Tuesday, August 9, 2011        Edition: #4567

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

38-year-old actress Gwyneth Paltrow tells “USA Today” that Beyoncé & Jay-Z have encouraged her to try recording an album to ‘see what happens’, so that’s probably what she’ll do (just a warning) . . . ABC-TV has confirmed the upcoming 8th season of “Desperate Housewives” will be its last (this is unbelievable – that show’s still on?) . . . A stage version of Oscar-winning movie “The King’s Speech” is set to hit Broadway in 2012, after a run in London’s West End theater district (w-w-w-wow, we c-c-c-c-c-an’t wait!) . . . “Glee” actress Jane Lynch (‘Sue Sylvester’) has been cut from “Glee: The 3-D Concert Movie” (opening Friday) even though she appears in the film’s trailer (the flick’s all about singing, not humor) . . . Simon Cowell says he’ll find a role for Mariah Carey on the upcoming US version of “The X Factor” (FOX) but not on the coaching panel because, quote: “We just can’t shut Paula and Nicole up; add Mariah into the mix and you won’t have anyone singing” (this sounds wearing already!) . . . 21-year-old “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson & 24-year-old Johnny Simmons, her co-star in the upcoming film “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower”, have apparently become an item, spotted sharing a passionate kiss before lunching in Santa Monica CA (these on-set romances always go so well, don’t they?) . . . And now that Jennifer Lopez’s management is close to brokering her a huge deal to come back to “American Idol” for at least 1 more season, Steven Tyler’s people are also asking for a new deal, even though he’s only halfway through a 2-year deal at an estimated $10 million-per (the smart guy on the panel is Randy Jackson, who quietly rakes in millions year-after-year without creating any fuss).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – The Cars (“Move Like This”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Seether (“Holding Onto Strings Better Left to Fray”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Luke Bryan (his 3rd album, “Tailgates & Tanlines”, is out today).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Alberta Cross (“Broken Side of Time”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Kills (“Midnight Boom”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Eddie Vedder (“Ukelele Songs”). Rerun.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Chris Colfer (“Glee”); Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Cage the Elephant (“Thank You Happy Birthday”).

• The Beatles – Today a cowboy hat and a pair of sunglasses once owned by John Lennon go under the hammer at a Cameo Auctioneers sale in England. The hat’s expected to fetch close to $13,000, the glasses more than $6,000.
• Bruno Mars – He’s been spotted romancing model Jessica Caban during dinner with friends in NYC. Signs it could be serious … he fed her a brownie dessert with his fork.
• Jay-Z – “GQ” reports his clothing company ‘Rocawear’ now owns licensing to manufacture and distribute the ‘Billionaire Boys Club’ brand, which is owned by rapper/producer Pharrell Williams. Jay-Z stresses that it’s a partnership, not a takeover.
• Keith Urban – He says he decided to call his debut scent ‘Phoenix’ because he can identify with the story of the resurrected phoenix after his battle with drug & alcohol abuse. He also didn’t think men would want to say they were ‘wearing Keith Urban’.
• Lady Gaga – She’s been slapped with a lawsuit claiming her song “Judas” is a ripoff of a 1999 tune by some singer named Rebecca F.
• OutKast – Big Boi’s lawyer says his client will be ‘completely exonerated’ of drug charges incurred Sunday in Miami, Florida. After returning from a cruise he was charged with illegal possession of Viagra, Ecstasy, and MDMA. His tweeted excuse? “They said it was the love boat!”
• Stevie Nicks – Tonight in Denver, Colorado she embarks on a 15-city mini-tour in support of her latest solo album, “In Your Dreams”.

• “Jumping the Broom” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Paula Patton, Laz Alonso, and Angela Bassett star in this story of 2 very different families who converge on Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts for a wedding.
• “Mars Needs Moms” ( PG Disney Animated Comedy ): A young boy named ‘Milo’ gains a deeper appreciation for his mom after Martians abduct her. Voice cast includes Seth Green, Joan Cusack, Dan Fogler. Based on the book by “Bloom County” cartoonist Berkeley Breathed.
• “Paul” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Comedy ): Simon Pegg & Nick Frost play a pair of British comic-book geeks traveling across the US who encounter an alien outside ‘Area 51’. With their unexpected new companion aboard their RV, they find themselves chased by federal agents.
• “Super” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Rainn Wilson (“The Office”) plays an everyday guy who transforms himself into wannabe superhero ‘The Crimson Bolt’ after his wife leaves him for a suave drug-dealer. He’s joined in his war against crime by teen-sidekick ‘Libby’ (Ellen Page).
• “Your Highness” ( R-Rated Fantasy Comedy ): Danny McBride & James Franco play a pair of brothers who embark on a quest to free the older one’s beloved (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil wizard’s lair. Natalie Portman co-stars as a determined warrior with her own agenda.
• Also released today: “Doctor Who: The Sun Makers” (Brit TV); “Hey Arnold!: Season 1” (Animation): “MASK: The Complete Original Series” (Animation); “Webster: Season 3” (Vintage TV); and “The Wiggles: Ukulele Baby!” (Family).

Every little bit counts. At least that’s what Queen’s University researchers are saying about exercise. The new study suggests that any form of ‘incidental physical activity’ – think sweeping the floor, taking the stairs, vacuuming, gardening – can add up to significant health gains. These bouts of ‘micro-exercise’ can be as short as 1 minute in order to have some impact. Researchers say the results should be encouraging to sedentary people who find exercise daunting. An infographic showing benefits of various everyday activities (styling hair?) here …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3d97j7r
– “Globe & Mail”

Summer is cheat season, the time of year when we’re most likely to sneak around on our partners. Remember when you were a kid and summer meant no school, freedom, and fun? Well, experts say that same attitude carries over into adulthood, leaving us with the sense that during these months, the usual rules don’t apply. A ‘summer fling’ seems justified if we believe normal behavior is on hiatus. Summer is also associated with adventure, when we’re more apt to try something new, which might be another factor adding to the whim to wander. (Naw …. it’s all about the skimpy clothes.)
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”


A new diet device called the ‘Bite Counter’ is designed to help you record calorie consumption. Developed by Clemson University researchers, it’s described as a ‘pedometer for eating’. While worn on your wrist it tracks motion to determine how many calories are consumed, based on the number and type of bites taken. You can even preset the counter to sound an alarm after you’ve reached a certain number of bites each day. But the price tag may be even heftier than you are … $799. (Another useless device attempting to make the real solution – eat less, move more – easier to swallow.)
– TIME.com


The worst place to keep your phone, guys? In your pants or shirt front pocket. Even when you’re not on a call, your cellphone is still transmitting microwaves, warns the Board on Environmental Studies & Toxicology. And unlike your head, where a thick skull offers your brains a protective barrier, your gonads are basically defenseless. Cellphone instruction manuals tell people never to keep their phones against their bodies, but most users don’t read the fine print. Start rocking a hip holster. If that’s not your style, a backpack or briefcase is even safer. (To be really safe … hazmat underwear.)
– “Men’s Health”


Naturism is becoming less popular in Germany and that may be because … people are getting too fat. The president of Germany’s Free Body Culture Association says the number of nudists is falling by 2% per year. He blames it on the declining population and recent immigrants who have no culture of nudity. However, a 70-year-old nudist disagrees, claiming the rise in German prosperity means a lot of people are ‘chubbier’ and can’t show their bodies in public any more. (Oh yeah? Been to the beach lately? Ugh!)
– “Times of London”


A CBS poll has found that 44% of Tea Party supporters in America are either receiving Medicare themselves or have a family member receiving Medicare. When it comes to Social Security, that percentage is even higher … 48%.
– “New York Times”



1963 [48] Whitney Houston, East Orange NJ, washed-up pop singer (“I Will Always Love You”)/movie actress (“The Bodyguard”)/rehab veteran

1967 [44] Deion Sanders, Fort Myers FL, former NFL/MLB player (only athlete to play in a Super Bowl AND a World Series; attempted to play pro football and baseball on the same day but was not inserted into the baseball line-up)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2011)

1968 [43] Eric Bana (Banadinović), Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“Star Trek”, “Munich”)

1968 [43] Sam Fogarino, Philadelphia PA, rock drummer (Interpol-“The Heinrich Maneuver”, “Slow Hands”)

1970 [41] Arion Salazar, Oakland CA, alt-rock musician (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”, “Semi-Charmed Life”)

1976 [35] Jessica Capshaw, Columbia MO, TV actress (‘Dr Arizona Robbins’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2009)/daughter of actress Kate Capshaw (“Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom”)

1976 [35] Audrey Tautou, Beaumont, France, movie actress (“Coco Avant Chanel”, “The Da Vinci Code”)

1985 [26] Anna Kendrick, Portland ME, movie actress (“The Twilight Saga”, “Up In the Air”)

• “Book Lovers Day”. No matter where you are, you’re never alone … as long as you have a book. Is reading as good when using a Kindle or iPad?

• “International Day of Indigenous People”, as declared by the UN. But is there really such a thing? Weren’t all people originally wanderers?

• “Clean Out the Kitchen Cabinets Day”. What is the strangest thing you have found in your cupboards?

• “Rice Pudding Day”, celebrating the tasty treat that combines rice, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and raisins. And what’s your secret ingredient?

• “Sturgis Motorcycle Rally”, the 71st annual through Sunday in Sturgis, South Dakota. Bikers of all types and backgrounds roll in for the festival for gearheads, outlaws, and leather lovers. The week’s entertainment includes George Thorogood, Jeff Bridges & Friends f/John Fogerty and Stevie Nicks, Leon Russell, Puddle of Mudd, and Toby Keith.
NET: http://www.sturgismotorcyclerally.com

2010 [01] Purportedly ticked off by a rude passenger, JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater becomes a media sensation by quitting his job in dramatic style, sliding down his plane’s emergency-escape chute at NYC’s JFK International (what you didn’t hear: he later pleads guilty to attempted criminal mischief, agrees to 1 year of substance-abuse counselling, and pays JetBlue $10,000 to replace the emergency chute)


2002 [09] Elvis’ daughter Lisa Marie Presley marries actor Nicolas Cage, an ill-advised union that lasts less than 4 months

2005 [06] NYC’s Hot 97 [WQHT] agrees to pay a $240,000-fine and donate $60,000 to a domestic violence awareness group after sponsoring ‘Smackfest’ contests in which young women take turns slapping each other for a chance to win concert tickets and cash

2008 [03] Comedian/actor Bernie Mac (“Ocean’s 11”) dies in Chicago, Illinois at age 50 due to complications from pneumonia

1986 [25] Queen gives what proves to be the original group’s final performance at the Knebworth Park Festival in England, closing as usual with “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” and “God Save the Queen”

[Wed] Lazy Day
[Wed] “The Help” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] S’mores Day
[Wed] Elvis Week begins (Memphis TN)
[Thurs] Play In the Sand Day
[Fri] Vinyl Record Day
This Week Is … Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month



Not much of a handy-person? These useful explanations tell you what’s in your toolbox …
• Belt Sander – A high-speed tool used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
• Drill Press – A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room.
• Hacksaw – Works on the Ouija board principle, transforming human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion.
• Hammer – Originally employed as a weapon of war, it’s nowadays used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the thing you are trying to hit.
• Pliers – Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
• Screwdriver – A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws while butchering your palms.
• Skil Saw – A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
• Table Saw – A large stationary power tool used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
• Utility Knife –  Used to open cardboard cartons delivered to your door; and works particularly well at slicing through the fragile contents.
• Wire Wheel – Cleans paint off bolts, then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.
– Adapted from ThatsRich.com


A boat is a hole in the water, lined with wood, steel, or fiberglass, through which you pour all your money.


Today’s Question: When it comes to comfort foods surveyed women say ice cream is #1, followed by THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mac & cheese.


If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone.

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