Tuesday, December 16, 2008        Edition: #3923
Time For Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

It’s now been confirmed that 33-year-old wannabe actress Tara Reid (“American Pie” and, most recently, “American Pie”) has checked into Promises rehab clinic in Malibu CA and will spend Christmas & New Year’s there (her latest desperate attempt to create name recognition) . . . According to reports, “American Idol” is changing up its format for the 8th season debuting in January, focusing less on the ‘bad auditions’ (don’t they get that’s the only reason we watch?) . . . Just when it seemed movie star Scarlett Johansson had finally broken her silence about her marriage to actor Ryan Reynolds, she’s now accusing the UK edition of “Cosmopolitan” magazine of ‘fabricating the entire interview’ and suggesting a lawsuit is imminent (BS translation: The cover shot you used made my legs look fat) . . . While taping a reunion episode of “Rock of Love: Charm School” (VH1), Sharon Osbourne apparently got ticked with contestant Megan Hauserman and allegedly ran across the stage, grabbed her by the hair, and scratched her (the insult that set her off – ‘You’re only famous because of Ozzy’) . . . Former “Cosby Show” star Phylicia Rashad (‘Clair Huxtable’) is set to become the latest celeb to endorse diet company Jenny Craig in TV ads (previous spokes-fatties have included Queen Latifah, “Fat Actress” Kirstie Alley, and ex-Mrs Eddie Van Halen, Valerie Bertinelli) . . . And Iran’s media is up in arms over the new movie “The Wrestler”, because one of the opponents that Mickey Rourke’s character takes on is called ‘The Ayatollah’, a big bruiser who waves an Iranian flag before choking Mickey with it (there are many who would pay just to see that).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC/CityTV) – The Cure promote the new album “4:13 Dream”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/A Channel) – Fall Out Boy performs.
• “Rock Band” – The “Going Country” 5-pack is released for Xbox 360, the first country song titles for the videogame. Tracks by Dierks Bentley, Brooks & Dunn, the Dixie Chicks, Miranda Lambert, and Brad Paisley are included. The PlayStation 3 version is out Thursday.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel) – CCM rockers Relient K are onstage.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Classic rocker Melissa Etheridge is on.

• Britney Spears – Rumor has it she’s planning to unveil pal Madonna as a surprise guest when she kicks off her comeback tour next year.
• Bruce Springsteen – More than 1,100 pieces of memorabilia housed at the Asbury Park Public Library in New Jersey have been returned after library officials filed a police complaint against the ‘Friends Of the Bruce Springsteen Special Collection’ who took hundreds of books, articles, and tour programs to be microfilmed in 2007. The group claimed that it, not the library, owned the stuff. When the cops were called in, the story quickly changed.
• Presidential Inauguration – The roster of celebs who will be turning up in Washington DC for Obama’s January 20th inauguration continues to grow. Sting & Elvis Costello are slated to perform at the post-inaugural ‘Creative Coalition Ball’, Dionne Warwick will host the ‘American Music Inaugural Ball’. Lou Gossett Jr will host the ‘Purple Ball’, and Cyndi Lauper & Melissa Etheridge will be at the ‘Human Rights Campaign Foundation’ event.
• Tim McGraw – The “New Republic” claims the country star is serious about running for Tennessee governor on the Democratic ticket in the next election. One reason the rumor may not be true … he’s accustomed to making a lot more money than any state governor.

• “Mamma Mia!” ( Musical Comedy ) – The bigscreen version of the hit stage musical about a bride-to-be trying to find her real father, told using hit songs by popular ’70s group ABBA. Ensemble cast includes Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, and Colin Firth. The film cleaned up $570 million in worldwide box office. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Special Edition’.
• “The Mummy: Tomb Of the Dragon Emperor” ( Action Thriller ): The 3rd instalment of the adventure franchise has star Brendan Fraser taking on martial arts vet Jet Li when the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin is unearthed in the Far East. Co-stars Maria Bello & Michelle Yeoh (“Memoirs of a Geisha”). Partially shot in Montréal. Also comes in a ‘Deluxe Edition’ or as part of “The Mummy Trilogy”.
• Also on DVD today: “Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 6“ (Animation); “The Cheetah Girls: One World – Extended Music Edition” (TV); and “The Little Mermaid Trilogy” (Animation).

Psychologists at Britain’s Bristol University have teamed up with colleagues across Europe to study the lifestyles of thousands of people and discovered that … thin people are far less happy than rotund ones. The study suggests that, rather than being content and confident, slim people often struggle to deal with life’s woes. Furthermore, a review of over 3,000 cases of suicide shows that the BMI (Body Mass Index) of victims averaged significantly lower than those who soldier on through life. (So there you go … eat, be happy!)
– “The Independent”

5. “C Montgomery Burns” (“The Simpsons”), $8.4 billion.
4. “Lex Luthor” (“Superman”), $10.1 billion.
3. “Richie Rich” (“Richie Rich” comic books), $17 billion.
2. “Oliver ‘Daddy’ Warbucks” (Broadway musical “Annie”), $27.3 billion.
1. Santa Claus (Holiday Season icon), net worth: infinite.
– “Forbes Magazine”

• On weekends, the Beverly Center shopping mall in West Hollywood CA features appearances by ‘Hunky Santa’, a young, muscled dude with bulging biceps and abs as flat as a gingerbread cookie. On weekdays, ‘Classic Santa’ – the bearded and tubby regular Claus – takes over.
– “Los Angles Times”
• Germany has a Santa Claus shortage this year, thanks in part to the tough criteria used by employment agencies: a suitably low voice, child-friendliness, not too youthful appearance, and a full repertoire of Christmas poems and songs. Word has it it’s been tough to find jolly, rotund, fluffy-bearded Santas … with no criminal records.
– “Sunday Times of London”

What does it take to be truly happy? A lot less than you might think. A panel of experts from a variety of disciplines (a psychologist, psychotherapist, social entrepreneur, an economist, and 2 workplace specialists) have worked together to come up with a 10-point plan. Do all of these things regularly and they promise you’ll soon be smiling …
• Plant something and nurture it.
• Count your blessings – at least 5 – at the end of each day.
• Take time to talk. Have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week.
• Phone a friend with whom you have not spoken for a while and arrange to meet up.
• Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it.
• Have a good laugh at least once a day.
• Get physical. Exercise for an half-an-hour 3 times a week.
• Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day.
• Cut your TV viewing by half.
• Spread kindness. Do a good turn for someone every day.
– BBC News

Facial hair for guys is currently on the upswing for a couple of reasons. First, increasing numbers of corporate types who’ve lost their jobs seem to be growing beards as an expression of their new-found freedom. And the trend is also being driven by the music industry, where beards have become fashionable. Men under 40 are now looking to mimic bearded musicians from bands like Foo Fighters and Kings of Leon. One observer says it’s the ‘hipster thing’ right now. (In our experience, anything labeled with any variation of the word ‘hip’ … isn’t.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

The American Film Institute has released its annual list of its favorite films of the year, as selected by a 13-person jury headed by “Entertainment Tonight” film critic Leonard Maltin. The selected movies are listed alphabetically ….
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “Frost/Nixon”
• “Frozen River”
• “Gran Torino”
• “Iron Man”
• “Milk”
• “Wall-E”
• “Wendy & Lucy”
• “The Wrestler”
– Reuters

1-in-3 cat and/or dog owners say their pets watch TV. (What’s your pet’s favorite show?)

“I’ve done over 200 gigs this year. I’m not exhausted though because I’m always drunk.”
– “You’re Beautiful” pop singer James Blunt, perhaps explaining why he’s a one-hit-wonder.

1941 [67] Lesley Stahl, Lynn MA, well-preserved TV journalist (“60 Minutes” since 1991)

1946 [62] Benny Andersson, Stockholm, Sweden, oldies singer (ABBA-“Mamma Mia”, “Dancing Queen”)

1949 [59] Billy Gibbons, Houston TX, classic rock guitarist/singer (ZZ Top-“Legs”, “Tush”)

1963 [45] Benjamin Bratt, San Francisco CA, TV actor (“The Cleaner” 2008, “Law & Order” 1990, 1995-99)/movie actor (“Che”, “Miss Congeniality”)

1963 [45] Jeff Carson, Tulsa OK, country singer (“Holdin’ On to Something”, “Not On Your Love”)

1967 [41] Donovan Bailey, Manchester, Jamaica (raised Oakville ON), former Olympic sprinter (1996 gold medals for 100 meters and 4X100 relay)

1971 [37] Michael McCary, Philadelphia PA, retired R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men-“End of the Road”)

1975 [33] Benjamin Kowalewicz, Montréal PQ, rock singer (Billy Talent-“Surrender”, “Try Honesty”)

1979 [29] Flo Rida (Tramar Dillard), Coral City FL, rapper (f/T-Pain-“Low”, f/will.i.am-“In the Ayer”)

1988 [20] Anna Popplewell, London UK, movie actress (‘Susan Pevensie‘ in “Chronicles of Narnia” films)

• “Chocolate Covered Anything Day”, so fill up the tub!

• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to actually enjoy what you eat without worrying about quotas and content. Go ahead, have another mug of gravy!

• “Nine Days of Posadas” begins, the traditional Mexican Christmas celebration that includes breaking open a pinata. Similarly, “Misa de Gallo” (literally “Rooster’s Mass”) in the Philippines runs today through January 6th, said to be the world’s longest Christmas celebration.

1905 [103] Show biz journal “Variety” debuts (still being published)

1971 [37] Don McLean releases 8-and-a-half minute single, “American Pie”, one of the longest songs to ever hit the pop chart

1949 [59] A Swedish fighter plane manufacturer begins producing autos that eventually carry the name ‘Saab’

2002 [06] Canada signs the Kyoto Accord, an international agreement aimed at limiting greenhouse gases (then promptly ignores it)

1972 [36] Miami Dolphins become only team to go undefeated for an entire NFL regular season, and go on to win the Super Bowl (players from that team still gather to celebrate when the last undefeated team loses each season)

[Wed] Maple Syrup Day
[Thurs] Bake Cookies Day
[Fri] “Seven Pounds”; “The Tale of Despereaux”; “Yes Man” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Winter begins
[Sun] Humbug Day
[Sun] Look at the Bright Side Day
[Sun] Flashlight Day
[Mon] Hanukkah begins
This Week Is … Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month

• Boss buys a new boat; christens it ‘Employee Bonuses ’08’.
• After 6 months of working at Old Navy, you’re still confusing shirts and pants.
• Your employer catches you licking a photo of his wife.
• Co-workers refer to you as ‘the ghost of unemployment future’.
• The last time you saw your boss was when she testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
• On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
• What you call ‘my new office’, everybody else calls ‘the supply closet’.
• In your most recent performance evaluation, the word ‘crap’ appears 73 times.
• You work for GM.

• In Sweden, a common Christmas decoration is the ‘Julbukk’, a small figurine of a goat. Of what material is it usually made?
a. Candy.
b. Straw. [CORRECT. Scandinavian Christmas festivities feature a variety of straw decorations.]
c. Fir wood.
d. Goat ‘nuggets’.

• Throughout the Christmas season in old England, ‘lambswool’ could be found in the houses of the well-to-do. What was it?
a. Imitation snow used in decorations.
b. The material used for knitting Christmas gifts.
c. A brew of hot ale with roast apples floating in it. [CORRECT. Made of sugar, eggs and spices added to ale and topped by toast and apples, it was the drink that filled the wassail bowl.]
d. Harvested mildew formed into festive shapes and characters.
– TriviaPark.com

• Finger-Shaped Nose Hair Trimmer ($10.99)
• Fresh Meat-Scented Air Freshener ($4.99)
• Lip Gloss in a Cute Li’l Toilet Bowl Dispenser ($1.99)
• Plastic Ear Filled with Candy Ear Wax ($1.75)
• 100% Soap Christmas Cards – at least they’re still useful after the holidays. ($4.99)
• Christmas Toaster – burns holiday pics/slogans into your toast: Christmas stocking, Christmas tree, Santa Claus, snowman, Santa hat, and ‘Merry Xmas!’ ($24.99)

What holiday tradition would you like to see dumped?

Today’s Question: At age 34 women feel THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their sexiest.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

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