Wednesday, December 22, 2004        Edition: #2936
Nuthin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!

It’s been announced the 6th novel in JK Rowling’s blockbuster ‘Harry Potter’ series, “Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince”, will go on sale JULY 16th . . . Jennifer Aniston has sparkled more rumors of marriage trouble after she was snapped at LAX  looking glum and NOT wearing her wedding ring, however her PR flak says everything is fine with Jen & hubby Brad and they will be enjoying the holidays together . . . CBS-TV reportedly has a new name on top of its list of potential replacements for Dan Rather – NBC-TV’s “Today Show” anchor Katie Couric (who has 18 months to go on her $15 million-a-year contract) . . . The first man to pose for PETA’s “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” ad campaign will be – former NBA star Dennis Rodman (ain’t that a pretty mental picture?) . . . Aging Brit fashion model Kate Moss (now 30) has reportedly undergone a ‘facial sandpapering’ procedure in which a cosmetic surgeon removes blemishes and wrinkles with a laser (ow!) . . . Dick Clark is recovering from his ‘mini-stroke’ but will have to watch his “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2005″ show on TV either from his hospital bed or at home, his rep says . . . While shooting “War of the Worlds” in Lexington VA, Tom Cruise visited a Dairy Queen and left some money in a ‘tip jar’ for a local accident victim – $5,000 as a matter of fact (which buys a helluva lot of publicity) . . . Ever a study in excess, Brit soccer star David Beckham & former Spice Girl wife Victoria have spent circa $40,000 on a mini-Hummer for their 5-year-old son Brooklyn while Christmas shopping at London’s famous Harrods department store . . . Word is Irish actor Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (“Bend it like Beckham”) will play ‘The King’ in the upcoming CBS-TV mini-series “Elvis” . . . And the first soundtrack has been such a success, Rhino Records will release “Ray: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, Volume 2″ on FEBRUARY 1st, featuring 17 more tracks from the movie.

• Alicia Keys – TODAY she joins Regis Philbin as guest host on “Live With Regis & Kelly” to take the place of vacationing Kelly Ripa.
• Britney Spears – Her offer to host husband Kevin Federline’s ex-lover Shar Jackson and his 2 children for Christmas has been rejected, Jackson claiming she’s already made ‘other arrangements.’ (Translated: I’d rather stick knitting needles in my eyes.)
• Green Day – TONIGHT they appear on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Madonna – Even though she was paid over $11 million for her recent 10-hour photo-shoot for Versace, insiders say she moaned through the entire process and made a list of demands that would ‘put Mariah Carey to shame’.
• Mick Jagger – He & ex-wife Jerry Hall are planning a ‘traditional family Christmas’ together with their 4 kids, including a morning of gift-opening followed by an afternoon of board games. (Then Daddy will go ‘sleepies’ with his harem.)

“Meet the Fockers” (PG-13 Comedy): A sequel to “Meet the Parents” (2000). Having given permission for male nurse ‘Greg Focker’ (Ben Stiller) to marry his daughter (Teri Polo), ex-CIA man ‘Jack Byrnes’ (Robert De Niro) & his wife (Blythe Danner) travel to Detroit to meet the ‘Focker’ parents (Dustin Hoffman & Barbra Streisand) for the first time. Needless to say, all hell breaks loose.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Affluenza’ – A new malaise identified by psychologists that affects many who become wealthy too quickly. It seems the nouveau riche can suffer from shame, guilt and a sense of disorientation. (Awww, that’s so sad!)
• ‘Power Hour’ – An increasingly popular, and sometimes deadly, celebration during the first 60 minutes after someone achieves legal drinking age. At the stroke of midnight, the goal is to hammer back 21 shots of liquor (18 or 19 if the legal age is lower).
• ‘Ping’ – To get someone’s attention. (“We’re behind on planning the project. Make sure you ping Derek to get the ball rolling.”)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … women with cosmetic breast implants have a higher rate of suicide. (They’re just dying for fake boobs.)
• Scientists say … we may soon be able to pop a pill to lose weight, thanks to Australia’s  Metabolic Pharmaceuticals which has developed the first weight-loss pill that kick-starts the body’s metabolism to help burn fat. (Side effects may likely include headaches, nausea, cramps, pain, coughing, death or – even worse – consumption of tofu.)
• Scientists say … people who use dating Websites are more likely to smoke. (Not to mention upload fake photos.)
• Scientists say … people who sleep on their stomachs have lower nighttime blood pressure than people who sleep in other positions. (And more importantly – they also snore less!)

• Considering everything else they now do, it comes as no surprise that the next big thing in cell phones is to turn them into – sex toys. Among the ‘attachments’ now available: the ‘VibraExciter’, a device that responds to incoming phone calls or text message with a 30-second burst of buzz. (And if you’re still not ‘there’ – you can always hit ‘redial’.)
– “Wired News”
• Pet food maker Iams (EYE-ums) is set to market a new steak sauce – for dogs. ‘Iams Savory Sauce’ will purportedly enhance the taste of kibble and provide added vitamins. The canine condiment is designed as a tasty way to spoil your dog, plus an incentive to get dogs to eat (has that ever been a problem?). Besides, about 40% of dog owners already make gravy for their pooch, so why shouldn’t Iams get a cut of the action? Yummy dog sauce will be available in bacon, roasted beef and chicken flavors. (Iams is hoping this wack idea leads to a real gravy train.)
– “Drug Store News”
• Samsung Company says it has developed the world’s largest plasma display panel – a 102-inch high-definition flat screen. The company will begin producing the panels during the first half of 2005 in South Korea, after which they’ll be used to make TVs. No price for the panels has been announced. (Buy one of these babies and you’ll soon have an ass the same size.)
– “PC World”

A new study by NPD Group, an independent marketing information company, finds that the percentage of adults on any low-carb diet in 2004 peaked at 9.1% in FEBRUARY, then dropped to 4.9% by early NOVEMBER. Furthermore, only 1 of 4 people surveyed was significantly cutting carbs and virtually NONE were reducing carbs as much as the fad diets recommend. (So there you go … permission to gorge for the holidays!)
– AP

Barry Wellar, director of the University of Ottawa’s ‘Walking Security Index Project’, claims dark-tinted windows on vehicles are hazardous to pedestrians and cyclists, preventing them from making eye contact with drivers before crossing in front of them. Darkened windows also prevent police from seeing into cars. The Ontario Ministry of Transport seems to be listening; it’s currently reviewing the issue of ‘after-market tinting’ to see if a new law against it needs to be introduced. (Oh no, you may soon have to drive with your pants on!)
– CBC Online

Among the reasons cited in the book “50 Reasons Not to Go Home For the Holidays” by Monica Sheehan & Tina Klem …
• The dog’s welcome is much warmer than your family’s.
• Your childhood bedroom is now the home office.
• You still have to sit at the “kid’s table”.

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 92% of bosses say they always remember any drunken remarks at office holiday parties.
• 80% of us rate our manners as ‘excellent’.
• 66% of us would prefer a sunny, warm Christmas to a white one.
• 63% of us claim we’ve never given a bad gift.
• 29% of us think co-workers give the worst gifts.

Your vocabulary not only stops growing by age 25, it actually starts to shrink. (And eventually you lapse into the same tired old clichés your parents used on you.)


1945 [59] Diane Sawyer, Glasgow KY, TV news anchor (“Good Morning America” since 1999, “20/20″ since 1998)

1949 [55] Robin Gibb, Douglas, Isle of Man, oldies singer (Bee Gees-“Stayin’ Alive”, “I Started a Joke”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)

1962 [42] Ralph Fiennes (‘Rafe Fanes’), Suffolk UK, movie actor (2 Oscar noms-“The English Patient”, “Schindler’s List”)  UP NEXT: Plays ‘Lord Voldemort‘ in “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire” (2005).

1980 [24] Chris Carmack, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Luke Ward’ on “The OC” 2003-04)

[Astrology] Sign of ‘Capricorn the Goat’ begins

TODAY is “International Arbor Day”. What a great time of year to honor trees, just as we’re killing them and dragging them into our homes!

TOMORROW in Oaxaca (wah-HAH-kah), Mexico is the annual “Noche de Rabano” (“Night of the Radishes”), when figurines are cleverly carved – from radishes. (The next morning is the annual ‘Festival of Belches’.)

1993 [11] Michael Jackson stages internationally-televised press conference to deny charges of child abuse (his trial is scheduled to begin JANUARY 31, 2005)

2000 [04] 42-year-old Madonna & 32-year-old movie director Guy Ritchie wed at Skibo Castle in the highlands of Scotland

1882 [122] 1st string of ‘Christmas tree lights’ created in Thomas Edison’s labs (just 3 years after invention of the light bulb, the original tree lights are red, white & blue)

1980 [24] 1st album released with absolutely no sound (“The Wit & Wisdom of Ronald Reagan”)

[Fri] National Egg Nog Day
[Fri] Christmas Day holiday
[Sat] “Fat Albert” and “The Dark” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Recyclable Packaging Day
[Sun] Boxing Day
[Sun] St Stephen’s Day
This Week Is . . . International Lipstick Week
This Month Is . . . Safe Toys & Gifts Month


There are only a few tools you actually need to fix any car, anyplace, anytime …
5. Vice-Grips
4. Spray Lubricant
3. Big Rock at the Side of the Road
2. Ridiculously Large Standard Screwdriver
1. Duct Tape
And when all else fails – a quarter and a phone booth!

Toronto-born John Hopkins University physics professor Richard Henry has set January 1, 2006 as the target date for the universal adoption of his ‘Common-Civil-Calendar-and-Time’. Basically, it’s a new calendar in which the dates fall on the same day of the week each year. So for instance, Christmas would always be on a Sunday; your birthday might always fall on a Friday. What about Leap Years? Henry proposes a special ‘Newton Week’ be inserted after June every 6 years or so.
PHONER: 410.516.7350 (Bloomberg Center for Physics & Astronomy, Baltimore MD)

• If they ever did a remake of “It’s a Wonderful Life”, what modern-day actor should get the Jimmy Stewart role?
• What unusual job has you stuck working Christmas Day?

Today’s Question: 76% of us dread having to go through THIS every year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The office Christmas party.

A man is not complete until he is married … then he is finished.

Printer Friendly Version