Monday, December 16, 2002        Edition: #2443
Have Another Sheetload!

• “Hollywood Reporter” reports that Sylvester Stallone is in final talks to write, star in and produce “Rocky VI”. The new film is expected to return to the independent-style roots of the original with a comparatively modest budget of $10 to 15 million. Stallone will play a 50-year-old ‘Rocky Balboa’ who now runs a youth center and is lured out of retirement from the ring for one last fight.
• Here’s more speculation on why they broke up – “NY Post” says Justin Timberlake is convinced Britney Spears cheated on him with her choreographer Wade Robson, so he’s used the storyline of his “Cry Me a River” video to get even. (Kids kids, get on with your lives!)
• According to “Enquirer”, Michael Jackson wants to get involved in a new Warner Bros “Three Stooges” movie. (Could add some laughs when Moe does the ol’ nose pull!)
• According to “Everywhere”, Julia Roberts has been spotted visiting a New York fertility clinic. Her spokesperson claims she was just supporting a friend who was visiting the clinic. (Uh huh.)
• “Express” reports that Pink is set to wed her boyfriend Carey Hart whom she met while he was competing in the extreme sports “X Games” in AUGUST. He says, ‘We were introduced and 5 minutes later I broke 18  bones doing a flip.’ (Must be true love, he fell for her!)
• “Mirror” says Paul McCartney’s designer daughter Stella is on the verge of converting to Kabbalah, the weird quasi-Jewish religion that Madonna is so hooked on. ‘I don’t completely
understand it,’ she giggles. (The true test of any good religion!)
• “PeopleNews” says Ben Affleck’s mother approves of his engagement to J-Lo, saying: ‘She doesn’t drink, she doesn’t smoke or gamble and I think it makes it easier for Ben to stay healthy himself.’ Seems Jenny From the Block’s only vice is – shopping. Meantime, “Sun” wonders, could J-Lo be marrying Ben because he and Cris Judd share the same birthday and that’s one less date to remember?
• According to “Sun”, Eurotrash royal playboy, Prince Albert of Monaco, has finally decided to settle down and has proposed to his professional pole vaulting girlfriend. Alicia Warlick, who used to be a model is also the 4th-best woman pole vaulter in the USA and is busy training for the 2004 Olympics in Athens. Al’s expected to announce the news on his 45th birthday next MARCH. (Little known fact – he must produce a male heir in order for the Grimaldis to maintain the throne in Monaco.)

According to new research by ad agency J. Walter Thompson, here’s what’s most important to us during the holidays –
1. Spending time with loved ones (picked by 74% of those polled).
2. Taking time off work.
3. Enjoying holiday food and drinks.
4. Christmas gifts.
5. Religious significance.

In terms of contributing to the development of stress-induced illness, the following life events are some of the top risks –
• Divorce is substantially riskier than marriage.
• Marriage is a bit less risky than death of a close family member.
• Pregnancy is quite a bit riskier than a mortgage foreclosure.
• Detention in jail is moderately more risky than a major personal injury.
• Making a major change in your social activities is a little more dangerous than changing your eating habits.
• Christmas is slightly more perilous than getting a ticket for disturbing the peace.
Source: “What Are The Chances?”

What hours would you like to work? According to a new poll sponsored by the makers of At-A-Glance daytimers, the average employee would like the work day to run from 8:51am to 5pm. Unfortunately, the average executive thinks the workday should start at 7:47am and end at 5:53pm.

One partridge in pear tree – $102.50
Two turtle doves – $58
Three French hens – $15
Four calling birds – $316
Five gold rings – $382.50
Six geese a-laying – $150
Seven swans a-swimming – $2,100
Eight maids a-milking – $41.20
Nine ladies dancing – $4,107.66
10 lords a-leaping – $3,921.44
11 pipers piping – $1,614.60
12 drummers drumming – $1,749.15
The total cost of the “12 Days of Christmas” in 2002 – $12,458. That’s down 7.6% from last year because the price of swans has plummeted due to an over-abundant supply! However, if you buy it all over the Internet, you can expect to pay a total of $24,595 this year, up 3.6% from the 2001 total.
Source: PNC Advisors


1941 [61] Lesley Stahl, Lynn MA, well-preserved TV journalist (“60 Minutes” since 1991)

1943 [59] Steven Bochco, NYC, TV producer/writer (“NYPD Blue”)

1946 [56] Benny Andersson, Stockholm SWE, oldies singer (ABBA-“Dancing Queen”) who’s cleaning up on the hit stage musical “Mamma Mia!”
1949 [53] Billy Gibbons, Houston TX, classic rock guitarist/singer (ZZ Top-“Legs”, “Tush”)

1963 [39] Benjamin Bratt, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Traffic”, “Miss Congeniality”)/former TV actor (“Law & Order”)/Julia Roberts’ ex-roommate

1971 [31] Michael McCary, Philadelphia PA, R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”)

TODAY is “National Chocolate Covered Anything Day”, so fill up the tub and invite that special someone over!

TODAY “Nine Days of Posadas” begins, the traditional Mexican Christmas celebration that includes breaking open a pinata. Similarly, “Simbang Gabi” or “Christmas Observance” in the Philippines runs TODAY through January 6th, said to be the world’s longest Christmas celebration.

TODAY is “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to actually enjoy what you eat without worrying about quotas and content. (Go ahead – have another doughnut!)

1972 [30] 1st NFL team undefeated for an entire season (Miami Dolphins also win Super Bowl to go 17-0 on the season)  FACTOID: The members of this team still get together to celebrate each year when the last undefeated team of the NFL season finally loses.

1973 [29] 1st NFLer to rush for 2,000 yards in a season (OJ Simpson)

[Tues] Wright Brothers’ Day
[Wed] “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” opens
[Thurs] Oatmeal Muffin Day
[Fri] Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York” opens
[Sat] National Flashlight Day
[Sun] First Day of Winter

International Language Week
Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week


Psychologist Dr Danilo Ponce offers the following insights about what the game you most enjoy reveals about you –
• Monopoly – You are an aggressive go-getter. You’re good at managing money. You like the finer things in life but always look for a bargain.
• Chess – You’re a methodical, deep thinker who sticks with a project until it’s done.
• Checkers – You’re fun-loving and high-spirited, the life the party! If anyone will dress up in drag – it will be you!
• Scrabble – You’re a good planner and hard worker. At heart you are a romantic. Reading is probably also one of your favorite things to do and it frees your imagination. Try freeing your imagination in public sometimes, because others think you are boring.
• Backgammon – You are charming and well mannered and popular with the opposite sex.
• Clue – Of course you like to read mysteries and like to watch mystery movies. You also are suspicious of your friends, never quite trusting them and you have sexual fantasies involving rooms in other people’s homes.
• Candyland – When facing a difficult situation, you sometimes act childish. You were also probably one of the first kids on your block to play spin the bottle or strip poker.
• Sorry! – You take delight and satisfaction in other people’s misfortunes. Especially when you feel they ‘deserve’ what they get.
• Life – You long for a more traditional family and are embarrassed you are not living such a life right now. You are likely to doubt your decisions and even wonder if you married the right person.
Don’t like any of the games on the list? – You have a no-nonsense approach to life. You know where you want to go and how to get there.

• “What’s the naughtiest thing you did all year? Come clean and maybe the big guy will bring you something for Christmas!”
• “What’s this year’s ‘must-have’ toy?”

• Aries – Don’t trust anyone that tries to mug you today.
• Taurus – You will get a really good deal on a new set of wheels. Beware though, mountain bikes are tough to put together.
• Gemini – A friend will give you money to watch you clip your toenails.
• Cancer – You will have a trifle too much punch at a party this week and will amuse the other guests by flopping around on the floor making ‘Ark! Ark!’ sounds. But who cares? If they want to be stuffy, let ’em!
• Leo – A rare form of management disease will strike you today whereby you can only speak in metaphors. Still, you’ll open the kimono and hit the ground running.
• Virgo – You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece which you will name the ‘Nighty Knight’. You should be ashamed of yourself.
• Libra – Excellent day to fly a kite shaped like a life-sized pterodactyl. Try to get it to hover just outside someone’s office window.
• Scorpio – Bad day to call someone a ‘whiney gen-x cybercowboy’. Tomorrow’s better for that one.
• Sagittarius – Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
• Capricorn – You need change in your life. Don’t let them strap you in tonight.
• Aquarius – Today you and your spouse discover you both sleep in the same bed, and have for years!
• Pisces – Today your name could become a household word, but only if you change it to ‘Spray and Wipe’.

Q: What was the most recent year that looked the same whether written upside-down or rightside-up?
A: 1961. The next one? 6009!

Can you identify the Christmas carols from these trumped-up translations?
• ‘First person singular experiencing an hallucinatory phenomenon at a natal celebration devoid of color’ (I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas)
• ‘Soundless nocturnal period’ (Silent Night)
• ‘Majestic triplet’ (We Three Kings)
• ‘The Yuletide occurrence preceding all others’ (The First Noel)
• ‘Allow crystalline formations to descend’ (Let It Snow)
• ‘Move hitherward the entire assembly of those loyal in their belief’ (O Come All Ye Faithful)
• ‘Embellish interior passageways’ (Deck the Halls)
• ‘The vertically-challenged adolescent percussionist’ (The Little Drummer Boy)

Today’s Question: They come in all shapes and sizes but the average weight of one of these is 220 lbs.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mall Santas.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

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