December 11 2019

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Wednesday, December 11, 2019        Edition: #6592

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

★ Julie Louis-Dreyfus is opening up about her negative experience working on “Saturday Night Live.” She got her start on the NBC comedy show in 1982 and was a cast member for three seasons. While speaking to Stephen Colbert, she admitted she was “miserable” during her stint on the show. Louis-Dreyfuss said that the show was “very sexist” and that people on set “were doing crazy drugs at the time.” At age 21, she said she “didn’t really understand how the dynamics of the place worked”, but now she realizes the experience helped her make better decisions about work projects.
★ Steve Harvey mixed up Miss Universe contestants again — four years after accidentally crowning the wrong beauty queen. On Sunday, at the Miss Universe 2019 competition in Atlanta, Harvey introduced the wrong contestant while announcing the National Costume Contest winner. He looked at the camera in shock before blaming the show producers for the mishap, saying: “OK, well, let me explain something to you. I just read that in the teleprompter. Y’all got to quit doing this to me.”
★ Bosses at Disney have issued a warning that the latest movie in the Star Wars franchise could trigger seizures for those with photosensitive epilepsy. The new film, “The Rise of Skywalker”, hits theaters later this month, but in a letter to cinemas in association with the Epilepsy Foundation, the studio is requesting that venues warn moviegoers about the potential risk. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker arrives in theaters on Dec. 19.
★ Simon Cowell’s launching another UK TV show amid the debacle over Gabrielle Union’s exit from “America’s Got Talent.” He’s been at auditions with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger. They’ve teamed up for “The X Factor: The Band,” which aims to find the next One Direction or Fifth Harmony. Cowell’s antics were reportedly at the center of a five-hour meeting between Union and NBC execs last week. Union claims she was fired after complaining about a hostile set environment.
★ Dave Bautista will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. The 50-year-old professional wrestler turned actor will be part of the WWE Hall of Fame’s Class of 2020 alongside nWo members Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash and Sean Waltman. Of the honor, Bautista – who is a six-time World Champion – said: ”Vince [McMahon] called me personally to ask me, I was just … I wasn’t surprised, but I was pretty happy…. As soon as I hung up the phone, I was, and excuse my language, I was like, [***BLEEP***] I gotta give a speech.’”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kevin Hart, Julia Fox, Finneas
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Jon Hamm, Keri Russell, Gary Clark Jr.
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Ed Harris, Samantha Power, Thomas Rhett
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jack Black, Coady Willis
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Nick Jonas, Vampire Weekend, guest host Anthony Anderson
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Stassi Schroeder, Chris Franjola, Brad Williams
• “Conan” (TBS): Giancarlo Esposito
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Dolores Catania
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Lupita Nyong’o, Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdard, guest co-host Chris Christie
• “The Talk” (CBS): Guest co-host Vanessa Williams
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Wilmer Valderrama, AJ Mitchell
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kevin Hart, Chrissy Teigen
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Lionel Richie, Justin Willman, Dan Price, Gary Clark Jr.
• “The Masked Singer” (FOX): Holiday semi-finals
• “The Goldbergs” (ABC): Mid-season finale
• “Modern Family” (ABC): Mid-season finale
• “Riverdale: (CW): Mid-season finale

• Lewis Capaldi — has been named Bandsintown’s fastest growing artist of 2019, after gaining the largest increase in followers throughout the year. Billie Eilish garnered the most interest in her live shows with the most event RSVPs on the concert discovery platform. The fan favorites are based on Bandsintown’s more than 50 million users worldwide.
• Cardi B — During her first visit to Africa, she found some time to give back to the less fortunate. Prior to her performance at the Livespot X Festival, she stopped by an orphanage in Lagos, Nigeria on Saturday bearing gifts and plenty of supplies for those in need.
• Juice Wrld (real name: Jarad Anthony Higgins) — allegedly popped several pills before he suffered a seizure at a Chicago airport and died, according to a report. The report also says that his plane, which had arrived from Los Angeles, was carrying 70 pounds of marijuana stashed in various luggage, and a bottle of codeine cough syrup also was found on the aircraft.
• Roxette — Singer Marie Fredriksson died Monday after a 17-year battle with cancer. In a statement, bandmate Per Gessle said: “Thanks for painting my black and white songs in the most beautiful colours.”
• Soundgarden — A long-simmering battle between Chris Cornell’s widow and the other members of the group broke open on Monday when Vicky Cornell announced that she is suing the group over hundreds of thousands of dollars in allegedly unpaid royalties and the rights to seven unreleased recordings made before the singer’s death in May, 2017.
• AC/DC – Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider says the group is working on a new album featuring tracks Malcolm Young recorded before his death in 2017. In a Twitter chat, he also said that the band’s next album will feature “all four surviving members” plus Malcolm’s nephew Stevie Young, who has stood in for his uncle before.
• The Doors – The new film “The Doors: Break on Thru – A Celebration of Ray Manzarek”, is coming to theaters worldwide for a one-night only event on February 12. The concert/documentary film celebrates the legacy of the group’s late keyboardist on what would have been his 81st birthday.
• Ozzy Osbourne — Several items that belonged to his late friend and guitarist Randy Rhoads and his family were recovered over the weekend after being stolen from North Hollywood, California’s Musonia School Of Music. A local resident spotted a guitar and photos in a dumpster. The first electric guitar Rhoads ever played, a 1963 Harmony Rocket, is among the items still missing.
• Jake Owen — has announced a headlining 2020 tour that will feature him performing his hits seated on a barstool, accompanying himself on acoustic guitar. He says that’s how he first started making music. The “Down to the Tiki Tonk Tour” begins in Des Moines, Iowa, on Feb. 14.
• Luke Bryan — Maury County, TN authorities are investigating after a red stag deer that belonged him was shot and killed on his private property outside of Nashville in early December. It is believed the deer was shot from the road. The Maury County Sheriff’s Office is offering a $5,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the responsible parties.

You might have heard earlier this week about the impending North American French fry shortage. If that wasn’t bad enough, now there’s THIS: A global coffee shortage could be just around the corner. A new report by the International Coffee Organization found that coffee consumption is expected to outpace production soon. There could be a deficit of about 502,000 bags of coffee in the 2019-20 production year.
(Oh, no! I’m going to have to start getting enough sleep!)
(Little wonder…with a Starbucks [Tim Hortons] on every corner…and sometimes one that ISN’T on a corner!)
(Wouldn’t you love to be invited to a meeting of the International Coffee Organization, and ask if they have tea?)

A team of scientists has determined that ancient humans developed the ability to smile as a way to attract less-aggressive mates. That’s right. They were smiling for sex. The new study by researchers from the University of Milan shows that the kindness shown through facial expressions was a key factor in our evolution, eventually leading toward “self-domestication”. The study was carried out on genetic data from the stem cells of groups of prehistoric ancestors who are thought to have lived between 130,000 and 40,000 years ago. The researchers concluded that humans were by then selecting mates with “I probably won’t kill you” facial expressions more commonly than their ancestors.
(Well, I’m glad it worked for THEM…)
(And that’s what guys had to do before the Porsche was invented!)
(So ancient humans learned to smile so they could get sex. At what point did they learn to smile so they could get votes?)

⇒ Know your limit:  Don’t head online or to the malls without creating a holiday budget. And if you decide to use your credit card, make sure you only charge an amount you can pay off in a reasonable amount of time.
⇒ Make a list (with amounts):  Create a shopping list and put dollar amounts beside each name. This will help you to stay on top of your budget.
⇒ Switch your plastic:  Instead of doing your shopping with your credit card, consider using your debit card. Or you can bring your budgeted amount of cash to the mall. Once you’re out of that amount, your holiday shopping spree ends. (But if I do that, I’ll have to put my car payment on my credit card!)

(based on InterNations’s third annual Expat City Ranking 2019, a poll of 20,259 expats around the globe, looking at factors such as work life, the quality of urban living and cost of living)
1. Kuwait City, Kuwait
2. Rome, Italy
3. Milan, Italy
4. Lagos, Nigeria
5. Paris, France
6. San Francisco, U.S.A.
7. Los Angeles, U.S.A.
8. Lima, Peru
9. New York, U.S.A.
10. Yangon, Myanmar

1. Taipei, Taiwan
2. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
3. Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
4. Singapore (city-state)
5. Montreal, Canada
6. Lisbon, Portugal
7. Barcelona, Spain
8. Zug, Switzerland
9. The Hague, the Netherlands
10. Basel, Switzerland

A new British study has revealed one in ten people hasn’t cooked a home-made dinner in the past year – increasingly relying on takeout or turning to oven-ready and microwave meals to feed themselves and their families. Men were much worse than women, with 16% admitting to having not cooked a home-made meal in the past 12 months compared with 5% of women. (Who says eating restaurant food is WORSE?)

Cat says “Well, hi!” with Southern accent:


1944 [75] Brenda Lee, Atlanta GA, country singer (‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’, ‘I’m Sorry’)

1954 [65] Jermaine Jackson, Gary IN, pop singer (‘Let’s Get Serious’, w/The Jackson 5-‘ABC’, ‘I Want You Back’)/Michael and Janet’s brother

1958 [61] Nikki Sixx (Frank Ferranna), San Jose CA, rock bassist (Mötley Crüe-‘Dr. Feelgood’, ‘Home Sweet Home’)

1967 [52] Mo’Nique (Monique Imes), Baltimore MD, movie actress (“Precious”)/TV actress (“The Parkers” 1999-2004)

1981 [38] Zacky Vengeance (Baker), Olympia WA, metal guitarist-vocalist (Avenged Sevenfold-‘So Far Away’, ‘Buried Alive’)

1984 [35] Xosha Roquemore, LA CA, TV actress (‘Tamra’ on “The Mindy Project” 2013-17)/movie actress (“The Butler”, “Precious”)

1986 [33] Karla Souza, Mexico City, Mexico, TV actress (‘Laurel Castillo’ on “How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014)

1996 [23] Hailee Steinfeld, LA CA, movie actress (“Pitch Perfect 2″, “True Grit”)


• “International Mountain Day”, first declared by the UN in 2002 to draw attention to the important role that mountainous regions play in our water and food supply.  (OK…but why?)

• “National Noodle Ring Day”, a noodle ring is, rather predictably, made from noodles – especially flat, tagliatelle type egg noodles.  It’s made using a ring mold, or a Bundt tray, with ingredients including cheese, eggs, and flour, along with the noodles. When it’s pressed out of its tray, you’ve got a thick ring of delicious noodles baked to perfection.

• “UNICEF Birthday”, the anniversary of the creation of UNICEF in 1946. What does it stand for? “The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund”

• “National App Day”, “App” was named word of the year in 2010 by the American Dialect Society. Apps have changed how we work, live and play. They have created thousands of new companies, millions of new jobs and billions of dollars in revenue (and a lot of bad puns…) [***See today’s Water Cooler Question, below***]

• “National Have a Bagel Day”, here are today’s five food things to know about the Bagel:
– The bagel originated in Poland and it was designed for Lent.
– Its name derives from the Yiddish word ‘bengal’, meaning ‘ring’ or ‘bracelet’.
– Immigrant Polish-Jews brought the bagel to the United States.
– The hole in the center is for multiple bagels to be threaded onto a dowel, which allows bakers to transport them more easily. (And melted peanut butter to leak onto your hand more easily…)
– Automated production and distribution of frozen bagels started in the 1960s with bagel baker Harry Lender, Murray Lender, and Florence Sender.

[Thurs] Gingerbread House Day
[Thurs] Poinsettia Day
[Fri] National Day of the Horse
[Fri] National Cocoa Day

2005 [14] Matt Damon weds Argentine-born Luciana Barrosa at the Manhattan Marriage Bureau near New York City Hall

2014 [05] The number of Instagram subscribers overtakes Twitter, 300 million+ monthly users to 284 million (Today:  Insta – 1 billion+, Twitter – 330 million)

2006 [13] ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ by Mariah Carey becomes the first ringtone certified Gold for sales of over 500,000

2014 [05] Detroit, Michigan emerges from the largest municipal bankruptcy in US history

2017 [02] 997 students, staff and parents gather at West Byford Primary School, to set the new world record for the ‘Largest gathering of people dressed as Harry Potter’


✓ Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined.
✓ There are two U.S. states where the temperature has never surpassed 100 °F: Alaska and Hawaii.
✓ Sign Language is one of three official languages of New Zealand.
✓ In Australia, there are more kangaroos than people.
✓ Some parts of Antarctica have had no rain or snow for the last 2 million years.
✓ Canada’s Northwest Territories was almost renamed in the 1990s. The second most popular choice: “Bob”.

Best of BS . . .
• All of the Christmas cards you receive are addressed to “Resident.”
• The first words your daughter’s new talking doll says are, “Take me back to the store.”
• You’ve had more than one fist fight with a mall cop.
• You’re riding in a one-horse closed sleigh, and your wife keeps whining, “Oh what fun we’d be having if only this were an open sleigh!”
• Every person you know gets you an industrial-sized bottle of Clearasil.
• The FBI finds your handprints on Mrs. Claus’s dress.
• A week after Christmas, you notice a bizarre smell coming from the chimney.
• Two words: tinsel rash.
-Neloo, first published in ‘BS’ in 2017

• “Dammit, that’s the 3rd band-aid I’ve lost this week!”
• “C’mon! Let’s get those forks spit-shined!”
• “Y’know, those food prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam.”
• “Attention! Did anyone on the kitchen staff lose a finger?”
• “Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can’t just keep it your pants!”
• “I can’t believe he STILL ate it!!”
– First published in “BS” 2000.

What’s the weirdest thing you’re afraid of?

• The poinsettia has become the traditional Christmas flower. Where did it originally grow?
a. Canada
b. China
c. Mexico. [CORRECT]
d. Chia

• In total, how many gifts in total were given in the song ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’?
a. 364 [CORRECT]
b. 144
c. 96
d. 12

Last year, I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.

Question:  If you’re average, you have 20 of these. What are they?
Answer:  Apps on your phone. The top five: Facebook, Instagram, Gmail, YouTube and Snapchat

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.


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