Tuesday, December 14, 2004        Edition: #2930
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Snoop Dogg hosts the “2004 Video Game Awards” on Spike TV, celebrating the best video games of the year and featuring performances by Sum 41, Ludacris & newly-reformed Motley Crue . . . It’s been announced that a fill-in host will replace 75-year-old Dick Clark on ABC-TV’s “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” – 73-year-old Regis Philbin (the only reason either of these guys is up at midnight anymore is a call of nature) . . . 38-year-old former ‘Hollywood Madam’ & ex-con Heidi Fleiss is going back to what she knows best – opening legal brothels in Europe and a multimillion-dollar facility outside of Vegas (it’ll be ritzy but no need to dress up – it’s come as you are) . . . Word has it convict #55170-054, Martha Stewart, has befriended a former backup singer for Lauryn Hill, Lanesha Ranolph, who’s in the slammer for kiting checks (now she’s learning to forge gold-embossed, color-coordinated checks) . . . Actor Chris Noth (‘Mr Big’ on “Sex & the City”)  is set to reprise his “Law & Order detective character ‘Mike Logan’ (1990-1995) in the spin-off show “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” and the buzz is he may take over the lead role if star Vincent D’Onofrio’s health problems continue . . . Why did daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres dump her longtime girlfriend, photographer Alexandra Hedison? Buzz has it she’s shacked up with someone new – “Arrested Development “ star Portia de Rossi . . . Proving even the skankiest celeb can do it, Kelly Osbourne has launched a clothing line called ‘Stiletto Killers’ that includes T-shirts, hoodies and sweatpants decorated with cartoon drawings and sayings like “I’m Not With Stupid Anymore” and “Just Break Up With Me”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bob Marley – Members of the late reggae king’s estate are lobbying the Jamaican government to proclaim him a ‘National Hero’, the country’s highest honor. (Oh c’mon! What have they been smoking?)
• Bowling For Soup – The “1985″ rockers have recorded an updated version of “Little Red Riding Hood”, a 1966 hit for Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs, for the upcoming Wes Craven horror movie “Cursed”, opening FEBRUARY 25th.
• Celine Dion – TONIGHT she appears on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Elton John – He’s been forced to cancel a 2nd UK concert after a throat infection caused him to lose his voice. (Well we know it wasn’t from kissing Lindsay Lohan, who’s also lying about … er … claiming to have laryngitis.)
• Madonna – She will appear in hubby Guy Ritchie’s next film “Revolver”. In fact, her scenes have already been secretly filmed on the Isle of Man. (Well, there goes the box office.)
• Sarah McLachlan – THIS MORNING she’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Simple Plan – TONIGHT they do “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• U2 – They’ll be inducted into the “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” at its 20th annual ceremony MARCH 14th along with oldies singers Percy Sledge, the O’Jays, the Pretenders and blues guitarist Buddy Guy.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Collateral” (Action Thriller – DVD/VHS): Jamie Foxx plays a cab driver who finds himself the hostage of an engaging contract killer (Tom Cruise) as he makes his rounds from hit-to-hit during one night in LA.
• “I, Robot” (Sci-Fi Thriller – DVD): Based on the “I, Robot” stories by visionary sci-fi author Isaac Asimov, Will Smith stars as a techno-phobic cop in the year 2035, when technology and robots are a trusted part of everyday life. ‘Detective Del Spooner’ investigates a crime that may have been perpetrated by a robot, which leads to a larger threat to humanity. Filmed in Vancouver.
• “Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement “ (Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS): Anne Hathaway & Julie Andrews return in this sequel to the 2001 box office hit. Now settled in ‘Genovia’, ‘Princess Mia’ faces a shocking new revelation – she’s being primed for an arranged marriage to an English suitor.
• “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – Special Extended Edition” (DVD Box Set): This 4-DVD set includes 50 additional minutes of unseen footage (added to the original 3 hours, 21 minutes) , a new musical score and – some would say best of all – an out-take of director Peter Jackson being struck by an errant arrow. There are 2 full discs of material about the creation of the climactic battle scene alone.
• “A Clay Aiken Christmas” (Seasonal – DVD): It tanked big-time LAST WEEK on NBC-TV and already you can avoid owning it on DVD! Clay is joined by the odd guest combo of aging popster Barry Manilow, gospel singer Yolanda Adams, and “Will & Grace” actress Megan Mullally.

AFI’s 2004 MOVIES OF THE YEAR:
Listed unranked alphabetically …
“The Aviator”
“Collateral”
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
“Friday Night Lights”
“The Incredibles”
“Kinsey”
“Maria Full of Grace”
“Million Dollar Baby”
“Sideways”
“Spider-Man 2″
AFI 2004 TV PROGRAMS OF THE YEAR:
“Arrested Development”
“Curb Your Enthusiasm”
“Deadwood”
“Desperate Housewives”
“Lost”
“Nip/Tuck”
“The Shield”
“Something the Lord Made”
“The Sopranos”
“South Park”
– “American Film Institute”

YOU, ROBOT:
Dr Kevin Warwick, a professor of cybernetics at Britain’s Reading University says that many of us may become cyborgs in the future. He’s already experimented on himself, wiring his nervous system to a computer and injecting an RFID chip into his arm. Warwick says that being networked to computers will create an upgraded human with an almost infinite knowledge base. Those who are not cyborgs, he claims, will be in the minority. On the downside, Warwick admits that, once we’re all plugged into this network, attacks by hackers will become even more serious as cyborgs will be vulnerable to software viruses much the same as personal computers are. (But the really bad news is … this leaves the door open for the making of “Terminator 4″.)
 – zdnet.com

TOY STORY:
A report from consumer analysts Mintel finds that for many kids, toys are no longer cool because their lack of ‘street cred’ with peers puts children off playing with them. The study finds that kids as young as 8-years-old would now rather receive a cell phone or DVD player for Christmas. (Unfair! What are dads supposed to play with Christmas Day?)
– “Social Studies”

TALKING ABOUT AMERICANS:
In a new Ipsos-Reid poll, 80% of Canadians say they like Americans but 64% have an unfavorable view of George W Bush. International polling finds that Bush is viewed favorably by a majority of people in the USA, but not in Australia, Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Italy and Spain.
– CNEWS

BLESSED ARE THE MEEK:
A new study by Nicholas Emler, a social psychologist at the London School of Economics, finds that many of the social problems attributed to low self-esteem are myths and that high self-esteem may pose a far greater threat. The study shows that young people with high self-esteem are more likely to be racist or engage in risky activities such as speeding and drunk-driving. And whereas those suffering from low self-esteem are more likely to injure themselves, those with high self-esteem tend to damage other people. The research suggests that low self-esteem does not increase the risk of violence, drug use, alcohol abuse or racism, but does increase the incidence of depression, suicide, teen pregnancy, and being victimized by bullies. (So you suck … at least you’re not hurting anybody!)
– Reuters

WHO’S YOUR FAVE D-D?
Which celebrity would you trust most to slide behind the wheel? According to the annual Anheuser-Busch ‘Fantasy Designated Driver’ poll, 25% would choose George Clooney among male celebs, followed by Tim McGraw. The top pick among females was Faith Hill, just ahead of Alicia Keys. (Problem is, when you’re all hammered up pretty much everybody looks like George or Faith, don’t they?)
– Westwood One News

PCs LEAD TO MORE ‘C’s:
A new study by German researchers suggests that too much exposure to computers may spell trouble for developing minds. From a sample of 175,000 15-year-olds in 31 countries, researchers at the University of Munich discovered that performance in math and reading suffers significantly among students who have more than one computer at home. And while students seem to benefit from limited use of computers at school, those who use them several times per week show declines in their academic performance as well. (But far better scores in “Halo 2″.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’ll get her back. I’m doing a love scene with Michael Douglas later to even the score.”
– George Clooney joking that he’s not jealous about a love scene in “Ocean’s 12″ involving Catherine Zeta-Jones & Brad Pitt.

THE BULL SHEET 12.14.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAY . . .
1949 [55] Cliff Williams, Rumford UK, rock bassist (AC/DC-“You Shook Me All Night Long”, “Moneytalks”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Shareware Day”, something to do with wearing your husband’s boxers?

TODAY is “National Bouillabaisse Day”, a day to throw some shellfish in a pot with some finely-chopped onion, celery & tomato, a little white wine, a little more white wine, and – BAM!! – a whole mess of garlic. Nummers, instant heaven!

TODAY is the beginning of “Halcyon Days”, the 7 days before and the 7 days after the Winter Solstice that are traditionally thought to be a time of ‘calm and tranquillity’. (Uh, maybe at your house.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1977 [27] “Saturday Night Fever” premieres, starring John Travolta (BeeGees generate several hits from the soundtrack)

1999 [05] Diagnosed with cancer, “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz announces he’ll retire

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [20] “Like a Virgin” becomes Madonna’s first #1 hit

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1911 [93] Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen discovers the South Pole (the home of the ‘Anti-Claus’)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] National Chocolate Covered Anything Day (how about chocolate-covered chocolate?)
[Thurs] Eat What You Want Day (get that belly stretched out in time for the holidays)
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Fri] “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events” and “Spanglish” open in movie theaters
This Week Is . . . Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . International Calendar Awareness Month (Look! Over there on the wall!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REASONS DOGS DON’T LIKE USING COMPUTERS:

• Can’t stick your head out of Windows XP.
• Hard to read monitor with your head cocked to one side.
• Too difficult to ‘mark’ every single spam e-mail.
• Saliva-coated mouse difficult to maneuver.
• Virtual butt-sniffing yet to be developed.
• Keep bruising nose trying to catch that Mpeg Frisbee.
• Carpal Paw Syndrome.

LOST IN TRANSLATION:
The US Office of National Drug Policy has published a ‘Street Terms’ database on the Web which contains over 2,300 slang names for drugs and drug activity. See if your contestant or studio guest can guess what these terms mean …
• ‘Interplanetary Mission’ (traveling from one crackhouse to another searching for drugs)
• ‘Carpet Patrol’ (crack smokers searching the floor for more drugs)
• ‘Hippie Crack’ (inhalants)
• ‘A-Bomb’ (joint laced with heroin or opium)
• ‘Sweet Jesus’ (heroin)
• ‘Gutter Junkie’ (addict who relies on others to obtain drugs)
• ‘Mind Detergent’ (LSD)
• ‘Devil’s Dick’ (crack pipe)
• ‘Fly Mexican Airlines’ (smoke marijuana)
• ‘Bag Bride’ (crack-smoking prostitute)
Take your pick from more here …
NET: http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/streetterms/default.asp

CELL PHONE CAROLING:
A quick little contest to get folks in the spirit – a listener with a cell phone has to get a total stranger to sing a Christmas carol on the radio. They can stop at a convenience store, bank, anywhere where they don’t know anyone.

ULTIMATE SHOPPING CONTEST:
Do a tie-in with a local shopping center to give away a parking spot right next to a mall entrance … for a year. Erect a sign with the winner’s name to protect the designated space.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• My favorite type of girl was always one that would go out with me … twice.
• 75-year-old Dick Clark had a stroke. This New Year’s Eve, he may be broadcasting from Time’s-UP Square. Actually, doctors helped the blood flow to his brain by loosening his face.
• The mall was totally jammed on the weekend. The parking lot had less space than [co-host’s] liquor cabinet.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 30% of guys say they’re afraid to commit to a relationship because of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: There might be someone better out there.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A friend is someone who likes you … even after they know you.


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