Wednesday, August 27, 2014        Edition: #5293

Bully For You!

★ Actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson has been taking his young daughters, aged 4 and 2, to the Vancouver BC set of his director-wife’s new movie adaptation of EL James’ erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Moviemaker Sam Taylor-Johnson explains: “When he was working on ‘Godzilla’, I was at home with the girls. We don’t work at the same time. If I’m not working I’ll take the children to the set and we’ll see him there and vice versa.” At least the set is closed during sex scenes. (Still though, watching a giant monster and people cavorting in leather gear must lead to some freaky 4-year-old dreams.)
– “Times Magazine”
★ HBO and Paramount Television are coming together to develop the TV drama “Ashecliffe”, a prequel tale based on Martin Scorsese’s 2010 movie thriller “Shutter Island”. Scorsese will direct the pilot with a script from Dennis Lehane, who penned the novel on which the pic was based. This new story centers on a hospital for the criminally insane and follows 2 federal marshals, one played by Leonardo DiCaprio, who investigate the disappearance of an escaped murderess. (If the TV series is a hit, you can bet they’ll turn around and make a movie out of it.)
★ And the son of late filmmaker Richard Attenborough has now confirmed that the family is planning 2 funerals for the famed director. He will be remembered at a private family service within the coming few days and also at a larger public memorial in November. The director of numerous well-known movies, including “A Bridge Too Far”, “Gandhi”, and “Jurassic Park”, passed away Sunday at the age of 90. He’s survived by his 92-year-old wife Sheila Sim, with whom he had a 74-year relationship. (Equivalent to 47 regular Hollywood marriages.)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The vote is revealed and 6 acts advance; Ariana Grande (“My Everything”) performs.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Atmosphere (“Southsiders”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Hunter Hayes (“Storyline”); Jennifer Lopez (“AKA”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Birth of Joy (“Prisoner”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Christina Perri (“Head or Heart”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – The Last Internationale (“We Will Reign”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – MKTO (“MKTO”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – The top 4 finalists perform; guest judge Jesse Tyler Ferguson (“Modern Family”); Jason Mraz (“Yes!”) performs.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kacey Musgraves (“Same Trailer Different Park”). Rerun.

• Colbie Caillat – Tonight she begins a North American tour in support of her recent EP, “Gypsy Heart”. The trek begins in Denver CO and wraps up in San Diego CA on September 28th.
• Eminem – His new single, “Guts Over Fear” f/Sia, is featured in the trailer for the upcoming Denzel Washington movie “The Equalizer”, which opens in theaters September 26th.
• Grouplove –  Frontman Christian Zucconi has written the theme song “Back In the ’90s (BoJack Theme Song)” specifically for the new animated NetFlix original series “BoJack Horseman”, starring Will Arnett & Aaron Paul. It plays at the conclusion of each episode.
• Prince – It turns out that he’s releasing not just one, but 2 albums next month. His long-teased album with 3rdEyeGirl, “Plectrumelectrum”, is due September 30th, as is a new Prince solo album called “Art Official Age”.
• Young Jeezy – He’s being held in custody on $1 million bail after an assault rifle thought to have been used in a fatal shooting Friday night was found on his tour bus. A man was shot 5 times backstage in Mountain View CA during Wiz Khalifa’s multi-artist “Under the Influence of Music Tour”. Cops believe the gun belongs to Jeezy.

“The November Man” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Pierce Brosnan stars as an ex-CIA operative who is brought back into the organization on a very personal mission. He finds himself pitted against his former pupil in a deadly game involving high level CIA officials and the Russian president-elect. Co-stars Luke Bracey, Olga Kurylenko, Bill Smitrovich.

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Connectivity Aircraft’ – A drone or similar aircraft outfitted with networking equipment that enables it to provide Internet access to the area over which it flies. In other words, flying wi-fi.
• ‘Otherhood’ – The state of being a woman who is not a mother. Also can refer to women who are not mothers collectively. The opposite of ‘motherhood’.
• ‘Ussie’ [us + selfie] – A group photo taken by one of the members of the group. Likely the most famous ‘ussie’ so far is the one taken by actor Bradley Cooper at the Academy Awards.

The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention has released its findings on teens and e-cigarettes and the study has unearthed the scary fact that young people who try e-cigarettes are more likely to try regular smokes. In fact, youths who’ve tried e-cigarettes are nearly twice as likely to say they’ll try a conventional cigarette within the next year. The study has also found that more than a quarter-million adolescents and teens who had never smoked previously used an electronic cigarette in 2013, a threefold increase from 2011. Not surprising considering their exposure to ads for e-cigarettes jumped 250% in that time span. The American Heart Association is now advising that only people who can not quit smoking via other methods try e-cigarettes. (However you do it, kick your butts!)
– Reuters

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of survey respondents say they’d switch to a new phone if it had longer battery life.
• 66% of smartphone owners never download apps.
• 60% of us think that checking too many items through a supermarket express lane is ‘unethical’.
• 40% of Millennials think losing their phone would have a bigger impact on their lives than losing their car.
• 34% of women admit they complain about a man at least twice per day.
• 10% of new parents claim their little one’s first word was ‘tablet’.

• (Hamden CT) – An 88-year-old woman accidentally let a racoon into her house … thinking it was her cat. When she attempted to pet what she thought was her feline the raccoon attacked her, biting her on the elbow, hand, forearm, lip, and chin. She was taken to Yale-New Haven Hospital to be treated for minor injuries. The raccoon was caught and euthanized before it inflicted further damage. (Now the poor woman has to be content playing fetch in the park with her … wait, is that an alligator?)
– “New Haven Register”
• (Aylesbury, England) – A 43-year-old British man has had a live moth pulled out of his ear. It was wiggling around in there for 3 days before doctors finally extracted it after a 90-minute procedure. Seems the bug landed on his glasses while he was reading and, instead of swatting it, he accidentally pushed it inside his ear. The moth is now on display at his house … in a jar.
– “Daily Mirror”
• (Omaha NE) – A 20-year-old man wanted for violating parole is back behind bars after a video of him appeared online … taking the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Rather than discreetly donating to the cause, the con chose to meme along with the rest of the world by dousing himself in ice water and posting a video of it on Facebook. One of his Facebook ‘friends’ figured out his location from the video and tipped off the cops. (Seems he learned his lesson … he switched to Twitter to post his escape plan.)
– @UPI

Pakistanis spend about 48% of their household income on food; North Americans about 7%.
– “Vox”


1953 [61] Alex Lifeson (Zivojinovich), Fernie BC, rock singer-guitarist (Rush-“One Little Victory”, “Test for Echo”)

1969 [45] Chandra Wilson, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Dr Miranda Bailey’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1970 [44] Colt Ford (Jason Farris Brown), Athens GA, country rapper-musician (“Declaration of Independence”)/songwriter (“Dirt Road Anthem”, “Country Must Be Country Wide”)

1970 [44] Tony Kanal, Kingsbury UK, rock bassist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Underneath It All”)

1979 [35] Aaron Paul (Sturtevant), Emmett ID, TV actor (“BoJack Horseman” 2014, “Breaking Bad” 2008-13)/movie actor (“Need for Speed”)

1979 [35] Sarah Neufeld, Courtenay BC, indie rock violinist (Arcade Fire-“Reflektor”, “Ready to Start”)

1986 [28] Mario (Barrett), Baltimore MD, R&B-pop singer (“Let Me Love You”)/movie actor (“Step Up”)

• “Air Guitar World Championships” through Saturday. It’s the Grand Final of the 19th annual competition in Oulu, Finland, where fake strummers from around-the-world compete for prizes.

• “Banana Lovers Day”, an annual celebration of the fruit with appeal. Did you know …
✓ Bananas can be found in other colors, including red.
✓ Banana plants are not trees, they are a type of herb.
✓ A row of bananas is sometimes called a ‘hand’, while a single banana is called a ‘finger’.
✓ Bananas contain around 75% water.
✓ The most popular type of banana sold in stores these days is the Cavendish banana. It’s resistant to the strain of Panama disease that effectively wiped out the Gros Michel banana but there are concerns that it too may eventually suffer a similar fate.
✓ India is the leading producer of bananas.
✓ Bananas sent overseas are picked green and ripened under special conditions when they reach their destination.
✓ Fiber taken from banana plants can be used to make clothes.

• “Burning Man”, a weird annual celebration through September 1st. It started in 1986, when San Francisco artist Larry Harvey built a wooden effigy of the man who stole his girlfriend and burned it. Last year, a record 68,000 gathered in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert to throw away their clothes or don outlandish costumes and recite poetry, build avant-garde art objects, and dance all night. At the finalé, they burn a 50-ft wooden effigy of a man. The start of this year’s event was postponed due to freak rainstorms in the desert.

• “La Tomatina”, the world’s largest tomato fight, celebrated on the last Wednesday in August in Buñol, Spain. Participants hurl 120 tons of tomatoes at each other for 2 hours. As of last year, attendance is now limited to 20,000 visitors. The town’s population is just 9,000.

• “Tug-of-War Day”, an annual celebration of the competitive sport in which 2 teams hold opposite ends of a large rope and attempt to pull the other towards them in order to win. The spectacle has a long and ancient history all over the world.

1964 [50] Disney’s “Mary Poppins”, starring Julie Andrews & Dick Van Dyke, premieres at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles CA

1992 [22] John Lennon’s original handwritten lyrics for The Beatles’ “A Day In the Life” fetch $87,000 at a Sotheby’s auction

1955 [59] “Guinness Book of World Records” is 1st published and sells over 70 million copies

1994 [20] 1,592,744 balloons are released by Disney Home Video in England, setting a record

[Thurs] Radio Commercials Day
[Fri] “As Above, So Below” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] International Bat Night
[Fri] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Sat] Made In America festivals begin (Philadelphia PA/LA CA)
[Sat] Bacon Day
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Psoriasis Awareness Month


If you’re going to call in sick to work, make it something your boss will be too afraid or embarrassed to question, ie:
• Organ rejections. “My body is rejecting the pig aorta I got when I was 17. Did you know I had a heart defect that caused me to need a pig aorta?”
• Anything you can contract from an animal … ‘Cat Scratch Fever’, ‘Squirrel itch’, ‘Monkey Pox’, ‘Canine Nausea’. Two of those are real.
• Choose any African or Asian country or city and add the word ‘flu’ to it. “My doctor says I have the Kinshasa Flu. I guess I could come in but it’s apparently contagious …”
• Any previously eradicated disease works extremely well as long as you don’t go with something most people know about. Try diphtheria or typhoid.
• Make up your own illness: Gapping Craw, Cranial Flenitus, Lymphatic Asynchronaeity,  Juniper Circle. Be creative!
• Food poisoning. Be sure to sell it by going into grueling detail about how you got it and where.
• Any emotion combined with a body part is weird enough to illicit zero questions. ‘Excitable Neck’ or ‘Sad Foot’ might work.
– Adapted from

☎ What, in retrospect, is the most dangerous thing that nearly happened to you?

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Which is the most popular key on your computer keyboard?
a. ‘Enter’
b. ‘Space Bar’ [CORRECT, followed by ‘E’ and ‘Backspace’.]
c. ‘T’
d. ‘Shift’

Question: The majority of people 35-plus have THESE in the house, but many hide them whenever company comes over.
Answer: Eyeglasses/reading glasses.

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can form a complete thought.

There will be no “Bull Sheet” edition for Monday, September 1st, the “Labor Day” holiday.

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