Friday, December 03, 2004        Edition: #2923
Sheet For Brains!

SUNDAY the “2004 Kennedy Center Honors” will salute Elton John, Warren Beatty and composer/conductor John Williams among others at a Washington DC gala . . . The new Band Aid 20 version of “Do They Know It’s Christmas “ is being made available on iTunes for the usual 99 cents, with Apple making a donation to the Band Aid Trust for each download sold (proceeds go toward relief in Sudan) . . . 69-year-old “Law & Order” veteran Jerry Orbach has prostate cancer but will continue to shoot episodes for the show’s latest spin-off, “Law and Order: Trial by Jury”, while he is receiving treatment (he’s expected to have no problem with scenes requiring a pained expression) . . . Here’s the first of what will be an avalanche of movie awards leading up to the Oscars – the National Board of Review says the best movies of 2004 are “Finding Neverland”, followed by “The Aviator” (opening DECEMBER 17th), and “Closer” (opening TODAY) . . . Former WWE champ Bret “The Hitman” Hart is taking to the stage in the Toronto production “Aladdin, the Magical Family Musical” playing the role of ‘The Genie’ (for Bret, it’s just another area of the acting profession) . . . CBS-TV chairman Les Moonves (MOON-vehs) says having TWO anchors replace Dan Rather when he retires in MARCH hasn’t been ruled out (Moonves jokes he’s even considered the entire former cast of “Friends”) . . . We saw this one coming – “Jeopardy!” multi-millionaire Ken Jennings is writing a book about what it was like to win $2.5 million on the game show, and he’s also developing a trivia board game called “Can You Beat Ken?” (lots of his former opponents would like to – with a stick!) . . .
Actress Catherine Zeta Jones says she & hubby Michael Douglas have earned the right to live their lavish lifestyle because – they’ve both worked extremely hard all their lives (um, there’s been no heavy lifting, hon’) . . . And a German man protesting ‘the loss of independence in art’ has sprayed a sculpture in a Berlin museum of Michael Jackson and his pet ‘Bubbles the Chimp’ with – ew!! – his own blood (hey, guess it could have been worse!).

• Alicia Keys – She’s been pals with Usher since she was 15. And yes, they’re just friends.
• Ashlee Simpson – In case you missed watching her career go down the toilet October 23rd, a “Saturday Night Live” rerun featuring her lip-syncing fiasco airs TOMORROW on NBC-TV.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s currently visiting India on a ‘spiritual trip’, reportedly seeking inspiration for her next album.
• Eminem – During a recent trip to Britain, he spent $108,000 on – beauty products.
• Madonna – Reports say a middle-aged stalker has stepped up his disturbing behavior, leaving her so terrified that she’ll be gunned down like John Lennon that she avoids leaving home whenever possible.
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT they’re on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• Natalie Imbruglia – A 44-year-old male fan who turned up at her house in England is considered too mentally ill to be even be interviewed by police.
• Reba McEntire – SATURDAY she’ll sing at the “Teddy Bear Ball” at LA’s Beverly Hilton Hotel, in aid of The Help Group which serves children with special needs.
• REM – TODAY & tomorrow they close out their touring year with a stand in Mexico City. Their 9 albums for Warner Bros will be reissued early NEXT YEAR in newly-packaged CD/DVD editions.
• U2 – “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb” is now #1 in Canada, the US, UK, Ireland, France, Germany, Holland, Denmark, Poland, Finland, and Australia.

“Closer” (R-Rated Drama): Photographer ‘Anna’ (Julia Roberts) meets ‘Dan’ (Jude Law), an aspiring novelist, at a photoshoot. She goes on to marry dermatologist ‘Larry’ (Clive Owen) while ‘Dan’ dates ‘Alice’ (Natalie Portman), a stripper, but continues an affair with ‘Anna’. (Before they realize it, they all find themselves in an episode of “Desperate Housewives”.) An adaptation of a London play, directed by Mike Nichols (“The Graduate”, “The Birdcage”).

About 10,000 Canada Post workers donate their time each year to answer Santa Claus letters from kids around-the-world. Last year, the postal elves received more than a million wish lists! The guy in the red suit’s address is: Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada H0H 0H0. And, of course, he’s also online …

Body size seems to be a major factor in determining how much sleep a species needs. Here’s a look at the daily sleep requirements of various animals from small to large …
• Bat … 18 hrs
• Lizard … 14.4 hrs
• Cat … 12.5 hrs
• Dog … 10.1 hrs
• Human … 8 hrs
• Elephant … 3 hrs
(Kirstie Alley … 4 minutes.)
– “Focus” magazine.

TOMORROW the 17th annual “Race of Champions – Nations Cup” will be run in Paris in which
NASCAR stars Jeff Gordon & Jimmie Johnson face off against F1, WRC, Champ Car and IRL Champions, including perennial Formula 1 champ Michael Schumacher. The drivers race on a special figure -8, dirt-and-paved track inside the 70,000-seat soccer stadium Stade de France. They’ll compete in F-1 cars, Ferrari sports cars and World Rally Championship cars. The winner is anointed ‘The Champion of Champions’. (And given a sackful of money.)
– HDNet

Have you ever applied for a job online and gotten the old ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message back within a day or so?. It could be that a computer program searched the application for key words specified by the job lister. Because the words – such as a particular qualification or previous job titles – were not there, the rejection message was automatically generated by the computer and e-mailed. The e-mail can be sent back within minutes, but recruiters who use these programs often put a delayed response in place … presumably to give the impression the application was actually read by a human. (It’s really pitiful when the rejection beats you home.)
– “New Zealand Herald”

These are real products …
• ‘Bobber Lights’ … $19.95 (Holiday light strings shaped like fishing bobbers. For the angler who can’t give it up even in the dead of winter.)
• ‘Shotglass Checkers’ … $47.99 (The ‘men’ are all shotglasses. Jump an opponent, do a shot! Also available in a chess version.)
• ‘World’s Largest Underpants’ … $14.95 (Kirstie Alley extra.)
• ‘Hello! My Name is ____ Glass Set’ … 4 for $27.95 (Booze glasses etched with name tags so you can write your name on.)
• ‘Inflatable Deer Head’ … $19.95 (Get a deer head to hang on your wall without all the work.)
• ‘Wind Up Sushi’ … $12.99 (Looks like the real thing but wiggles around like it’s alive.)
• ‘Dolly the Inflatable Love Sheep’ … $12.95 (We don’t really wanna know any more.)
• ‘Thumb Wrestling Ring’ … $7.95 (A little square wrestling ring that fits over the clasped hands of thumb wrestlers. Let’s get ready to thuuuuumble!!)
• ‘Boner The Humping Hound’ … $24.95 (A mechanical stuffed pooch, in case you don’t have a real one to hug your leg.)

A new study conducted by professor Morton Gronbeck of the Center for Alcohol Research in Copenhagen, Denmark has revealed the stunning conclusion that binge drinking can give you a – beer belly. Yes, it’s true! The landmark research shows that people who consume a large amount of alcohol in one sitting are more likely to develop a more pronounced ‘apple-shaped’ belly compared to those who spread their booze consumption over a week. ([Co-host] has learned his lesson and has now spread his binge-drinking to daily.)
– “Daily Mail”

Here’s an offshoot of 9/11 you’ve likely never heard of – by federal law the airspace over Disney amusement parks is now restricted in order to thwart terrorists who might target them. That meant that the “Jingle Bell Jump”, in which Santa parachutes into the Town Square Shopping Center in Anaheim CA, had to be cancelled for the 2nd year in-a-row. You see, the center’s too close to Disneyland for air traffic. (You’d think a fat guy falling out of a plane in a red suit and carrying a giant sack would be fairly easy to track by satellite.)


1948 [56] John “Ozzy” Osbourne, Birmingham UK, rock singer (ex-Black Sabbath)/unlikely TV star (“The Osbournes”)/husband of Sharon/father of Kelly, Jack & Aimee

1954 [50] Paul Gregg, Altus OK, country musician (Restless Heart-“Fast Movin’ Train”)

1955 [49] Steven Culp, La Jolla CA, TV actor (‘Rex Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives”)

1960 [44] Daryl Hannah, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Kill Bill”)

1960 [44] Julianne Moore, Fayetteville NC, movie actress (“The Hours”)

1968 [36] Brendan Fraser, Indianapolis IN, movie actor (“The Mummy 1 & 2″)

1973 [31] Holly Marie Combs, San Diego CA, TV actress (‘Piper Halliwell’ on “Charmed”)

Lady Barbara Amiel (Mrs Conrad Black) is 64; Actor Jeff Bridges (“Seabiscuit”) is 55; Country singer Brian Prout (Diamond Rio) is 49; Actress Marisa Tomei (“Anger Management”) is 40; . Rapper/producer Jay-Z (Shawn Carter) is 35; Model Tyra Banks (“America’s Next Top Model”) is 31; Country singer Lila McCann (“Almost Over You”) is 23.

Canadian comedian Dave Broadfoot is 79; Rock pioneer Little Richard (Penniman) is 72; Rocker John Rzeznik (Goo Goo Dolls) is 39; Country singer Gary Allan (“Nothing On But The Radio”) is 37; Actor Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”) is 19.

TODAY is –
• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace.
• “Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day”, a day for the boss to pass out ‘attaboys’.
• “International Day of Disabled Persons”, sponsored by the United Nations.
• “National Roof Over Your Head Day”, to draw attention to the plight of the homeless.
• “Wear Brown Shoes Day”. To get the full effect, wear ‘em with something black.

• “National Cookie Day”, celebrating the yummiest treat of all.
• “St Barbara’s Day”, when girls should place a cherry tree twig in a glass of water and if it blooms by Christmas Eve, they’ll marry in the new year.

• “National Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy.
• “International Volunteer Day”, honoring the selfless people who make good things happen.

1964 [40] 1st broadcast of the “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” TV special (wow, that claymation looks almost real, doesn’t it?)

1621 [383] 1st ‘telescope’ invented by Galileo (next day his neighbors get mini-blinds)

1921 [83] Toronto Argonauts defeat Edmonton Eskimos 23-0 in 1st-ever East-West “Grey Cup” game

1984 [20] Oldest-known bridegroom (103-year-old Harry Stevens of Wisconsin)

[Mon] Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women
[Mon] St Nicholas Day
[Mon] Pawnbrokers Day
[Tues] “Ultimate Matrix Collection” DVD set released
[Wed] Hanukkah begins
[Wed] 2004 Billboard Music Awards
This Week Is . . . Tolerance Week
This Month Is . . . Bingo’s Birthday Month


• Look for a tree with bright green needles.
• Crush a few needles in your hand. A strong evergreen fragrance is a sign of freshness.
• Bend back a few needles. If they snap or break in temperatures above 25 F (-4 C), the tree’s NOT fresh.
– “Social Studies”

Here’s a fun little game courtesy of BBC Radio 2’s Mark Radcliffe. All you do is take the names of 2 (or more) recording artists and mix them. Here are a few of his and a few of ours …
• Simply Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Orchestral Maneuvers in The Darkness
• Michael Jackson Browne
• Run DMC Hammer
• Barry White Stripes
• Beach Boys II Men
• Maroon 5 For Fighting
• Los Lonely Backstreet Boys
• INXS Club 7
Well, you get the idea. Who’s got more?

BS Q & A:
Q: What should you use to cut your pet elephant’s hair: barber scissors, hedgeclippers or a blow torch?
A: A blow torch. Anyone who’s sat on an elephant knows why – the hair is hard and spiky.

Q: What’s the only word in English with 3 consecutive double letters?
A: Bookkeeper.

Q: How many animals sleep on their backs?
A: Only humans.
– “Fascinating Facts”

• Let us pray. Dear God … protect me from your followers.
• I got a gun for my wife … best trade I ever made.
• Yeah I know, I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I wear my liver on my pant leg.

Today’s Question: At Walt Disney World, THIS lasts an average of just 90 seconds.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Trash on the ground before it gets picked up.

He who laughs last has the best lawyer.

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