Wednesday, August 6, 2014         Edition: #5278

Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

★ Sylvester Stallone says he’s hoping to expand his “The Expendables” movie franchise by creating spin-offs for individual characters. A female version of the films, currently dubbed “The Expendabelles” (seriously?), is currently in the works and Stallone and his producer Avi Lerner are now considering which actresses to ask aboard the project. “The Expendables 3″, which introduces Harrison Ford, Kellan Lutz, and Wesley Snipes to the team hits theaters on August 15th.
★ Actor Vince Vaughn is said to be in early talks to land a key role in the 2nd season of HBO’s hit TV crime drama “True Detective”. Word is he’s being considered to star as one of 4 new leads, alongside Colin Farrell and Taylor Kitsch, who’ve also been linked to the project. Christian Bale and Jessica Chastain, previously rumored to be interested, have since distanced themselves from suggestions they’re taking over from Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.
★ Jack Black’s hit comedy film “School of Rock” is set for a small-screen makeover. The 2003 movie, in which Black portrayed a struggling musician who becomes a supply teacher and helps his young students form a rock band, is being adapted for a new musical comedy series on the  Nickelodeon network next year. Casting is expected to be announced soon. The movie is also being developed into a stage musical by theater mogul Andrew Lloyd Webber.
★ And it seems even actor Richard Gere gets a little desperate sometimes … albeit in real estate. The “Pretty Woman” star has slashed the asking price of his Hamptons NY home by another $8.5 million in a bid to finally make a sale. The spectacular 6-acre waterfront compound (12 BR, 12 baths, gym, basketball courts, 60-ft heated pool) is now available for the ‘bargain’ price of $47.5 million. Well, that is quite a discount off of the $65-million price tag it came on the market with last Summer.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Double header: Performance recap; 5 more acts move on to the next round.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Big Sean (“Hall of Fame”); Kanye West (“Yeezus”); Rick Ross (“Mastermind”).
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Wu-Tang Clan (“Wu-Tang Forever”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Mighty Mighty Bosstones (“The Magic of Youth”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Growlers (“Hung at Heart”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Chase Rice (“Ignite the Night”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Lady Gaga (“Artpop”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – All-stars return to perform with the top 10 finalists; dancers face elimination.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wiz Khalifa (“Blacc Hollywood”, out August 19th).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – T.I. (“Paperwork: The Motion Picture”).

• Bon Jovi – Many in Buffalo are unimpressed by Jon Bon Jovi’s recent letter in “Buffalo News” promising to keep the NFL’s Buffalo Bills in that city if his ownership bid is accepted. Critics note that his promissary note fails to mention that both of his partners are from Toronto.
• Chris Brown – After more than a year of delays, he’s now announced that his 6th album, “X”, will finally come out on September 16th.
• Godsmack – To mark the release of their 6th album “1000hp”, Boston’s Newbury Comics is hosting a bash today. As part of the festivities, the band will be on hand in their hometown to sign albums, and Boston mayor Martin Walsh will officially declare ‘Godsmack Day’.
• Jason Aldean – The RIAA has recognized him as ‘Top Male Country Artist’ in the history of Digital Gold & Platinum Awards. He’s tallied more than 21.5 million song downloads and on-demand streams.

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 63% of men have never used a shoehorn.
• 40% of parents at some point reveal to their children where they were conceived.
• 38% of men take a vitamin pill every day.
• 15% of married couples under age 35 have dinner together every night.
• 10% of commuters say that sitting in traffic can be so stressful it makes them cry.
• 1% of new relationships start at the gym.

Separating fact from fiction about the single most complex organ in the body …
✓ Social drinking is not going to permanently damage your brain. Alcohol cannot ‘kill’ brain cells as many believe. What it does is temporarily block brain cells from functioning properly.
✓ Your brain’s size does not reflect how intelligent you are. Einstein’s brain weighed around 7 oz less than the average human brain, which is about 3 lb.
✓ So-called ‘brain training’ isn’t worth it. For the average person, brain games or ‘training’ won’t make you any smarter. A 2010 study commissioned by the BBC has verified that.
✓ A simple bump to the head, perhaps from banging it, will not cause a loss of brain cells. The brain is robust and encased by the skull, made to withstand the normal knocks in daily life.
✓ So-called ‘pregnancy brain’ does exist, but it’s temporary. Memory in mothers-to-be may be compromised by an increase of hormones such as the stress hormone cortisol.
✓ Right-brained or left? Doesn’t matter. The popular belief that right-handed people are more logical and analytical, left-handed more creative and artistic is not necessarily true.
✓ Stress can increase blood flow to the head … and that’s a good thing. When healthy people are stressed or angry, blood flow increases to help the brain to work at its best.
✓ There is no evidence that any sort of ‘brain food’ can boost or maintain your intelligence. This includes fish oils. Bottom line: It’s all downhill with age.
✓ It’s part of healthy aging that our memory for people’s names that we don’t use regularly declines and we struggle to recall them. The process is gradual … and normal.

The top 5 actresses and how much money they made in the past year from entertainment-related work, according to a new ranking …
5. Angelina Jolie … $18 million
4. Gwyneth Paltrow … $19 million
3. Jennifer Aniston … $31 million
2. Jennifer Lawrence … $34 million
1. Sandra Bullock … $51 million

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Ag-Gag’ – Laws that criminalize the taking of undercover photos and videos in agricultural businesses. In many places, it’s now illegal to film factory farms. It’s recently been announced the agriculture industry wants to bring ag-gag to Australia.
• ‘Jerktech’ – Startups that sell things that don’t belong to them, such as parking spots and restaurant reservations, by charging a fee to make them more easily accessible.
• ‘Nose-to-Tail’ – A philosophy that promotes consuming all edible parts of an animal, whether it be feet, glands, shanks, tripe, whatever. Common in Europe. (If you’re going to kill an animal, at least have the respect to make good use of it.)
• ‘Reshoring’ – Moving jobs that had previously been done in other countries back to the country where the company is based. (The opposite of ‘offshoring’.)

Once derided as a drink for destitute drunkards, Mexico’s smoky-flavored mezcal liquor is now going mainstream as a trendy booze in fashionable bars from Mexico City to Sydney. Distillers say the so-called ‘drink of the poor and drunks’ began to be seen as a boutique booze around 2010, attracting more and more consumers in bohemian bars. Some 105 brands are now sold in 31 countries. Here’s how it’s made: The cactus-like plant maguey (aka agave) is roasted and then crushed into pulp before being distilled into the drink with an alcohol content of at least 45%. There’s a saying in Mexico: “For everything bad, mezcal; for everything good, the same.” (On board the bandwagon is country star Toby Keith, who markets his own ‘Wild Shots’ brand.)

Fast facts on what you need to know about the virus that’s claimed nearly 900 lives in Central and West Africa and could potentially spread elsewhere …
• Human-to-human transmission, primarily through direct or indirect contact with bodily fluids such as blood, saliva, urine, feces, or semen.
• Contact with contaminated objects such as needles and/or soiled bedding or clothing.
• It is not airborne like the flu.
• Sudden onset of fever, weakness, muscle pain, headache, sore throat.
• Followed by vomiting, diarrhea, rash, impaired kidney and liver function, and – in some cases – internal and external bleeding.
• Balancing the patient’s fluids and electrolytes.
• Maintaining oxygen status and blood pressure.
• Treating any complicating infections.
• There is no licensed vaccine available though several are being tested.

• Every 5 seconds, flies beat their wings up to 1,000 times; 3 times faster than a hummingbird.
• Every 5 seconds, a woodpecker hammers with its beak 12.5 times.
• Every 5 seconds, a sloth can move a little over 1 foot, a rate of 13 feet per minute.
• Every 5 seconds, adult bed bugs can crawl about 4 inches.
– Sourced from BuzzFeed


1962 [52] Michelle Yeoh (Yeoh Chu-Kheng), Ipoh, Malaysia, movie actress (“Memoirs Of a Geisha”)/voice actress (“Kung Fu Panda”).  COMING UP: “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon II: The Green Destiny” (2016).

1970 [44] M Night (Manoj Nelliyattu) Shyamalan, Mahé, India, movie director (“Unbreakable”, “The Sixth Sense”)/screenwriter (“Stuart Little”)

1972 [42] Geri Halliwell, Watford UK, former pop singer (Spice Girls-”Goodbye”, “Wannabe”)

1973 [41] Vera Farmiga, Clifton NJ, TV actress (“Bates Motel” since 2013)/movie actress (“Up In the Air”, “The Departed”)

1981 [33] Travie (Travis) McCoy, Geneva NY, pop singer (f/Bruno Mars-”Billionaire”)/alt-hip hop singer (Gym Class Heroes-”Clothes Off”)

1984 [30] Eric Roberts, Geneva NY, indie hip hop bassist-vocalist (Gym Class Heroes-”Cupid’s Chokehold”)

• “Fresh Breath Day”, a gentle reminder to maintain oral hygiene. If you’re average, you have over 10 billion bacteria in your mouth right now. Some of them churn out truly stinky chemicals such as hydrogen sulphide, the same gas that gives rotten eggs their odor.

• “Hiroshima Peace Festival” (‘Toro Nagashi’) at Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima, Japan, commemorating the 69th anniversary of the dropping of the 1st atomic bomb by the US bomber ‘Enola Gay’ in 1945.

• “Root Beer Float Day”, saluting the yummy taste-treat that involves plopping ice cream into a flagon of root beer. Did you know root beer started out as a health tonic?

• “Wiggle Your Toes Day”, a chance to air out your piggies, wiggling them around for all to see. The best place to wiggle your toes on a hot August day is in a swimming pool. Or, sit on a dock and stick your wiggly digits in the water.

1996 [18] “A Game of Thrones”, an epic fantasy novel by George RR Martin, is published (basis of the mega-popular HBO-TV show that debuts in 2011)

2004 [10] Funk legend Rick James (“Super Freak”) is found dead at age 56 in his LA home by a caretaker

2012 [02] NASA’s ‘Curiosity’ rover lands on the surface of Mars

[Thurs] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Thurs] Professional Speakers Day
[Fri] “The Hundred-Foot Journey”; “Into the Storm”; “Step Up All In”; “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
[Fri] Worldwide Art Day
This Week Is … Fraud Awareness Week
This Month Is … Goat Cheese Month


• Wool Suit Pants … Will board before you.
• Wool Hunting Pants … Will board after you.
• Pleated Dockers … Will loudly talk on cellphone about ROIs and vertical markets.
• Pajama Bottoms … Will be flying either to or from an ‘all-inclusive’ resort.
• Sweatpants with Dallas Mavericks Logo … Will clog one or more bathrooms.
• Stained Yoga Pants … Will be carrying a screaming child.
• Stained Gymboree Pants … Will be a screaming child.
• Pink Sweatpants … Will laugh her ass off at the Adam Sandler in-flight movie.
• Skinny Jeans … Will develop deep vein thrombosis.
• Leather Pants … Did not pay for her own flight.
• Swim Trunks … Will be escorted off plane by air marshal for doing something gross to the beverage cart.
• Creased Jeans … Air marshal.
– Thanks to Wendi Aarons

• You suffer from ‘blepharospasms’. Which can’t you stop yourself from doing?
a. Drinking
b. Winking [CORRECT]
c. Stinking

• While vacationing with friends, married women are more likely than married men to do what?
a. Eat
b. Tweet
c. Cheat [CORRECT]

☎ What’s the most creative name for a business you’ve seen?

I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.

Question: According to experts, doing THIS can improve your mood.
Answer: Making the password to your email or phone something positive.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

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