Wednesday, August 3, 2011       Edition: #4563

The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Talent-starved reality TV star Kim Kardashian has been chosen as the premiere subject of a 3-D photo-spread in “World’s Most Beautiful”, the first-ever magazine shot entirely in the eye-popping 3-D format (available Monday in a $4.99 limited-edition print version, as well as a free version for iPads, iPhones, and Android phones) . . . Jennifer Lopez is dishing on her divorce from Marc Anthony in the new issue of “Vanity Fair”, explaining that the split happened because she ‘loved herself enough to walk away’ (BS translation: He was cutting into my mirror time) . . . Leonardo DiCaprio made more money this past year than all other actors in Hollywood, a whopping $77 million according to “Forbes” just-released highest-earning list (thanks to his insistence on profit-sharing) . . . “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria is suffering from aches & pains after taking pole-dancing lessons for an upcoming episode (how to take one for the team, girl!) . . . There’s going to be (another) “Friday Night Lights” movie, this one based on the now-wrapped TV show (2006-11), which in turn was based on a 2004 movie (“It’s the circle, the circle of life …”) . . . 19-year-old “Twilight Saga” actor Taylor Lautner was walking past a Mercedes-Benz dealership in LA recently when a silver 2012 SLS AMG caught his eye, so he walked in, paid $200,000, and drove off in the luxury ride (why he had the cash – he still lives at home with mommy & daddy) . . . And 33-year-old club DJ Sam Ronson has been busted for DUI outside the town of Baker CA, while driving home to LA from Las Vegas in her black Porsche (oh no, who will be the stabilizing force in Lindsay Lohan’s life now?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Darren Criss (“Glee”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Coldplay (untitled 5th studio due October 25th) at the 4th annual “Summer Krush” concert in Los Angeles (the first show of a 9-city series, with proceeds benefitting ‘Grammy In the Schools’ music education programs for high schools).
NET: http://www.samsungsummerkrush2011.com
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Yelawolf (“Radioactive”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Reunited 1980s Brit group Big Audio Dynamite.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Blink-182 (“Neighborhoods”, out September 27th).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Matt Nathanson (“Modern Love”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The 6 remaining dancers try to impress the judges, including tonight’s guest judges Christina Applegate and Lil’ C.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Bronx (“Mariachi El Bronx”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Foo Fighters – They’ve released a 40-minute documentary about the band’s tour of fans’ garages earlier this year.
NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYArUl0TzhA
• Keith Urban – Nashville TN police have received a complaint from a paparazzo who claims the country star yelled at him, got out of his own car and banged on the pap’s vehicle with his fist, then kicked the rear door. The photog was apparently trying to take pics of Urban & wife Nicole Kidman on their way out of a restaurant. A routine follow-up investigation is being conducted to ‘sort out the detail’ of the matter.
• Kings of Leon – After Friday’s onstage fiasco in Dallas TX they’ve now cancelled all remaining US dates on their current tour. They’ll try to regroup and resume touring on September 28th in Vancouver BC. (We’re guessing that will give Caleb Followill time for rehab.)
• Maroon 5 – Adam Levine has signed on as an executive producer for a potential new NBC-TV ensemble comedy set in a karaoke bar, which will fuse storylines with vocal performances. So far, the show has only a ‘script commitment’. (BS translation: It’s just an idea.)
• Michael Jackson – Today the lineup is scheduled to be announced for “Michael Forever: The Tribute Concert” planned for Cardiff, Wales on October 8th. It’s claimed the 4-hour show will be broadcast via satellite on pay-per-view and into movie theaters, with proceeds benefitting several charities. Registration for a ticket draw begins tomorrow, but winning fans will be required to make a charitable donation in order to buy tickets.
NET: http://home.michaelforevertribute.com/home.html
• U2 – Final stats on their just-completed “360 Tour”, the most successful tour of all-time: 26 months; 110 shows; 30 countries; 5 continents; 7.1 million tickets; 9,760 guitar strings used; 134 crew members; 126 truck drivers; 12 bus drivers; 11 babies born to crew; and 1 devoted fan attended an unbelievable 53 shows.

LOST IN TRANSLATION:
Some words in other languages for which there is no English equivalent …
• ‘Bakku-shan’ (Japanese) – The experience of seeing a woman who appears pretty from behind but not from the front. (“Nice legs, shame about her face.”)
• ‘Iktsuarpok’ (Inuit) – The feeling of anticipation when you’re waiting for someone to show up and you keep going outside to see if they’ve arrived. (And they’re saying “Are we there yet?”)
• ‘Kummerspeck’ (German) – Literally, it means ‘grief bacon’. It’s the excess weight gained from emotional overeating. (In other words, fret fat.)
• ‘Luftmensch’ (Yiddish) – Literally, it means ‘air person’. It describes an impractical dreamer with no business sense. (As in, “He’s such a luftmensch, he buys retail!”)
• Vybafnout (Czech) – To jump out and say ‘boo!’. (A specialty of all big brothers everywhere.)
– MentalFloss.com

NOGGINS OF THE NORTH:
Oxford University scientists have discovered that people who live at higher latitudes have bigger eyes and bigger brains to cope with poor light during long winters and cloudy days. But that doesn’t mean northerners are smarter … larger vision processing areas fill the extra brain capacity. To arrive at their conclusion, researchers measured the eye sockets and brain volumes of 55 skulls from 12 populations across the world, and plotted the results against latitude. (Typical northerner: Sarah Palin of Alaska … big eyes, big head, big hair.)
– BBC News

HOW NOT TO INTERVIEW:
In a recent survey by staffing firm Robert Half International, managers responsible for hiring were asked about the most memorable job interview mistakes they’ve witnessed. Notable responses …
• “A job applicant came in for an interview with a cockatoo on his shoulder.”
• “One candidate sang all of her responses to interview questions.”
• “A person came to the interview in pajamas with slippers.”
• “One candidate handcuffed himself to the desk during the interview.”
• “The candidate sent his sister to interview in his place.”
• “The candidate arrived in a cat-suit.”
– MuchMorMagazine.com

WHAT YOUR WEB BROWSER SAYS ABOUT YOU:
Consulting firm AptiQuant has given IQ tests to over 100,000 random people who happened upon its offer of free testing online. It also made a note of which browser each test-taker was using, then matched those stats with the IQ scores. The result: If you use Internet Explorer, your IQ may be below average. Firefox, Chrome, and Safari users fall in the middle of the pack with little difference between them. At the top of the scale, Opera and Camino, whose users score the highest IQs on average. (Just below that genius with a DIY browser.)
– PCWorld.com

WHY YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING:
National Sleep Foundation has been documenting the dwindling hours of shut-eye for the past decade. Some of the reasons you may not be getting a good nights sleep …
• Anxiety and/or depression.
• Lack of a nightly ritual.
• Late-night eating.
• Medication.
• Newborn baby.
• Noisy or brightly-lit sleeping environment.
• Personal finances.
• Relationship strife.
• Unemployment.
• Unpredictable schedule.
Experts say that the sleep-deprived should seek professional help when the problem becomes chronic and self-imposed remedies fail. (As with every morning personality in radio.)
– Forbes.com

WONDER WOUNDS:
Scientists have discovered the reason why dolphins are very hard to kill … they seem to have miraculous self-healing powers that allow them to survive what would seem to be lethal injuries. Several documented incidents report that bites presumably inflicted by sharks, some larger than a basketball, healed in weeks without leaving the dolphins disfigured, without causing them apparent pain, and without becoming visibly infected. (So how come that hole in their head doesn’t heal over?)
– LiveScience.com

REMAKE READY?
What vintage movies do you think are due for a remake? One online ranking picks these …
5. “The Lost Weekend” (1945)
4. “Night Of the Comet” (1984)
3. “9 to 5” (1980)
2. “The Grapes of Wrath” (1940)
1. “Mr Smith Goes to Washington” (1939)
– DivineCaroline.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• On average, we can only juggle about 4 things in our working memory at one time.
– “Science News”
• Less than 1% of all coupons ever get used.
– TTP
• There are now 19 billion chickens on Earth, about 3 for each and every human.
– “The Economist”

BS CHRONOMETER 08.03.11


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [85] Tony Bennett (Bennedetto), Astoria NY, legendary pop/jazz singer (“I Left My Heart in San Francisco”)

1941 [70] Martha Stewart (Kostyra), Jersey City NJ, TV host (“Martha”)/magazine publisher (“Martha Stewart Living”)/media mogul (Omnimedia)/ex-con convicted of obstructing justice & lying to investigators in 2005

1963 [48] James Hetfield, Downey CA, heavy metal singer/guitarist (Metallica-“The Day That Never Comes”, “St Anger”)

1966 [45] Brent Butt, Tisdale SK, standup comedian (“The Brent Butt Comedy Special”)/TV actor (“Hiccups” since 2010, “Corner Gas” 2004-09)/wed to co-star Nancy Robertson since 2005

1970 [41] Stephen Carpenter, Sacramento CA, rock guitarist (Deftones-“Diamond Eyes”, “Change”)

1976 [35] Jimmy De Martini, Atlanta GA, country violinist (Zac Brown Band-“Knee Deep”, “Chicken Fried”)

1977 [34] Tom Brady, San Mateo CA, NFL QB (New England Patriots)/3-time Super Bowl winner/2-time Super Bowl MVP/6-time Pro Bowl selection/wed to model Gisele Bundchen since 2009

1979 [32] Evangeline Lilly, Fort Saskatchewan AB, TV actress  (“Lost” 2004-10)/movie actress (“The Hurt Locker”)  UP NEXT: “The Hobbit, Part 1” (December 2012).

1985 [26] Brent Kutzle, Newport Beach CA, rock bassist (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Maine Lobster Festival”, the 64th annual begins in Rockland, Maine. Pass the butter please!
NET: http://www.mainelobsterfestival.com

• “Watermelon Day”, celebrating the Summer treat that’s part of the pumpkin, squash, and gourd family. Watermelons originated in Africa, then spread to Egypt, India, China, and eventually around-the-world.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [04] “The Bourne Ultimatum”, 3rd film in the ‘Jason Bourne’ series starring Matt Damon, opens in theaters

2008 [03] People.com publishes a 19-page photo-spread of Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins, Vivienne & Knox (the bidding war for the first pics reportedly reached $14 million, most ever paid for celebrity baby pictures)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1971 [40] Paul McCartney announces the formation of Wings, his first band since the breakup of The Beatles (features wife Linda and ex-Moody Blues singer Denny Laine)

1996 [15] “La Macarena” by Los Del Rio hits #1 on “Billboard” pop chart (and stays 14 weeks)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1949 [62] Basketball Association of America & National Basketball League merge to form ‘NBA’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [20] Hazel Stout of Portland, Oregon sets a world skydiving record by ‘hitting the silk’ at age 88

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Chocolate Chip Day
[Thurs] Underwear Day
[Fri] International Beer Day
[Fri] Work Like a Dog Day
[Sat] Fresh Breath Day
[Sun] “2011 Teen Choice Awards” (FOX)
This Week Is … Simplify Your Life Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS YOUR LIFE MIGHT BE A REALITY TV SHOW:
• Every once in a while Julie Chen walks into your house and has a heart-to-heart.
• You and 9 other guys all seem to be going after the same girl, but you only get to see her from 8-to-9 pm Mondays.
• You walk in on Snooki upchucking in your sink.
• A dip in your swimming pool now includes big red balls, a smack-wall, a sweeper arm, and a dizzy dummy.
• Whenever you get dressed for a date, Tyra Banks shows up to trash your look.
• You never go to the bathroom.
– Adapted from MikesTopFive.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Would you want an ad on your license plate? (The Illinois Secretary of State’s office is researching the idea of boosting revenue by putting corporate logos on vehicle license plates.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Over 50% of parents do THIS secretly.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Check their kids’ Facebook accounts without them knowing.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you throw dirt you’re losing ground.


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