Thursday, August 8, 2013        Edition: #5042

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

✶ Revered author Elmore Leonard has been hospitalized in Detroit, Michigan after suffering a stroke. The prolific 87-year-old writer of the stories that inspired the hit films “Get Shorty”, “Out of Sight”, and “Jackie Brown” among others, was at home when he fell ill last week. A source close to the author says the stroke was not life-threatening and his recovery is expected to be swift. In all, 26 of Leonard’s novels and short stories have been adapted for the screen, 19 as motion pictures and another 7 as TV programs.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
✶ The producers of iconic adult film “Deep Throat” are taking legal action in a bid to block the release of a Linda Lovelace bio-pic over allegations of copyright infringement. “Lovelace”, starring Amanda Seyfried as the adult actress-turned-anti-porn advocate, allegedly features 3 scenes from the infamous 1973 film which Arrow Productions claims were never approved for use. They’d like at least $10 million in compensation in addition to an injunction to halt the film, which is scheduled to open in theaters this Friday.
✶ Sharon Osbourne once locked her daughter Kelly in a padded cell in a desperate bid to scare her into giving up drugs. The 28-year-old reality TV star battled drug addiction for many years and checked into rehab 7 different times in an attempt to curb her behavior. Kelly admits it wasn’t until her mother was diagnosed with cancer that she decided to turn her life around. Sharon won her battle against colon cancer in 2003.
– “Cosmopolitan UK”
✶ Longtime animal rights activist, actress Kim Basinger, has successfully teamed with PETA to fight the import of beluga whales from Russia by the Georgia Aquarium and its SeaWorld affiliates. Thanks to their efforts and the new film “Blackfish”, about the lives of whales in captivity, officials at the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration have denied SeaWorld’s request to stock its parks.
✶ Disney’s “The Lone Ranger” summer flop has been a disaster both critically and financially, and now we know to what extent, thanks to the company’s 3rd quarter financial results. The failed blockbuster will lose the ‘House of Mouse’ between $160-to-$190 million. The film did manage to rake in around $175 million in worldwide box office, but the production budget alone was around $210 million. Johnny Depp – who claims movie critics were ‘gunning’ for the film months before it opened – gets paid anyway.

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Rihanna (“Unapologetic”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Joan Jett (“Unvarnished”, out October 1st).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Coup (“Sorry to Bother You”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) –  Jake Owen (“Barefoot Blue Jean Night”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Wale (“Gifted”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Lenny Kravitz (“Black & White America”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gavin DeGraw (“Sweeter”).
• “The Winner Is …” (NBC) – Previous winners perform for a panel of music experts.

• Adele – She’s booked the entire top floor of the Beaufort Hotel in London to celebrate her son’s 1st birthday. Angelo was born October 19, 2012 but the singer is apparently planning to celebrate a month early at the upmarket venue in the Chelsea district.
• Beyoncé – Seems celebs can fly under the radar if they want. She’s revealed she bicycled across the Brooklyn Bridge to get to the last show of her NYC stand this week, at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. She’ll return to the venue in December.
• Chris Brown – He’s tweeted that he’s fed up with the trappings of fame and may retire from music. Quote: “Don’t worry mainstream America. After this ‘X’ album, it’ll probably be my last album.”
• Daft Punk – They are rumored to be giving a surprise performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on August 25th in Brooklyn NY.
• Jack White – He’s filed a counter-motion in a Nashville court contesting estranged wife Karen Elson’s claim that he’s violent and aggressive towards her and their 2 children. The couple married in 2005 before splitting amicably in 2011, though things have recently turned sour.
• Justin Bieber – Police in New York have confirmed they are investigating the pop star over allegations he instigated a brawl involving his entourage outside a Long Island nightclub in the Hamptons.
• Lady Gaga – Her new post on Facebook reads in part: “Russian LGBTs you are not alone. We will fight for your freedom.”
• Usher – His ex-wife Tameka Foster has reportedly filed for custody of their son after Usher Raymond V was recently rescued from a swimming pool drain. Foster is claiming her ex’s home is a dangerous environment.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “American Sniper” – Director Steven Spielberg has cut ties with this project, deciding he can’t make his vision work and abide by the film’s budget. Actor Bradley Cooper, who is producing as well as starring as real-life Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle, will now seek another director, with an eye to hitting the bigscreen in 2015.
• “Bourne 5” – Jeremy Renner will reprise his role as ‘Aaron Cross’ in a 5th film in the ‘Bourne’ franchise. Renner took over the lead from Matt Damon in the 2012 installment, “The Bourne Legacy”, which co-starred Rachel Weisz as a black ops agent. That film grossed $276 million worldwide, which is moderate compared to previous films in the series.
• “Expendables 3” – Bruce Willis won’t be back in the 3rd film in Sylvester Stallone’s action adventure series, but Harrison Ford is set to join the threequel’s cast. Stallone returns as the leader of a group of mercenaries that undertakes seemingly impossible missions. Jackie Chan and Nicolas Cage are also aboard to appear. The film opens in August 2014.
• “Mission Impossible 5” – It’s official! “MI5” is not only going to be made but the Oscar-winning writer of “Valkyrie” and “The Usual Suspects”, Christopher McQuarrie, will direct the next ‘Ethan Hunt’ spy adventure starring Tom Cruise. McQuarrie announced the news by tweeting: “Mission: Accepted”. The next installment is expected sometime in 2015.
• “Penguins of Madagascar” – Benedict Cumberbatch and John Malkovich have signed on to voice new characters in this spin-off movie, which will feature the birds from the “Madagascar” movie trilogy. Cumberbatch plays a high-ranking animal CIA agent; Malkovich voices the villain. The film is scheduled for release in March 2015.

Highlights of a new Pew Research Center poll of adults 18+ about how long they’d like to live …
• 69% say they’d like to live to somewhere between 79 and 100.
• 56% say they would not want treatments to slow aging and artificially extend life beyond 100.
• 51% of seniors expect their quality of life to stay about the same during the next 5-to-10 years.
• 41% say life-extending treatments often create as many problems as they solve.
• 32% say medical advances are bad because they interfere with the natural cycle of life.
Among those surveyed, the median ideal age to live until is 90.
– “USA Today”

A few pointers to keep in mind if you’re looking for love on the Internet …
✓ Decide how much control you want. Some sites, such as Match, let you decide who you can meet, while other sites, such as eHarmony, suggest potential dates for you. Also check the costs, and don’t ignore smaller, more regional sites.
✓ Create a strong but honest profile. Avoid lying about your age, background, or habits but avoid disclosing too much until you really know someone. Post some flattering but up-to-date photos, and avoid anything too overtly sexual.
✓ Expect some dishonesty. Be aware that most online daters exaggerate in their profiles, so don’t be fooled. You can expect them to present the best picture they can and to shave years off their age and pounds off their weight.
✓ Don’t fall for fraud. There are a number of international consortiums that get on online dating sites and pretend to be someone they’re not in order to get money out of people. So if someone asks you to send money, especially out of the country … run!
✓ Start sleuthing. Before you meet someone in person whom you’ve encountered online, use multiple search engines to check them out. Make sure that people are who they say they are. Consider seeking criminal background checks.
✓ Meet in a public place the first few times. Also it’s a good idea to let your family & friends know where you’re going, with whom, and when you’ll return. Keep your phone handy, and if something feels off with the date … leave!
– Condensed from

Getting your blood pumping might be better at warding off Alzheimer’s than popping pills, according to a new University of Maryland kinesiology study. In experiments, brain scans of adults aged 60-to-88 performed better on memory tests following a 12-week exercise regime. The program included 150 minutes per week of moderate intensity exercise … enough to make you sweat but not so hard that you can’t hold a conversation. Researchers claim that no study has shown that a drug can be as effective. (At 85, just putting in your pants is enough to make you sweat.)

A few stats profiling the typical person behind the wheel …
• The average driver emits more than 912 pints of wind inside a car during his or her lifetime.
• The average driver will have sex in a car 6 times in their lives.
• They will spend around 2 hours and 14 minutes kissing in cars.
• The average driver will swear 32,025 times behind the wheel.
• They will nod off at the wheel 11 times and jump 181 red lights.
• The average driver will honk the horn 15,250 times in a lifetime.
• The average driver will be locked out of the car 9 times.
• The average driver believes their driving is better than 87% of other drivers.
– “Top Gear Magazine”

• More tigers now live in captivity in America than globally in the wild.
• When a cat lies on its back it wants its head stroked.
– “Times of London”


1937 [76] Dustin Hoffman, LA CA, 5’-5” movie actor (2 Oscars-“Rain Man”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)  BS FACTOID: His publicist has just confirmed that the actor is doing well after surgery for what is thought to have been throat cancer.

1961 [52] The Edge (David Evans), Barking UK, rock guitarist (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2005)

1973 [40] Mark Wills (Williams), Cleveland TN, country singer (“19 Somethin’”, “Wish You Were Here”)

1973 [40] Scott Stapp, Goldsboro NC, rock singer (Creed-“My Sacrifice”, “With Arms Wide Open”)

1975 [38] Tom Linton, Mesa AZ, rock guitarist (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1981 [32] Roger Federer, Basel, Switzerland, currently #5-ranked men’s pro tennis player

• “The Date to Create”, a day to brainstorm with family members or co-workers on ways to be more creative.

• “Eid-Al-Fitr” [‘eed-ul-FIT-tur’], the beginning of the 3-day Islamic holiday and feast that celebrates the end of the month-long “Ramadan” fast. The exact start cannot be predicted in advance. Scanning the sky for the crescent of the new moon to usher in Eid is an Islamic ritual that’s over 1,400-years-old.

• “Happiness Happens Day”, the 13th annual day to pay someone’s toll, bus or subway fare, or to donate to a charity. It’s all a conspiracy of the ‘Secret Society of Happy People’.

• “National Hobo Convention”, the 113th annual through Sunday in Britt, Iowa. Some 30,000 professional and part-time hobos are expected to hop trains from all over North America to take in the parade, the ‘King & Queen of the Hobos’ coronation, ‘Hobo Jungle’, and ‘Hobo Museum’.

• “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night”, a day to share the wealth of your vegetable garden with friends and neighbors. Uh, could you make it tomatoes instead?

1978 [35] ‘Odie The Dog’ first appears in the “Garfield” comic strip

2008 [05] Circa 1 billion TV viewers worldwide watch the opening ceremonies of the “Beijing Summer Olympic Games”, highlighted by a massive (partially faked) fireworks display

2005 [08] 2 jurors from the Michael Jackson molestation case tell NBC-TV’s “Today” that they have come to regret their ruling of ‘not guilty’

1988 [25] 39,012 fans attend the 1st-ever night baseball game at Chicago’s Wrigley Field

1988 [25] The temperature hits a high of 88 F on 8/8/88 in NYC

1999 [14] ‘Tish’, the world’s oldest captive goldfish, dies in Yorkshire, England at the age of 43

2001 [12] 78-year-old Egyptian Mustafa Semeda claims he has been married 203 times, the first time in 1947

[Fri] “Disney’s Planes”; “Elysium” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Outside Lands Festival begins (San Francisco)
[Fri] International Day Of the World’s Indigenous People
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
[Sat] S’mores Day
[Sun] “2013 Teen Choice Awards” (FOX)
[Sun] “Breaking Bad” final episodes begin (AMC)
This Week Is … Farmers Market Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month


• “You’re beautiful, and that’s not just the Rogaine talking.”
• “I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying shampoo.”
• “Would you like to run your fingers through my head?”
• “Your eyes are sparkling … or maybe that’s just the glare off my head.”
• “I don’t have any paper, but you can write your phone number on my extensive forehead.”
• “Wanna go back to my place and see my hairpiece?”
• “There are 2 things missing from my life: Healthy follicle growth and you.”
• “Wanna buff me?”

I think something must have died inside my brain. This morning my eyelids will only go to half-mast.

Which of the following can grow as much as 1 meter (39 inches) in 24 hours?
a. A bamboo plant. [CORRECT]
b. A tapeworm.
c. Your freshly-mowed lawn.

☎ If you had to choose only one gadget to have, which would it be?

Question: In a job interview, THIS can help a man but hurt a woman.
Answer: A wedding ring.

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

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