Thursday, August 25, 2011        Edition: #4579
You Really Know Your Sheet!

Acting couple Will Smith & wife Jada Pinkett-Smith are (too?) vehemently denying an “InTouch Weekly” report from an ‘insider’ claiming they’ve separated after 13 years of marriage (one rumor has her involved with J-Lo’s ex Marc Anthony) . . . “Life” magazine has included Anne Hathaway’s performance in “One Day” in its new list of ‘Worst Accents in Movie History’ (ouch!) . . . A stuntman testing a new setup for the reboot of “Fear Factor” has broken both ankles when a safety mechanism failed (this fall Joe Rogan returns to host the ‘bug-eating’ show that originally ran 2001-06) . . . LAPD is investigating a letter mailed from a mystery location in Europe to “Late Late Show” TV host Craig Ferguson that apparently contained threats and white powder it (wrongfully) claimed was anthrax (who the heck would pick on low-key Craig?) . . . “Forbes” new listing of ‘World’s Highest-Paid Celebrity Couples’ is topped by fashion model Gisele Bundchen & NFL QB Tom Brady, who together are pulling down annual earnings of $76 million (slightly ahead of Beyoncé & Jay-Z at $72 million) . . . Jimmy Kimmel’s real-life Uncle Frank, who’s been a regular in comedy skits and red carpet interviews on Kimmel’s late night program, has died at age 77 (a retired NYPD officer, he was originally hired as a security man on the show) . . . Denise Richards tells Ryan Seacrest’s radio show that if she could go back and marry Charlie Sheen again – she would (has she been sipping on Tiger Blood?) . . . “Girls Gone Wild” sleazebag Joe Francis is in trouble again, this time charged with false imprisonment, assault causing bodily injury, and dissuading a witness from filing a police report (he claims it was a 3-woman altercation in which he had no part) . . . And there’s talk that CNN host Anderson Cooper might use his new syndicated daytime talk show “Anderson” to – come out (maybe we’ll find out just who lives with him in his Greenwich Village converted firehouse?).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jake Shimabukuro (“Aloha to You”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Angels (“Phosphene Dream”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Bruce Hornsby (“Bride Of the Noisemakers”); Fountains of Wayne (“Sky Full of Holes”). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – David Cook (“This Loud Morning”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) –  Dolly Parton (“Better Day”). Rerun.

• Amy Winehouse – Just-released toxicology results reveal she had no illegal substances in her body when she died. The results do indicate she had imbibed alcohol, but it is unknown whether that played any part in her death.
• Beyoncé – She’s been announced as part of “Michael Forever: The Tribute Concert” being held in Cardiff, Wales on October 8th. But she’ll reportedly only performing via satellite.
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight’s performance as part of the “CMA Songwriters Series” in Boston, Massachusetts is being streamed live online.
• Lady Gaga – She’s set to appear in an episode of “The Simpsons” that will air during the show’s upcoming 23rd season. She’ll play herself in an episode entitled “Lisa Goes Gaga”.
• Michael Jackson – Organizers of the tribute show scheduled to take place in Wales in October are refusing to bow to pressure to cancel the event, insisting it is ‘100% going ahead’. Earlier this week, a group of 35 MJ fan clubs urged cancellation, claiming the event is ‘doomed to fail’.
• Van Halen – One-time frontman Sammy Hagar tells he’s ‘disappointed’ with guitarist Eddie Van Halen and his drummer brother Alex for the way they have treated former bass player Michael Anthony, who’s now his Chickenfoot bandmate. So much for any reunion possibility!

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Argo” – Ben Affleck is set to begin work on this military drama next month in Los Angeles. He will be joined onscreen by Alan Arkin, Bryan Cranston, and John Goodman. The film is set during the Iran hostage crisis and involves a CIA team going undercover as a sci-fi film crew.
• “Bullet to The Head” – Sylvester Stallone stars as a New Orleans hitman who teams up with a NYC cop, played by “Fast Five” actor Sung Kang, to track down the killers of their respective partners. “Bullet” is targeting an April 13, 2012 release.
• “Neighborhood Watch” – This Ben Stiller sci-fi comedy centers on a group of suburban security volunteers who find themselves in over their heads when they uncover a plot to destroy the world. The movie will shoot in Georgia this fall.
• “Oz The Great & Powerful” – This upcoming Disney adventure imagines the origins of the ‘Wizard of Oz’. James Franco plays a small-time circus magician with dubious ethics who thinks he’s hit the jackpot when arriving in the magical land. Filming is underway in Pontiac, Michigan.
• “Twelve Years a Slave” – Brad Pitt is set to produce this bigscreen version of the 1853 memoir of Solomon Northup, a black man who was born free but was kidnapped into slavery as an adult. Steven McQueen, who won a 2008 Cannes Film Festival prize for “Hunger”, is directing.

The all-time worst do-overs according to a new poll of music fans …
5. Britney Spears’ rendition of the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”.
4. GNR’s “Sweet Child O’ Mine” as sung by Sheryl Crow.
3. Madonna’s woeful reimagining of Don McLean’s “American Pie”.
2. Limp Bizkit’s cover of The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes”.
1. Miley Cyrus’ version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.

NSR = Need some roughage.
T4W = Time for whiskey.
TXT L8R = Can’t find reading glasses.
WWIS = What was I saying?
X2EZ = Crossword puzzle too easy.
WSWS = Wearing socks with sandals.
80/20 = Spouse doing more and more of the talking.
TN2WMP = Trying not to wet my pants.

IBM and researchers at the University of Texas have developed technology they say can predict floods days in advance. It uses detailed data about rivers such as depth and flow, along with weather information, to create a highly accurate 100-hour picture of future river behavior. One problem, however, is finding reliable data. The system is being tested in Texas, where highly detailed info about rivers is available. In Pakistan, devastated by floods last year, no such data exists. Still, the new technology offers hope that in future, communities will get early warning of floods so they can prepare and reach safer areas sooner.

5. ‘Tutankhamun Ale’ – $52 per bottle. Brewed in Cambridge UK but the recipe was found in Queen Nefertiti’s Temple Of the Sun in Egypt, built sometime circa 1300 BC.
4. ‘Samuel Adams Utopias’ – $100 per bottle. Why? One reason is Utopias weighs in at a whopping 50 proof. It’s served un-carbonated at room temperature, often by the ounce.
3. ‘Carlsberg Vintage 3’ – $348 per bottle. Aged in French Côte d’Or Oak Barrels. Only 1,000 bottles have been sealed and are all labeled with exclusive artwork by well-known artists.
3. ‘The End of History’ – $765 per bottle. Brewdog’s extremely rare beer has a 50% alcohol content and is bottled in the taxidermic body of a once-living squirrel or weasel. Yum?
1. ‘Antarctic Nail Ale’ – $800 per bottle. Brewed with actual Antarctic ice water and sold by a charity that opposes whaling in the Antarctic Ocean. It’s available at auction only.

Making orange juice should be pretty simple. Pick oranges. Squeeze them. Put the juice in a carton and voilà! But actually, there’s an important stage in between that’s an open secret in the OJ industry. After oranges are squeezed, the juice is stored in giant holding tanks and, critically, the oxygen is removed from them. That allows the liquid to keep for up to a year without spoiling. However, when the juice is stripped of oxygen it is also stripped of flavor, so juice companies hire flavor and fragrance companies, the same ones that formulate perfumes, to engineer flavor packs to add to juice to make it taste fresh. These flavor packs aren’t listed as an ingredient because technically they are derived from orange essence and oil.

When you’re looking to latch your laptop to a wi-fi network, you can run into some interesting names in addition to boring default names like Belkin and Linksys. Some of our favorites …
• Police Surveillance Van 2
• Get off My LAN
• Use This One Mom
• PlzBringVodkaToApt1310
• Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi
• I have Wi-Fi and You Don’t
• Router? I Hardly Know Her
• No Free Wi-Fi for You
• Free Virus
(Here at BS, we’re on the ‘MainStreetMainline’. And what do you call your LAN?)

The collective noun for a group of jellyfish is a ‘bloom’.
– BBC News Magazine


1930 [81] Sean Connery, Edinburgh, Scotland, retired movie actor (Oscar-“The Untouchables”, “Dr No”)/the best-ever ‘James Bond’?

1931 [80] Regis (Francis Xavier) Philbin, NYC, TV host (“Live With Regis & Kelly” since 1989, “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” 1999-2001 & 2009, “Million Dollar Password” 2008, “America’s Got Talent” 2006)/more onscreen face-time than anyone in TV history  BS FACTOID: He’s announced he’ll officially retire at the end of November.

1949 [62] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa, Israel, reality TV show personality (“Gene Simmons: Family Jewels” since 2006, “The Celebrity Apprentice” 2008)/long-tongued dinosaur rocker (Kiss-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”, “Beth”)

1958 [53] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director/producer (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”)  COMING UP: “Dark Shadows”, starring Johnny Depp (May 2012).

1961 [50] Billy Ray Cyrus, Flatwoods KY, country singer (“Achy Break Heart”)/TV actor (“Hannah Montana” 2006-11)/father of teen singing & acting phenom Miley Cyrus

1967 [44] Jeff Tweedy, Belleville IL, alt-rock singer (Wilco-“You Never Know”, “You & I”)

1968 [43] Rachael Ray, Glens Falls NY, TV personality (“Rachael Ray”, “30 Minute Meals”, “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels”)

1970 [41] Jo Dee Messina, Framingham MA, country singer (“My Give a Damn’s Busted”, “That’s the Way”)

1987 [24] Blake Lively, LA CA, TV actress (‘Serena van der Woodsen’ on “Gossip Girl” since 2007)/movie actress (“Green Lantern”, “The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” films)/Leo DiCaprio’s latest girlfriend

• “Air Guitar World Championships”, the 16th annual through Saturday in Oulu, Finland, in which fake strummers from around-the-world compete for big prizes.

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.

• “Dîner en Blanc” in NYC. The idea originated in France in 1988. Basically, it’s a flash mob feast that features participants decked out in white having dinner in a public space. This year’s event in Paris attracted 10,000, all toting their own tables & food. Tonight’s first event in New York will host 1,000 – half invited, the others drawn from an online waiting list. It takes place at an as-yet undisclosed location in Manhattan that will be revealed via social media.

• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had. What’s the biggest ‘find’ you’ve ever come across?

1939 [72] Movie classic “The Wizard of Oz” opens in movie theaters (see ‘Future Flicks’)

2006 [05] Longtime Aerosmith bassist Tom Hamilton misses his first gig in 24 years after being diagnosed with tongue & throat cancer (he’s reportedly recovered well after treatment for a return bout of cancer in 2011)

1984 [27] Latest fad toy is introduced, robotic action figures called ‘Transformers’ (leads to 3 really bad movies)

1981 [30] Jeff Schwartz sets record for ‘Solo Trampoline Bouncing’ (266 hours, 9 minutes)

[Fri] “Colombiana”; “Don’t Be Afraid Of the Dark”; “Our Idiot Brother” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Reading & Leeds Festivals” begin (UK)
[Fri] Women’s Equality Day (USA)
[Sat] Petroleum Day
[Sun] MTV Video Music Awards (MTV)
[Sun] Radio Commercials Day
[Mon] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
This Week Is … Safe at Home Week
This Month Is … Panini Month


• Motel 6 has named her ‘Customer Of the Year’.
• You intercept a love note signed by the Green Bay Packers.
• Every night she comes home late, carves another notch in the bedpost, and giggles herself to sleep.
• Your closet’s full of Gideon Bibles.
• Raoul the pool-boy is always hanging around … and you don’t have a pool.
– Adapted from

What was THE summer song of 2011?

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Question: THIS common office supply lasts longer if refrigerated.
Answer: Rubber bands.

The human is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Printer Friendly Version