Wednesday, December 8, 2004        Edition: #2926
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

Movie hunk Orlando Bloom has become a Buddhist in an official ceremony in England, and afterward signed autographs for fellow Buddhists . . . “Newlyweds” star Nick Lachey is getting a reality series of his own, focusing on his attempts to kick-start his music career . . . Add Gloria Estefan to the list of celebs writing children’s books (Madonna, Spike Lee, Billy Crystal); she’ll release her as-yet-untitled effort in both English and Spanish NEXT YEAR . . . According to a new ranking, Welsh-born Catherine Zeta-Jones is Britain’s wealthiest actress, with a personal fortune of $126 million, rivalling the wealth of husband Michael Douglas . . . Paris Hilton and her lesser-photographed sister, Nicky, are in negotiations to become the ‘faces’ of Antz Pantz – a line of lingerie . . . Actor and aviation enthusiast John Travolta has bought himself an $11-million, 8-ton Zeppelin airship for Christmas, after spotting it in the Neiman Marcus catalogue (he already owns a Boeing 707 and a Gulfstream executive jet).

• Clay Aiken – TONIGHT his holiday special “A Clay Aiken Christmas” airs on NBC-TV. He’ll be joined by aging popster Barry Manilow, gospel singer Yolanda Adams, and “Will & Grace” actress Megan Mullally.
• Lindsay Lohan – She ‘pulled an Ashlee’ on “Good Morning America” THIS WEEK, messing up  the lip-sync on tunes from her new album so badly that at one point her mouth was totally closed while she was still ‘singing’. The director tried to cover the gaff by cutting away.
• Modest Mouse – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” on NBC-TV.
• Toby Keith – TODAY through Sunday he’s performing along with Lee Ann Womack and Chely Wright at the “Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes 1st Annual Road to Recovery Conference & Tribute” at Walt Disney World in Florida.
• Travis Tritt – TONIGHT he and John Mellencamp perform their duet “What Say You” on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno”.
• Usher – He’s planning a bigscreen onslaught, appearing in 4 films NEXT YEAR, including an untitled MTV Films project, a Jackie Wilson biopic, the romantic comedy “Dying For Dolly”, and “Step In The Name Of Love”, described as an urban update of “Saturday Night Fever”.

“Blade: Trinity” (R-Rated Action): Wesley Snipes reprises his role as vampire-slayer ‘Blade’ in this 2nd sequel. After an apocalyptic event takes place that could shift control of Earth, the ‘Daywalker’ is the only person who can prevent it from becoming ‘Planet of the Vampires’. Word is Snipes alienated just about everyone working on the film because he spent the entire shoot in character. In once scene, co-star Jessica Biel was directed to ‘aim for the camera’ when she shot a bow & arrow; she did and destroyed it – a $300,000 bull’s-eye.

• TONIGHT Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”) hosts the annual music awards based on record sales & radio airplay live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on FOX-TV. A few highlights …
• ‘Artist of the Year’ nominees are Alicia Keys, Maroon 5, OutKast, and Usher.
• Performances include Usher, Nelly, Green Day, Gwen Stefani, and a duet by Sheryl Crow & Keith Urban.
• Appearances by Nick Lachey, Fantasia, Alicia Keys, Ashlee Simpson, Chingy, and newly-reunited Motley Crue.
• Stevie Wonder receives the ‘Century Award’ for career achievement.
• Britney Spears will make her first public appearance since her wedding to Kevin Federline.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Just-In-Time Learning’ – A new education strategy in which knowledge and skills are delivered exactly when the individual needs them. (We used to call it cramming for an exam.)
• ‘Vapor Trail’ – The tell-tale lingering odor left by a co-worker who uses too much cologne or perfume. (“It must have been Lance that took the report off my desk, I can smell his vapor trail.”)
• ‘Microwaiting’ – The time spent waiting for your lunch to heat up in the employee break-room microwave. Of course, it shouldn’t count as a part of lunch hour. (“I didn’t leave early! I was just microwaiting from 11:45 until noon.”)
• “Fashion Week Daily” has just launched a contest to come up with new words to describe cutting edge fashion and those who are fashionable so that tired old terms like ‘bling’ and ‘fashionista’ can be laid to rest. Ideas anyone?

Three Edmonton hockey fans say that if the locked-out National Hockey League isn’t going to compete for the Stanley Cup this season, the venerable trophy should go back to being a challenge trophy open to any team up to the task. After all, the cup’s original donator, Lord Stanley, intended it to go to the best team in Canada. Michael Payne, Mark Suits & Tom Thurston have launched a campaign to ‘free Stanley’, complete with its own Website. They say the idea is a ‘lark … but it’s a serious lark’. In fact, they have lawyers now looking into whether the proposal can be legally pursued. (So what do you think – should the Woodstock Navy Vets and the Brandon Wheat Kings have a shot at having their names engraved on Stanley’s mug?)
– “Edmonton Journal”

According to a new Louisiana State University study, not everyone seems to benefit from strenuous exercise – even if they try really hard. An experiment involving over 700 volunteers who each took a strict 20-week endurance training program found some surprising results – the most ‘trainable’ improved their cardio-respiratory endurance by 40%, while the least trainable  showed little or no improvement at all. (Thanks LSU! Another excuse to flake out on the couch.)
– “New Scientist” magazine.

Actor Jude Law’s had a busy 2004! In his 6 movies THIS YEAR, he’s lock lips with 9 different onscreen mates, plus pecked one hand. His silver screen smooch recipients: Gwyneth Paltrow in “Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow”, Naomi Watts in “I Heart Huckabees”, Jane Krakowski, Marisa Tomei, Nia Long, Sienna Miller & Susan Sarandon in “Alfie”, Julia Roberts & Natalie Portman in “Closer”, and the hand of Cate Blanchett (playing Katharine Hepburn) in “The Aviator” (opening DECEMBER 25). Here’s the real news – in “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events” (opening DECEMBER 17), he kisses – no one!
– “Teen Hollywood”

In his new book, Dr Nicholas Perricone claims that eating certain types of foods will actually make you look 10 years younger – in just 30 days. Among his recommendations …
• Allium Family of Foods: Garlic, onions, leeks, scallions, chives, and shallots help the liver eliminate toxins & carcinogens.
• Barley: High in fiber, barley helps metabolize fats, cholesterol, and carbohydrates.
• Green Foods: These include wheat and barley grasses that you can purchase in powder, tablet, or juice form. They help lower your cholesterol and blood pressure.
• Buckwheat: It’s loaded with protein, high in amino acid, stabilizes blood sugar and reduces hypertension.
• Beans & Lentils: They’re loaded with antioxidants, folic acid, and potassium.
• Peppers: Bell peppers and chili peppers have twice the vitamin C as citrus fruit and burn fat.
• Nuts & Seeds: They’re packed with omega-3 fats, which are great for your heart.
• Sprouts: High in protein and vitamin C, sprouts are a tasty addition to many dishes.
• Yogurt & Kefir: Both of these cultured foods contain healthful bacteria that aid immune function. In addition, the calcium helps burn fat.
– “The Perricone Promise: Look Younger, Live Longer in Three Easy Steps”

• A man in central China was refused permission to name his son ‘@’ because the ‘at symbol’ cannot be translated into Mandarin, as government law requires. In fact, there is no official, universal name for the symbol in any language. (But there is for this father – an ‘L’ to the forehead!)
• British scientists are developing ‘EcoBot II’, a fly-eating robot that generates power by breaking down the sugar in insect skeletons. This will enable it to be sent into dangerous areas without refueling. The downside to the system – in order to attract flies, the robot must first be doused with raw sewage. (What a crappy ‘bot!)
• The US Air Force is developing non-lethal microwave ray guns for aircraft. The weapons will emit radiation to disable large groups of enemy fighters without killing them. (Once hit, targets will burn on the outside yet remain frozen in the middle.)
•  As part of a new literacy program called ‘Bark for Books’, public libraries in Douglas County CO are encouraging children to read out loud – to dogs. A spokesperson claims that even kids who have trouble with literacy just love reading to a dog.
• An Indiana mom is trying to cure her 6-year-old son’s fear of his grandpa’s ghost – by selling it on eBay. The ‘ghost sale’, headlined by the phrase “This isn’t a joke!” has already drawn more than 34 bids with a top offer of $78 so far.
• Sleep experts in Australia say they’ve successfully treated a woman who had sex – while sleepwalking. It seems for several months, she’d leave her home and partner during the night and have sex with strangers. Even though she had no memory of what occurred, evidence such as condoms tipped her – and her hubby – off. (Um, he actually bought this excuse?)

About 3.4 million Americans endure a daily ‘extreme commute’ to work of 90 minutes or more … each way.
– “USA Today”


1936 [68] David Carradine, Hollywood CA, movie actor (‘Bill’ in “Kill Bill: Vol 1 & 2″)

1953 [51] Kim Basinger, Athens GA, movie actress (Oscar-“LA Confidential”)/ex-Mrs Alec Baldwin

1964 [40] Teri Hatcher, Sunnyvale CA, TV actress (‘Susan Mayer’ on “Desperate Housewives”)

TODAY is officially “Bad Hair Day”. So if you’ve got it, flaunt it!

TODAY is “Inane Answering Machine Message Day”. What’s yours say? Time to spice it up?

TODAY is “Take It in the Ear Day” which is either about accepting criticism graciously, or some really weird sexual proclivity.

1959 [45] For the first time, a movie features ‘Aromarama’ as smells are piped in through ceiling vents to accompany the on-screen action of “Behind the Great Wall”

1980 [24] John Lennon is shot and killed by Mark David Chapman on the sidewalk outside NYC’s Dakota apartment building (a musical about the life of Lennon is set to open on Broadway NEXT SUMMER)

1996 [08] 1st time a 2nd-year expansion team makes the NFL playoffs as Carolina Panthers beat San Francisco 30-24 (Jacksonville later becomes 2nd team to accomplish this feat)

1940 [64] Record lopsided professional football game as Chicago Bears slaughter NY Giants 73-0 in NFL championship game

1990 [14] World’s largest pizza measures 122 feet, 8 inches long and a total of 11,816 square feet (Norwood, South Africa)

[Fri] International Human Rights Day
[Fri] Dewey Decimal Day
[Fri] National Children’s Memorial Day
[Fri] “Ocean’s Twelve” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
[Sun] Poinsettia Day
[Mon] Gemini Awards Gala
This Week Is . . . Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . MADD’s Tie One on For Safety Month


• In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as ‘the old ball & chain’.
• In LA, it’s illegal for a waiter to tell a customer “I’m really an actor.”
• In Indiana, it’s against the law to dress ‘Barbie’ in ‘Ken’s’ clothes.
• In Sedona AZ, it’s illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
• In Texas, it’s illegal to threaten somebody with an unloaded gun.
• In NJ, answering a traffic cop who asks “Do you know why I pulled you over?” by saying, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you” is an automatic $300 fine.
• In Kentucky, it’s illegal to paint your lawn red.
• In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
• In Vermont, it’s illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
– “Weekly World News”

Ask listeners to finish the sentence, “You might be a Scrooge if …”. Here’s a few primers –
• You buy all of your holiday gifts at a store that also sells gas.
• Your favorite version of “Babes in Toyland” stars Michael Jackson.
• Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
• You use your ‘Christmas Club’ money to buy wrestling tickets.
• Your favorite pastime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors’ light display.
• Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.

• $20 million per pic – Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz
• $15 million – Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Drew Barrymore.
• $14 million – Halle Berry
• $12 million – Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez.
– New listing in “Hollywood Reporter”.

Today’s Question: This year, 2 out of 3 holiday shoppers will do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Buy something online.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

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