Monday, December 19, 2005        Edition: #3183
Only 6 More Sleeps Till Xmas!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown have been named the ‘Tackiest Couple of 2005′ by a poll of 35,000 tabloid readers. They beat out competition from Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Britney Spears & Kevin Federline, and Jude Law & Sienna Miller. (Our vote for tackiest couple goes to … Mariah Carey.)
– “Star Magazine”
• Emmy-winning actor John Spencer, who played White House Chief-of-Staff turned VP candidate ‘Leo McGarry’ on NBC-TV’s “The West Wing”, has died at age 58 in an LA hospital after suffering a heart attack. Ironically, his onscreen character suffered a heart attack in October, 2004 … but survived. (If Martin Sheen announces he has MS in real life, this is gonna get really creepy!)
– “E! Online”
• “Time” magazine has named Bill & Melinda Gates and U2 frontman Bono its ‘Persons of the Year’, citing their charitable work and activism aimed at reducing global poverty and improving world health. The magazine says 2005 has been a year of extraordinary charity. (Thanks mostly to a year of extraordinary disasters.)
– “USA Weekend”
• THIS WEEK Sean Penn, Jamie Foxx, Danny Glover, and Snoop Dogg are all expected to attend the funeral of ex-gang leader Stanley ‘Tookie’ Williams in LA. The Crip gang founder was killed by lethal injection in California for the murder of 4 people during a robbery in 1979. His death sentence sparked outrage after he was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his jail writings, urging youths not to form gangs. (Isn’t that a case of the pot calling the kettle … dead?)
– “Daily Dish”
• Model Kate Moss has ditched her close-knit group of wild friends and been spotted shopping with teetotaler Jack Osbourne. The shamed supermodel, who was reportedly advised to stay clear of her party pals and drug-addled boyfriend Pete Doherty after being rehabbed from cocaine use earlier THIS YEAR, was snapped out on the town in LA with Jack, who has also
been through rehab and quit booze and drugs. (But hon’, you can do so much better … honest!)
– “The Bosh”
• When it comes to the annulled marriage of actress Renee Zellweger & country star Kenny Chesney, the plot thickens. Just when we thought they were each getting on with the single life, the pair has been spotted on a date – and we’re not just talking about a one-off. Staff and customers at a number of off-the-beaten-track restaurants in Connecticut and New York claim to have seen the duo meeting up for secret dinner dates. Pals are now suggesting their annulment proceedings may be scrapped. (Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.)
– Ananova News
• Actress Nicole Kidman’s rep has denied Nicole is either pregnant and/or engaged to country singer Keith Urban. According to rumors, the couple were reportedly planning a New Year’s Eve beach wedding in Fiji. But the publicist says: “There’s no truth in this and Nicole is 100% not pregnant. (Well, 85% anyway.)
– Worldwide Entertainment News

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s been hospitalized in Tokyo after collapsing in an elevator at MTV Japan following a performance. No further details on her condition have been made available. Another publicity stunt staged by her manager/dad Joe Simpson?
• The Beatles – Apple Corps, the company controlling their legacy (owned by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Olivia Harrison & Yoko Ono) has launched several lawsuits against record companies, attempting to recover some $50 million that’s claimed to be owed in royalties.
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly hired Madonna’s writers and producer to help create her own career comeback. Writers Bloodshy & Avant and writer-producer Peer Astrom all worked on Madonna’s comeback album “Confessions on a Dance Floor”.
• Brooks & Dunn – JANUARY 29th they’ll open for The Rolling Stones in Omaha NE.
• Gwen Stefani – Rumor has it she’s pregnant with her first child. One sign there may be a baby on board: the normally raunchy dresser has begun to cover up of late.
• Jessica Simpson – FRIDAY she officially filed for divorce from Nick Lachey, citing irreconcilable differences.
• Norah Jones – She’s moving from jazz to country after fronting a band called The Little Willies that’s been playing classic country cover tunes at NYC club The Living Room for the past couple of years. They’ve decided to record a self-titled album, due for release in MARCH.
• Rascal Flatts – They’ve been named 2005′s ‘Country Artist of the Year’ by “Billboard” magazine, the first time they’ve been honored in the award’s 13-year history.
• Ricky Martin – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”. TONIGHT he appears on the “Radio Music Awards” on NBC-TV, along with Snoop Dogg and Gavin DeGraw. Kelly Clarkson, Green Day and Mariah Carey are competing in the ‘Song of the Year’ category.
• Simple Plan – They’re helping hearing-impaired fans actually hear them perform, using special wireless FM systems that receive the sound transmitted from the stage and funnel it to hearing aids or ear implants.
• Usher – TONIGHT he appears on “Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC-TV.

CALLING ALL DOGS:
A company called PetsMobility will begin offering what’s called the ‘PetCell’ in MARCH 2006. It’s a bone-shaped cellphone which you hang off your mutt’s collar which will allow you to speak or listen to your pooch over a 2-way speaker system. The hi-tech phone also includes a GPS tracking device so you can find your dog if he tries to flee this insanity. The ‘PetCell’ will retail for about $400. (Coming soon – ‘PetVoicemail’.)
– “Wired News”

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to an AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) poll, members of the ‘Baby Boomer’ generation think of themselves, on average, as 7 years younger than their actual age.
   
HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE THIS IN COMMON:

When it comes to happiness, there is one thing that fills us with joy more than anything else – love. A new joint study from Cornell University and Penn State U finds that having a romantic relationship makes both men and women happier, and the stronger the relationship’s commitment, the greater the happiness and sense of well-being of its partners. The researchers say that studying romantic relationships is important because they affect our mental health, physical health, and sexuality. (Not to mention wallet.)
– Netscape Love & Personals

DID YOU KNOW?
A snail can sleep for 3 years. (A teenage snail … 10 years.)

HOT COFFEE, BURNED MUSIC:
TODAY Starbucks is opening a 2nd ‘Hear Music Coffeehouse’, this one in San Antonio TX.
They’ll incorporate customer feedback from the prototype store that opened in Santa Monica CA in 2004. The concept integrates a coffee shop with a traditional record store and digital download outlet. Customers have indicated a desire for more emphasis on digital downloads and less on pre-recorded CDs, so the new location will offer a million tracks for download, 4 times the original store. A 3rd location, in Miami FL’s South Beach will open in early 2006. Burned CDs cost $8.99 for 7 tracks. (About the same as a cup of Starbucks coffee.)
– “Billboard”

FOR THE RECORD:
British actor/playwright Ken Campbell, who’s produced a series of marathon scripted performances, set out on the weekend to stage a show in London that ran from 10 am SATURDAY to 10 pm SUNDAY, a total of 36 hours, with every word improvised on the spot. He says he got the idea for “The Improvathon” during a tour of comedy festivals, highlighted by the “International Fringe Festival” in Edmonton. Performers were to get a break every couple of hours, and were advised to bring several changes of underwear. Audiences were allowed to come and go as they pleased. (Don’t you find a numb-bumness setting in after the first 15 hours or so of a play?)
– “The Guardian”

NASAL FIXATION:
New Jersey company Palatin Technologies claims to have created a new nasal spray which makes women crave sex just a few minutes after its use. ‘PT-141′ is a synthetic version of a  hormone which supposedly also works on men, but has had greater success when used by women. Clinical trials conclude that women who use the drug feel a tingling or throbbing, followed by a strong desire to have physical relations immediately after administering the nostril spray. (Kate Moss is said to be interested.)
NET: http://www.pt141.com/
– “Curious Times”

THE BULL SHEET 12.19.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [42] Jennifer Beals, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Bette Porter’ on “The L Word” since 2004)/movie actress (“Flashdance”)

1974 [31] Jake Plummer, Boise ID, NFL quarterback (Denver Broncos)

1972 [33] Alyssa Milano, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Phoebe Halliwell’ on “Charmed” since 1998)

1980 [25] Jake Gyllenhaal, LA CA, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, “Jarhead”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
“E-Mail Santa Claus Just in Case He Didn’t Get Your Letter Day”. It’s also “National Clean Out Your Closet to Make Room for New Toys Day”!

THIS WEEK is “Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week”, when you’re encouraged to compliment someone’s work effort each day. If you want a holiday bonus – make it the boss!

THIS WEEK is “International Language Week” to promote the international language ‘Esperanto’, invented by Dr LL Zamenhof in 1887 to solve the world’s language barrier … but it never really caught on. You can learn to speak a few words in Esperantese here (the word ‘fek’ is particularly useful) …
NET: http://www.notam02.no/~hcholm/altlang/ht/Esperanto.html
PHONER: 800.377.3726 (Esperanto League for North America)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [08] All-time movie box office champ “Titanic”, starring Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet, opens in theaters (eventually grosses over $1.8 billion worldwide)

2001 [04] “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” opens in theaters (#5 all-time, grossing more than $871 million worldwide)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1857 [148] 1st ‘Bathroom Tissue’ marketed (50 cents for 500 sheets – about the same as now)

1863 [142] British inventor Frederick Walton patents the floor-covering ‘Linoleum’ (its use peaks in 1940, and vintage pieces are now collectible)

1917 [88] 1st ‘National Hockey League’ games played (5,500 fans watch Montréal Canadiens beat Ottawa Senators 7-4, while 700 soldiers get in free to see Montréal Wanderers defeat Toronto Arenas 10-9)

1970 [35] 1st ‘Disposable Razors’ go on the market (and 1st wife borrows her husband’s to shave her legs)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1922 [83] 24-year-old Theresa Vaughn is tried for bigamy in England after it’s found she has accumulated 62 husbands – in only 5 years!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Winter begins (1:35 pm ET)
[Wed] Humbug Day
[Wed] Look at the Bright Side Day
[Wed] Elton John’s wedding
[Wed] “Cheaper by the Dozen 2″ & “Fun With Dick and Jane” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] Abilities Day
[Fri] “Hoodwinked”, “The Matador” & “The Ringer” open in movie theaters
This Month Is … Drunk & Drugged Driving Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS

FRACTURED SEASONAL SONGS 2:
Can you come up with the seasonal song based on these convoluted descriptions?
• Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season. [“We Wish You a Merry Christmas”]
• May the deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans. [“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”]
• A joyful song of reverence relative to hollow metallic vessels which vibrate and bring forth a ringing sound when struck. [“The Carol of the Bells”]
• Leave and broadcast from an elevation. [“Go Tell It On the Mountain”]
• Sir Lancelot with laryngitis. [“Silent Night”]
• Duodecimal enumeration of the passage of the yuletide season. [“The Twelve Days of Christmas”]
• We are Kong, Lear, and Nat Cole. [“We Three Kings”]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Could you give your pet mouth-to-snout resuscitation to save it’s life? (A Salem MA firefighter has just done so on a dog named ‘Pixie’ … and it wasn’t even his!)
• What’s the most unusual sleep-wear you’ve heard of someone wearing?
• If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Is it considered a ‘terminal illness’ if you get sick at the airport?
• Is air travel nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo?
• Why isn’t ‘palindrome’ spelled the same way backwards?
• If electricity comes from electrons does that mean that morality comes from morons?
• You know how most packages say ‘Open Here’? What is the protocol if the package says, ‘Open Somewhere Else’?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 44% of us do not like seeing THIS at the annual office party.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Co-workers dancing together.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.


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