Wednesday, August 23, 2017 – Edition: #6040

Get a Load of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ New ‘Doctor Who’ Jodie Whittaker has revealed that her dad was less than impressed about being kept in the dark about her exciting new TV role. Whittaker was announced as the new Time Lord in July, but was under strict instructions to keep it a secret for three whole months before the big reveal.  She did tell two people the news – her mom Yvonne and her husband Christian – but she says her dad, Adrian, couldn’t be trusted to keep it to himself.  And apparently he was apparently pretty mad about it.
(It has all the makings of a classic comedy routine; “Guess who’s Dr. Who?” “Who?” “I told you to guess.” “I did guess. I guessed Who!” “Who?”)
-MSN
★ Princes William and Harry have long been rumored to make a cameo in the next chapter of ‘Star Wars’.  ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ star John Boyega has dropped a few hints about the royals’ rumored appearance.  In an interview, he said QUOTE: “I’ve had enough with those Prince William secrets, man. . . . They came on set – they were there, man. Tom Hardy was there, too. I said it. I’m sick of hiding this.”  William and Harry’s visit happened in 2016.
(Thanks for the detailed information. Ummm…are they in the movie?)
-CTV
★ Tiger Woods and Katharine McPhee have been hacked…and there are nudes.  Private nude photos have surfaced – and their lawyers are vowing to destroy anyone who posts them.  The website ‘Celeb Jihad’ posted graphic selfies of various naked stars, including Tiger, Lindsey Vonn, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell. Woods has unleashed pitbull lawyer Marty Singer — who’s threatening to sue the website if it doesn’t remove the Woods photo STAT.
(Aren’t you surprised that these didn’t come out about eight years ago?)
-TMZ
★ James Corden has a terrifying recurring dream. He says he keeps dreaming of being left stranded alone in the ocean.  Although it can be amusing, he says he is genuinely frightened by the nightmares. Corden, – who has kids Max, six, and two-year-old Carey with pregnant wife Julia – insists he can’t imagine his life being any more ”amazing” than it already is.
(He’s much more likely to be left stranded alone on the side of the road…by a car full of bad singers!)
-ContactMusic
★ Chrissy Teigen thinks she drinks too much.  The Sports Illustrated model says she always felt ”horrible” after drinking alcohol so she decided to reduce her intake level and is even considering going completely sober. The 31-year-old model – who shares 16-month-old daughter Luna with husband John Legend, says that she ”knew in her heart” that she had to cut down her drinking.
-ContactMusic
★ Bill Cosby has hired Michael Jackson’s former lawyer to represent him at his November retrial on sexual assault charges in Pennsylvania. Cosby’s spokesman announced on Monday that the 80-year-old comedian is bringing in Tom Mesereau to lead a retooled defence team. Lawyers from the first trial in June have said they want off the case.
-CTV

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): David Alan Grier, R.Lum.R ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Boyega, Rhett & Link, Kygo featuring Ellie Goulding ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Samantha Bee, Gillian Jacobs, Spoon ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Kelly Ripa, Fred Savage, Ahamed Weinberg, Brad Wilk ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): David Beckham, Emily Blunt, Harry Styles ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Kathryn Hahn, Froth, Lucy Gillespie ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Bryan Stevenson, Andra Day
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Kathy Bates, Aquiles Chavez
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Steve Gold, Sonja Morgan ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Donald Rumsfeld ( R )
• “The Talk” (CBS): Diane Lane, Sheila Nevins, guest co-host Jessica Capshaw ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kate McKinnon, Uzo Aduba, Scripps National Spelling Bee winner Ananya Vinay
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Julia Roberts, Richard Curtis ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Nancy Grace ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Anna Chlumsky, Dennis the Prescott, Amirah Vann ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Nicole Ari Parker, guest co-host Shekinah ( R )
• “Big Brother” (CBS): House guests vie for the power of veto.
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): “Live Results 2” Seven acts move on to the semifinal round.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Rick Astley – participated in a ‘RickRoll’.  He stunned fans at a Foo Fighters show in Tokyo  on Sunday by performing ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ with the band.  Dave Grohl teased a new version of his Nirvana classic ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and then introduced Astley for a rousing rendition of his 1987 hit.
• Ronnie Wood – says he was really ”affected” by David Bowie’s death in January 2016 because they were both the same age.  As he puts it: ”With the cancer, he pulled the short straw…I was lucky, I got the long straw with the cancer.”
• Beatles – The original handwritten score for ‘Eleanor Rigby’ is being put up for auction in Cheshire next month, signed by Sir Paul McCartney.  It’s expected to be sold alongside the deeds for a gravestone which bears the name ‘Eleanor Rigby’ in Liverpool, supposedly in a churchyard where John Lennon and Paul met at a party back in 1957.
• Bonnie Tyler – just before the Great American Eclipse, her “Total Eclipse of the Heart” reached the number one spot on iTunes.
• Selena Gomez – wants to raise awareness of mental health issues and is thrilled the new movie ‘Good Times’ has a ”mental aspect” to it.  She says that taking a career break to focus on her health was the best thing she could’ve done at the time.
• Demi Lovato – wants to do a song with Ariana Grande. And the feeling is mutual.  Lovato says it has been discussed for a while but it didn’t work out for her as-yet-untitled upcoming album because they couldn’t find the right song to duet on.  She’s confident it will happen at some point.
• Chance the Rapper – the all-around good guy has been announced as the youngest person on Fortune’s “40 Under 40” list.  The annual ranking of the most influential young people in business puts 24 year-old Chance on the list at #29, with his net worth a reported $9 million.
• Jerrod Niemann – fans waiting for new music won’t have to wait too much longer: His next album, ‘This Ride’, is due out on Oct. 6. He says “These songs either dig up some old yesterdays or make me look forward to tomorrow”.
• Martina McBride –   is decking the halls already in preparation for her upcoming holiday-themed tour, ‘The Joy of Christmas’.  It will start in Biloxi MS November 24 and wrap up December 22 in Roanoke VA.  Tickets go on sale Friday.

JUST YOU WEIGHT:
If you weigh yourself every day, you know the routine: You step on the scale, and cross your fingers that you are just a bit lighter than yesterday.  And you either rejoice in a small victory, or you snap your fingers and vow not to eat anything beyond carrots and celery tomorrow.  Well, a new study from the University of Pennsylvania says that weighing yourself every day can motivate you to lose weight.  Or at least to maintain your current weight.  Even seeing small results can encourage you to stick to your diet, and slight increases can push you to make lifestyle changes to reverse the gain.  Bottom line?  You should weigh yourself every day to keep a close eye on how things are going in the weight department.
(So if I weigh myself 5 or 10 times a day, will I lose even more?)
(Of course if the scale tells me that I’ve gained weight, I just may drown my sorrows in a bucket of chicken!)
(I would weigh myself every day, but the scale went out the window the LAST time I was on a diet!)
-DailyMail

ROMANTIC GESTURES THAT WOMEN ACTUALLY HATE:
■ Unexpected Public Proposals: Yup.  I was pretty sure this would top the list.  Picture a jumbo-tron proposal at a football game.  A ton of pressure on her, and you’re setting yourself up for a debilitating embarrassment if it doesn’t work out.  (But what public proposal is EXPECTED?  Ah. I get it.  Just don’t propose in public, expected or unexpected).
■ Flowers: You have to admit…they ARE a hassle to deal with.  But if you insist, be sure to have them delivered at work. (So she can at least get some mileage out of them by showing them off to that witch down the hall…)
■ Impromptu Serenades:  Try to envision a way for it not to be uncomfortable. It’s just about impossible.  (Even worse if he can’t sing!)
■ Being Overprotective: Women like to feel valued and secure.  But it can be taken too far.  (We’ve all seen it.  Or been punched because of it…)
■ Gaudy Jewelry: Most guys don’t have a clue what women like in jewelry. Try a quick browse of her current jewelry to get an idea of her style. (So she doesn’t want another 4-inch heart- shaped thingie?)
■ Poetry:  Even if you’re an actual poet, writing one for a woman probably won’t do you any favors.  (See Serenades, above.) (These are only a good idea on sitcoms.  And that’s debatable.)
■ Too Much Cologne: A little goes a long way.  Live it.  (So, there is such a thing as too much?)
■ Being Too Needy: Insecurity and weakness are never sexy.  (But I REEEEALLY miss you!)
■ Ordering For Her: There are women who like this sort of thing. But most don’t feel put out by choosing and asking for their own menu items. (I’d get about half-way through the appetizer order, and POW!)
■ Bragging About Your Manhood: Really? That was supposed to work?
(Next week: Romantic Gestures Women Actually Like…just as soon as some guy figures them out!)
-Men’sHealth

ONE DIMENSION 2 MANY:
Think about it.  When was the last time that you willingly paid a few extra dollars at the theater to watch a movie in 3D?  Been a while?  That seems to be the case for many of us.  And some experts are already sounding the death knell for the movie theater 3D experience.  The Motion Picture Association of America reports an 8% drop in 3-D tickets sold over the past year, despite the fact that they never really sold like gangbusters in the first place.  And one of this Summer’s biggest movies, ‘Dunkirk’ is only viewable in the 2-D format.  IMAX is cutting back on 3D screenings after disappointing returns on ‘The Mummy’ and ‘Transformers: The Last Knight’.  It sounded like a great idea several years ago when the latest wave of 3D technology was unveiled.  But it may become a thing of the past.  And did 3D TV ever catch on?  No.  We just didn’t want to put on those funny goggles in order to relax and enjoy a movie at home.
(I hate those little goggles you have to wear.  But I’m going to try these funky eclipse glasses that I have nothing to do with for the next 10 years!)
(I don’t go to 3D movies because I need the extra $3 to upsize my Coke to large!)
(The only time I paid extra to see a movie in 3D was when the regular format movie was sold out.  And that kind of tells a story right there, doesn’t it?)
-TorontoStar

BS CHRONOMETER 08.23.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [68] Rick Springfield, Sydney Australia, rock singer (“Jessie’s Girl”, “I’ve Done Everything For You”), TV actor (‘Noah Drake’ on “General Hospital” from 1981-2013)

1961 [56] Dean DeLeo, Montclair NJ, rock guitarist (Stone Temple Pilots-“Plush”, “Interstate Love Song”)

1970 [47] Jay Mohr, Verona NJ, movie actor (“Are We There Yet?”, “Jerry Maguire”)/TV personality (“Last Comic Standing”/standup comedian (“Jay Mohr: Happy. And a Lot.”)

1976 [41] Scott Caan, LA CA, TV actor (‘Det Danno Williams’-“Hawaii Five-O” since 2010)/movie actor (“Ocean’s 11″ movies, “Gone In 60 Seconds”)/son of actor James Caan

1978 [39] Julian Casablancas, NYC, rock singer-songwriter (The Strokes-“Juicebox”, “Last Nite”)/son of Elite Models founder John Casablancas

1980 [37] Joanne Froggatt, Littlebeck UK, TV actress (maid ‘Anna Bates’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Day For the Remembrance Of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition”, designated by UNESCO in 1998 as an annual observance to memorialize the transatlantic slave trade.

• “Hug Your Sweetheart Day”, an annual excuse to let your beloved know that he or she is always there in your fondest thoughts. Gag.

• “Sponge Cake Day”, celebrating the fat-free dessert that’s based on flour, sugar, and eggs.  It has a firm yet well-aerated structure, similar to a sea sponge. (And is no good until it is covered with icing, whip cream, ice cream, or all 3!)

• “Buttered Corn Day”, are you a butter spreader or full cob roller?  (Depends on who’s looking?)

• “Ride The Wind Day”, a day to soar above the earth or can catch a ride with the breeze. Here are some great ways to enjoy Ride the Wind Day :
-Fly in an airplane
-Fly a kite
-Parachute
-Hang glide
-Take a motorcycle ride
-Hop in a sailboat, and go for a ride

AND REMEMBER…
[Thurs] Waffle Day
[Thurs] Strange Music Day
[Thurs] Can Opener Day
[Fri] Kiss and Make Up Day
[Fri] Banana Split Day
[Fri] Forgive Your Foe Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [17] 51 million watch the final episode of the original “Survivor” TV series (a Summer replacement show) as Richard Hatch is named the $1-million winner (then promptly forgets to pay his taxes leading to jail time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [10] Queen guitarist Brian May is finally awarded his doctorate in astrophysics by London’s Imperial College (the degree he was seeking when he left school during the band’s first flush of success)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1966 [51] 1st photo of Earth from the Moon is taken by ‘Lunar Orbiter’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008 [09] Madonna kicks off the 86-date “Sticky & Sweet Tour” at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales which goes on to become the highest grossing tour by a solo artist ($280 million)

TODAY’S UNFORTUNATE EVENT…
2015 [2] A 12 year-old boy trips and rips the 17th-century painting “Flowers” by Paolo Porpora worth $1.5m at an exhibition in Taiwan

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ When you talk, you spray around 2.5 microscopic saliva droplets per word.
✓ When you say “a million seconds”, it means 11 and a half days. “A billion seconds” would be over 31 years.
✓ In the U.S., there are more Chinese restaurants than all the McDonald’s, KFCs, Burger Kings and Wendy’s put together.
✓ There are more English speakers in China than in the United States.
✓ The word Australia contains three A’s and each of them is pronounced differently.
✓ The average person spends only 10 minutes a day speaking.
-Short-Funny.com

BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why in a country of free speech are there phone bills?
• What is an ‘occasional table’ the rest of the time?
• Should animal shampoo be tested on humans?
• If someone who can’t count finds a 4-leaf clover, are they still lucky?
• Shouldn’t a ‘tourist information center’ tell you all about the tourists who have visited?

BS REASONS YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR SUMMER TO END:
(You just don’t know it.)
• Tailgating – Grilling is great, but grilling + sports + beer + getting way too competitive is even better.
• Hot Cocoa – Nothing helps you kick back like a hot cup of cocoa, especially if it’s spiked.
• Halloween Candy – The only time it’s acceptable to have candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• Apple Picking – If you don’t pick your own apples, then you’re doing Fall all wrong.
• Holiday Leftovers – Mashed potatoes for days. Cranberry sauce on everything.
• Hot Soup – Not to mention cheddar broccoli bread bowls that’ll warm you up anytime.
• Pumpkin Pie – Might as well pop that top button on your pants now. It’s almost pie time.
• Pumpkin Spice Lattés – The first time each year that you catch a whiff of that pumpkin aroma, it’s magic.
• Mulled Wine – The perfect beverage for every Autumn party or family get-together.
• No More Hot Dogs – Bye-bye, Summer. We’ll be wanting you and your weenies again next year. Until then … so long tube steak!
– Adapted from SpoonUniversity.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.  I call it LUNCH!

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• According to a survey, THIS is the pest that we’d most like to eliminate from the world:
a. Mosquito [CORRECT]
b. Rat
c. Bat
d. Door-to-door salesman

• According to a poll, THIS is the #1 luxury item that people would like to have in their home:
a. Roomba
b. Pool
c. Hot-tub [CORRECT]
d. Games or theater room

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What is one mystery that you would like the answer to?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 10% of people have kept THIS a secret from their partner. What is it?
Answer: A winning lottery/scratch ticket.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A good friend knows all your best stories.  A best friend has lived them with you.


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