December 6 2018

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Thursday, December 6, 2018 – Edition: #6351

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Sarah Hyland is taking a social media break after being slammed by trolls for crowdfunding for her cousin’s funeral. The “Modern Family” star took to Twitter on Sunday to reveal that her 14-year-old relative, Trevor Canaday, had been killed by a drunk driver, and shared a GoFundMe page set up to raise money for funeral expenses.  But many pointed out that Hyland is rumored to make more than $100,000 for each episode of her TV show. One tweeted: “I am very sorry for your family but I don’t understand why you are asking people to donate when your net worth is 9 million dollars.”  Hyland later responded: “Your horrible negative ignorant words have broken me. Happy? Staying offline for a while.”
-Canoe
★ If Bill Cosby ever gets out of prison, he’s going to find his bank accounts a little lighter than he remembers. The State of California Franchise Tax Board filed a release of lien for Cosby and his wife Camille. The lien was for $1.8 million in back taxes stemming from 2015. Cosby was hit with the lien last August, just one day after his lead defense attorney asked to be removed from the case.
-TheBlast
★ Lindsay Lohan’s new show “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club” will premiere on MTV on January 9. The highly anticipated documentary – which follows Lohan as she expands her business empire in Greece with the launch of her new club, apparently offers viewers a look at “a new side of the actress and businesswoman”, as she calls the shots with her handpicked team of young and ambitious VIP hosts who will have to do whatever it takes to secure their boss’ name as the definition of vacation luxury.
-ContactMusic
★ A screening of the Lifetime documentary “Surviving R. Kelly” was evacuated Tuesday night after several anonymous threats were called in. An NYPD spokesperson said that the unknown caller indicated that if the movie continued to play, someone inside the theater would start shooting. A spokesperson for the venue described the threat as “noncredible”. Lifetime released a statement saying, “As a precaution, the network chose to evacuate the building. The safety and security of our panel, guests and staff is of paramount importance to Lifetime.”
-TheBlast

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Gwen Stefani, Jimmy Tatro
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Jason Momoa, J.K. Simmons, Joe Machi
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sen. Bernie Sanders, Emma Willmann
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Alec Baldwin, Bazzi, Nikki Glaspie
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jennifer Aniston, Dolly Parton, Leon Bridges
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Kenan Thompson, Dua Lipa
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Kerry Washington, Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken
• “The Talk” (CBS): Bonnie Hunt, Sean Valentine, guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kate Bosworth, Eden Grinshpan
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Aniston, Dolly Parton
• “The Great Holiday Baking Show” (ABC): In the Season 4 premiere, 10 bakers face six challenges. The theme: cake and pastries.
• “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (ABC): In the Emmy and Peabody-winning animated cartoon from 1965, the gang mounts a holiday pageant as Charlie Brown bemoans Yuletide commercialism.
• “2018 AmericanaFest” (CMT): Brandi Carlile, Margo Price, Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats, and more perform

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake — is the king of Spotify.  He is the platform’s most-streamed artist of 2018, with 8.2 billion streams. He also has the year’s most-streamed album and song with “Scorpion” and ‘God’s Plan’. Oh, plus he is the most-streamed artist of all-time.
• Kanye West — is apologizing after being called out on Twitter for using his phone during a Broadway performance. “The Cher Show” opened at the Neil Simon Theatre on Monday.  After Jarrod Spector, who plays Sonny Bono, tweeted: “Hey @kanyewest so cool that you’re here at @TheCherShow! If you look up from your cell phone you’ll see we’re doing a show up here.” Ye answered:  “Please pardon my lack of etiquette. We have so much appreciation for the energy you guys put into making this masterpiece.”
• Prince – His music will be used create a new movie. Universal Pictures has acquired the rights to a number of his classics and are developing an original film that will not be a biopic, but an original story with Prince’s classic songs driving the plotline, in much the same way that Abba’s music was used in “Mama Mia!”.
• Rush – Geddy Lee says he plans to return to music when he is done promoting “Geddy Lee’s Big Beautiful Book of Bass”, but he has “no idea what form that will take”.
• Queen – Guitarist Brian May gets a powder gel manicure at his local nail salon to strengthen his fingernails.  The 71-year-old guitarist relies on acrylic nails to protect his hard-worn finger tips and says the beauty treatment has ”changed his life” on tour and that he would recommend them to any guitarist.
• Montgomery Gentry — Federal investigators say pilot error following engine maintenance problems caused the helicopter crash last year that killed singer Troy Gentry and the pilot in New Jersey. A final report issued Tuesday says the pilot cut the engine too soon as he tried to make an emergency landing, leading to an uncontrolled descent.
• Jennifer Nettles — The songwriter, performer, Broadway star, TV host, film actress, philanthropist and mom can add ‘author’ to the list.  Her cookbook “Sweet, Savory & Simple” is now available.  Co-written by her mom Carla Temple, Nettles says that Mom was responsible for picking out the stories and pictures shared along with the recipes.

TESTOSTERONE TEST:
The makers of a new form of birth control for males are looking for volunteers to try it out.  The contraceptive gel is said to kill sperm after it is rubbed…into the shoulders of men. But before it receives approval for public use, the National Institutes of Health is on the lookout for 420 amorous couples for testing of the product.  After the gel is applied to the back and shoulders, it is absorbed through the skin.  It contains progestin, which blocks natural testosterone production, reducing sperm production to low or nonexistent levels.  Or at least that’s the plan…
(Sure, it sounds like it’d be fun to try, but remember what happens if this stuff doesn’t work…)
(And just wait until the child is a little older and you have to explain that they were not a mistake, but the result of a failed science experiment!)
(Believe me, male birth control via massage has been done before.  I believe she referred to it as back hair, though…!)
-BroBible

THE UNCOMMON COLD:
A Canadian woman has been in the news lately because she has an incredibly rare auto-immune disorder that makes her “allergic to winter.”  Arianna Kent was 14 when she first broke out into hives and experienced trouble breathing while shovelling snow in her hometown of Edmonton, Alta., where temperatures can drop as low as -40 C.  Initially, she was thought to have a food allergy, but now, 7 years later, she has finally discovered that she has something called “essential cold urticaria”.  The rare autoimmune disease is a chronic reactive skin disorder that occurs when exposed to cooler temperatures. For her, everyday activities such as holding onto a cold can of pop or walking to her car on a cold day cause her to break out into painful hives.  Not only does it cause her skin to burn, it can also lead to asthma-like symptoms, which makes it necessary for her to carry an Epi-pen, in case she goes into anaphylactic shock.  She says that even a cool breeze on a hot day or air conditioning can lead to a reaction.
(Yes, we’ve all said we’re allergic to Winter…but not like this girl…)
(So I shouldn’t complain about stepping on the cold bathroom floor after my shower?)
(I believe I’m the world’s first documented sufferer of “essential onion urticaria”…)
-Yahoo

HOTTEST TOYS OF THE 2018 HOLIDAY SEASON:
As predicted by Amazon, Target, Walmart, and eBay . . .
1. L.O.L. Surprise! Bigger Surprise (60+ surprises in one box)
2. Teddy Ruxpin (he talks and has his own app now!)
3. Harry Potter KANO Coding Kit (also has an app, and teaches your little wizard to code)
4. Fingerlings Hugs (burps, laughs, hugs…and toots — probably after you hug him!)
5. Hatchimals Hatchibabies (plays games, has secret tricks!)
6. L.O.L. Surprise! Under Wraps (comes with Lil Sister wave 2, and some other stuff)
7. FurREAL Critters (100+ sound-and-motion combinations)
8. Boxy Girls (another box of mystery…but we do know that it is box-shaped…)
9. Hairdorables (collectible surprise dolls and accessories)
10. Harry Potter Great Hall LEGO Kit (recreates scenes and locations from the film series. 878 pieces…just like the film series!)
-MentalFloss

DID YOU KNOW?
Emile Ratelband, the 69-year-old Dutch motivational speaker who went to court to have his age legally lowered by 20 years, has had his request denied.  The court did say in its ruling, however, that “Mr. Ratelband is at liberty to feel 20 years younger than his real age and to act accordingly.”  He plans to appeal (which is exactly what that you’d expect a 49-year-old to do!).
-AP

BS CHRONOMETER 12.06.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [63] Steven Wright, Cambridge MA, comedian (known for his lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of one-liners)/actor (“Desperately Seeking Susan”, “The Emoji Movie”)
Here are 5 of Steven Wright’s best lines:
• It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
• I’ve written several children’s books…not on purpose.
• I’ve been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.
• I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
• A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn’t first place.

1956 [62] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, rock guitarist (REM-‘Losing My Religion’, ‘Everybody Hurts’)

1958 [60] Debbie Rowe, Spokane WA, family member (Nurse who became an international subject after marrying pop icon Michael Jackson)

1967 [51] Judd Apatow, Syosset NY, movie producer (“Bridesmaids”, “Pineapple Express”)/movie director (“Knocked Up”, “The 40 Year Old Virgin”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant, then blow on it to cool it down.

• “Miners Day”, saluting the ‘men of the deeps’ who toil away daily underground.  (You know what they say: “A lot of people worry about being buried alive, but really it’s a miner problem…”)

• “Put on Your Own Shoes Day”, This is it, boys and girls. Time to prove you’re a big kid now. (Tomorrow, we work on putting on MATCHING shoes…)

• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St. Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbrokers.  (Buuut…shouldn’t St. Nicholas Day be Dec. 25?)

• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of “Santa Claus” and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awaken today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad … a piece of coal.

• “Microwave Oven Day”, Percy Spencer discovered microwave cooking in 1945 when he came too close to a magnetron tube and a chocolate bar in his pocket began to melt.  (Fun Fact: The first commercially available microwave oven in 1947 was called the ‘Radarange’)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] National Cotton Candy Day
[Fri] Letter Writing Day
[Sat] Gingerbread Decorating Day
[Sat] International Shareware Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [13] Director Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain”, starring Heath Ledger & Jake Gyllenhaal, premieres in NYC (goes on to win 3 Academy Awards)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2008 [10] Beyoncé’s 3rd album “I Am Sasha Fierce” debuts at #1 (as had her first 2)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1877 [141] 1st recording made of the human voice: Thomas Edison reciting ‘Mary had a Little Lamb”

2003 [15] Army becomes the 1st team in NCAA major college football history to finish its season 0-13, by losing to Navy 34-6

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2013 [05] The Fender Stratocaster electric guitar played by Bob Dylan at the 1965 Newport Folk Festival is sold at auction in NYC for a record $965,000 (had been in the possession of a NJ family for 48 years after Dylan left it on a private plane)

2017 [01] Starbucks opens its largest cafe in the world in Shanghai: 30,000 square-feet, 1/2 size of a football field

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ More energy from the sun hits Earth every hour than the planet uses in a year.
✓ Pigeons put off things they don’t want to do even if it causes problems later.
✓ If they are unable to find food, some worms will eat themselves.
✓ North American oysters do not make pearls of any value.
✓ Your brain keeps developing until your late 40s.
✓ Frowning burns more calories than smiling.
-FactSlides, Bootstrike

BS INAPPROPRIATE FUNERAL THOUGHTS:
• “This is definitely the quietest I’ve ever seen him.”
• “Soooo…you’re single now…”
• “Punk owed me 20…”
• “I cannot believe that priest is telling us that he went to heaven.”
• “I wore that outfit better.”
• “How much longer until we get to eat those little triangular sandwiches?”
• “I knew I shouldn’t have held his beer…”
• “Even in death, she’s on her back.”
• “It looks like I got away with it…”
• “Don’t check your phone…Don’t check your phone…Don’t check your phone…”
• “That looks nothing like her. She looks really pretty…”
-Twitter

Best of BS . . .
BS TOP SIGNS YOU WON’T RECEIVE A CHRISTMAS BONUS:

• Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future”.
• The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
• On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
• What you call your new office, everybody else calls “the supply closet”.
• Boss’s Christmas card says, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out”.
• You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.
• When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies.
• Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.
• In your most recent performance evaluation, the word “inexcusable” appeared 78 times.
• You’re the starting quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.
• You work in radio.
-Neloo, first published in ‘BS’ in 2017

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
1. Which of the following is NOT a real beauty pageant?
a. Miss Klingon Empire
b. Miss Artificial Beauty
c. The Armpit Queen
d. Miss Michael Jackson [CORRECT]

2. Which is NOT another name for “Santa Claus” somewhere in the world?
a. Papa Noel
b. Father North [CORRECT. He’s known as ‘Papa Noel’ in Peru and Brazil, ‘Grandfather Frost’ in Russia, and ‘Joulupukki’ in Finland]
c. Grandfather Frost
d. Joulupukki

BS PHONE STARTER:
What favorite thing do you look forward to in an average week?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  According to a study, doing THIS can increase your self confidence.  What?
Answer:  Standing up straight

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

 

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