Monday, December 9, 2002        Edition: #2438
Here Comes Another Sheetload of Show Prep!

• “Star” magazine claims it has sources that verify what J-Lo doesn’t know – Britney Spears cheated with Ben Affleck! According to the tab, that’s the secret reason Britney’s ex-lover Justin Timberlake dumped her last MARCH – he was heartbroken and furious! “Star” is also reporting that one of the stipulations in the pre-nuptial agreement between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez is that Ben has to have sex at least 4 times a week. (Twice with Jennifer and twice with Matt Damon like he’s been doing.)
• “National Enquirer” says another woman led to the collapse of Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley’s tempestuous 170-day marriage – his ex-girlfriend! The tab claims Kristina Fulton,  mother of Nic’s 11-year-old son Weston, helped torpedo the marriage and it wasn’t that difficult. Nic reportedly once lamented to a friend about Lisa Marie, “I can’t stand the woman!”
• UK tab “Sun” claims Michael Jackson is trying to win back ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley now that she’s divorcing Nicolas Cage. “He’s in a lot of trouble and he needs her,” a source tells the tabloid. Meantime, “Express” reports that an online poll has just named Mikey the ‘ugliest celebrity in the world’!
• “E! Online” reports that Latin heartthrob singer Marc Anthony and his wife, former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, renewed their wedding vows SATURDAY at San Juan Cathedral in Puerto Rico, just 5 months after they announced they were separating.
• According to “Enquirer”, 25-year-old Colombian pop star Shakira is so terrified of being abducted in her native country, where kidnaping is practically a cottage industry, that she’s afraid to go home. The tab says that’s one of the things that drives her to be a worldwide success. When she made enough money, she bought a $3.4-million mansion in Miami Beach and most of her immediate family moved to the US.
• “NY Post” reports that many of the 14,000 fans at a sold-out Guns N’ Roses concert FRIDAY night in Philadelphia’s First Union Center erupted into a bottle-throwing frenzy when the band failed to appear. This is a virtual repeat of an incident NOVEMBER 7 in Vancouver in which police had to use pepper spray to disperse thousands of PO’d fans when Axl Rose didn’t show. Meantime, “E! Online” reports that other trouble-making rock band, Oasis, resumed its European tour YESTERDAY in Wales now that Liam Gallagher got his Christmas wish early – his two front teeth. They were replaced after being punched out in a barroom brawl.
• “News of the World” reports newly-separated supermodel Heidi Klum has been spotted getting grabby with her new boyfriend Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis on Australia’s Bondi Beach. One surfer tells the tab, “They just couldn’t keep their hands off one another!” (Why guys wanna be rock stars, Reason #1.)
• And actor Robert Downey Jr got so excited while Christmas shopping in the upmarket Fred Segal store in Santa Monica CA, he was seen jumping up and down in the pajama department then cartwheeling and wriggling around on the carpet, reports “Express”. (Hmm, hurt your head falling off that wagon Bobby?)

• “Saddam Hussein Has Alzheimer’s – And Six Months to Live!”
• “Dishonest Abe Lincoln Did Not Write the Gettysburg Address – His Brother-in Law Did!”
• “Sea Monster Freed in Antarctic Ice Melt!”
• “Strait Jackets For Kids!”
• “Is Bigfoot’s Shoe a Good Luck Charm?”
• “Victims of World’s Funniest Hit Man Die Laughing!”.
Source: “Weekly World News”

According to a French study, men who drive 3 hours a day take an extra 6 months to have a child with their partner. Why? A combination of stress, gas fumes and being slumped in the car seat for hours at a time. (Maybe they’d have more luck if they waited ’til after they got home?)

Seems China has a lot of work to do before hosting the Olympics. The government has just launched a campaign against poor English spelling on signs and menus. A couple of examples – ‘Collecting Money Toilet’ for a public toilet, and ‘To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty’ on a sign warning that roads are slippery. Restaurant menus are also notorious for misspellings, such as ‘fried pawns’ and ‘bean eurd’. One Australian tourist says, “It took us a while to realize that the ‘crap’ on the menu was, in fact, a misspelled but very tasty fish.”

University of Chicago scientists claim they’ve finally figured out why spilled coffee causes a ring when it dries. Seems surface roughness ‘pins’ the edge of the drop, then evaporation at the edges pulls more liquid and solids out to the edge from the center. The flow piles the material up at the edges, where it eventually dries. (Well, that plus the fact that if you look at the bottom of your mug, you’ll notice a suspiciously similar looking ring. Duh!)

THIS WEEK animal rights group PETA plans to again hand out unwanted fur coats to the homeless in its annual “Fur Giveaway” campaign. Dozens of furs donated by people who’ve had a change of heart about killing animals for fashion will be handed over to the homeless in Liverpool, England. Last year PETA staged a similar giveaway in Denver and also sent fur coats to war refugees in Afghanistan.

Shopping for a Christmas tree? They’re not available everywhere, but the best choice according to the ‘National Christmas Tree Association’ is the balsam fir. Why? It has firm branches, excellent needle retention and a terrific fragrance. (And they’re a wonderful deal at $25 per foot.)


1916 [86] Kirk Douglas (Issur Danielovich Demsky), Amsterdam NY, acting legend given 1996 Honorary Academy Award for ‘50 years as a creative and moral force in the motion picture community’ (“Spartacus”, “Gunfight at the OK Corral“)  NEXT MOVIE: Will appear with son Michael Douglas in the dysfunctional family comedy “A Few Good Years”, opening FEBRUARY 14, 2003

1934 [68] Dame Judi Dench, York ENG, movie actress (‘M’-“Die Another Day”, “Chocolat”, Best Supporting Actress Oscar-“Shakespeare in Love”)

1941 [61] Beau Bridges, Hollywood CA, TV actor (CIA director Tom Gage-“The Agency”)/movie actor (“The Fabulous Baker Boys”)/actor Jeff Bridges’ brother

1953 [49] John Malkovich, Christopher IL, movie actor (“Con Air”, “In The Line Of Fire“)  NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Ewan McGregor & Christina Ricci in the historical drama “Borgia”, opening 2003

1957 [45] Donny Osmond, Ogden UT, TV game show host (“Pyramid”)/ex-pop singer

1969 [33] Jakob Dylan, LA CA, rock singer (The Wallflowers-“One Headlight”)/Bob Dylan’s son

1972 [30] Tre Cool (Frank Edwin Wright III), Berkeley CA, rock musician (Green Day-“Time of Your Life”)

TONIGHT Cedric the Entertainer hosts the “2002 Billboard Music Awards” on FOX-TV from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Nelly leads nominees with 10 nominations, followed by Ashanti with 9. Justin Timberlake and Faith Hill are among those who’ll perform.

1842 [160] 1st known Christmas card is sent by John Calcott Horsley of England (hey John, thanks for creating yet another holiday season chore!)

1851 [151] 1st YMCA in North America (Montréal)

1950 [52] “Frosty The Snowman” 1st released by Gene Autry

1965 [37] 1st broadcast of the TV special “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (leads to the expression ‘a Charlie Brown tree’)

1968 [34] 1st ‘computer mouse’ introduced, by far the most popular pointing device used to interact with computers (to honor everything our little pointer friend has given us, take a few moments today to rub your aching, carpal-tunnel-syndrome, tendinitis-ridden wrists)

1973 [29] 1st “Royal Canadian Air Farce” radio broadcast (CBC)

1998 [04] Drew Carey’s TV improv comedy series “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” begins on ABC-TV/CTV

[Tues] International Human Rights Day
[Tues] Nobel Peace Prize awarded
[Tues] Dewey Decimal Day
[Wed] Nobel Peace Prize Concert
[Thurs] Poinsettia Day
[Thurs] National Ding-A-Ling Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Jennifer Lopez movie “Maid in Manhattan” & “Star Trek Nemesis” open

Human Rights Week
National Hand Washing Awareness Week


Some real – but really dumb – products that are on the market this holiday season . . .
• ‘Personalized Thong’ – A gift that keeps your lover and/or spouse honest, this is thong underwear with your picture on it.
• ‘Bedroom-Mood-Meter’ – Simply set the hands on your Bedroom-Mood-Meter and let your
partner know what you have in mind. Settings include “Before you ask, the answer is no!”, “Don’t wait up, I’m on the Internet”, “I just took Viagra – see you in 10 minutes” and “If I’m not back in 10 minutes, start without me.” Perfect for couples who aren’t speaking for only $19.95.
• ‘Rejection Business Cards’ – Bogus business cards for women to hand out to overly aggressive men. They have a phone number that connects to a brush-off recording which includes the line, “Maybe you’re a general loser, maybe you give off that creepy stalker vibe …”
• ‘Breast Molds’ – Sculptor Verena Waber of Frankfurt, Germany is offering women the chance to give their partners plastic molds of their breasts as gifts. First, a plaster cast of the body is made which when hardened is used as a mold for a pair of realistic synthetic resin breasts. The breasts can then be painted to suit the customer. The finished boobies cost about $440.
• ‘Hot Air Speakers’ – Inflatable speakers by Ellula that are made of plastic and blow up like a beach ball to connect to a flat-panel sound system. When you deflate them, they’re small enough to fold up and tote in a backpack. All you need is foldable CDs.
• ‘Bachelor Mop Slippers’ – Slippers with soles made of washable mop fabric, so you can clean your floors while you go to the fridge for a beer. Wow, it’s the pinnacle of multi-tasking for only $9.95!

• Which country is the world’s happiest?
a) USA
b) Sweden
c) Canada
d) Guatemala
Guatemala is the happiest country in the world according to a new poll by the Pew Research Center. Even though 70% of Guatemalans live in poverty, 71% say they are happy with their lives in general. The least happy people live in Tanzania and Bulgaria.

• Which country drinks the most beer per capita?
a) Ireland
b) Germany
c) Czech Republic
d) Austria
When it comes to sucking back suds nobody beats the Czechs. Brewing industry figures show they average 160 liters (281.5 pints) per person per year!

• Which country buys the most videos per capita?
a) Canada
b) Sweden
c) USA
d) Australia
“The Top 10 of Everything 2003″ says Canadians purchase more prerecorded videos than any other country, slightly over 2.6 per person per year. Hey, it’s a long cold winter.

• Which country consumes the most ice cream per person?
a) Australia
b) Italy
c) USA
d) New Zealand
Those are the top 4 ice cream consuming countries, in order. According to “Euromonitor”, Aussies wolf down 16.6 liters (29.2 pints) per person annually.

Today’s Question: When you add all of these up, there are 364 of them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gifts in the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas”.

Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

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