Thursday, August 24, 2017 – Edition: #6041

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Brace yourselves, Dirty Dancing fans….The woman behind hit movie has given fans a 30th anniversary gift by revealing she’s at work on a sequel.  The beloved 1987 film, which starred Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, turned 30 on Monday.  Eleanor Bergstein, who wrote the script, wants to bring Johnny and Baby back to the big screen. She says that while she always thought the two characters had a future, she wasn’t ready yet to go back to it.  But now she is; “Partly because it’s time, and partly because what happened to them is what’s happening (across America) now.”
(FYI, 2004’s ‘Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights’ is classified as a ‘prequel/reimagining’.  And a poor one at that!)
★ Robert De Niro has been named the United States’ highest paid actor TV for a show that isn’t even named yet!  A new list of salary estimates compiled by industry bible ‘Variety’ reveals De Niro is likely taking home a whopping $775,000 an episode for his role in an as yet unnamed Amazon drama which still hasn’t reached the production stage.
(I’m guessing you might want to check with Jim Parsons on this first…)
★ “Transformers: The Last Knight” star Mark Wahlberg has outmuscled Dwayne Johnson to become Hollywood’s highest-paid actor in the past year with a ‘transforming’ income of US$68 million, according to Forbes magazine. The former rapper known as Marky Mark beat out ‘Baywatch’ star Johnson, with $65 million, and Johnson’s ‘The Fate of the Furious’ co-star Vin Diesel, at $54.5 million.
(See?  If I made that kind of cash, I wouldn’t care that everyone knows how much I make either!)
★ Professional wrestler John Cena broke down in tears when he was surprised by fans whom he had inspired thanks to his ‘never give up’ motto.  While filming a commercial, Cena read out one note from a boy named Tyler Schweer who had given his cancer-suffering mother a wristband he’d received ringside from Cena and told her to ”never give up”.  As he fought back tears, Cena read the note and said: ”That’s pretty cool. At a young age he has such great perspective. It’s really cool to see, man.”
★ We’re pretty sure that Gwyneth Paltrow is returning to the big screen.  Although she has said in the past that she didn’t want to do much acting as she focuses on her lifestyle website ‘GOOP’, this might have been too much to resist.  Sources are saying that Paltrow has joined the cast of ‘Avengers 4′.  In fact, Gwyneth has been seen rehearsing a scene with co-stars Robert Downey Jr and Mark Ruffalo in North Carolina, where shooting started this month.  Paltrow plays ‘Pepper Potts’ in the ‘Iron Man’ films and was last seen at the end of ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ this summer.
(If you’re at the end of a Marvel film, it means you’re already signed on for the next one!)
★ George and Amal Clooney have donated $1 million to the ‘ongoing fight for equality’.  The married couple – who share two-month-old twins Alexander and Ella together – have given the hefty sum to Southern Poverty Law Center and they want to encourage others to ”collectively” stand up to hate. As George said in a statement: “There are no two sides to bigotry and hate”
★ ‘Stranger Things’ is without a doubt one of the most talked-about original series to come from Netflix, but its creators say the show will end after 4 seasons. ‘Stranger Things’ season 2 premieres on Netflix on October 27. Season 1 is available now.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Floyd Mayweather, Chrissy Metz, Charles Gould ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Halle Berry, Michael Che, George Ezra ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Matthew McConaughey, Vanessa Bayer ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jim Gaffigan, Andrea Mitchell, Fall Out Boy, Brad Wilk ( R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Al Gore, Laura Linney, Mr Eazi ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Lamorne Morris, Jeff Rosenstock, Split Single, Jane Marie ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Nnamdi Asomugha, Colin Warner
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Jane Lynch, Timothy Simons, Rancid
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Dorinda Medley, Fredrik Eklund ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Sen. Bernie Sanders, Kenny Ortega ( R )
• “The Talk” (CBS): Ray Liotta, Kevin Frazier, Charlie Wilson ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Scarlett Johansson, Will Arnett, Steve Aoki
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard, Tig Notaro, Anderson .Paak ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Chrissy Metz ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Kevin James, Selenis Leyva ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Faith Evans, guest co-host Kelly Osbourne ( R )
• “Boy Band” (ABC): Top 5 Revealed! The final eight contestants learn which five will be awarded a recording contract.
• “Battle of the Network Stars” (ABC): ABC Stars vs. Variety. Ted Lange; Troy Gentile; Jill Whelan; Denise Richards; Joely Fisher; Lance Bass; Joey Fatone
• “The Gong Show” (ABC): Celebrity panelists include Will Arnett, Ken Jeong and Zach Galifianakis.

• Billy Joel – made a silent statement during his concert at New York’s Madison Square Garden. Following the fatal rally in Virginia, and other rallies in Boston and Berlin, Joel took to the stage Monday night donning a yellow Star of David.
• Morrissey – is releasing a new album. The former Smiths frontman has announced the upcoming ‘Low in High-School’, which will be his first studio album since 2014’s ‘World Peace Is None of Your Business’.
• Mariah Carey – has said in an interview that after all her years of stardom, she still struggles with her confidence.  Carey says she has always had low self-esteem.
• Missy Elliott – A petition is circulating which seeks to replace a Confederate monument in Olde Towne Portsmouth, Virginia with a statue of her.  Old Towne Portsmouth is her hometown.
• Gene Simmons – many disagreed with his effort to trademark the ‘devil’s horns’ gesture, but he already owns the trademarks to the ‘moneybag’ logo (the dollar sign with the bag of money) and the phrase ‘motion picture’. (He pretty much has a trademark on ‘arrogance’ too…)
• Def Leppard – guitarist Phil Collen has teamed up with the Vancouver-based ‘Six Hundred Four’ shoe company to produce a limited run of ‘Electric Splatter’ sneakers. Only 30 pairs were produced — each of them custom hand-painted, numbered and signed by Collen.
• U2 – have surprised their fans with a mysterious letter in the mail, which contains clues to their next big announcement. Whether or not it’s a new album coming remains to be seen, but the cryptic message reads:   “Blackout… It’s clear who you are will appear…”.
• Harry Styles – will have his own hour-long special on the BBC.  Styles will perform songs from his self-titled debut album and talk about how he evolved from boy-band superstar to solo artist.  It airs in November.
• Lindsay Ell – her much-anticipated debut album, ‘The Project’, had a big first week: It debuted at No. 1 on the Neilsen Soundscan Current Country Albums chart.  Ell is only the second solo female artist to debut at No. 1 on the chart in 2017.
• Thomas Rhett – has Instagrammed a video of the moment he and his wife Lauren Akins’ adopted daughter, Willa Gray, met new daughter Ada James for the first time.

This summer, the hot topic among many farmers and gardeners has been that of soil quality.  Why?  Mainly because of a surprising new experiment dreamed up by the ‘Soil Conservation Council’.  And if you are thinking that you didn’t expect an organization with a handle like that to come up with ANYTHING exciting, you wouldn’t be alone.  But check this out:  It’s called the ‘Soil Your Undies’ test.  And what you need to do is go out and buy some new, undyed white cotton briefs (male or female, doesn’t matter), and bury them somewhere in the garden. Stick in a little flag to mark the spot. Leave them undisturbed for two months. Then dig those underpants up. The theory is that if the cotton has mostly been eaten away — leaving only the elastic waistband — congratulations! Your soil is in good shape, with plenty of organic matter.  Why? Earthworms and other, smaller invisible critters inhabiting the soil need organic matter to survive — and when there are plenty of them around, they’ll eat the cotton, which is, of course, also an organic material.  On the other hand, if those underground underpants come out largely intact, it signals that you’d better add some compost, because there aren’t enough nutrients down there for plants to flourish.
(The topic of soil quality bores the pants off me…literally!)
(So if your underwear survives…it’s like a black mark?)

In what seems like another painfully obvious attempt by science to get me to stop enjoying eating, researchers are now saying that late-night snacking can cause…sunburn!  That’s right. What you’re eating away from the beach could affect how your skin reacts under the sun once you’re there.  Essentially, late night snacks could be messing with our biological clocks and altering the rate at which certain enzymes — such as the ones responsible for repairing damage from ultraviolet rays — are active in the body.  And yes, it does sound sort of weird: Eating after dark makes us more in danger from light. And as you probably know, ultraviolet rays present more of a risk than just an uncomfortable burn. Sunburns, while annoying at the time, could potentially result in more serious problems later, including premature aging of the skin, scarring, and even cancer.  So be careful with those late-night trips to the fridge!
(Ok then, I’ll wait until midnight…and make them ‘early-morning’ trips to the fridge instead!)
(Maybe I’d be OK if I didn’t burn everything I try to cook up at 3 in the morning?)

○ Neon Clothes – Although they DID keep you from being hit by a car at night…
○ Disco – Let’s face it.  It was never cool.  It was a long, bad, polyester-laced fever dream.
○ Popped Collars – How about 3 at once…in different pastel colors?  Cool now?
○ Waterbeds –  If you’ve ever tried to sleep on one, you know that the simple act of rolling over is a wave of trouble and awkwardness.
○ Big Hair – In the 1980s, we couldn’t get our hair big enough, which might help explain all those holes in the ozone layer (hairspray).
○ Leg Warmers – The thing is, they were often worn over top of jeans, making them a pointless accessory, if they ever had a point to begin with.
○ Swatch Watches – Didn’t they kinda look like a cheap toy you might get in a plastic egg in a vending machine?


1945 [72] Vince McMahon, Pinehurst NC, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment since 1980 (originally World Wrestling Federation)

1960 [57] Cal Ripkin Jr., Havre De Grace MD, baseball player (Hall of Fame shortstop and third baseman who played his entire 21-year career with the Baltimore Orioles and earned the nickname Iron Man after setting the MLB record for most consecutive games played with 2,632)

1973 [44] Dave Chappelle, Washington DC, comedian/TV personality (“Chappelle’s Show” 2003-05)/movie actor (“Block Party”, “Half Baked”)

1976 [41] Alex O’Loughlin, Canberra, Australia, TV actor (‘Steve McGarrett’ on “Hawaii Five-O” since 2010)

1988 [29] Rupert Grint, Watton-at-Stone UK, movie actor (‘Ron Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

• “Peach Pie Day”, honoring the seasonal dessert made from flour, sugar, butter, and freshly-picked juicy peaches. Yummers! (Tues. was “Eat a Peach Day”.  If you like peaches, this is your week!)

• “Waffle Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the invention of the ‘Waffle Iron’ by Cornelius Swartwout of Troy NY on this day in 1869. Other inventions attributed to today’s date include ‘Potato Chips’ (Chef George Crum, Saratoga Springs NY in 1853) and the ‘Motion Picture Camera’ (Thomas Edison in Menlo Park NJ, 1891). It’s no wonder August is tagged “National Inventors’ Month”.

• “Weather Complaint Day”, marking the date in 1897 when editor Charles Dudley Warner of the “Hartford Courant” published the quip, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” Which weather cliché is the worst?

• “Knife Day”,  a day that celebrates the ancient tool that has survived as long as man has—evolving from stone and obsidian to carbon and stainless steels.

• “Strange Music Day”, created by Patrick Grant, a New York City musician. The premise is simple: to get people to play and listen to types of music they have never experienced before. The ‘strange’ part can mean either unfamiliar or bizarre – the choice is entirely yours.

• “Pluto Demoted Day”, commemorates the day in 2006 when Pluto’s status was downgraded from a full sized planet to a dwarf planet by the International Astronomical Union.

[Fri] Banana Split Day
[Fri] Kiss and Make Up Day
[Fri] Forgive Your Foe Day
[Sat] Dog Day
[Sat] Pony Express Day
[Sat] Toilet Paper Day

2014 [03] Richard Attenborough, English actor (“Jurassic World”), director (“A Bridge Too Far”), and producer (“Gandhi”), dies in London at age 90

1981 [36] Mark David Chapman is sentenced in NYC to serve 20 years-to-life in prison for the assassination of music icon John Lennon (his parole attempts have failed repeatedly)

2008 [09] Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page perform the Led Zeppelin classic “Whole Lotta Love” during the closing ceremony of the 2008 Beijing Olympics at Birds Nest Stadium

2010 [07] “Teenage Dream”, Katy Perry’s 2nd major-label album, is released

2006 [11] A meeting of 424 astronomers demotes the former planet Pluto to ‘dwarf planet status’ (it had been designated a planet since its discovery in 1930)

2011 [06] Tim Cook becomes Apple CEO after Steve Jobs resigns due to health issues (Jobs later dies at age 56 from pancreatic cancer)

2002 [15] Petri Valta of Finland outdistances 90 other contestants from 7 countries by hurling a Nokia 5510 cellphone 219 feet to set a new world record at the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championships in Savonlinna, Finland

2012 [05] After his decision not to contest charges of doping, US cyclist Lance Armstrong learns he’s to be stripped of his record 7 Tour de France titles and banned from racing for life


✓ ‘Donkey Kong’ got his name because its creator believed ‘donkey’ meant ‘stupid in English and wanted his character to be a ‘Stupid Ape’.
✓ Sonic the Hedgehog’s full name is Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog.
✓ There are no bridges over the Amazon River.
✓ The process by which bread toasts is called the ‘Maillard Reaction’.
✓ The name for the shape of ‘Pringles’ is ‘Hyperbolic Paraboloid’.
✓ The medical name for a butt crack is ‘intergluteal cleft’.

• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
• The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
• The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
• The red brick wall was the color of a brickred Crayola crayon.
• Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.
• It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
• The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the D.R. on a Dr. Pepper can.
• He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes “woo woo woo”.
• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
•”Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on dollar beer night.

☎ Where have you been that you would never go back to?

In cinematography, you shoot 100% of the takes you don’t miss.

Question: Researchers found that 20% of us have a favorite one of THESE. What?
Answer: A Pen.

The comeback is always stronger than the setback.

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