 9 Perform” The top nine performers compete to stay in the running for America’s favorite dancer.
• “American Ninja Warrior” (NBC): “Kansas City Finals” The top 30 competitors from Kansas City, Mo., vie for a chance to compete in the national finals.
• “NFL Preseason Football” (ESPN/TSN) NY Giants at Cleveland Browns

• Gene Simmons – says he has no regrets over his controversial attempt to take ownership of the ‘devil horns’ hand gesture.  His bid to register it as a trademark was withdrawn two weeks after it was filed in June.  Quote: “I can do anything I want to do.”
• Taylor Swift – her social media accounts have been wiped clean and insiders say she is getting set to release new music which will ‘reinvent’ the pop scene.
• Madonna – has asked that a deposition not be filmed in a suit over the auction of more than 100 personal items… including a letter and panties she sent Tupac Shakur.
• Robin Thicke – his girlfriend has announced she’s expecting a baby with the singer and her due date is the same as the birthday of Thicke’s late father, actor Alan Thicke. Robin Thicke has been dating 22-year-old model April Love Geary since his divorce from Paula Patton in 2015.
• Spice Girls – Emma Bunton says a reunion tour is ”unlikely to happen”. ‘Baby Spice’ says the girls’ priorities are their children and with them all doing their own separate projects, fitting in shows would a tough task. (Until the right offer comes along…)
• Kansas – will release a live album to commemorate the 40th anniversary of their landmark ‘Leftoverture’ LP. (Carry on, wayward sons…)
• Sammy Hagar – A third season of ‘Rock & Roll Road Trip With Sammy Hagar’ is in production.  The next 12 episodes will include the Who frontman Roger Daltrey and the Foo Fighters‘ Dave Grohl, among others.
• Lady Antebellum – have shared the news that Hillary Scott and Dave Haywood each have new babies on the way … and as it turns out, Scott is pregnant with twins!
• Levon – will perform at the in Nashville today as part of the Opry Total Eclipse Plaza Party. Guests will enjoy live music on the Plaza stage from Levon starting at approximately 12:30 p.m.,  before the total eclipse at 1:27 pm. Ashley McBryde will perform prior to Levon, and again after the eclipse.

Today, all North Americans will be able to see at least part of a Total Solar Eclipse.  For those in the ‘path of totality’, the sky will go completely dark for a few minutes in the middle of the day.   From Earth, both the moon and sun will appear to be roughly the same size. A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Sun and Earth, and when the Moon fully or partially blocks the Sun. Different phases of an eclipse can span over two hours but the ‘total’ phase can only last a maximum of 7.5 minutes for any one location. Because looking directly at the Sun can lead to permanent eye damage or blindness, special eye protection or indirect viewing techniques need to be used when viewing the solar eclipse.  One option is a pair of solar viewing glasses or eclipse glasses.   A simple pin-hole camera can also be constructed to project an image of the eclipse onto the ground or a wall. Watching the projection of the eclipse (with your back to the Sun)  is a safe way to view the event without eye protection.
Many people, referred to as ‘umbraphiles’ or ‘eclipse chasers’, have travelled hundreds or even thousands of miles in order to be in the ‘path of totality’ to witness the solar eclipse from the best possible vantage point.  I hate to be a killjoy, but overcast skies can dash those plans by making viewing the eclipse next to impossible.   If you are viewing from the path of totality, be sure to look around during those 2+ minutes when the Moon’s shadow is passing directly overhead. As the Moon plunges the surrounding area into twilight, plants, wildlife and even the weather are affected.   Strangely, winds tend to go calm during this period of time.  The temperature will drop, stars will appear, and birds will become confused and start chirping their nighttime songs.
-WeatherNetwork, NewYorkTimes, Vox

• At just 70 miles wide, the path of the totality is narrow. For the rest of North America beyond this slim band, anywhere from 20 to 99 percent of the sun will be covered by the moon.
• The totality will reach Oregon at 10:16 am Pacific time, and will end in South Carolina at 2:49 pm Eastern time. That’s an hour and 33 minutes to cross the country. Not bad.
• There’s a total solar eclipse roughly once every 18 months. The next one will be on July 2, 2019, stretching over a wide swath of the Southern Pacific before passing across Chile and Argentina.
• The next solar eclipse over North America will be in 2024. After that? 2045.
• It is never safe to look directly at the sun’s rays — even if the sun is partly obscured.” The intense light from the sun can damage your retina and cause “permanent scotoma or ‘blind spot’ in the central vision.”
• And just to be safe, keep pets indoors during the eclipse.

Aaaand just to rain a bit on everyone’s eclipse, a group known as The ‘Nibiru Cataclysm’ claims that the solar eclipse is a harbinger of the end of the world – and may be one of the prophesied 10 Biblical plagues.  A leading voice in the movement has suggested it is proof a mythical alien planet will devastate life on Earth with an apocalyptic strike or near miss.  According to him, 33 days after the eclipse, the stars will align exactly as the book of Revelation says they will before the end of the world.  That date? September 23, 2017.  At that point, unless this guy is nuts, The  “Planet X” will appear, passing by or crashing into Earth, causing Armageddon.
(Now I see why all those people booked their holidays to go witness the eclipse!)

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Hackday’ – An event at which employees of a company meet to discuss problems or ideas.  (Sounds violent.)
• ‘Crowdspeaking’ – A marketing activity where each follower of a person or company on social media sends out an identical message at the same time.  (Great. A flash-mob for people who don’t want to get off their asses!)
• ‘Self-disruption’ – A major change made by a company to its traditional activities.  (I didn’t expect the mechanic to offer spa services.  But I found it to be a positive self-disruption!)
• ‘Smellscape’ – A collection of the different smells associated with a particular place.  (Don’t get me wrong, I like visiting you, it’s just that I can’t stand the smellscape of your roommates!)


1938 [79] Kenny Rogers, Houston TX, country singer (“The Gambler”, “Coward of the County”, “Lady”)  Inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 2013. COMING UP: All-Star tribute/farewell show in Nashville on October 25.

1973 [44] Sergey Brin, Moscow, Russia [grew up Adelphi MD], computer wiz who co-founded Google with Larry Page in 1998/personal net worth estimated at $42.8 billion.

1983 [34] Brody Jenner, Los Angeles CA, reality star (“The Hills” from 2007-2010, “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”)

1986 [31] Usain Bolt, Trelawny, Jamaica, recently retired world’s fastest sprinter (8 Olympic gold medals; 11 World Championship golds)/world 100 meter record (9.58) & 200 meter record (19.19)

1988 [29] Kacey Musgraves, Alba TX, country singer (“Merry Go ‘Round”)

1989 [28] Hayden Panettiere, Palisades NY, TV actress (‘Juliette Barnes’ on “Nashville” since 2012, “Heroes” 2006-09)

• “Solar Eclipse” ,starting in the morning on the west coast and the early to mid afternoon on the east coast, residents of North America will be able to see at least part of a Total Solar Eclipse.

• “Senior Citizens Day”, the 27th annual observance to recognize and show appreciation for the value and contribution of elders to home, family, and society.

• “Spumoni Day”, saluting the Italian dessert made from layers of ice cream, whipped cream, candied fruit, and nuts. It is typically made with 3 layers of flavor: Chocolate, Pistachio, Cherry.

• “Cupcake Day”, saluting those fabulous little cakes that don’t count as cheating on your diet ’cause they’re just small … right? In Canada, the day is a fundraiser in which people are asked to ‘bake a difference’ to support animal shelters, SPCAs, and Humane Societies.

• “Stay Home with Your Kids Day”, didn’t we just do this….ALL summer???

[Tues] Eat a Peach Day
[Tues] Tooth Fairy Day
[Tues] Be an Angel Day
[Wed] Buttered Corn Day
[Wed] Hug Your Sweetheart Day
[Wed] Valentino Day
This Week Is…Chef Appreciation Week
This Month is…Traffic Awareness Month

2009 [08] “Inglourious Basterds”, Quentin Tarantino’s long-in-the-works satire about an American-led WW2 killing squad, opens in movie theaters

2005 [12] Rolling Stones kick off “A Bigger Bang” world tour at Fenway Park in Boston  MA (after pauses for a concussion and alcohol rehab, it wraps 2 years later as the highest-grossing tour-to-date at over $558 million)

2004 [13] American swimmer Michael Phelps wins his 8th medal of the 2004 Athens Olympics, tying him with Soviet gymnast Aleksandr Dityatin for most medals in a single Olympics (he eventually becomes the most decorated athlete in Olympic history with a total of 28 medals, including 23 golds)


✓ We are moving through space at the rate of 530km per second (330 miles per second).
✓ If you put Saturn in water, it would float.
✓ The moon is drifting away from Earth at a rate of about 3.8cm per year.
✓ The Big Dipper is not a constellation, it is an asterism (a pattern of stars in the sky which is not one of the official 88 constellations)
✓ If two pieces of metal touch in space, they become permanently stuck together.
✓ Uranus was originally called ‘George’s Star’.

• “Dammit, that’s the 3rd band-aid I’ve lost this week!”
• “C’mon! Let’s get those forks spit-shined!”
• “Y’know, those food prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam.”
• “Attention! Did anyone on the kitchen staff lose a finger?”
• “Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can’t just keep it your pants!”
• “I can’t believe he STILL ate it!!”
-First published in BS in 2000

In astronomical terms, what is ‘syzygy’?
a.  The alignment of three celestial objects, such as the one occurring with today’s solar eclipse. [CORRECT]
b.  UV radiation emitted from the Sun via solar flares.
c.  The energy drink favored by most astronauts.

English astronomer & science fiction writer Fred Hoyle died 16 years ago today (2001) at age 86. Which term is he credited with inventing?
a. ‘Outer Space’
b. ‘The Big Bang’ [CORRECT]
c. ‘Star Trek’

WHY do men go to bars to pick up women…They should go to Ikea where there are 10 women to every man and they are already shopping for things they don’t need!

☎ What song title best describes the weekend you just had?

Question:  35% of married men never do this without first asking their wife.  What is it?
Answer:  Adjust the thermostat

Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.

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