Monday, August 5, 2013        Edition: #5039

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

✶ Simon Cowell will reportedly give his baby mama Lauren Silverman £3 million a year ($4.5 million) in child support until their offspring reaches age 21, a total of £63 million ($96 million). The 53-year-old has jetted off for a month-long break in St Tropez, France after seeking legal and financial advice over the ‘messy’ situation. Word has it he wanted to ‘do the right thing as well as resolve the situation’. In other words … limit his financial obligations. Insiders say he dumped Silverman 6 weeks ago, before it was discovered she was pregnant.
– “Daily Star Sunday”
✶ Australian supermodel Elle Macpherson is said to have wed her billionaire hotel heir-fiancé Jeffrey Soffer in Fiji. The couple, who announced their engagement in March, reportedly tied the knot on the mid-Pacific island surrounded by family and friends. The 49-year-old former “Fashion Star” host and 44-year-old Soffer first got together in 2010. It’s the 2nd marriage for both.
– “Us Weekly”
✶ FOX Studios has announced there will be 3 sequels to “Avatar” after filmmaker James Cameron decided that 2 films ‘would not be enough’. The original 2009 movie is the all-time box office champ at $2.8 billion. The trio of sequels will be filmed simultaneously in 2014 and will be released respectively in December 2016, 2017, and 2018. While Cameron wrote the original film by himself, 4 screenwriters have been signed up to work with him on the sequels.
– BBC Entertainment
✶ 45-year-old actor Josh Brolin is said to be the front-runner to play ‘Batman’ in the upcoming “Man of Steel” sequel after it was announced Warner Bros is seeking an older actor to play the new ‘Dark Knight’. He’s thought to be among 6 stars in the mix being considered, alongside Ryan Gosling (“Only God Forgives”), Joe Manganiello (“True Blood”), Richard Armitage (“The Hobbit”), Max Martini (“Pacific Rim”), and Matthew Goode (“Watchmen”).
– “Hollywood Reporter”
✶ And Lindsay Lohan says she’s fiercely determined to live alcohol-free and toward that end she’s avoiding all traces of booze everywhere she goes. Recently rehabbed Lohan checked into the Beverly Hills Hotel late last week and ordered all alcohol be removed from the room prior to her arrival. Ditto when she guest-hosted “Chelsea Lately” (airs tonight on E!). We’re told she’ll even demand her mother Dina’s home be alcohol-free when she visits. She’ll travel with a sober coach for at least the rest of this week, to make sure she doesn’t succumb to temptation.

• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – Desiree Hartsock makes her final choice in the 2-hour 9th season finalé, “The Final Rose”. That’s followed by the wrap-up special “After the Final Rose”.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Florida Georgia Line (“Here’s to Good Times”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Selena Gomez (“Stars Dance”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jamie N Commons (“Rumble & Sway”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tomahawk (“Oddfellows”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – 2 Chainz (“BOATS II: Me Time”, out September 10th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“More Than Just a Dream”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Amos Lee (“Mountains of Sorrow, Rivers of Song”).

• Avicii – “Wake Me Up” has become the fastest-selling song in UK this year, shifting nearly 500,000 copies in 2 weeks.
• Drake – Today his 4th annual “OVO Fest”, named after his October’s Very Own label, takes place in Toronto. Due to Frank Ocean’s illness, yesterday’s show has been folded into today’s, meaning Drake will headline alongside James Blake, Wale, and likely some surprise guests.
• Elton John – The 66-year-old is said to be ‘recovering well’ at his home in Nice, France after undergoing an operation to have his appendix removed at the Princess Grace Hospital in Monaco last Thursday.
• Florida Georgia Line – “Cruise” is #1 on “Billboard’s” ‘Top Country Songs’ chart again this week, for the 22nd straight week … a new record.
• Jack White – Singer/model Karen Elson has been granted a restraining order against her ex, claiming the musician has harassed her while they’ve been in a custody battle over their 2 children. White and Elson announced their divorce in 2011.
• Keith Urban – It’s now confirmed he’s back as an “American Idol” judge when it returns to FOX-TV in January but there’s no word on who the other judges will be. Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey feuded from the get-go last season and are gone, as is mainstay Randy Jackson.
• Kid Rock – After an unnamed suspect was arrested attempting to break into his Michigan home, the 42-year-old has let it be known on his personal blog that he will not hesitate to shoot anyone threatening him or his family.
• Rihanna – Back home in Barbados on the weekend, she was out in the crowds for the “Foreday Morning Jam” from midnight to 6 am Saturday in Bridgetown, where she danced, got down on all fours and let a variety of girls grind on her, enjoyed more than a few beverages, and ended up being carried away on her bodyguard’s back.
• Spice Girls – Melanie Chisholm (ex-Mel C) says she would like to be on the judging panel of “The Voice UK”, which lost Jessie J and Danny O’Donoghue as judges last month. The  39-year-old has some experience on her résumé, with the ITV talent show “Superstar”.
• – Quoted in “Wired UK”: “Being a verb is the most important thing right now.”

Living room TV seems to be making a comeback, as families are more likely to watch TV together now than they have been in more than a decade, according to a new UK study. Other highlights from the annual ‘Communications Market Report’ …
• 91% of adults watch their ‘main TV’ at least once a week.
• 49% multi-task while sitting in front of the TV, using smartphones and tablets while watching.
• 25% are ‘media meshers’, using electronic devices to do something related to the TV program they are watching.
• 16% of TV sales this year have involved sets measuring 43 inches (109cm) or larger.
• 85% of tablet owners keep their device at home; 11% use it in the bathroom.
– BBC News

A series of Pamplona-inspired bull runs are coming to the USA. Thrill-seekers will be able to participate in the human-vs-beast events, which will unleash bulls across the country. About 5,000 have already signed up for the inaugural ‘Great Bull Run’ event at a drag-racing strip near Richmond, Virgina on August 24th. Other runs are planned for cities in California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, and Texas. The event organizer’s disclaimer: “By participating in the run, you accept the risk that you might be trampled, gored, rammed or tossed in the air by a bull, or bumped, jostled, tripped or trampled by your fellow runners.”
– Associated Press

Will you look a lot younger and more attractive after plastic surgery? Not really, according to a new study from NYC’s Lenox Hill Hospital. The research reveals that people only look about 3 years younger after facial cosmetic procedures, as rated by subjects who reviewed photos of patients before and after surgery. And levels of attractiveness, ranked on a scale of 1-to-10, remain about the same after surgery. Patients of anti-wrinkle injections such as Botox were not included in the study. (That hideousness would likely have lowered numbers even more.)
– “New York Times”

Researchers have found that people selling items they are attached to set higher prices for them – higher than they’d be willing to pay – because they feel threatened by the impending loss. This so-called ‘endowment effect’ can apparently be counteracted with compliments and flattery because kind words make the seller feel less threatened about the impending loss of the item. So when buying a used car, for example, you may want to start the negotiation by complimenting the owner on what a wonderful family she has. (Divert first … then haggle!)
– Condensed from “Globe & Mail”

Baz Brown, a surfer from Australia’s Gold Coast, has invented what is being billed as the world’s first sand-resistant beach towel. ‘The Sandusa’ promises to ‘leave the beach at the beach’, thanks to a loop-less nylon backing that allows sand to slide off without getting caught and subsequently ending up all over your car. Another perk of the towel is that it’s also waterproof thanks to a layer of water-resistant material between its cotton terry cloth and nylon backing. It’s hope the new product will reach the market this December. (How can a towel be absorbent if it’s waterproof?)
– “Gold Coast Bulletin”

• The least common PIN code is 8-0-6-8.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• 2013 is expected to be a record year for singles sales, with Daft Punk and Robin Thicke leading the way.


1959 [54] Pat Smear, LA CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“Walk”, Nirvana-“You Know You’re Right”)

1968 [45] Terri Clark (Sauson), Montréal QC, country singer (“Girls Lie Too”, “You’re Easy On the Eyes”)

• “Assistance Dog Day”, kicking off “Assistance Dog Week”. It’s been observed since 2007 to recognize the dedicated dogs who serve human partners with physical or mental disabilities by becoming their aide, companion, helper, and best friend.

• “Civic Holiday”, celebrated annually on the 1st Monday in August in 7 provinces & 1 territory of Canada, though it goes by various names in each.

• “Oyster Day”, celebrating the shell-shucked crustacean enjoyed by many as a delicacy. (What brave soul could have first decided to eat one of these things?)

• “Sturgis Rally”, the 73rd annual through Sunday in Sturgis, South Dakota. Bikers of all types and backgrounds roll in for the week-long festival for gearheads, outlaws, and leather lovers. The week’s entertainment includes Brantley Gilbert, The Cult, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Queensryche, Toby Keith, and ZZ Top. And then there’s the ‘Miss Buffalo Chip Beauty Pageant’.

• “Underwear Day”, the 10th annual organized by online retailer A good excuse to take a vote: Boxers, Briefs, Boxer-Briefs, or Commando?

1983 [30] The movie “Risky Business” opens, launching Tom Cruise to stardom

1998 [15] ABC-TV improv series “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” debuts, hosted by Drew Carey and starring Colin Mochrie & Ryan Styles (a new version is airing this Summer on the CW)

1978 [35] The Rolling Stones’ “Miss You” hits #1

1914 [99] The world’s 1st electric traffic signal is put into place on the corner of Euclid Avenue & East 105th Street in Cleveland, Ohio

1989 [24] ‘Largest Game of Musical Chairs’ features 8,238 participants (China)

1989 [24] ‘Largest Hamburger’ weighs 5,520 lbs (Seymour, Wisconsin)

1990 [23] ‘Tallest Cake’ – 101 feet – is baked & served (Corunna, Michigan)

1994 [19] ‘Largest Cocktail’ (Finlandia Sea Breeze) measures 2,933 gallons (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

2002 [11] ‘Most Women Breast-Feeding Simultaneously’ – 1,135 moms (Berkeley, California)

[Tues] Fresh Breath Day
[Tues] Root Beer Float Day
[Tues] National Night Out
[Wed] Lighthouse Day
[Wed] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Wed] Professional Speakers Day

Bargain Hunting Week / Exercise With Your Child Week / Farmers’ Market Week / Fraud Awareness Week / International Clown Week / Psychic Week / Resurrect Romance Week / Rock for Life Week / Simplify Your Life Week / Single Working Women’s Week / World Breastfeeding Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
The following widely-held beliefs about cats simply aren’t true …
• Cats should have a litter before they are spayed. (Does not benefit them in any way.)
• Street cats are always healthier than purebred cats. (Both can be unhealthy, but mixed breed cats do not get many of the genetic diseases common to purebred lines.)
• All cats prefer canned food. (Not true … many prefer dry.)
• Cats cannot be trained. (In fact, they can be trained to do tricks … when they feel like it.)
• Cats like tasty food. (What they eat is primarily based on their sense of smell.)
• Cats will let you know when they are sick. (They instinctively hide when sick.)
• Cats naturally know to use a litter box. (Not all cats understand the concept right away.)
• Cats are happier & healthier when outdoors. (Indoor cats have a much longer lifespan.)
– First published in “BS” 2005.

• You go in for routine surgery, you come out with a tail.
• You recognize your doctor as kid who was mopping the lobby when you checked in.
• Instead of a sponge bath, they send a St Bernard to lick you.
• Every couple of minutes, you hear a bugle playing “Taps”.
• You and your roommate have to take turns on the I.V.
• Through the fog of anesthesia, you hear the surgeon shouting, “Bring the damn duct tape … and plenty of it!”
• Instead of ‘patient’, they use the term ‘plaintiff’.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

☎ It’s called ‘vaping’, inhaling from a smoke-free electronic cigarette (aka e-cigarette) which produces a not-so-smelly vapor instead of pungent smoke. So if it’s smoke-free, can it be done in ‘no smoking’ areas? For instance, can you puff away on a plane, train or in a shopping mall or your local bar? The rules are hazy.

Birds of a feather flock together … and crap all over your car.

Question: Most men say they had their first of THESE before age 25.
Answer: Grey hair.

There’s no fool like an old fool, ‘cause he’s experienced.

Don Jones @ 96X The Rock [KKTX] Kilgore, Texas; LaDonna Redmond @ 89.9 The People’s Station [KMOJ] Minneapolis, Minnesota; Shaun Savoy @ 107.9 The Breeze [CHUC] Cobourg, Ontario; George Penk @ Life FM Auckland, New Zealand; and Simon ‘Yakkers’ Yaxley @ Lakeland Radio, Lake District UK.

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