Tuesday, August 25, 2015        Edition: #5523

You Really Know Your Sheet!

★ It’s now been confirmed that 46-year-old Tracy Morgan has married his long-time fiancée, Megan Wollover, on Sunday night, 14 months after suffering life-threatening injuries in a deadly car wreck. Morgan sustained a brain injury and broken bones when a Walmart tractor-trailer hit his limousine on the New Jersey Turnpike as he returned from a gig in Atlantic City in June last year. The private wedding was attended by close friends and family, including the couple’s 2-year-old daughter Maven.
– People.com
★ The upcoming movie spinoff “Star Wars: Rogue One” is resurrecting late actor Peter Cushing via CGI. The actor, who died in 1994, is being brought back from the dead to again play ‘Grand Moff Tarkin’ in the film due to hit theaters in December 2016. An insider says it’s one of the most complex and costly CGI re-creations ever, but Cushing’s character is a pivotal part of the plotline as he was the one to create ‘Darth Vader’ in “Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope” (1977).
– “Daily Mail”
★ Oprah Winfrey apparently misses TV. The 61-year-old is reportedly in talks to sign a $500 million-deal to relaunch her talk show, “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, which aired for 25 seasons from 1986-2011. A source claims ABC-TV wants her, only first they’ll have to buy out her TV network OWN. But as her talk show can generate $300 million+ annually, it’s still a lucrative opportunity. Oprah has previously admitted to talk show host Steve Harvey that she misses being in front of a live audience.
– “Star Magazine”
★ The late Joan Rivers’ staff is still getting paid. It’s thought the comedian, who passed away after surgery complications last year, wanted her housekeepers and beauty team to be financially secure even after she died. An insider says her daughter Melissa is still taking care of everyone because it’s what Joan asked her to do. Quote: ”If you worked for Joan, she paid you a good salary, she covered your healthcare … and it was a job for life.” Melissa has apparently continued that policy without complaint.
– “New York Daily News”
★ And Ben Affleck’s (fame-whore) former nanny Christine Ouzounian has been offered $1 million to star in “Batman vs Superman XXX: A Porn Parody”. Director Axel Braun calls it ‘a straight-out payday’ for the out-of-work child minder. The fillmmaker, whose previous works include “The Avengers XXX”, “This Ain’t Avatar”, and “Boy Meats Girl”, says the adult film will be released in March 2016, to coincide with the premiere of Affleck’s film “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”. Word has it Ouzounian has yet to respond to the offer.
– Bang Showbiz

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The last 12 of the top 36 acts perform in hope of making it to the next round.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Unknown Mortal Orchestra (“Multi-Love”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Luke Bryan (“Kill the Lights”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Halsey (“Badlands”, out Friday).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Natalie Prass (“Natalie Prass”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Lord Huron (“Strange Trails”). Rerun.
• “Madden NFL 16” – The 2015 version of the mega-successful football-based videogame is released today. The 30-song soundtrack includes contributions from Big Data, Nas, A Thousand Horses, twenty one pilots, The Weeknd, Yelawolf and more.
• “Public Morals” (TNT) – Series debut. Edward Burns (“Saving Private Ryan”) stars in this 1960s-set drama about a NYC police officer working in the ‘Public Morals’ division.
• “The Real” (syndicated) – T-Pain (“Stoicville: The Phoenix”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Neil Young (“The Monsanto Years”). Rerun. (Fallon does a better Neil Young than Neil Young.)
• “X (A Kinsey Millhone Novel)” – Mystery writer Sue Grafton is back with today’s publication of the 24th book in her ‘Alphabet’ mystery series. The previous installment, “W is for Wasted”, was a #1 bestseller. (Presumably she only has 2 more books to go … “Y” and “Z”.)

• Chris Brown – He’s naming his new album after his daughter. The 26-year-old, who’s expected to release his 7th studio album later this year, has revealed it’s titled “Royalty”, after the baby he admitted to fathering back in April. It will be his first solo release since 2014’s “X”.
• Ed Sheeran – He’s reportedly planning to take a month off from the music biz to volunteer at a local charity shop in his hometown of Framlingham UK. He’s also reportedly been in talks to set up a new youth center in the village.
• Madonna – She’s said to be in negotiations with Bunim/Murray Productions, makers of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and some 20 other unscripted TV programs. Could she be looking to star in her own reality TV show?
• Morrissey – The veteran rocker is releasing his debut novel, “List Of the Lost”, in September. Publisher Penguin Books will first make it available in Australia, India, Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, and the UK.
• One Direction – They’re splitting up in March 2016 for at least a year as they pursue solo projects. They are not touring in support of their 5th album, to be released this Christmas. Their final show before the hiatus is at the Motorpoint Arena in Sheffield UK on October 31st. The announcement comes 5 months after Zayn Malik quit the band.
• The Police – 72-year-old guitarist Andy Summers tells “The Mirror” the band should never have split up but admits horrendous fights often required them to fake they were getting along onstage. Quote: ”I think what we should have done was probably take 2 years off, gone away and then come back.”
• Rita Ora – Today she kicks off a tour in support of her North American debut album coming later this year. Dates are slotted from tonight in San Francisco CA to September 17th in Chicago IL.
• Taylor Swift – She’s ramped up excitement for her new video “Wildest Dreams” by releasing a sneak-peek on Twitter. The snippet features a couple embracing in a thunderstorm, with wild animals in the background. The full video premieres Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards.
• The Weeknd – He’s announced his biggest headlining tour yet, playing North American arenas November-December. “The Madness Fall Tour”, in support of his new album “Beauty Behind the Madness” (out Friday), kicks off November 3rd in his hometown of Toronto ON.

Out today on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “Aloha” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Bradley Cooper stars as a military contractor who returns to a former work site in Honolulu HI, where he reconnects with a former flame (played by Rachel McAdams), but then simultaneously falls for an Air Force watchdog (Emma Stone). Directed by Cameron Crowe (“Almost Famous”).
• “Big Game” ( PG-13 Action Adventure) – A 13-year-old boy camping in the woods helps rescue the US president when Air Force One is shot down near his campsite. This unlikely duo must evade a group of kidnappers hot on their trail as they search for American Special Forces. Stars Samuel L Jackson, Ray Stevenson, Victor Garber, Felicity Huffman.
• “Two Days, One Night” ( PG-13 Drama ) – Oscar-winner Marion Cotillard (“La Vie En Rose”) received another nomination for her performance as a working-class woman desperate to hold on to her factory job. In order to do so, she embarks on a mission to convince her co-workers to give up their annual bonuses. In French with English subtitles.
• Also released today: “Citizenfour” (Documentary); “Criminal Minds: The 10th Season” (TV); “Elementary: The 3rd Season” (TV); “Father Forgive Him” (Documentary); “The Good Wife: The 6th Season” (TV); “Iris” (Documentary); “Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Attack Of the Legion of Doom!” (Animation); “The Mindy Project: Season 3” (TV); “Transformers Rescue Bots: Dinobots!” (Animation); and “The Walking Dead: The Complete 5th Season” (TV).

Sharing childcare makes for happier couples … with better sex lives. That’s the conclusion of a Marital & Relationship Study which has found that parents who split childcare duties evenly report greater satisfaction, both sexually and emotionally. But in heterosexual couples where the woman handles most of the childcare, both men and women report being less content. And the data shows that couples in which the woman performs more than 60% of childcare fare worst on scores of relationship satisfaction and conflict, as well as being less happy about the quality of their sex lives. (Wouldn’t the same be true about most household chores … cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc?)
– BBC News

A selection of companies who bring more than just food to your doorstep …
✓ Casper – A super comfy memory-foam mattress that squishes down to fit in a small box.
✓ Diaperkind – Diaper-laundering service that uses an EPA-certified plant-derived detergent.
✓ Dollar Shave Club – Sends high quality razors so you can always shave with a fresh blade.
✓ Lola – A sustainable tampon subscription service that delivers directly to your door.
✓ MeUndies – Subscription-based underwear service with regularly scheduled deliveries.
✓ The Sill – Hand-potted houseplants for your home without the pain of lugging them around.
✓ Washio – On-demand laundry service that turns your stinky clothes around in 1 day.
– Food52.com

An immersive jump-in ball-pit for adults has opened in NYC. Any grown-up who leaps into the giant box called JumpIn! ends up literally swimming in little white plastic balls. The ball-pit is located in the 5th-floor offices of Pearlfisher, a UK-based creative design & ad agency. The 81,000 balls needed to fill the pit arrived from the company’s London offices last week and the NYC staff has already discovered that playing with balls is a lot more fun than standing around the watercooler, particularly around 3 or 4 pm when they’re most stressed out. Interested non-staffers can sign up for a 30-minute time slot online in return for a $5 charitable donation. (Which kids’ play activity would you like to see made available for adults?)
– @DailyNews

People who eat while walking tend to consume more calories.
– “City AM”


1949 [66] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa, Israel, long-tongued dinosaur rocker (KISS-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2014)/reality TV show personality (“Gene Simmons: Family Jewels” 2006-12)

1958 [57] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director-producer (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”)

1967 [48] Jeff Tweedy, Belleville IL, alt-rock singer (Wilco-“You Never Know”, “You & I”)

1968 [47] Rachael Ray, Glens Falls NY, TV personality (“Rachael Ray”, “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels”)

1981 [34] Rachel Bilson, LA CA, TV actress (“Hart of Dixie” 2011-15, “The OC” 2003-07)

1987 [28] Blake Lively, Tarzana CA, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12)/movie actress (“The Town”)/model (“Vogue”)/wed to actor Ryan Reynolds since 2012/wannabe lifestyle guru
NET: https://www.preserve.us

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.

• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had.

• “Whiskey Sour Day”, an annual salute to the mixed drink containing whiskey, lemon juice, and sugar. Whiskey sours are shaken, then served either straight or over ice, traditionally garnished with half an orange and a maraschino cherry. Yes, please!

2014 [01] Seth Meyers hosts the 66th Emmy Awards; winners include “Modern Family” for Best Comedy and “Breaking Bad” for Best Drama

2001 [14] Actress/model/singer Aaliyah (“One In a Million”) dies in a plane crash at Marsh Harbour, The Bahamas at age 22

2007 [08] When singing his 1968 hit “Fire” onstage in Lewes UK, Arthur Brown is accidentally set aflame while wearing his customary tinfoil hat with a small fire burning in the center

2006 [09] Longtime Aerosmith bassist/songwriter Tom Hamilton (“Sweet Emotion”) misses his 1st gig in 24 years after being diagnosed with throat cancer (after a 2nd bout in 2011 he recovers following further treatment)

1985 [30] NY Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden becomes the youngest 20-game winner in Major League Baseball history by defeating San Diego Padres at the age of 20 years, 9 months, 9 days

[Wed] Women’s Equality Day
[Wed] Dog Day
[Wed] Tug-of-War Day
[Thurs] Motorist Consideration Day
[Fri] “No Escape”; “War Room”; “We Are Your Friends”; “Z for Zachariah” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Shop Online For Groceries Month


True-life instances of kids saying the darnedest things …
✗ “My 8-year-old daughter announced to a crowded room that when she grows up she wants to be a prostitute. Turns out she meant ‘prosecutor’.”
✗ “My 4-year-old daughter walked out of our bedroom asking if she could have some of our ‘gum’. She was holding a box of condoms.”
✗ “My 2-year-old has started yelling, ‘Help!’ in public when she doesn’t get her way. Once in a store when my husband wouldn’t put her down she locked eyes with the nearest customer and yelled, “Help! Help!”
✗ “My nearly 3-year-old recently started asking completely random people if they have ‘stinky butts’.”
✗ “When my daughter was 5 she told our neighbor she was probably going to die soon because she was old.”
✗ “When I was 4 in the grocery store I cried out in my loud, squeaky voice, ‘Daddy! That lady has a mustache just like you!'”
✗ “My cousin was supposed to sing an appropriate song for his 5th grade talent show, but when he got onstage he cleared his throat and sang ‘F— the Police’ by NWA.”
✗ “My 3-year-old regularly asks people who walk by if they need to poop.”
✗ “We were standing in a crowded supermarket lineup when our daughter started picking her nose and eating it. When I scolded her she bellowed, ‘Well, I’m just so starving that I have to eat my boogs!'”
✗ “My 6-year-old was at the bank with my dad and told the teller she was staying the night at her grandparents’ house so that ‘Mommy and daddy can have a play-date’.”
– Sourced from Reddit.com

☎ Who is the all-time top movie villain?

I’m taking an assertiveness training course … but I’m sorta afraid to tell my wife.

Question: When faking a sick day, about a third of employees do THIS.
Answer: Turn off their phones.

Friction can be a drag sometimes.

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