Friday, Dec 15, 2000     The Oldsmobile of Show Prep     Edition:  #1955

The Mel Gibson-Helen Hunt romantic comedy “What Women Want” opens TODAY. Mel plays a chauvinistic executive who, thanks to an accident, gains the ability to hear what women are really thinking. In a new online poll, the #1 ‘want’ of women is sex — preferably good sex — which beats out friendship, romance, love, financial security and honesty. More women say they want a man who makes them laugh than one who’s wealthy. At the same time, more women say they’d rather have a man who’s financially secure than one who’s faithful.
WHAT WOMEN WANT TO HEAR:

• “Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of cake. If there’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.”
• “What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.”
• “How about a nice massage and foot rub. I really don’t like sex that much anyway.”
• “This football game’s boring. Let’s watch figure skating.”
• “ While you’re up sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water. I think I’ve had enough beer.”
• “My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don’t you use the Christmas bonus for new furniture?”
• “You know, we really don’t visit your relatives enough.”
• “Look at that — disgusting! Why would she wear a short skirt like that, with no underwear?”

TODAY’S OTHER MOVIE OPENINGS:
Disney’s animated family fare “The Emperor’s New Groove”, the story of a spoiled Emperor who’s turned into a llama by his scheming adviser, features the voices of David Spade and John Goodman . . . In the no-name comedy “Dude, Where’s My Car?”, a pair of potheads wake up from a night of partying and can’t remember where they parked their vehicle (hijinks ensue).

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEKEND in Toronto the producers of “Jeopardy” are taking auditions for Canadian contestants for the first time in 4 years (‘Game Show Hosts’ for $500 – “This former Sudbury native made a fortune south of the border and relinquished his Canadian citizenship”) . . . Former ‘Ginger Spice’ Geri Halliwell admits she’s had bulimia in the past, but claims she  attended an ‘Overeaters Anonymous’ meeting in California THIS WEEK only to ‘show support’ (she’s 97 lbs — where’s the food goin’?) . . . Madonna will wear a diamond tiara that belonged to Princess Grace of Monaco at her Scottish wedding NEXT FRIDAY (unconfirmed reports say she’ll also wear a mini-kilt and a sheepskin tank top) . . . Anne Heche may sue “National Enquirer” for saying she gave Robert Downey Jr cocaine, thereby causing his recent relapse (it was the amphetamines, dammit!).

LAUGH YOUR WAY TO LUNGS:
A new study finds that women who laugh heartily at least 5 times a day are less likely to be flat-chested than those who rarely laugh. Experts say laughing increases the flow of oxygen to the chest and boosts circulation, which in turn leads to a bigger bosom.

IS ARCHERY NEXT?
10-pin bowling may become an internationally competitive sport for the blind by 2008. Portable guidance systems will help blind bowlers pace their delivery and release the ball at the right point. (Of course, you still have the problem of fitting bowling shoes on the dog.)

THE BULL SHEET 12.15.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1933    [67] Tim Conway, Willoughby OH, TV funnyman (“The Carol Burnett Show”, “The Tim Conway Show”)/movie actor (“McHale’s Navy”)/’Dorf’ videos
1949    [51] Don Johnson (Donald Wayne), Flatt Creek MO, TV actor (Nash-“Nash Bridges”)/movie actor (“Tin Cup”)/married and divorced Melanie Griffith — twice
1955    [45] Paul Simonon, London ENG, classic rock bassist (Clash-“Rock the Casbah”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1941    [59] Lesley Stahl, Lynn MA, TV journalist (“60 Minutes”, since 1991)/how many facelifts?
1943    [57] Steven Bochco, NYC, TV producer/writer (“NYPD Blue”, just-cancelled “City of Angels”)
1963    [37] Benjamin Bratt, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Clear and Present Danger”)/ex-TV actor (Det Rey Curtis-Law & Order)/Julia Roberts’ boytoy NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Sandra Bullock in “Miss Congeniality” opening NEXT FRIDAY
1971     [29] Michael McCary, Philadelphia PA, R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Underdog Day”, saluting all ‘underdogs’, the unsung heroes and #2 people of the world. Famous ‘second bananas’ have included Batman’s Robin, Sherlock Holmes’ Dr Watson, etc. Ask listeners for others who’ve been under-appreciated.

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    Shania Twain’s “Come On Over” album certified for sales of 16 MILLION units

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1939    [61] “Gone with the Wind” premieres in Atlanta (frankly, I still don’t give a damn)
1952    [48] 1st person to have ‘sex-change operation’ (voluntarily) as American George Jorgenson is pruned into Christine Jorgenson in Denmark (do they save it in a jar?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1980    [20] Dave Winfield signs then-record 10-year contract with NY Yankees for $22 million (seems laughable now that ‘A Rod’ gets more than that — per year)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Hanukkah begins
[Sat] Eat What You Want Day (get that belly stretched out in time for the holidays)
[Sun] International Shareware Day (is this like wearing the wife’s undies?)
International Calendar Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?

• 50% of the world’s population has never received a phone call. (True. Braggarts.)
• Instead of Christmas stockings, the Dutch stuff holiday gifts in their pants. (Absolute BS, but they do put trinkets in wooden shoes called ‘sabots’.)
• If you’re right-handed, your right fingernails grow faster, and vice versa if your left-handed. (True. So if you’re a nibbler, now you know which one to chew on.)
• ‘Donner’ and ‘Blitzen’ are 2 of Santa’s reindeer. (BS. In Clement Moore’s famous poem, they are actually named ‘Donder’ and ‘Blixen’, names that have somehow become fudged over the years.)
• Regis Philbin was named after his father’s high school. (True. Regis High in NYC.)

BS TAG LINE: Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.


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