Thursday, August 31, 2017 – Edition: #6046

The BS Press!

There will be no “Bull Sheet” on Monday, the Labour Day holiday. The Bull Sheet will resume on Tuesday, September 5th.

★ Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are in ‘couples therapy’.  They are reportedly undergoing  counselling in the wake of their split in order to help them best co-parent their five-year-old son Jack.  According to a source, “It is not likely that the marriage can be repaired…but there is still love between them.”
★ The Kardashian family has been called many things – flashy, underhanded, fame loving. But the one thing they can’t be called is cheap. On Tuesday morning Kris Jenner announced via Instagram she and her daughters Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie are donating an impressive $500,000 to the relief efforts after Texas was devastated by Hurricane Harvey.
★ Kathy Griffin says she is no longer friends with Anderson Cooper.  Griffin, who made headlines in June after she was featured in a photo holding a bloodied mask that resembled U.S. President Trump, said in an interview that when Cooper eventually reached out to her after the incident, she informed him that their friendship was over. Griffin was apparently upset about Cooper’s initial response to the photo controversy, when he said, “For the record, I am appalled by the photo shoot Kathy Griffin took part in. It is clearly disgusting and completely inappropriate.”
(Truth hurts?)
★ Johnny Depp’s Kentucky horse farm will be sold at auction next month. Depp is a Kentucky native. He purchased the farm in 1995, sold it in 2001 and bought it back in 2005. The 41-acre Lexington property includes a 6,000-square-foot brick house, a guesthouse and three barns.
The farm was initially listed for sale in December at $3.4 million, which was later dropped to $2.9 million.  No minimum price for the auction has been revealed.
(Buy it…and if you’re really lucky, he’ll buy it back from you in a couple years!)
★ Michael Phelps and his wife, Nicole are expecting their second child. The pair posted matching photos to their social media accounts on Tuesday of Nicole holding their 15-month-old son, Boomer.  The caption: “Number 2 on the way!!!! So excited!! Wonder if it’s a boy or a girl??”
(Or a  porpoise?)
★ Jack Osbourne is going to be a father again. The 31-year-old reality TV star – and son of  Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne – and his wife Lisa Stelly have announced they are expecting their third child together.  Her Instagram caption?  ”Literally ate the biggest burrito ever”.
★ Yes, the movie “It” can be even scarier.  The movie theater chain, Alamo Drafthous made a chilling announcement last week — that their Austin theater will be holding a special screening of the Steven King horror film “It”, open to anyone who comes dressed as a clown.  Critics have already labelled the film “truly terrifying”.
(Just imagine watching it in the dark with a room full of clowns.  Who aren’t smiling.)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Ray Romano, Paula Patton, Bryson Tiller ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Billy Crystal, Derek Hough, Les Twins, Jessie Reyez ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jason Bateman, Muse ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tracy Morgan, Michael McKean, Sen. Ben Sasse, Mark Guiliana ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): John Boyega, Jeffrey Tambor, Rag’n’Bone Man ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Marisa Tomei, Gabrielle Union, Jackie Kashian ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Charlize Theron, James McAvoy ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Laverne Cox ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Matt Bomer, Debi Mazar, Matt Iseman, guest co-host Anderson Cooper
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kim Kardashian West ( R )
• “Battle of the Network Stars” (ABC): Cops vs. Sci-Fi/Fantasy. Marisol Nichols, Roma Maffia, Adrian Zmed, Fred Dryer, Ryan Paevey, Lou Ferrigno, Vinnie Jones.
• “The Gong Show” (ABC): Celebrity judges Ed Helms, Alison Brie and Will Arnett.

• Taylor Swift – her new ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ music video has broken a YouTube  record for the most views in its first 24 hours with more than 39 million. The previous record was set by Adele’s ‘Hello’ in 2015 with 27.7 million first day views.
• Katy Perry – A former stagehand is suing her.  Christina Fish says she lost her toe during an accident while working for Perry in Raleigh, North Carolina in 2014.
• Tupac Shakur – tried to form an all-female hip-hop group that included Jada Pinkett Smith when the two were in high school in Baltimore.  Smith told the story to Queen Latifah in a bonus segment from this week’s episode of Carpool Karaoke.
• Amy Winehouse – her drummer Troy Miller says there are unreleased songs they worked on together. Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning in 2011 at 27, and apparently left behind some musical gems, but Miller says he doesn’t feel it is right to release the tracks because she was so protective of her music.
• Fleetwood Mac – drummer Mick Fleetwood says a ‘farewell’ tour is just not in the cards for Fleetwood Mac. Although he can’t say what the band will be up to in five years, he reports that the band has agreed that their current venture is not their last.
• Pink Floyd — ‘The Pink Floyd Exhibition: Their Mortal Remains’ is on track to become the most-visited music exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. Among the 300,000 visitors so far:  Madonna, U2 and Guns N’ Roses.  The exhibit has been extended through October 15.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd – A judge has awarded them a permanent injunction to block an unauthorized biopic.  Former drummer Artimus Pyle has been banned from participating in a film which planned to tell the story of the band from his perspective.  Years ago, he signed away the rights to do so.
• Gregg Allman – Three events are planned next month to celebrate his life, right around the time of the release of his final album, ‘Southern Blood’. Separate fan get-togethers are planned for L.A., Macon, Georgia and the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville.
• Carrie Underwood – has shared a preview of this year’s Sunday Night Football Theme.  The teaser trailer reveals a hyped-up new recording of the song that debuted last year, including the lyrics; “America’s game, been waiting all day, the best of the best have come to play, The gang’s all here, let’s turn it up. It’s Sunday night–I can’t get enough.”
• Lee Ann Womack – is set to release her new album, ‘The Lonely, the Lonesome & the Gone’ Oct. 27.  The first single will be ‘All the Trouble’.

The problem with napping is you have to get up….again.  But for those who do it, the rewards are awesome.  Adults who regularly take advantage of an afternoon nap have better learning ability and improved memory function. It gives your brain a ‘reboot’, and is pretty good for your physical health too.  But for how long should you nap?  According to experts, 10 to 20 minutes is enough to refresh your mind and increase your energy and alertness. You don’t go into a deep sleep, so you can get right back at your day immediately after waking up. If you nap for 30-60 minutes, you may deal with a 30-minute grogginess period because you wake up just as your body was entering a deeper stage of sleep. Naps lasting about 90 minutes are recommended for those who just don’t get enough sleep at night. Since 90 minutes is a complete sleep cycle, it can improve emotional memory and creativity.
(But you’ll never get back to sleep that night….)
(Afternoon nap?  I like to have mine earlier.  Like right after the alarm goes off in the morning…)
(Did you ever notice that ‘kidnap’ and ‘catnap’ are completely different things?)

❑ Tomatoes – They lose their flavor AND stop ripening. (So leave them on the window sill and  eat them up in that 6-hour ‘ripeness’ window!)
❑ Basil – It will wilt faster if left in the fridge, and it will also absorb all the smells of the food around it.
❑ Potatoes – The cold will turn its starch into sugar more quickly, and you’ll be left with a sweet, gritty potato.  (Unless you LIKE sweet, gritty potatoes…)
❑ Onions – The moisture of the fridge will eventually turn them soft and moldy.
❑ Avocados – If you want them to ripen, definitely don’t put them in the refrigerator. However, if you’ve bought an already-ripe avocado that you don’t want to use right away, that’s ok to put in the fridge.
❑ Garlic – Eventually, garlic will start to sprout in the fridge, and it may also get rubbery and moldy.
❑ Bread – The fridge will quickly dry out your bread.  (Not with a teenager in the house!)
❑ Olive Oil – Should be in a cool, dark place, but not the fridge, where it will condense and turn to a harder, almost butter-like consistency.
❑ Coffee – It will lose its flavor and actually take on some of the odors in the fridge. (Not the aroma that you were looking for…)
❑ Honey – It  will stay good basically forever if you simply keep it tightly sealed. Keeping honey in the refrigerator can cause it to crystalize. (Plus it’s taking up valuable space that could otherwise be used for beer!)
(How about baking soda?  Can I at least put THAT in the fridge??)

The problem with eyebrows is that if they are noticed at all, it’s because there is something not right about them.  Well, I’m not saying that this latest ‘style’ in eyebrows is wrong, but…..actually, yes, I AM saying this is wrong!  Squiggly eyebrows could be the next big thing.  If you wish you had a bit of facial furniture that wasn’t identical to everyone else, this could be for you.  It is hard to describe without a picture, but trust me, ‘squiggly’ says it all.  They look like little worms crawling above your eyes.  How do you do it?  You use washable PVA Glue to flatten the hair in one direction before using concealer, setting and pressed powders to hide your brows.  Then, draw on the wavy eyebrows using a black gel liner mixed with powder.  And BAM!  You’ll be hard to miss all day long!
(Squiggly eyebrows?  I don’t even want to know what they look like when you’re surprised!)

A compelling new bit of research out of the University of Rochester has shown a link between the use of profanity and higher levels of intelligence.  (***CAUTION***)And you’re right, this isn’t the first time the scientific community has put 2 and F-U together, but this study further solidifies the connection. They polled 1,000 participants on 400 common behaviors, and not only did they find a link between the regular use of profanity and high intelligence, but a few other goodies as well:  They also found that people who swear regularly are more likely to walk around the house naked, and to enjoy spicy breakfasts.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that just because you curse like a sailor you’re an intelligent human being. Nor does this mean that if you start swearing your you-know-what off today people will think you’re smarter. All it means is that researchers found people who swear frequently in their everyday lives are more LIKELY to be intelligent.
(Swearing doesn’t require intelligence.  Swearing without repeating yourself does…)
(It’s true.  Have you ever seen a stupid sailor?)
(Wouldn’t you love to read the official report they turned in at the conclusion of this study?  Probably some pretty interesting verbiage there!)


1945 [72] Van Morrison, Belfast, Northern Ireland, classic rock-pop-blues singer (“Moondance”, “Brown Eyed Girl”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1993)

1949 [68] Richard Gere, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“An Officer and a Gentleman”, “Pretty Woman”)

1970 [47] Deborah Gibson, Brooklyn NY, pop singer (“Only In My Dreams”, “Lost in your Eyes”)

1972 [45] Chris Tucker, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“Rush Hour” movies)/stand-up comedian

1975 [42] Sara Ramirez, Mazatlan, Mexico, TV actress (‘Dr Callie Torres’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2006)/Broadway actress (Tony Award-“Spamalot”)

• “Eat Outside Day”, a great excuse to eat outside one more time before Summer comes to an end and we all get busy with Fall activities.
• “Love Litigating Lawyers Day”, because even shysters need affection. (Well, they DO love litigating…)
• “Trail Mix Day”, celebrating the combination of nuts, seeds, dried fruits (bark, twigs, compost, etc) that takes about a gallon of water to wash down.
• “Thoughtful Thursday”, a day to offer someone your time, help, or advice. It doesn’t have to be anything grand; even the smallest bit of help to someone is appreciated.  What is the best favor or advice that someone has given to you?

[Fri] American Chess Day
[Fri] Cherry Popover Day
[Fri] Lazy Mom’s Day
[Sat] Bacon Day
[Sat] Franchise Appreciation Day
[Sat] Beard Day

1997 [20] Diana, Princess of Wales, was killed at age 36 in a car crash in a tunnel near the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Also killed were her Egyptian-born companion, Dodi Fayed, and their driver, Henri Paul. Bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones, the only one wearing a seat-belt, survived.

2004 [13] Hollywood action star-turned-California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger addresses the Republican National Convention, telling pessimists about the economy not to be “girly men”

2007 [10] Horror thriller remake “Halloween”, directed by rocker-turned-filmmaker Rob Zombie, opens in movie theaters

2002 [15] NASA announces *NSYNC’s 23-year-old Lance Bass as the first celebrity astronaut, aboard a future Russian Soyuz mission (doesn’t happen as he fails to pay the $20-million tab)

2004 [13] Green Day releases the landmark album “American Idiot”

2012 [05] Enrique Peña Nieto wins Mexico’s presidential election (assumes office December 1st)

2015 [02] Barack Obama restores the Native American name of the tallest North American peak, Alaska’s Mount McKinley, announcing it will revert to its former name of Denali

1995 [22] 6 people die attempting to rescue a chicken that has fallen down a well in southern Egypt (only the chicken survives)


✓ The ‘I’ in Apple products originally stood for ‘internet’.  They now claim it stands for ‘individual’, ‘instruct’, ‘inform’ and ‘inspire’.
✓ There are enough diamonds is existence to give everyone on earth a cupful.
✓ Cobras can growl, and helium has the same effect on them as it does on people.
✓ Having daughters has been shown to increase the father’s life expectancy.
✓ People who worry a lot or overthink tend to have a higher IQ.
✓ Ignorant people are more likely to believe they are brilliant, while intelligent people are more likely to underestimate their intelligence.
UnbelievableFacts, NowYouKnow

• A ‘BBQ spit’ does NOT refer to saliva.
• Singed eyelashes normally grow back in about 3 weeks.
• Cleaning the grill with your wife’s hairbrush is unsanitary.
• Always double-check that you’re not barbecuing the dog’s chew toy.
• Toss out that book you got for Father’s Day called “Cooking With Squid”.
• Shave hands and arms to prevent flame-ups.
• If it moos when you put a fork in it, slap it back on.
• A real man doesn’t wear an apron with a cute saying on it.
• Friends don’t let friends BBQ drunk! (a message from MABB, mothers against burnt burgers).
– First published in “BS” 2000.

What guys say [what they really mean] …
• “It’s a guy thing.” [“There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”]
• “Can I help with dinner?” [“Why isn’t it already on the table?”]
• “It would take too long to explain.” [“I have no idea how it works.”]
• “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” [“I can’t hear the game over the vacuum.”]
• “That’s interesting, dear.” [“Are you still talking?”]
• “I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” [“I’ve actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”]
• “You look terrific.” [“Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”]
• “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.” [Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.]
– First published in “BS” 2010.

☎ What have you learned from watching YouTube?

A joke becomes a dad joke when the punchline is apparent.

Question: This household item was invented in 1848.  What?
Answer: the can opener.

Do not go where there is a path. Go where there is no path and leave a trail.

Printer Friendly Version