Wednesday, December 1, 2004              Edition: #2921
Bully For You!

TONIGHT is the final appearance by Tom Brokaw as anchor of “NBC Nightly News” before he retires and is replaced by Brian Williams (Brokaw should be an inspiration to all broadcasters – the guy made millions per year and couldn’t even pronounce the letter ‘L’) . . . It looks like Martha Stewart will have her own “Apprentice”-style reality show on NBC-TV, produced by “Survivor” creator Mark Burnett – once she gets out of prison, that is (she’ll kick off aspiring homemakers by saying, “You’re in solitary!”) . . . Pamela Anderson is developing a show in which she’ll star as a hot babe with a weakness for bad-boys, but what makes it a sitcom and not a reality show is – in this show, she tries to change (didn’t she announce her ‘retirement’ months ago – wisely?) . . . A new British TV documentary claims Beatles manager Brian Epstein provided hookers for the group in the mid-‘60s, then paid off any who had illegitimate children to keep them quiet (let the lawsuits begin!) . . . Now that Heather Locklear’s NBC-TV drama “LAX” has been axed, there’s speculation about her joining “Desperate Housewives” (hey, with busybody ‘Martha Huber’ killed off and vixen ‘Edie Britt’ desperate for a new best friend – why not?) . . . Women swoon! Actor George Clooney has cancelled promo appearances for “Ocean’s Twelve” (opening DECEMBER 10th) due to a ‘ruptured disc’ (would that happen to be Hollywoodese for ‘putting a turkey at arm’s length’?).

• Coldplay – They’ll release their much-anticipated as-yet-untitled 3rd album in MARCH.
• Hilary Duff – She’s a 17-year-old single again after splitting up with 25-year-old Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden earlier THIS MONTH, reportedly by mutual decision.
• Hives – TONIGHT they appear on NBC-TV’s “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Mindy McCready – She’s been fined $4,000, sentenced to 3 years probation and 200 hours of community service after pleading guilty to purchasing painkillers with a false prescription.
• Rod Stewart – TONIGHT he’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Sum 41 – TONIGHT they do “Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS-TV.

New cutting edge vocab …
• ‘Serious Games’ – Video games developed to help train professionals such as firefighters, soldiers, currency traders and administrators. (“OK men, this morning we’ll be working out with a serious game of ‘HazMat:Hotzone’.”)
• ‘HD-DVD’ – A newly-developed disc format especially for High-Definition TVs. The first movies available in the new format should be out by the end of 2005 … presumably making your present DVD player an expensive doorstop.
• ‘Post-Gay’ – A term suggesting sexual behavior no longer defines one’s lifestyle. (“In the post-gay world, shows like ‘Will & Grace’ and ‘Six Feet Under’ are likely to seem less chic.”)
• ‘Zerotasking’ – A highfalutin way of describing having nothing to do. (“Sorry I can’t help you out after the meeting, I’m zerotasking all afternoon.”)

For 2004, the ever ostentatious and shockingly excessive 78th annual “Neiman Marcus Christmas Book” is offering …
• A jeweled ‘Mr & Mrs Potato Head’ for $8,000 … apiece.
• A custom suit of medieval armor for $20,000.
• A ‘Grand Ole Opry Experience’, which includes mingling with country stars before and after joining them on-stage during a live show … $25,000.
• A Limited Edition 2005 Maserati Quattroporte (top speed 170 mph) for $125,000.
• A ‘His & Hers Bowling Center’ with 4 regulation lanes, 2 large plasma TVs, stereo sound system and karaoke machine, plus lessons from pro bowlers and personalized bowling shirts all for a reasonable $1.45 million.
• An ‘Underwater Aviator’ personal submarine … $1.7 million.
• A 230-foot-long Zeppelin flying airship for $10 million.
– “Dallas Business News”

Britain’s Travelodge hotel chain is offering couples with the names ‘Mary’ & ‘Joseph’ one free night at their inns over the holiday season. Those wishing to take advantage of the freebie will have to produce ID proving their names. A spokesperson says the chain is simply trying to make up for the hotel industry not having any rooms left on Christmas Eve … 2004 years ago. (One proviso – no donkeys allowed.)
– Reuters

In her new book “The Jerk With the Cell Phone: A Survival Guide for the Rest of Us”, business communications trainer Barbara Pachter says the most common cell phone faux pas is talking too loudly. That’s only slightly worse than loud & annoying ring tones. And thanks to the rapid rise in the number of cell phones, she says the etiquette problem is only going to get worse. Just a few of the truly tacky cell phone gaffes she documents …
• A Louisiana minister interrupting his Sunday sermon to answer his cell phone.
• A dentist spending 45 minutes on his phone planning his next golf outing – while capping a tooth.
• A woman at a job interview interrupting her prospective employer to answer her phone and yell at her daughter for wanting to get her nose pierced.
• A woman in Greece too busy gabbing on her phone to notice that she’d gotten off the bus – without her baby.
– PRWeb

Cell phones aren’t as secure as you might think. Recently people who’ve downloaded software promising ring tones and screensavers for certain cell phones have been shocked to find the software actually turned every icon on their phone screen into a skull-and-crossbones. It also disables phones, so they can no longer send or receive text messages or access lists and calendars. Security experts have nicknamed the software ‘Skulls’ and say it’s only an early warning of the damage hackers can do if they turn their vicious talents from computers to cell phones. (There’s software that can disable cell phones en masse? Cool, can we invest in this?)
– “Washington Post”

TODAY a new screensaver will be launched by Lycos Europe that may drive spammers out of business. The device works by endlessly requesting data from Websites that sell the stuff mentioned in spam e-mail. Lycos hopes it will make the monthly bandwidth bills of spammers soar by keeping their servers running flat out 24/7. The net firm thinks that if enough people sign up and download the tool, spammers could end up paying to send out terabytes of data on overloaded servers. (Sounds like a plan, but we’re more in favor of a firing squad.)
– BBC News UK Edition

Pornography involving women that are 17 is soon to be auctioned … 17th century, that is. The only surviving copy of “Sodom”, a book thought to have been written by John Wilmot in the mid-1670s, is expected to fetch over $65,000 when it goes under the gavel DECEMBER 16th.
It is thought to be the world’s first known piece of printed pornography, and reportedly makes today’s racy writing seem tame. The book is described by Sotheby’s auction house as the ‘quintessence of debauchery’. (Er, is that a good or a bad thing?)
– Excite News

In a new study, British researchers at Bristol Royal Hospital for Children have compared violence on TV to the violence in traditional nursery rhymes. An audio compilation of nursery rhymes, including “Humpty Dumpty”, “London Bridge Is Falling Down” and “Rock-A-Bye Baby”, was directly compared with 2 weeks of programming on 5 TV channels from 5:30-9pm when kids are most likely to be watching. The shocking results: 51% of TV programs contained violence compared to 41% of nursery rhymes, however, TV averaged 4.8 violent scenes per hour while nursery rhymes average 52.2 – more than 10 times as much violence! The bottom line: researchers say laying the blame for excess violence solely on TV viewing is simplistic.
– WebMD Medical News
Here are some ‘cleaned-up’ nursery rhymes that are safe for all ages.

“That’s because my grandmother is from Budapest where they have the uniboob, just one giant breast with a line down the middle.”
– “Christmas With the Kranks” actress Jamie Lee Curtis telling “London Express” why her boobs keep getting bigger.


1935 [69] Woody Allen (Allen Stewart Konigsberg), Brooklyn NY, film director/writer/actor (Oscars-“Annie Hall”, “Hannah & Her Sisters”)/Mr Soon Yi

1940 [64] Richard Pryor, Peoria IL, groundbreaking comic/movie actor (“Stir Crazy”)/MS victim

1945 [59] Bette Midler, Honolulu HI, movie actress (“The Stepford Wives”)/pop singer (“Wind Beneath My Wings”)

1956 [48] Kim Richey, Dayton OH, country singer (“I Know”, “Just My Luck”)

1966 [38] Larry Walker, Maple Ridge BC, MLB outfielder/slugger (St Louis Cardinals)

1977 [27] Brad Delson, Agoura CA, rock guitarist (Linkin Park-“Breaking The Habit”, “In The End”)

TODAY is the 16th annual “World AIDS Day”, a day of AIDS awareness and education, first declared by the UN’s World Health Organization in 1988. The UN estimates that 5 people worldwide die of AIDS every minute of every day. HIV has hit every corner of the globe, infecting more than 42 million men, women and children.

TODAY is “St Eligius Day,” patron saint of farmers, miners, taxi drivers, veterinarians, jockeys and locksmiths.

TODAY is “Bifocals at the Monitor Day”, a day of lamentation for all those forced to tip their heads back open-mouthed in order to use a computer, thanks to their need for bifocal lenses. But now there’s hope for Canada’s 10 million Baby Boomers suffering ‘presbyopia’ (Greek word for ‘aging eye’). A new process called ‘NearVision’ uses radio waves to reshape the cornea to bring vision back into focus and allow you to toss out your reading glasses. The procedure is laser-free and costs about $1,500. The downside … you’ll need to get an ‘enhancement’ every 3 to 5 years.

TODAY is “Let’s See What We Find In the Fridge Day”, a day to be brave and eat something from the back of the refrigerator. So what did you find?

THIS MONTH is “National Stress-Free Holidays Month”, as declared by the group ‘Parenting Without Pressure’. It’s a reminder for parents to strive for more stress-free holidays for their families. Ask listeners how to enjoy the holiday season without going out of your mind.

2003 [01] World premiere of the 3rd and final “Lord Of The Rings” movie, “The Return of the King”, in Wellington NZ

1971 [33] John & Yoko Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is released

1982 [22] Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is released (now 2nd  all-time selling album at 26 million copies)

1913 [91] 1st ‘drive-in auto service station’ (Pittsburgh PA)

1929 [75] Game of ‘bingo’ invented by Edwin Lowe (nowadays it’s a $5-billion-a-year charitable fundraiser)

[Thurs] Pan American Health Day
[Thurs] 2004 Christmas Pageant of Peace (Washington DC)
[Fri] Bath Tub Party Day
[Fri] “Closer” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day
[Sat] National Cookie Day
[Sun] International Volunteer Day
This Week Is . . . Cookie Cutter Week
This month Is . . . Universal Human Rights Month


Taking advantage of the insane popularity of TV’s “Desperate Housewives”, the Hotel Orrington in Evanston IL is offering up a new $2,500 package in which a group of 8 women can get away from husbands and families for a weekend and kick back while having massages, manicures and perhaps the odd martini or two. Why not put together your own “Desperate Departure” package? Pool resources from several sponsors and you can likely come up with the perfect ‘dirty weekend’ for wanna be ‘Brees’, ‘Susans’ and ‘Lynettes’.

‘Tis the season for holiday tipping. But how much should you give the paper boy, your kid’s teacher, your housekeeper, manicurist, and gardener? Thank goodness CNN Money has come to the rescue with a handy little chart outlining how much you should hand out to all your servants.

• Oops, sorry about that goof. There’s still too much blood in my caffeine system this morning.
• This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Today’s Question: It’s estimated that 30% of married people are now doing THIS – and most of them are women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Having a cyber-affair.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

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