Thursday, December 21, 2000                                              Edition:  #1959

TODAY is “Winter Solstice”, shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Winter officially arrives this morning at 8:37am EST.
BS SIGNS IT’S WINTER IN CANADA:
• You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
• Taxi drivers now wearing turbans with ear flaps.
• Last night for a full 30 seconds, Mike Duffy stopped sweating.
• You finally have a chance to put your $60,000, gas-guzzling SUV into 4-wheel drive.
• During morning commute, you can see other drivers’ breath when they yell, “Screw you!”
• Your cat insists on sleeping with you — in your pajamas.
• Lawyers now putting their hands in their own pockets.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The Beatles CD “1″, now #1 in 30 countries, is the top-selling album of 2000 (they haven’t had a chart topper for 5 weeks in-a-row since “Abbey Road” in 1969) . . . German movie-goers have voted Pam Anderson and George Clooney as the ‘Most Erotic Actors of All Time’ in a magazine poll . . . Britney Spears was the #1 Web search topic of 2000 according to Internet search engine Terra Lycos . . . Even though “Monday Night Football” ratings are down about 6% this year, ABC-TV is said to be happy with obnoxious wordsmith Dennis Miller and will reportedly re-sign him for NEXT SEASON (dammit!).

MOVIES GETTIN’ MADE:
Expectations are so high for the “Silence of The Lambs” sequel “Hannibal”, opening in FEBRUARY, that a 3rd film in the series is already being cooked up . . . There’s also talk about reuniting Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant for a sequel to “Notting Hill” . . . Kirsten Dunst has won the plum role opposite Tobey Maguire in the upcoming bigscreen version of “Spider-Man”, beating out Kate Hudson and Mira Sorvino.

SICK CITIES:
A research company is tracking the incidence of colds and flu in 12 Canadian cities all this winter for the Florida Department of Citrus. So far, Victoria ranks as the healthiest city, and Winnipeg least healthy. (To reverse the trend, ‘Peg residents are encouraged to take up tea and croquet.)

GETTING PAID TO SHOP:
According to a new Jupiter Research study, ‘prime time’ for online shopping is NOT in the evening as you might expect. In fact, most online purchases are made between late morning and late afternoon — coinciding with normal office hours. That means a lot of us are surfing for sales — on company time. (And the rest are peering at PC porn.)

CHILD FINDER:
“Wall Street Journal” reports that tracking devices will soon be available that allow you to follow your kids anywhere, using a combination of mobile phone technology and GPS satellite systems. The gizmos will be small enough to tuck into a pocket or backpack. (“I don’t understand it. Johnny’s been IN his locker for 12 hours now!”)

THE BULL SHEET 12.21.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937    [63] Jane Fonda, NYC, ex-movie actress (Oscars-“Klute”, “Coming Home”)/exercise maven (“Personal Trainer Series”)/married estranged hubby Ted Turner 9 years ago TODAY (1991)
1948    [52] Samuel L Jackson, Washington DC, Hollywood’s hardest working actor who’s appeared in over 60 movies in the past decade (“Unbreakable”, “Rules of Engagement”, “Shaft”) NOTE: One of his on-set perks is TWO hairdressers — and he’s bald!
1955    [45] Jane Kaczmarek, Milwaukee WI, TV actress (Lois, the mom-”Malcolm in the Middle”)
1957    [43] Ray Romano, Queens NY, TV actor (Ray Barone-“Everybody Loves Raymond”)
1965    [35] Andy Dick, Charleston SC, movie actor (“Dude, Where’s My Car?”, “Road Trip”)/ex-TV actor (Matthew Brock-”NewsRadio”)
1966    [34] Kiefer Sutherland, London ENG, movie actor (“A Time to Kill”, “A Few Good Men”)/actor Donald Sutherland’s son

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY “Hanukkah”, the Jewish “Feast of Lights” or “Feast of Dedication”, begins at sundown.

TODAY is “Humbug Day”, when 12 ‘humbugs’ are allowed to be uttered in order to vent frustrations preparing for the holidays.

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997    [03] “Titanic” tops movie box office in its opening weekend (becomes all-time box office champ at over $1 billion worldwide)
1999    [01] For the first time in a decade, AAA says the number of people traveling over the holiday season will go down, due to ‘Y2K’ concerns

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1891    [109] Springfield MA YMCA instructor James Naismith invents ‘basketball’ using 18 players, a soccer ball and 2 peach baskets (born Almonte ON)
1913    [87] 1st ‘crossword puzzle’, printed in “New York World” (A 3 letter word for ‘Santa’s helper’? ANSWER: ‘Elf’, but we also would have accepted ‘MasterCard’)
1937    [63] 1st full-length, animated movie premieres (Disney’s “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Madonna’s wedding
[Fri] 1st day of Hanukkah
[Sun] National Egg Nog Day
[Tues] National Whiners Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?

• Because of a football’s resemblance to an olive, the Chinese often call the American game ‘olive ball’.  [True. So never order a martini in Beijing.]
• In Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”, ‘Scrooge’s’ deceased business partner was ‘Bob Marley’. [BS, ‘Jacob Marley’.]
• The USA is the world’s #1 exporter of human sperm. [True! 4 of the 5 largest sperm banks in the world are American-based. Is it some kind of plot to take over the world through insemination?]
• Martha Stewart once worked as a stockbroker on Wall Street. (True. She was a very successful broker before starting up a catering company in 1976.]

BS TAG LINE:  “Deck The Halls With Useless Junk Martha Stewart Made While She Was Drunk”


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