Thursday, December 1, 2005              Edition: #3171
Bully For You!

TONIGHT Oprah does Dave, appearing on “Late Show With David Letterman” after a self-imposed, 2-decade-long ban since she appeared on his old NBC show in the ‘80s and he ‘made fun of her’ (unlike your weepy show, dear, it’s supposed to be funny) . . . Proving you don’t have to be good to be profitable, sequel horror movie “Saw II” has now grossed $100 million worldwide in just 25 days – not bad for a cheapo $4-million flick (oh yes, there will be blood … money) . . . Just 2 weeks into marriage and Christina Aguilera is already planning to fill her Malibu mansion with the pitter-patter of tiny feet – after the world tour she’s planning for NEXT YEAR, that is . . . Meantime, Aguilera says she’s considering using her middle name and married name together, ‘Maria Bratman’, as her off-stage persona . . . “Syriana” actress Amanda Peet suffers from devastating stage-fright and is so terrified of her upcoming Broadway debut in “Barefoot in the Park” (opening FEBRUARY), she’s taking vocal lessons at the Julliard School – to make sure she’ll be heard . . . Simon Cowell has signed on for another 5 seasons as “American Idol” judge (this is unbelievable – there’s gonna be 5 more Clay Aikens?) . . . And Donald Trump will be barking “you’re fired” for at least 2 more seasons — NBC-TV has just signed him up through season 6, to be shot in LA instead of NYC (by then, they’ll need to train a new squirrel to lie on his head).

• All-American Rejects – TONIGHT they play the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Billy Joel – TONIGHT he appears on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Bonnie Raitt – TONIGHT she guests on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Garth Brooks — His new box set, sold exclusively at Wal-Mart, went gold on its first day of sale.
• George Michael — He & longtime partner Kenny Goss will follow in the footsteps of Elton John & David Furnish and make their relationship official under a new British law. They’ll have a ceremony early NEXT YEAR, but he says, they “won’t be doing the whole veil-and-gown thing”.
• Liz Phair – TONIGHT she’s on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”. 
• Rolling Stones – They’ll perform at “Super Bowl XL” in Detroit FEBRUARY 5th.
• Usher – He’s  so obsessed with hygiene he carries a portable sanitizer everywhere he goes.
• White Stripes – TONIGHT they stage the first-ever musical performance on the Emmy Award-winning “Daily Show With Jon Stewart”. Jack White will likely talk about the prospect of becoming a dad in the Spring. His model wife, Karen Elson, is pregnant with their first child.

Jude Law has been offered a cameo role in on-and-off girlfriend Sienna Miller’s new movie “Factory Girl” (a blatant attempt for a small film to get big publicity) . . . While filming “King Kong” (opening DECEMBER 14), Naomi Watts was briefly paralysed after a horrific fall but – thanks to yoga, she reckons – she’s completely recovered . . . Filming on the back-to-back sequels of “Pirates of the Caribbean” has been delayed by a rash of real-life thievery in the Bahamas, where laptops, film equipment, passports, and even pay cheques have been looted (‘Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Kleptomaniac’) . . . Word has it 47-year-old actress Sharon Stone bullied “Basic Instinct 2″ execs into spending a small fortune to digitally erase her wrinkles in some scenes, then even after the digital nips & tucks demanded total re-shoots (at that point, someone finally got smart enough to say, “No!”) . . . And who did the research on this? Rob Marshall’s new film “Memoirs of a Geisha”, which just premiered in Tokyo, may have a tough time in Japan because the movie’s 3 lead roles of Japanese geishas are all played by Chinese women (Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li & Michelle Yeoh), but that may play even worse in China because the Chinese, still bitter about Japanese WW2 occupation, will likely be infuriated by the idea of Chinese women playing geishas (when it opens here DECEMBER 9th, it’ll have an equal opportunity to offend Asian-Canadians).

DECEMBER is the month you’re most likely to be robbed, shot or stabbed. The good news is, it’s also the month you’re least likely to die in a surfing accident (unless you live Down Under).

‘Tis the season for holiday tipping, but how much should you give the hired help? Thank goodness for this handy little guide to how much you should hand out to hired hands …
• Babysitter … 1 evening’s pay plus small gift from child.
• Child’s Teacher … Gift (but check school’s policy to see if it’s allowed).
• Daycare Providers … $25-$70/each plus small gift from child.
• Dog Groomer … Small gift plus a quarter to half the cost of 1 session.
• Dog Walker … Cost of 1 session up to 1 week’s pay.
• Gardener … $20-$50.
• Hairdresser … Cost of 1 cut (or $20-$100) if you go frequently plus a small gift.
• Housekeeper … 1 week’s pay or more (depending on length of service).
• Mail Carrier … Gifts under $20 (not allowed to accept cash).
• Manicurist … Cost of 1 session (or $10-$50) plus small gift.
• Massage Therapist … $50-$100 or cost of 1 session.
• Nanny … 1 week’s to 1 month’s pay plus small gift from child.
• Newspaper Carrier … $15-$25 for daily delivery ($5-$15 for weekend delivery).
• Personal Trainer … $25 up to 1 week’s pay (or cost of 1 session).
• Trash Collector … $15-$20 each.
That’s a whole lot of loot spread around to a lot of people. Do they all deserve it? And what professions that normally aren’t tipped should be?
– Etiquette International / “The Itty Bitty Guide to Tipping”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … kissing is actually good for you! It apparently stimulates the heart, increases circulation and keeps cells young and vibrant. (Yeah, tell that to the National Mononucleosis Society.)
• Scientists say … excessive computer gaming can be as harmful to players as drugs to an addict. It can lead gamers to neglect hygiene, sleep, even eating. (Well, no wonder geeks are so attractive.)
• Scientists say … people waiting in line may look calm but their heart rates are pumped up by 10%. Then, if someone cuts into line, women’s heart rates go up a further 12% and men’s are jacked up a whopping 16%. (As opposed to the person butting in, whose heart rate will be negative-100% after they’re pummeled.)

Olive oil has long been associated with health benefits, particularly its heart protecting quality, but now scientists have zeroed in on the compound that gives it its therapeutic benefits –  ‘phenol’. Researchers have found that it has anti-inflammatory, antioxidant and clot-preventing powers. Virgin or extra virgin olive oils are considered most beneficial because they have the highest phenol content. (Thanks to that news you can bet the price is about to double … again.)
– “Journal of the American College of Cardiology”

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 84% of corporate bosses say that workers with a sense of humor do a better job than grouches. (For more information, watch any episode of “The Office”.)
• 74% of Canadians feel a big part of their self image is based on the work they do. (No wonder so many civil servants have absolutely no self esteem.)
• 70% of kids who suffer nightmares have been watching TV less than an hour before bedtime.
• 53% of dark-haired women have never been involved in a single traffic accident.
• 46% of Americans believe that torturing terrorist suspects to gain important info is ‘sometimes’ or ‘often’ justified. (The rest just think it’s fun.)
• 45% of men want to do all their holiday shopping in one spot. (Like a liquor store, for instance.)


1935 [70] Woody Allen (Allen Stewart Konigsberg), Brooklyn NY, film director/writer/actor (Oscars-“Annie Hall”, “Hannah & Her Sisters”)/Mr Soon Yi

• Soon-Yi calls him ‘Gramps’.
• Gets into his own movies for half-price.
• He finds that girls over 18 are starting to look attractive.
• 57 years of therapy are starting to pay off.
• At his age, ‘Woody’ is just a nickname.

1940 [65] Richard Pryor, Peoria IL, groundbreaking comic/movie actor (“Stir Crazy”)/MS victim

1945 [60] Bette Midler, Honolulu HI, movie actress (“The Stepford Wives”)/pop singer (“Wind Beneath My Wings”)

1956 [49] Kim Richey, Dayton OH, country singer (“I Know”, “Just My Luck”)

1977 [28] Brad Delson, Agoura CA, rock guitarist (Linkin Park-“Breaking The Habit”, “In The End”)

• “Bifocals at the Monitor Day”, a day of lamentation for all those forced to tip their heads back open-mouthed in order to use a computer, thanks to their need for bifocal lenses. Gradually more and more of Canada’s 10 million Baby Boomers are suffering ‘presbyopia’ (Greek word for ‘aging eye’).

• “Christmas Lights Across Canada” are given the juice at 6:30 pm as the switch is flicked  in Ottawa on one of the nation’s most dazzling displays, continuing till January 8th. Launched in 1985 by the National Capital Commission, the program has grown to include displays at Canadian embassies worldwide & provincial legislatures across the country.
PHONER: 800.465.1867 (National Capital Commission)
• “Christmas Pageant of Peace” opens for the 2005 holiday season in Washington DC. Highlights include the 82nd “Lighting of the National Christmas Tree” at 5 pm ET on the Ellipse near the White House. Performers for the ceremony include the US Navy Band, Ricky Skaggs, CeCe Winans, Dale Kristien, Brad Oscar, and former NFLer Merlin Olsen as ‘Santa’.

• “Let’s See What We Find In the Fridge Day”, a day to be brave and eat something from the back of the refrigerator. So what did you find?

• “St Eligius Day,” patron saint of farmers, miners, taxi drivers, veterinarians, jockeys and locksmiths.

• “World AIDS Day”,  the 17th annual day of AIDS awareness and education, first declared by the UN’s World Health Organization in 1988. The UN estimates that 5 people worldwide die of AIDS every minute of every day. HIV has hit every corner of the globe, infecting more than 42 million men, women and children.

THIS MONTH is “Stress-Free Holidays Month”, as declared by the group ‘Parenting Without Pressure’. It’s a reminder for parents to strive for more stress-free holidays for their families. The Website lists ideas on how to enjoy the holiday season without going out of your mind …

2003 [02] World premiere of the 3rd and final “Lord Of The Rings” movie, “The Return of the King”, in Wellington NZ

1971 [34] John & Yoko Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is released

1982 [23] Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is released (now #2 all-time selling album at 26 million copies)

1913 [92] 1st ‘Drive-In Auto Service Station’ (Pittsburgh PA)

1929 [76] Game of ‘Bingo’ invented by Edwin Lowe (nowadays it’s a $5-billion-a-year charitable fundraiser)

[Fri] Fritters Day
[Fri] Pan American Health Day
[Fri] “Aeon Flux” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] International Day of Disabled Persons
[Sat] 2005 Vanier Cup (Hamilton)
[Sun] Wear Brown Shoes Day
[Sun] 2005 Kennedy Center Honors
[Tues] 2005 Billboard Music Awards (Las Vegas)
[Jan 23] Canadian General Election
This Week Is . . . Cookie Cutter Week
This month Is . . . Universal Human Rights Month


• Whyzit the things most people want to know are usually none of their business?
• Whyzit a guy will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs, but a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need?
• Whyzit for every action, there is an equal and opposite government program?
• Whyzit the only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom?
• Whyzit bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques?
• Whyzit a cookie in each hand does not make a balanced diet?

Q: What are the different flavors in ‘Froot Loops’ cereal?
A: Trick question! Just one flavor – generic. According to Kellogg’s, although they are different colors, all of those pretty-colored loops have been flavored the same since the cereal was introduced in 1963.

Q: Name 4 NFL teams that are named after wildcats.
A: Carolina Panthers, Cincinnati Bengals, Detroit Lions, Jacksonville Jaguars.

• Who is your least favorite TV chef?
• What’s the #1 sign that your partner is cheating on you?

• The difference between the Pope and our boss is … the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
• My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Today’s Question: A recent study shows THIS is the #1 thing that parents tell their kids to do.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Close the door!

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

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