Thursday, August 29, 2013        Edition: #5057

Get a Load of This Sheet!

✶ Hollywood power couple Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones have reportedly separated. After months of speculation about marital troubles, a close source says the acting pair are ‘taking a break’. 68-year-old Douglas & 43-year-old Zeta-Jones were wed in grand style in 2000 at Manhattan’s Plaza Hotel. They have 2 children together. So far, neither camp has commented. (After his recent claims about the cause of his throat cancer, this isn’t all that shocking.)
✶ New couple alert? Jamie Foxx (45) & Katie Holmes (34) have been caught holding hands at a bash on Long Island NY. Though so far no signs of a full-blown romance have been uncovered, the pair did not hide their affection while dancing together at the 4th annual Apollo In the Hamptons Benefit, where they got their groove on to Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” amongst other tunes. Making the story all the more juicy … actor Foxx is said to be a former best friend of one Tom Cruise. (Cage match!!!)
✶ Australian billionaire Clive Palmer is building a real-size replica of the ill-fated ocean liner ‘Titanic’. Construction of ‘Titanic II’ is scheduled to begin next March in China. The vessel will feature modern conveniences and technology but will remain as true as possible to the original, which sank after hitting an iceberg in 1912. 59-year-old Palmer, who made his money in real estate, mining, and tourism, claims the project is ‘for the benefit of the world’ and was ‘never designed to make money’. However, he also claims ‘tens-of-thousands’ have registered for the ship’s maiden voyage in 2016. (Not surprisingly, this guy’s also a politician.)
✶ “X-Files” creator Chris Carter is working on his first new project in over a decade after striking a deal with The online retail giant, which launched its own TV & film division in 2010, has ordered a pilot of Carter’s post-apocalyptic drama “The After”. If picked up, the show will be streamed online. Amazon Studios is also working on other online TV projects with actors John Goodman and Jeffrey Tambor. (Network TV is going to be so dead, so soon.)
✶ And NBA star Lamar Odom has finally returned home to Khloe Kardashian after going off the grid for days. Sources say the couple is back together and addressing some issues, including Lamar’s out-of-control crack problem. A source says there’s still no talk of divorce, and while no decision has been made on possible treatment, Lamar is now  ‘receptive’ and open to listening … a drastic change from a week ago. (Is anyone “Keeping Up With …” this stuff on camera? It’d be a lot more interesting than the family’s regular TV output.)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Backstreet Boys (“In a World Like This”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Men (“New Moon”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Goodie Mob (“Age Against the Machine”); Lenny Kravitz (“Black & White America”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Rod Stewart (“Time”).

• Arcade Fire – Ads in NYC and LA are promoting a new release called “Reflektor”. It’s unclear whether this is their new album or a song title, but we’ll apparently find out on September 9th.
• Billy Ray Cyrus – He skipped out on a planned interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan Tuesday night following the furor surrounding his daughter Miley’s provocative performance at the “MTV Video Music Awards” on Sunday.
• Bon Jovi – Word has it Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora had a 2-hour call to patch things up 6 weeks ago, but when Jon made it clear Richie couldn’t return to the band unless he went into rehab, it was a deal-breaker.
• Eminem – His new single “Berzerk” from his upcoming 8th album, “The Marshall Mathers LP 2”, samples the Beastie Boys’ ‘80s track “Fight For Your Right (To Party)” as well as Billy Squier’s 1981 hit “The Stroke”.
• Lady Gaga – She’s practically a member of the Versace family: she hangs with creative director Donatella Versace and asked the Milan fashion house to design outfits for her last tour. So it comes as no surprise she’s penned a ‘crazy fun pop song’ called “Donatella”, which will be on her new album “ARTPOP”.
• Maroon 5 – NBC-TV has picked up a new semi-autobiographical sitcom developed by Adam Levine and longtime friend Gene Hong (“Community”). The former college roommates will executive produce the show together when it goes into production later this year.
• Michael Bublé – The 37-year-old singer & his 26-year-old Argentinean wife Luisana Lopalito are celebrating the birth of their first baby in Vancouver. The proud papa quickly posted a pic on Instagram captioned: “Overjoyed and filled with gratitude at the arrival of our son Noah Bublé.”
• Michael Jackson – His brother Randy has voiced concern that his 15-year-old niece Paris Jackson is likely stuck in a residential treatment center instead of being able to return to the Jackson family compound today … what would have been Michael’s 55th birthday.
• Nine Inch Nails – Their new album “Hesitation Marks” is now available to stream in its entirety on iTunes, providing a chance to hear the album in advance of its September 3rd release.
• *NSYNC – 36-year-old Joey Fatone has separated from his wife and high school sweetheart Kelly Baldwin. They’ve actually been living apart since February, according to  “Star Magazine”.
• One Direction – They’re rumored to the headline act for this year’s “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show”. If true, they’d be following in the footsteps of Black Eyed Peas, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, and Rihanna. Typically staged in November, the TV special brings together a couple dozen of the world’s most beautiful bodies to model lingerie.
• OneRepublic / Sara Bareilles – Tonight they begin a co-headlining tour at Colorado’s Red Rocks Amphitheatre. OneRepublic is touring in support of their latest album “Native”, Bareilles on behalf of her 3rd album “The Blessed Unrest”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Dark Places” – Charlize Theron is producing & starring in this bigscreen adaptation of Gillian Flynn’s best-selling novel. The story centers around a woman who testifies against her brother, accusing him of killing their family. 25 years later she’s forced to re-live the gruesome past. “Mad Men” actress Christina Hendricks co-stars. The mystery-thriller is due in September ‘14.
• “Empire Rising” – Guy Ritchie is in talks to direct this period epic based on the romantic novel by Thomas Kelly. Set during the time of the Great Depression and the construction of NYC’s iconic Empire State Building in 1930, the story focuses on a love triangle between a young artist, an Irish steelworker, and a City Hall employee. The film is still in development.
• “Exodus” – Ridley Scott’s upcoming Biblical epic will star Christian Bale as ‘Moses’. Australian actor Joel Edgerton (“Zero Dark Thirty”) is in negotiations to play Egyptian ruler ‘Ramses’. The film is unrelated to the 1960 Otto Preminger movie of the same name. Production is set to begin next month, with shoots in Spain, Morocco, and England.
• “A Haunted House 2” – One-time “My Name is Earl” actress Jaime Pressly has joined the cast of Marlon Wayans’s upcoming horror comedy sequel. Wayans created the new spoof franchise, which pokes fun at the “Paranormal Activity” movies, after previously starring in two of the “Scary Movie” flicks. The new instalment will be out in March of next year.
• James Brown Biography – Actor Chadwick Boseman, who portrayed Jackie Robinson in the movie “42”, is now set to play the ‘Godfather of Soul’ in this as-yet-untitled bio-pic to be produced by Mick Jagger’s film company. Director Tate Taylor (“The Help”) will chronicle Brown’s life from extreme childhood poverty to his becoming a worldwide star in the 1960s-70s.

Bulletproof backpacks just aren’t practical, argues political writer Alex Seitz-Wald. One company that makes them saw sales triple after last year’s Newtown school killings in Connecticut. Costing anywhere between $250-and-$600, they’re extremely expensive. And since it’s been proven that reacting to a sudden event is especially hard for kids, Seitz-Ward says, the money would be better spent on a school psychologist or police officer. (Or maybe a Kevlar hoodie?)

Japanese automaker Nissan is pledging to have several ‘commercially viable’ self-driving vehicles ready for sale by 2020. To that end it is working with major universities including Carnegie Mellon, MIT, Oxford, Stanford, and the University of Tokyo on the technology. Work is also underway on a self-drive test-track in Japan. This week the company unveiled a specially outfitted electric Nissan Leaf equipped with laser scanners, all-around video monitors, and advanced artificial intelligence that allow ‘Autonomous Drive’. (Who will your mom in the backseat yell at?)
– “USA Today”

A new Brigham Young University study suggest that activities that force us to think about balance – like wearing high-heels, taking a yoga class, or being on a cruise ship – influence our decision-making and help us make better choices. The reason? Balance is linked in the mind to the concept of parity, so being off-balance leads us to subconsciously make more balanced choices. Other everyday activities that can trigger the balance sensation and reaction: Walking on an icy Winter sidewalk or even tipping back on your heels while you shop online. (So you wanted an excuse to wear stilettos to the supermarket?)
– “New York Daily News”

The new “Farmers’ Almanac” is using terms like ‘piercing cold’, ‘bitterly cold’, and ‘biting cold’ to describe the upcoming Winter of ‘13-‘14. The 197-year-old publication that hit newsstands this week is even predicting that a fierce storm will hit the Northeast around the time the first outdoor Super Bowl in years is played, at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. Based on planetary positions, sunspots, and lunar cycles, the almanac’s formula is largely unchanged since it was 1st published in 1818. Modern scientists don’t put much stock in sunspots or tidal action, but the almanac claims its forecasts are correct 80% of the time. (Beats that idiot on channel 2.)
– CBS News

• The Bichon Frise dog breed was created by combining a Poodle with a dog known as a ‘Tenerife’.
• Wolves howl more when they lose a close friend.
– “BBC Magazine”


1971 [42] Carla Gugino, Sarasota FL, movie actress (“American Gangster”, “Night At the Museum”)/TV actress (“Entourage” 2007-10)

1975 [38] Kyle Cook, Frankfort IN, rock guitarist-vocalist (Matchbox Twenty-“Unwell”, “Bent”)

1980 [33] David Desrosiers, Sept-Iles QC, rock bassist (Simple Plan-“Untitled [How Could This Happen To Me?]”, “Welcome to My Life”)

1986 [27] Lea Michele (Sarfati), Bronx NY, TV actress (‘Rachel Berry’ on “Glee” since 2009)/movie actress (“New Year’s Eve”)

1993 [20] Liam Payne, Wolverhampton UK, boy-band pop singer (One Direction-“Best Song Ever”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)

• “According to Hoyle Day”, honoring Britain’s Edmond Hoyle on the anniversary of his death in 1769. He’s the guy who took the time to formalize rules to many popular games. Thus the expression ‘according to Hoyle’ has come to mean ‘playing by the rules’.

• “International Day Against Nuclear Tests”, a UN observance to underscore the need for a unified attempt to prevent any further nuclear weapons testing. Since 1945, nearly 2,000 tests have taken place.

• “More Herbs, Less Salt Day”, because it’s ‘healthier, zestier and lustier!’ So go ahead, spice up your life! What’s the world’s most-used spice? Black pepper.

• “Whiskey Sour Day”, celebrating the classic cocktail that’s currently enjoying a revival thanks to TV shows like “Mad Men”. It’s made with whiskey (often Bourbon), lemon juice, and sugar; shaken and served straight or over ice. The traditional garnish is a half-slice of orange and a maraschino cherry.

1953 [60] Warner Bros classic cartoon character ‘Speedy Gonzales’ makes his debut in the film short “Cattails For Two”

1970 [43] The Kinks release “Lola”, the hit song about a cross-dressing transsexual that’s still often played today

1965 [48] 1st ‘Parachuting Bullfighter’, Luis ‘The Conceited’ Rios, misses a Spanish bullring and lands in the city dump

2005 [08] Hurricane Katrina devastates much of the US Gulf Coast from Louisiana to the Florida Panhandle, killing more than 1,800 and causing over $115 billion in damage

[Fri] “Getaway”; “One Direction: This Is Us” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Sat] Franchise Appreciation Day
[Sat] Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Mon] Labor Day (Canada, USA)
This Week Is … Safe at Home Week
This Month Is …What Will Be Your Legacy Month


• If your teenager threatens to run away from home, should you try to get it in writing?
• If a dog’s bark is worse than its bite why don’t hospitals have to report ‘dog bark wounds’?
• If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
• How do you KNOW the dog food is ‘new and improved’?
• Is it better to sleep ‘like a log’ or ‘like a baby’?
• How come Peanut Butter always gets top billing over Jelly?

☎ Should voting be compulsory? The right to vote is a freedom fiercely sought by people all over the world, but Australians do not have a choice; voting has been required by law for nearly a century. Thanks to a fine of A$20 for failing to cast a ballot, Australia reported a 94% voter turnout in its last federal election. It’s one of just 23 countries with mandatory voting laws. Only 10 actually enforce them.

Which of the following would you go to if you needed a barrel repaired?
a. A cooper. [CORRECT]
b. A gaffer.
c. A wainwright.
d. A proctologist.

Ever feel like your guardian angel needs to go in for a halo re-alignment? I mean I still haven’t won the lottery and I still have this job!

Question: If you’re between 35-and-45, odds are you do THIS about 220 times a year.
Answer: Go out to eat.

Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “BS”!

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